How to get over a breakup with a girl: practical advice

The opinion that it is much easier for a man to get over a breakup with a girl is actually wrong. Many men simply cope less emotionally with such an incident, and also look in every possible way for ways to survive a breakup with a girl. Despite this, breaking up a relationship is always a painful process for those people who experienced strong feelings.

There are often cases when, after the loss of a relationship, a man tends to abuse bad habits, without finding the optimal solution for himself on what to do if he broke up with his girlfriend. Others become so withdrawn and susceptible to negative experiences that they lead a bachelor, detached lifestyle for a long time. Psychologists are ready to share valuable tips and recommendations on how to cope with loss on your own.

Stages of separation

Not finding options for themselves on what to do if the girl you love leaves you, men give up and lose themselves much more often than women in such situations. These disappointing statistics are confirmed by the observations of psychologists. First of all, to find ways and techniques to survive a breakup, men need to know all the stages of separation in order to go through each stage without losses and psycho-emotional stress.

Psychology calls 5 stages of breaking up a couple’s relationship:

1. Denial - at first it’s hard to believe that the relationship no longer exists, but in the soul there is still a glimmer of hope that everything can be returned to normal. The man refuses to accept the fact that the separation will be final.
2. Anger - after realizing the situation, a man is overcome by anger and anger, first of all at himself, then at the girl and in general at the whole world.
3. Bargaining - at this stage, the man makes attempts to restore the relationship, tries to establish contact with his ex-girlfriend, and sets deadlines for restoring the relationship.
4. Depression - after the final realization of the irrevocability of the situation, a man is overcome by depression, which lasts differently depending on the individual characteristics of the man’s character.
5. New life - depression is replaced by apathy or sadness, and sometimes both states at once, and only after completely accepting the situation a man will be able to build a new life without a girl.

In the end, according to the normal scenario for the development of the situation, a man must accept the state of affairs, take advantage of the advantages and disadvantages for himself, plan further actions in life, and also accept everything that happens as an experience. Due to emotional openness, women experience all the indicated stages of separation much faster and easier, while a man experiences everything within himself, sometimes without even showing it outwardly.

Work on your self-esteem

Breaking up hurts your self-esteem. You may doubt your attractiveness, scold yourself for not being able to maintain the relationship, and feel guilty. All this makes you vulnerable. You can rush into a new relationship to prove to yourself and your past love that you are still great. Or, conversely, be afraid that no one will love you anymore, and start dating just anyone.

Andrey Smirnov

psychotherapist

After the end of a relationship, a person is often overcome by the fear of loneliness, the inability to live without someone’s support. Such fears are mostly irrational and can be overcome quite easily when communicating with a psychologist. The first thing you need to realize is that no one is irreplaceable and there is absolutely always the opportunity to find a more suitable partner.

It is possible that you will not be looking for a person, but for a function - someone who will help you forget, survive, and become different from your past love. And it’s not a fact that such relationships will help you recover and be productive.

Many people are so unable to withstand the pain of a breakup that they almost immediately decide to move into a new relationship. This story is very much like walking on thin ice. And in fact, there is no resource in it - continuous internal tension. Starting a new relationship from a state where everything hurts and bleeds is like running with a broken leg and pretending you're fine.

Nadezhda Efremova

When you leave a long-term relationship, it takes time to understand the new rules of the game. You haven’t flirted seriously for a long time, you’ve gotten older. The old templates no longer work. We'll have to figure out what has changed in the world and how Tinder works.

How to survive a breakup: advice from psychologists

Since most men have a very difficult time breaking up with a girl, as well as starting a new life, psychologists advise adhering to a few simple rules for quick psycho-emotional recovery.

Do you easily break up with girls?

