How to get rid of suspiciousness - advice from a psychologist

Suspiciousness can be characterized as a person’s distrust of the whole world and even of himself. A suspicious person is someone who double-checks everything, avoids situations of choice, expects failure, processes multiple outcomes of events, and is constantly afraid and anxious.

“What if?”, “Like something might happen,” “Let’s do it another time” (which won’t happen), “Are you sure?” and many similar phrases are present in the speech of a suspicious person every day. But does suspiciousness exist as an independent phenomenon or is it a complex of psychological problems? And if it is a separate problem, then what is its nature: normal, pathological, disease, character trait, congenital feature? I suggest we figure it out together.

Is there suspiciousness?

As I found out, you cannot find a definition of suspiciousness in every psychological dictionary, despite the fact that this term often appears as a symptom of disorders or a component of neuroses. But I managed to find my own definition.

Suspiciousness is “a person’s susceptibility to various kinds of fears, concerns and worries about the state of his health, well-being, as well as the health and well-being of people close to him” (dictionary of psychological counseling, authors - teachers and students of PSU named after M. V. Lomonosov) .

The definition didn’t get any simpler; many synonyms immediately appeared:

hypochondria,
anxiety,
phobias,
fears,
uncertainty,
incredulity.

Perhaps, on an intuitive level, even a person far from professional psychology realizes that suspiciousness balances at the intersection of a number of psychological problems. I’ll tell you: moreover, it is also at the intersection of sciences (philosophy, psychiatry, psychology, sociology, conflictology). So it turns out that you need to fight several micro-problems at once.

The main signs of fear of betrayal

It is important to understand the difference between fears of betrayal that are caused by real facts and those that are based on one’s own internal problems. If betrayal does happen, then it should become an experience, but not a reason to then be afraid of betrayal in a new relationship.

Let's look at the main reasons for fear:

Constant control of the beloved . Losing power over another person is the main fear of betrayal. The young man believes that if he controls every step of his significant other, then betrayal will definitely be avoided. However, such excessive control looks extremely oppressive. The husband can even limit the freedom of his wife, establish possible rules that are acceptable only to him. It seems to him that these tyrannical methods can save him from his wife’s infidelity.
Hysterics . A person can no longer cope with his fear and emotions, aggression becomes more and more obvious and constant. A woman can easily fall into hysterics, shed tears, scream, break dishes, and use blackmail. It is doubly difficult if the man in a couple loses control over his fear. After all, this literally creates a threat to the entire family.

Suspiciousness in psychiatry

Suspiciousness is understood as a personality trait, an innate character trait. And it is interpreted as “a tendency to have anxious concerns about various reasons, the importance of which is often overestimated” (V. M. Bleikher, I. V. Kruk). That is, it is an element that cannot be gotten rid of, but its manifestations and influence on a person’s life can be controlled.

In S. A. Sukhanov’s character classification, he is listed as an anxious-suspicious type. That's where this concept comes from. If your suspiciousness is innate, then I recommend contacting a psychotherapist.

Get busy

How to stop worrying and stressing yourself out? The best way to distract yourself from bad thoughts is work.

And housework falls under the same theme. If you are waiting for your spouse to get home from work, but he is late, start cleaning up your apartment. Here you need to brush off the dust, but over there there is dirt on the floor. By the time you clean up, your husband will arrive home safely.

Reasons for suspiciousness

“Mnit” in church translation means “to think.” That is, all the troubles of a suspicious person come from what he thinks (for everyone and about everything, even about what cannot be). What can such thoughts stem from (no, this is not necessarily a case of “woe from mind”)?

Inferiority complex (non-acceptance of oneself).
Low self-esteem.
Diffidence.
Neurosis, mental disorder.
Experienced trauma, illness (psychological, physical).
Uncertainty in life (loss of meaning).
Old grievances.
High susceptibility to suggestion and self-hypnosis.
Impressionability, or in the language of suspicious people, “I take everything to heart.”
Crisis (age, spiritual, personal).

All problems come from childhood

Suspiciousness is no exception to the rule. A destructive style of parental education can create suspiciousness in a child as an element of personality. What are these “harmful tools” in the hands of parents?

Excessive demands, which can later transform into self-demands.
The predominance of punishment over reward.
Focusing on the child's failures and shortcomings.
Making the child guilty in any situation (“we got divorced because of you,” “because of you I dropped out of school”).
Insults, humiliations, labeling, diagnosing (“well, I raised a fool!”).

Suspiciousness as self-defense

Not everyone manages to get out of stressful situations or life shocks with dignity and learn to live with negative experiences. The precursors of suspiciousness are:

betrayal;
deceptions;
gossip;
death or passing of a loved one.

