Each inhabitant of the planet, as a social being, performs many of his actions with an eye on other members of the society where he lives: whether it will harm them or cause them discontent. Some carry out such verification of public opinion only from time to time, others are not able to fully exist without the approval of others. For them, the urgent problem is how not to pay attention to people who broadcast exclusively discontent and negativity, subject every action to merciless criticism or amaze with their own stupidity, but do not get tired of intruding on it. Following some advice from psychologists will help correct the situation.
How to ignore people's opinions: increasing self-esteem
Difficulty learning to ignore people usually results from low self-esteem. Why it is underestimated is the second question. Often this style of behavior and inadequate assessment of one’s own personality stems from childhood. Significant adults sometimes, when raising a young member of society, do not even notice that they are breaking him, humiliating his personal dignity, convincing him that they are of no value. If this happens for years, and the child’s character is not very strong a priori, serious psychological complexes develop on the basis of such negativity. To eradicate them, you will have to work on increasing your self-esteem. Auto-training will help here, analyzing your own talents and strengths, developing them and applying them in practice.
Ignore or pay attention?
Accusative case required:
1) if the case form with the meaning of an object refers simultaneously to two or more verbs, one of which has a negation: He does not look through the article, but reads; The Soviet Union is not reducing, but is steadily increasing its allocations to improve the well-being of the people;
2) if the case is included in a combination organized by a double strong connection: He does not consider the book interesting; Samghin no longer found this girl as ugly as she seemed to him at first sight (Gorky); Don't you find the practice at the factory useful? (Kettle.);
3) if the controlled name refers to an infinitive separated from a verb with a negation by another infinitive/infinitives: He could not afford to start studying mathematics at that age; She's not going to go buy flowers; He doesn't want to start writing his memoirs;
4) in stable combinations: Don’t fool me; Don't bare your teeth;
5) if the sentence contains pronouns indicating the definiteness of the object, or a subordinate clause expressing definiteness, with the conjunction word “which”: You can’t strangle this song, you can’t kill it (Oshanin); Yes, I couldn’t pronounce this word then (Turg.); Old Lavretsky for a long time could not forgive his son for his wedding (Turg.); He didn't read the book you gave him.
6) if the object is expressed by an animate noun or proper name: Since the time of my conductor, I have not liked Lesnaya Street (Paust.); You don’t know Asya (Turg.); I do not reject a criminal wife (L. Tolstoy);
7) If the negation is part of the particles “almost”, “almost”, “almost”: I almost dropped the glass; Almost missed the tram; I almost lost my ticket; Ulya almost broke down the gate in front of her (Fad.).
in actually negative sentences: There is no one to show the work to; There is no place to publish an article; There was no need to finish college; a technical school would have sufficed (D. Granin);
9) in sentences with the word “no” (there wasn’t, there won’t be) when the non-negative component is extended by the infinitive of a transitive verb: There was no need to call the secretary (Chuck); And it turned out that there was no reason for me to make a secret of these accusations (Bold); I didn’t go, I didn’t have the strength to see such a thing (gas);
10) with the preposition “excluding”: excluding this case, excluding the northern part of the territory, excluding the last week;
11) when pointing to a specific object (“exactly this object, and not just any other object”): did not review the manuscript that was sent to him; did not drink the milk that her mother left her;
12) when the object is inverted (placing it in front of the predicate verb): I don’t like this magazine (Turg.); The door was not closed (Adv.); They were not given a tractor (Sholokh.);
13) in interrogative and exclamatory sentences, the general meaning of which does not have the nature of negation: And who knows, when gray-haired you come under the closed crowns of your pets, you will not experience pride ten times greater than the creator of other hasty books... (Leonov); Where have I not thrown my second metal bait, armed with sharp spines?! (G. Fedoseev);
14) in incentive sentences of a conversational nature: Look at your feet, don’t make people laugh (Gorky); When you strike, do not hit or chop the object, but cut it (Kuprin);
15) when different but identically sounding case forms coincide to eliminate ambiguity: I didn’t read the newspaper today (the “newspaper” form could denote the plural);
16) when distributing the addition with several definitions: Sofya Ivanovna coughed gloomily, listening to Lenochka, and did not recognize her as a quiet, meekly silent and indifferent daughter to everything (P. Pavlenko).
There are many cases where the use of the accusative or genitive case does not exclude the possibility of choice. Simply put, in situations not included in the list of mandatory ones, nouns can be used in both the genitive case and the accusative case. Examples of such word usage can be found in the above sources.