Not really

1. Distraction . In order not to look for those to blame for what happened, not to torment yourself with worries and painful experiences, you need to find an exciting thing for yourself, for example, make repairs or go on a long trip. Under no circumstances should you isolate yourself; psychologists advise sharing all your difficulties with close friends.
2. Refusal to find the guilty . In any quarrel or scandal that leads to a break in a relationship, both are always to blame, so there is no need to try to shift all the responsibility onto your or her shoulders. Psychoanalysis at the breakup stage can only further stir up emotions and experiences.
3. Small joys and pleasures . To cope with negative emotions, they need to be covered with joy and pleasure. To do this, you can visit the theater or cinema, any entertainment establishments with friends.
4. Limit contact with your ex-girlfriend . Any circumstances under which you have to intersect with your ex-lover must be adjusted. Otherwise, meetings will bring all the unpleasant feelings out.
5. Refusal of any news about your ex-girlfriend . There is no need, under the pretext of worrying about her, to look for the opportunity to obtain information about her. Otherwise, strong feelings will fade away much more slowly, causing pain to the man.
6. Accepting the breakup. Only by accepting the need to break up with a girl will a man be able to cope with such a difficult period in life. You need to reassure yourself that both partners have gotten everything they can from this relationship, and there is no future for them.
7. Attention to other girls. Despite the presence of feelings and experiences, a man needs to take a closer look at those around him, assessing how many attractive and worthy girls there are around. The man is still young, strong, smart and interesting; after the breakup, new opportunities open up for him.

Expert opinion

Elena Druzhnikova

Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.

A big mistake many men make is starting a new serious relationship after a painful breakup with an ex-lover, believing that they are fighting each other. First, you need to finally go through the pain of parting, get rid of feelings and live emotions towards your ex, enjoy a free life, and only after that look for a new girl.

Mistakes and their psychological consequences

Typical mistakes made after leaving a relationship:

1. They will pretend that everything is fine. In this case, negative emotions accumulate rather than spill out.
2. Try to remain friends. It will be difficult to go through all the stages and reach the acceptance stage.
3. To take revenge. Loss of respect from your ex-partner and friends.
4. Continue to communicate even by phone or text. Each time it causes new painful emotions.
5. Run after your ex-partner, ask him to come back. It will push the person away even more and cause a feeling of hostility.
6. Meet periodically for intimacy. There remains hope for return, the stages of loss are not lived through, the situation drags on for a long time.
7. Starting a new relationship right away without letting go of the past is a repetition of previous mistakes.
8. Fall into deep depression, try to solve the problem by drinking alcohol or using illegal substances. In this case, the depressive state will only intensify.

What to do when you break up with your girlfriend: what to do with yourself?

Traveling experts in the field of interpersonal relationships are ready to share techniques on how to forget a girl after breaking up with her. Most often, new activities and hobbies become effective, for example:

• Sports - if a man exhausts himself in the gym and produces endorphins during training, he will not be afraid of any depression.
• Friends are always the best helpers in a difficult situation, so after a breakup you need to spend as much time as possible with them.
• Overcoming fears - with the help of extreme sports and fighting fears, a man will overcome negative emotions with fresh impressions, and also increase his own self-esteem.
• New acquaintances - with the help of flirting and new acquaintances, a man can enjoy the impressions of a free life, broaden his horizons and influence his self-esteem.
• New hobbies - so that a man does not have time to worry about how to live next, he needs to be completely occupied with new interests and learning.
• Changing jobs - thanks to the search for a new position, you can say goodbye to memories of your past life forever.
• Moving to another city is the best solution for starting a new life, if a man has such an opportunity.

For a man, such a period in life is given primarily to enjoy freedom, new opportunities and prospects. Many people visit psychologists with the requests “I’m thinking about her” or “I’m going crazy without her,” forgetting about themselves. Although during the period of absence of a relationship, you need to take care of yourself and live life to the fullest, engaging in self-development and self-improvement.

Recover from injury

Breaking up a relationship is traumatic for both parties involved. It doesn’t matter who initiated it, why you broke up, or whether there are reasons for joy and relief. It will hurt. Putting on a brave face and pretending you don't care is not the best choice. Ignoring the problem cannot heal mental wounds.