So that they cannot be used and betrayed again, the individual becomes a nobody. It costs nothing, does not mean or represent anything, which means it is not threatened by anything. True, just like a happy life.

Let's sum it up

The most important tool in the fight against suspiciousness is the ability to stop your thoughts. Therefore, spend time on practices that help clear your mind. Constantly fantasizing about what might happen only fuels the problem.

If your fears are so strong that you are not able to take control of them on your own, then a psychologist will help you. Under the guidance of a specialist, you will feel more comfortable working on yourself.

I hope that the tips in the article will help you. Leave comments and visit us again - here you will learn a lot of useful things.

Why suspiciousness is dangerous and why you need to fight it

Suspiciousness drives a person into a corner, depriving him of social contacts, family, and work. Communication is the first thing that comes under attack, but what remains in life without it? Nothing. Suspiciousness makes a person:

timid,
aggressive,
passive,
jealous,
alarming,
uninteresting.

It binds you hand and foot, transforms life into existence.

Psychosomatic diseases are another consequence of suspiciousness:

Firstly, a person inspires diseases into himself, and they actually appear.
Secondly, due to the constant stress that a person creates with his own thoughts, the body is depleted and the immune system weakens.

Sometimes a person realizes his suspiciousness and then you can hear from him “I screwed myself up”, “I made a mountain out of a molehill”, “I worried in vain”, “I made up my mind”, “I won’t Google anymore, otherwise I’ll come up with something again” . But more often the person is not aware of his own problem. One way or another, suspiciousness ruins the life of the person himself and those around him.

Consequences of negative thoughts

At first, bad thoughts become permanent guests in your head. Because of this, negative emotions appear more and more often. They manifest themselves in all areas of life and lead to failures and serious problems.

Most of all, suspiciousness affects health, career, and personal relationships. It is unlikely that anyone will want to communicate with a person who can instantly turn a fly into an elephant. There is little pleasure in talking with someone who thinks poorly of himself and is constantly in a bad mood.

The health of suspicious people is also not good. Often their attempts to find symptoms of serious illnesses turn into paranoia. They not only look for, but even find these diseases. Or rather, they convince themselves that they are sick.

That's not all. Suspiciousness leads to problems with the respiratory system, irritability, feelings of depression, chronic depression, hypertension, and diseases of the gastrointestinal tract.

Other unpleasant consequences of increased suspiciousness include:

constant pressure;
lack of peace;
high probability of committing rash acts;
the appearance of obsessive thoughts;
narrowing your social circle;
lack of positive emotions.

To prevent the development of these conditions, you need to get rid of suspiciousness and anxiety as quickly as possible. How to do it?

Recommendations for combating suspiciousness

Whether you get rid of suspiciousness or want to tame it doesn’t matter. The techniques presented below are effective in every case.

Changing our view of the world

As you, dear comrades, may have already understood, suspiciousness is a pessimistic view of the world. We need to change it, but not just learn to think positively, but be focused on success. To change your attitudes, I recommend reading the article “Habits of Rich People: How to Become Strong and Successful.”

Get rid of bad habits. About this in the article “How to get rid of a habit - advice from a psychologist.” By the way, suspiciousness itself is not a habit for you? You can approach getting rid of it with the same recommendations.
Don't be afraid of opportunities and your own opinions. Learn to assess the situation with your common sense, and not with someone else's eyes or feelings.
Emotions are your weakness. Find a hobby, an outlet, a safe place that fills you with vitality.
Get out of your comfort zone. Day by day, step by step. Getting rid of fears requires consciously going through fears, establishing contacts with people - active communication. There is no other way to overcome suspiciousness. You just need to act.

In the modern world, every person has his own mountain of problems. Believe me, strangers simply have no time to watch what you look like, what you do, how you do it. Stop thinking that everyone is just waiting for you to fail. No, these people are busy with their own lives.

We forgive and trust

If the reason for suspiciousness lies in childhood or betrayal in adulthood, then you have only one way out - to forgive. Forgive and learn to trust.

You are no longer a child and can look at everything with different eyes. Were you to blame for what your parents pinned on you? Were you to blame for someone's death? Is it your fault that your friend and love left you? No.
But you are guilty of shifting responsibility for your failure onto these factors. It is important to realize that you build your own life. More about this in the previous paragraph.

When it comes to trust, it is important not to overdo it or become naive. Nobody owes you anything. You will achieve everything yourself.

A written analysis of each situation will help develop an adequate attitude towards people. Believe me, when you structure the material in written form, your thoughts develop completely differently. Describe:

essence of the question;
your emotions;
your vision of the situation;
real words and actions of the opponent.