How to ignore negative people: setting psychological boundaries
Often those who are overly dependent on public evaluation simply have their psychological boundaries violated. They unwittingly give others the right to criticize every aspect of their own lives, even personal preferences. A person who pays attention to little things of this kind runs a great risk of losing his own individuality, becoming a shadow of public opinion. First, he needs to ask Chatsky’s question: who is judging him? Are they really perfect beings without flaws? It is necessary to decide who and to what extent he is ready to let him in. Suppress any attempts by outsiders to speak out on issues that should not concern them because they are too personal.
Charisma
I would like to believe that among the arguments you found something interesting and motivating for yourself. Let's move from theory to practice. We will learn how to become a charismatic person and use this quality to not be swayed by other people's opinions.
We often hear the word “charisma”. For example, what a charismatic actor or he is a very charismatic guy. But if you ask yourself the question “what is it like to be charismatic?”, then your thoughts come to a dead end. Well, so cool, cheerful, with an inner core...
Probably the best way to describe what charisma is is the following: a charismatic person is a person who knows exactly what he wants, is confident in it and is not afraid of the opinions of others, thereby attracting people to him. He can directly say “fuck off” and nothing will happen to him for it. He's like, what can you do?
How to move into this category of people? How to attract affection without sucking up or listening to the opinions of others? Let's figure it out.
#1 Be confident
You need to be confident in your behavior. After all, confidence is synonymous with charisma.
For example, if you cut your hair bald, then wear this hairstyle with pride. As soon as you put on a hat and begin to avoid others, they will definitely talk about you in a ridiculing tone. Therefore, once you decide to make changes, stick to it until the end.
Of course, self-confidence is a very broad topic that many psychologists have been studying for years. You can write a separate large article about it, which would not fit into one issue, so here are just a few ways to increase your self-confidence:
- Focus on your past victories and successes
- Take charge of your life
- Don't be afraid of your shortcomings, the best confidence is not being afraid to be real
- Do something worthwhile that you will be proud of
- Engage in continuous self-development
- Dress in good clothes so that the external state “spreads” to the internal
- Use the little things: look into the eyes, take comfortable poses, watch your posture. This idea deserves its own paragraph.
#2 Pay attention to detail
[adsense1] In life, it’s the little things that decide everything: how a person communicates, how he dresses, what pose he takes, what thought he wakes up with, and even how he greets. This bunch of small actions shapes a person and determines one or another level of success.
Let's highlight the biggest little things that are found in every charismatic person.
- Optimism
- The ability to listen and understand, to give your warmth and energy
- Calmness and restraint
- Respect for others
- Smile
Of course, there are many more of these qualities. All of them are not developed immediately, sometimes with hard work. But the effect from them covers all expenses.
#3 Don't be afraid to respond to insults
Attention, not suitable for everyone! On occasion, you need to be able to beautifully put a person in his place. Sometimes it’s worth showing your teeth and responding to obvious manipulation. People are all the same and they are also afraid of public opinion.
There is a good book on this topic called Black Rhetoric. In it, the author tells how to switch your role in communication from a follower to a leader, manipulate the conversation yourself and learn to defend yourself verbally. The audio format takes only 5 hours, which means the book can easily be read in a week.
#4 Charisma = confidence = high self-esteem. So love yourself the way you are
We hear this from every iron, but for some reason it doesn't work. But while we're on the subject, just know: there are people who achieve success despite their shortcomings. You can just search for “flaws of celebrities” and you will learn a lot of new things about world stars. Maybe this will motivate you not to notice your flaws.
#5 Face your fears
If you dig deeper, it turns out that fighting fears is simply one way to increase self-confidence. But it is so potent that it deserves its own paragraph.
Overcoming fears is very effective if you want to become stronger. Moreover, you need to be honest and destroy your worst fears , and not just “fears”. Jumping from a parachute or a bridge, public speaking, going to a spider exhibition - these are the things you can do to not be afraid of the opinions of others. These things are actually interconnected.
#6 Be independent
Reduce questions: what do I look like, does it suit me, what do you think about my new hairstyle, etc. Choose for yourself what to buy, what to cook, and what to do in a difficult situation. Now you are the master of the situation.
This will help you become more mature and wean yourself from the advice of others. After all, it happens that even though we don’t like the opinion, we get so used to being assessed from the outside that we can no longer make an independent decision. And this leads to a loss of confidence, and, as we already know, a loss of charisma.
#7 Know exactly what you want and go for it
Take a piece of paper and write down all your “wants”, both material and spiritual. This will help you find your direction so you don't get blown away by every oncoming wind.