Nadezhda Efremova

psychotherapist

It is necessary to restore yourself, starting with basic needs. First, establish a sleep and nutrition routine. As soon as the basic segments return to normal, you can begin to move towards communication with loved ones. Don't rush to make new acquaintances right away. First you need to feel the ground under your feet again and lick your wounds next to those with whom you can be vulnerable and from whom you can receive love and care. And only after that, gradually go out into society and add new hobbies and activities.

What to do if you can't forget?

You can decide how to move on with your life if time has passed since the breakup, and the man is still in love and cannot forget his ex-girlfriend, with the help of tips from experts. Among their advice, the following points are considered the most effective:

• getting rid of all things that remind a man of his former passion (photos, her gifts, phone number, etc.);
• distraction from bad thoughts by traveling to another city, visiting new places and establishments;
• enjoying freedom and favorite things;
• avoiding any contact with your ex-girlfriend;
• refusal of further friendship with her;
• preserving in memory not only good memories, but also bad deeds, so as not to idealize your ex-girlfriend;
• meeting new girls and flirting will help increase self-confidence and amuse the hurt male ego.

The most difficult thing to break up with a girl is if the man does not understand the reasons for the breakup. You can call the girl for a frank conversation, or you can independently analyze the situation, determining the lack of future between former partners. Only accepting the situation as a given will help to gradually erase from the memory and heart everything connected with the ex-chosen one.

The main reasons why you were abandoned:

1. You are unpromising.
2. You're nothing.
3. Your behavior and attitude towards her.
4. Routine.

You were unpromising.

She didn't see her future with you. Because you haven’t seen your own future.

You stupidly went with the flow and didn’t want to change anything. It’s clear that no girl will like this. She didn't see any prospects in you.

If you sit at the same place of work for three years, spend all weekends with friends and beer, and after work you come and lie down on the sofa, what are your prospects?

You were nothing.

There is only one name left from the man in you.

You were passive, boring, boring, too predictable, simple, uninteresting. In a word, a beta male. What should she do next to you?

Where did the guy she fell in love with go? Who took care of himself, ran to the gym after work, and was passionate about his hobbies. Where is the one whose eyes were burning?

If you don’t bring anything new and useful into her life, don’t you give her any emotions? It is not difficult to guess that she will look for all this on the side. And he is unlikely to want to restore the relationship.

Your behavior and attitude towards her.

Perhaps you thought that since you have a girlfriend, you can relax and do nothing else. Why, if she is already with you?

This is the most erroneous opinion in the world, which has already ruined many relationships.

Advice! You must pursue her, appreciate her, arrange surprises, pamper her, give her gifts. Don't leave it at the initial stage.

A woman is a beautiful but complex creature. And don't forget that you are a man. Reconsider your behavior.

Relationships need to be constantly worked on.

Routine.

Nothing interesting happened to you, you spent little time together. You simply existed next to each other. She will leave a boring and monotonous relationship. And you will think about how to get back the girl who left you.

Yes, you have some kind of plan and scheme in your head on how to behave with a girl. But think about where you got all this from?

Did you see it in a movie, read it in books, did your friends or acquaintances tell you? The point is that no one has ever taught you how to properly communicate with a girl.

That's why the brains of most guys are filled with all sorts of romantic crap that has nothing to do with reality. Understand that you were abandoned not because you did anything wrong, but because there was something wrong with you. You need to change!

Is it worth getting back into a relationship if you love a girl?

After a breakup, is it very painful for a man to let go of a girl because he has strong feelings for her? In such situations, not all men are ready to give up and remain inactive. But first of all, you need to understand for yourself whether he needs his ex-girlfriend, why bring her back. There may be several reasons for this:

• fear of new acquaintances - a man needs to improve himself, increasing his own self-esteem;
• fear that she will no longer be better - as practice shows, a new girl is always better than the previous one;
• she hurt the ego - with the help of new acquaintances, flirting and relationships, you can restore your self-esteem;
• the man still loves her - any person is capable of surviving the stage of separation, even when loving, time heals;
• several reasons at once - only by improving yourself, developing your capabilities and talents, can you cope with such problems.