Think about whether you perceived the situation correctly, whether it was in vain that you were offended and angry. Maybe the person had his own problems and could not help at that very moment, but would be happy to do it tomorrow?

Let's communicate

Support is important in any matter. Break the vicious circle of social phobia, loneliness and suspiciousness - start communicating. Contact those who can contribute to your development and teach you something useful.

I recommend that you read about communication in the articles “How to learn to communicate with people - advice from a psychologist” and “How to get rid of loneliness - advice from a psychologist.”

Killing fears and anxieties

Visualize your fear, or better yet, make comics out of it (them). Draw fear and yourself in the form of an enemy and a knight. Or draw only the fear and add some comedy to it (a funny hat and a ridiculous tool in your hands).

Keep a worry diary. Every day, write down everything that scared you that day. This will help you see the scale of the problem, and secondly, it will allow you to evaluate how much of what you imagined actually came true. Look at your list of worries and fears at the end of each week. I wouldn’t be surprised if nothing written comes true. Keep a diary like this until you realize the pointlessness of worrying about the future.

It's normal to feel anxious from time to time, but you shouldn't let it take over your life. Read more about anxiety and ways to combat it in the article “How to get rid of anxiety - advice from a psychologist.” About fears and getting rid of them in the article “How to get rid of fear - advice from a psychologist.”

Finding purpose and meaning in life

Be in constant motion. Find purpose and meaning in life. They should be so strong that you have no time or desire to pay attention to imaginary difficulties. Read more about this in the article “Is it possible to see the meaning of life in work” and “How to find the meaning of life if you don’t want anything.”

We believe in ourselves

Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Negative experience is also experience. He gives us knowledge. You can read more about ways to restore faith in your own strengths in the article “How to become self-confident - advice from a psychologist.” Despite the appeal to women, it also contains information for men.

Try to rationalize any situation. You need to understand that fear and uncertainty are born from the outside and are completely inconsistent with the circumstances. Calm yourself down with the help of self-regulation and sensibly weigh the reason for the situation, the essence. Consider whether there are real threats.

Getting rid of excessive emotionality

Excessive empathy is closely linked to low self-esteem, insecurity and guilt. Living life for everyone, including the whole country, you try to compensate for uncertainty, achieve significance, involvement, and make amends. You may not realize it yourself, but the role of victim and sufferer is occupied by people who need love, attention, and acceptance. To solve the problem you need to accept yourself and get rid of loneliness. Then getting rid of painful emotions will happen by itself.

Realize that there are factors that you cannot influence, even if you want to. For example, you cannot stop the rain. But is it really necessary to worry about this? You need to put on comfortable shoes, take an umbrella and go to conquer the peaks.
Stop watching TV, especially the news. Have you noticed that there is much more negativity shown? For what? To keep the population at bay. This is beneficial to the state, the economy, and consumerism. Free your mind, choose what you want to know (news from the Internet).
Create your own world and protect it, concentrate on yourself and your immediate environment.

We love ourselves and increase our self-esteem

Stop talking about yourself in a negative way, even as a joke. But learn to laugh at your fears.

Start using your suggestibility to your advantage. You probably know the “forced smile” trick. Consciously apply this mask daily (preferably in front of a mirror).
Auto technicians are the second way to help. It is human nature to behave as they say. The worse you say about yourself, the more you fit the image of a loser. Try, on the contrary, saying “I am strong”, “I can handle it”. Record your strengths on the sheet. And don't say that they don't exist. Right now, write down 10 positive qualities (professional, business, personal – it doesn’t matter). If you can’t formulate it yourself, then ask your friends (by the way, this is your first challenge in establishing contacts and trust). If you have not always been suspicious, then write down your former self and successes from your past life. Now look carefully at the list. Yes, it's you. And why did you drive this worthy man into a trap of suspiciousness, which is akin to isolation? Why do you forbid yourself to be happy? Why are you punishing yourself?

Love yourself, attract love into your life. For information on how to do this, read the article “How to attract love into your life - advice from a psychologist.”

Learning to resist manipulation

The obvious problem of suspicious people is suggestibility. Learn to recognize manipulation and resist it. This skill is a new stage in personal development. Having mastered this art, you will see for yourself how much dubious information is swirling around you. And then you will be surprised how you could not notice this garbage and voluntarily accept it. Advertising is a platform for honing your skills in identifying and resisting manipulation.

Thus, it is necessary to recognize the problem of suspiciousness and determine its specific components and causes. Decide what exactly you need to get rid of:

jealousy;
fears;
anxiety;
emotions;
excessive gullibility;
bad habits and so on.