Determining your desires and moving towards goals is one of the types of self-control. And as you know, a person is satisfied with himself only to the extent that he can control his life. So find yourself and take control of your life yourself! Let opinions guide other people!
Thank you for reading this article. I hope you have gained at least a little motivation and are ready to take the throne in your life state. Good luck!
How to ignore unpleasant people: knowing yourself and cutting off unconstructive judgments
To eliminate dependence on other people's assessments, you will have to thoroughly work on yourself. First you need to learn to separate the personal from the externally imposed. You will have to analyze what your own desires are, what your soul strives for. Make a plan to achieve such goals. Cut off those aspirations that manifest themselves due to the demands of parents or others around them and contradict personal needs. When wondering how you can not pay attention to a person who is condemning, you need to clearly understand: strangers in such statements are not always motivated by goodwill. Some are guided by envy, a desire to humiliate. If someone is being negative simply out of a desire to criticize, it makes sense to ignore his words.
Summary
- Ego is worthless. We are not of the slightest interest to others.
- Some people will be inspired by your independence from others.
- People care about their problems, not what you do
- Someone will still think badly of you
- Listening to other people's opinions devalues your life
- Someone else's opinion is unlikely to change anything, so don't get hung up on it
- Never listen to the opinion of a person who does not live the way you would like
- Realize that other people's opinions are the problem. Respect, sympathy and support are just excuses for your weakness
- If you are criticized, you grow
- It is much more important what you feel, experience and experience at the moment of changing yourself. You don't care about the opinions of others.
- Charisma is a person’s ability to not care about other people’s judgments and thereby attract their attention.
- Charisma = confidence = self-esteem = independence = self-control. Increase one of these qualities and the others will also increase.
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How to ignore stupid people: lack of touchiness
Anyone who is offended by someone else's criticism only makes things worse for themselves. This does not bring negative feelings to the offenders, and some of them - with troll tendencies - will rejoice at the deterioration of the mood of the one on whom the emotional slop was poured. There are several options for productive actions on how to ignore a harmful person:
- Ignoring, reducing contacts with unpleasant individuals to a minimum.
- Communicate with those who are unpleasant solely on issues that cannot be avoided, preventing them from getting personal.
- Reluctance to get into arguments, especially with narrow-minded individuals. Here the advice of the great Mark Twain comes in handy: you shouldn’t argue with an idiot, because then you end up on his territory, and there he will crush you with his own experience.
- Internal readiness for the unfavorable consequences of some of your actions, because only those who are inactive do not make mistakes.
- Lack of regular recall of other people's unconstructive statements. This does not mean that a person has stopped paying attention to himself and his own shortcomings. Only constructive criticism should be taken into account.
How to stop paying attention to the opinions of others - arguments
Argument #1
Ego is the root of evil. We worry about him, because the image of a cool, kind or serious person has already formed around us. And this image must be constantly confirmed by new actions and actions. God forbid someone doubts our best qualities.
The truth is that most people don't care about our image. Each person has his own picture of the world, and if you change, he will simply paint you a couple of new characteristics. If you began to refuse requests more often or dyed your hair, he will only mentally write down for himself: “Well, well, this guy has become too bold, he does what he wants, which means I’m not on the same path with him. We are different, I do not surpass him in strength of character, which means I won’t be able to use him...”
Just remember your thoughts towards the changed person. Most likely you will see that you did not spend much time criticizing him.
In general, we are not of the slightest interest to others. Our ego is not a steel rod, but a flexible wire. What will happen if you bend it to suit everyone?
Argument #2
Some people will be inspired by your changed personality . Especially friends who see that you follow your line and are not embarrassed by your choice. Even if you are engaged in unpromising and ridiculous activities, you will still become an example to follow.
I have one friend who writes absolutely meaningless poetry. At the same time, he does not hesitate to post them on the Internet and show them to all his friends. The poems are truly absurd, but the calm face he disseminates them deserves respect.
It's great when you can become the same example for your friends. Try to earn authority as a person who is never afraid of the opinions of others. This will help you feel supported and your actions will become more confident.
Argument #3
[adsense1] The world has not converged on you, and people are not only discussing you . They primarily care about their immediate problems and only a tenth remember your existence.
Imagine that your friend suddenly gets his ears pierced. For a week you will joke with him, the next week you will joke with other acquaintances, but that will all end. Life will return to normal again, and you will be completely immersed in solving your problems.
It's the same with your situation. At first everything goes smoothly, then suddenly there is a surge, and then the familiar atmosphere returns. By your action you do not set a mark for life - they will laugh and calm down.