Love, addiction, habit - all this passes over time, all that is required from a man is the realization that a relationship with an ex-girlfriend is impossible.
It can be returned only if no unforgivable acts occurred between the partners, and there are mutual feelings.

What men are silent about

Guys also tend to care about their loved ones, but its manifestations are not always noticeable. Even if during a quarrel or scandal a young man does not react in any way to the girl’s upset, this does not mean that he is not worried. The man is trying to find words that will calm his beloved and prove to her that there is no reason to be upset.

READ

How to stop loving a girl: algorithm of actions and analysis of errors

If a girl tells her partner that she wants to break off the relationship with him, then he falls into a severe state of shock. Often a man denies this possibility and does not know how to forget about his beloved. He is not ready to believe that the relationship is over, and when he realizes that the girl is not around, he experiences severe pain from loss.

In searching for the reason that made the woman leave, many young people blame themselves. The hardest time is for those who did not notice problems in communication and were not prepared for what happened. When a person understands that a crisis is brewing in a relationship, it is easier for him to prepare for a possible outcome

How does a man feel when breaking up?

The fact that a woman decided to break off the relationship indicates the guy’s inability to provide her with living conditions and make her happy. He feels guilty for every woman's display of dissatisfaction.

Even if the real reason lies in the partner, the young man on a subconscious level will feel responsible for the development of events. When the young lady leaves, the man feels rejected. Even though there are two people to blame for the breakdown of a relationship in any situation, the guy will be haunted by the thought that he turned out to be unworthy of the lady.

The hardest thing to find a way to get over a breakup after a long relationship is for those guys whose significant other not only decided to stop dating, but has already found a replacement for them. This behavior indicates that, given a possible choice, she preferred someone else. This becomes a severe blow to a man’s pride.

READ

How to break up with a girl beautifully and without scandals: effective ways

4/ The fourth commandment. Don't do anything for show and don't live out of spite

After breaking up with a person, minimize any contact. Delete his number in your phone book so you don’t accidentally stumble upon him. Delete all correspondence. Put all your joint photographs out of sight (at least to some very distant cloud, where you won’t look for other archives). Unfollow your ex on social media. Let nothing remind you of them. If you have a common company (or common children, which, of course, is more difficult), think about how you can minimize communication. If there is an opportunity to change the situation, to leave for a while, feel free to drop everything and leave. The main thing is, don’t do anything out of spite, for show, out of a desire to prove. All this takes energy. And now you need what gives you strength: healthy sleep and nutrition, daily routine, sports, art, communication with interesting people, work, self-care, family environment. These are the areas of life that any person can rely on. And this is what gives energy. Even just following a daily routine and getting good, regular sleep will help you a lot.

And stop doing it already

Relieving pressure: freedom in decision making and increased weight

And here the distancing technique works, by performing this manipulation (by the way, in some cases this happens naturally) you increase your weight in the eyes of a woman. This is a process of removing any pressure from a woman, she wants you to finally leave her alone - and you do it.

It seems that this is happiness for a woman! But no, human psychology is structured somewhat differently, we are accustomed to something completely different - if we are really needed, they try to keep us in every possible way, they try to preserve love.

In the standard case, a man often subconsciously wants, so to speak, to “put a woman in a cage”, to make her completely belong only to him. However, this approach has never led to any good, desired results in relationships.

If a man acts in this way, the lightness leaves the relationship, there is less and less love in it, the atmosphere of the relationship for the woman becomes more and more suffocating and toxic. Distancing allows you to completely remove the pressure from her and give her a feeling of liberation and joy, because finally the woman has escaped from captivity in the form of your control, and in general - now she does not need to endure your presence.

Change of vector: from negative to neutral attitude

That is, you already (instead of sharp negativity) continue to remain for her a person with whom you had a relationship, but it turned out to be cut off in the middle. It is also possible that the woman now regrets her rudeness at the time of the breakup and thinks that it would be worth breaking up on good terms - after all, in fact, apart from those events or actions that served as the impetus for the breakup, you did nothing wrong.

It is this change in relationship, the desire to maintain at least a normal relationship, that is the reason for the current interest in communicating with you at this stage.