Next, either contact a specialist to solve the problems, or try to deal with them yourself.

Auto-training to get rid of suspiciousness

It is better to conduct this self-hypnosis training before bedtime at the moment of altered consciousness. Take a comfortable position, inhale and exhale 10 times, close your eyes, say the following text (think about each word, live it, imagine, feel).

“I like to have a clear mind that can focus on solutions. I accept this situation as it is. Challenges open doors to opportunity. I am the powerful creator of my life experiences. I feel calm, relaxed, loving. I can choose positive, empowering thoughts. I can handle anything that comes my way. I can overcome anything. I can handle everything. The feeling of well-being increases with every deep breath. Every day I become more and more peaceful. Any failure is temporary and relative, any difficulty can be solved. I intend to be calm and happy. When I am calm, solutions come to me. Now I feel calm. I like the feeling of being relaxed and feeling good. I can choose what I want to think about. I do everything that depends on me. I am responsible for my thoughts and my life. My challenges help me grow. Today my possibilities are limitless. I am strong, I am resourceful, I am successful and I am smart. Every moment gives me a choice. I choose positive thinking and active actions. I have plenty of skills, abilities and opportunities” (author unknown).

You can shorten this monologue or change it to create your own. But it is important to repeat it daily and believe in what you say. Your suggestibility in this case will only benefit.

Live one day at a time

We left work in the evening, and there were a lot of thoughts in my head. The report was not completed, it will come from the boss. And the letter was not sent to an important supplier, and a hundred more mistakes were made. We begin to think about how embarrassing we will be in front of our boss tomorrow. And about how much needs to be done tomorrow. What if we don't make it in time? What if we do something wrong? What if this is it? What if this is it?

Let's leave the "if". Is here and now. Live today, now. Look around, the world is beautiful. Take a deep breath of fresh air and smile. Everything is fine, you have this evening, this hour, this minute. Live it, and tomorrow you will think about what to do. Remember? We solve problems as they arise. Let's enjoy today's moment.

If it’s not you, but your friend who is suspicious: how to help?

Without the desire of the person himself, it will not be easy to help him. But there is something you can do:

Earn trust. To do this, you must always answer calls, respond to the behavior of a suspicious person, verbalize his state (“I see this situation is depressing you”), come to meetings on time, and so on.
Show by personal example that any problems can be solved and not serious. You can always control the situation. For example, if you are delayed, call and warn the person and apologize.
Treat your friend’s suspiciousness condescendingly and with humor. Don’t angrily call him paranoid, alarmist, or “wagtail.” Words like “unique”, “vulnerable”, “sensual”, “responsible” would be more suitable. Be tolerant, he needs attention and understanding.
Don't become anxious yourself.
Don't voice your worries. Everyone has them, but the suspicious type will perceive them sharply.
Avoid surprises. Remember that this can provoke fright and new fear, and push a suspicious friend away from you.
Do not discuss bad news, focus on positive events (of the world, country, city, your environment).
At a convenient moment, offer to visit a specialist and say that you will be happy to organize everything and keep you company.

Epilogue

Every problem has two sides to the coin. I consider it my duty to voice to you the opposite side of suspiciousness.

If you get carried away with getting rid of emotions, in particular empathy, you can become a completely emotionless machine. And this has the same destructive effect on a person’s life as suspiciousness.
The opposite of unhealthy pessimism, characteristic of suspiciousness, is unhealthy optimism, bordering on irresponsibility and ignoring real dangers.

Whatever the nature of suspiciousness (post-traumatic syndrome, serious illness, anxiety, fears, etc.), it is possible and necessary to fight it. But it is necessary to do this wisely and not go to other extremes.

The article presents a plan for getting rid of suspiciousness, your task is to implement it. By gradually solving subtasks, getting rid of individual components of suspiciousness (pessimism, mistrust, resentment, uncertainty, etc.), you will achieve the main goal - get rid of the tormenting problem.

Trip to nature

Another very pleasant way to distract yourself from bad thoughts is to connect with nature. Go to the forest or lake this coming weekend. And if you have tents, a fire, songs with a guitar and camp porridge - this is an ideal option.

Do you remember going hiking in your youth? And mosquitoes, rain, and snow did not bother us. They took backpacks, taller than themselves, dressed warmer and walked. There were no cell phones, and we weren’t afraid of anything; we spent the night in the forest. A larger group will gather, jokes and laughter, singing with a guitar near the fire. It was a golden time!

Now everyone has grown up, everyone has their own things to do. But why not remember your youth? And don't go camping with your family. At least for two days. And you will be distracted from bad thoughts, and the children will be happy.