Argument #4
Advice from many successful people: never listen to the opinion of a person who does not live the way you would like .
If a person is at the same level as you or below, he does not have knowledge that is valuable to you. Therefore, he will not be able to give “super advice” that will radically change your life. Yes, his worldview may be interesting and enticing, but for you it is completely useless.
Try to surround yourself only with the best people: meet them in life, read books, go to seminars. Their opinion is much more valuable than the opinion of ordinary and mediocre people.
Argument #5
Life = time, time = priorities → life = prioritization.
In our situation, we can distinguish 2 priority options:
- To be “in” in society, which means not to stand out and to earn the respect of people.
- Going towards your goals means facing distrust and criticism.
By choosing the first point, you automatically place yourself in the crowd and renounce the fight against “authorities”. But think about it, could your life be less valuable than the life of another person? No, and the entire world community is struggling with this. Constantly listening to “authorities” and “experts in our lives” means literally belittling yourself.
If you are comfortable in such an environment, then everything is fine, this is how the vast majority live. If you are ready to change, these can become moments that will saturate your time with real life . And in old age, you will not scold yourself for a meaningless existence.
Argument #6
If you are criticized, you are growing (of course, this does not apply to pink hair, face tattoos or bad habits).
There's a bucket of crabs theory that many people have already heard of. It lies in the fact that one by one the crabs can easily climb out of the bucket, but as soon as one of them begins to climb, the rest immediately cling to it. And this whole “pyramid of crabs” collapses back down.
Stupid creatures, just like people. As soon as one of us “crawls” to the top, the others immediately try to bring him down. Sometimes with good intentions, fearing for our future, sometimes with envy. But regardless of the case, this is an indicator of our advantage. So let them continue their criticism, it’s only flattering.
By the way, it’s worth looking after yourself sometimes. If we become so “cool” and impose our super-authoritative, independent opinion, then we will also form a crab bucket. And all previous arguments will work against us.
Argument #7
[adsense1] Don't deceive yourself. The fact that you are susceptible to influence is a problem, with a capital P. You shouldn’t think that listening to someone else’s opinion is normal, “we’re friends” and the like. Respect for elders, compassion, complicity is just a disguise of one’s weakness.
Break stereotypes of thinking. Mentally realize that someone else’s opinion is not normal , and no folk proverbs about respect and support can justify its destructive influence on our lives.
Argument #8
How many people, so many opinions. No matter what you do, someone will still think badly of you. It is impossible to suit everyone and always be right.
If you read self-help books, you can easily find evidence of this phenomenon. For example, one author says: “Competing fiercely is the quality of a leader.” Another responds: “Competing is unhealthy, this kind of thinking is harmful to your business and positive attitude.” Which one should the reader believe?
There is something similar in our lives. Among 7 billion colliding opinions, you need to choose your behavior model once and for all. Of course, you can play around and get out, but only at the cost of losing your reputation.
Argument #9
Will this opinion change anything in a year? If not, then there is nothing to think about it. The words flew out, shook the air, left an unpleasant imprint, but in reality nothing changed. Your accuser simply relieved himself and went back to accumulating the released bile.
You could be offended or doubt that you are right. But it’s stupid, you’ll agree! In such a situation, you need to try to look into the future. You're depressed right now, but ask yourself how you'll feel a year from now. In most cases, the answer is obvious: “depending on the situation, but I definitely won’t fool myself with this.”
Argument #10
You are the main character of your life. Much more important is your sensations, your feelings, and your emotions after what you have done. Who cares what a neighbor, friend or acquaintance thinks? It is their choice - to be offended or not, to respect you or to underestimate you. You live for yourself and the thoughts of other people are not within your competence.
How to ignore people’s rudeness: humor can help
It is not easy to resist the outright rudeness of strangers. Well-mannered individuals sometimes fall into a stupor from this. Some people have a desire to reciprocate in kind, speaking no less rudely in response. Such actions should not be allowed, because this is precisely what the boor often achieves, trying to unbalance the other and then point out his imperfections.
It makes sense to use such experience to strengthen your own character and cultivate strong-willed qualities. We should treat other people’s negativity in much the same way that people paid attention to mold—the history of the invention of antibiotics that saved many lives. In other words, try to extract something useful for yourself from negative situations. Since it is still necessary to fight back against a boor, it is advisable to use directness and humor for such purposes. A clear example of this is a situation that arose in public transport for one resourceful woman. She was sent along a route known to many by a drunken citizen. She replied that she was there more often than this character - sober.
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