It's amazing how different people are, with their own set of qualities, temperament, character, attitudes and outlook on life. One person's perception of a situation can be radically different from another's perception of the same situation. Accordingly, the emotions that people express are also diverse: some can be said to be “positive”, while others perceive a lot through the prism of negative attitudes.
In this article:
Why do you need to react correctly to negativity? Why do people throw out negativity? How not to react to negativity? What reaction to negativity should not be given
Speak calmly
The way we communicate is often much more important than what we say. If the situation is heated, then it's time to talk about it. However, the dialogue should not be aggressive. It is better to use sentences that begin with the words “I”, “me”, “me”, for example: “It annoys me when you do this. Could you do things differently? Most likely, the interlocutor will listen to you and also express his opinion.
Sometimes it is worth calling in a third party for help. Another person can objectively assess the situation. Maybe after the dialogue you will not become friends with the one with whom the conflict is brewing, but at least you will be able to communicate normally.
Working alongside people you find difficult to get along with is a rewarding experience that will show you how you can cope with problems.
Specialist help
If you understand that conventional methods do not help you, and you cannot help but worry about problems more than necessary, trust a psychologist. In this way, you will not only learn to control your emotions, but also part with a number of serious problems from the past that can ruin the future.
It is also worth checking the health of the endocrine system and the thyroid gland in general. A hormonal imbalance negatively affects the body's resistance to stress.
In addition, it is easy to check the level of protection of the body through DNA research. It will show how the main “conductors” of our emotional state - serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine - work, and you will find out how susceptible your body is to stress and vulnerable to external stimuli, and most importantly, you will understand what to do about it.
How to remove negative energy from yourself
If you were unable to avoid a traumatic situation, you can use some traditional ways to get rid of negative energy.
Water is a universal way to get rid of negative energy:
In nature, you can give negative energy to water. It is best to come to the river, sit comfortably on the bank and talk, looking at the flow of water, about what worries and worries you. You can imagine how streams of negative energy pass from you to the river and are carried away with the flow; at home, water from the shower is suitable (take a shower for at least 20-30 minutes), at work - tap water (put your hands under the running water and wash your face thoroughly)
It is important to use running water and not standing water (for example, a pond); In an apartment you can also take a bath with Thursday salts. It is important to carefully drain the water and take a shower at the end.
Other ways to get rid of negativity:
- subject the body to intense physical activity: walk quickly for several kilometers, work out with dumbbells, clear snow near the house;
- give negative energy to any solid object that can be thrown away. For example, pick up a stone, talk about your troubles and throw it far, imagining how it takes your troubles with it;
- speak out, tell someone about your problems and experiences. The interlocutor can be not only a person, but also an animal, a doll, a painting, a tree;
- transfer negative energy to the fire. For example, sit by the fire in nature or light a candle at home. Looking at the flame, imagine how your negative emotions are burned and disappear.
If you are removing negative energy from yourself at home, after the session you need to cleanse your home: light a candle and let it burn for about half an hour.
Among colleagues
Many people are faced with manipulation outside the home, which raises another question: “How not to succumb to provocations at work?”
The team is not always friendly and adequate. Sometimes, when a person comes to work, he encounters people who are not ready to tolerate the smile on their face and the fighting spirit of their co-worker. They are ready to disrupt his mental and emotional state in every way. How to prevent this?
- Do not react to the words and actions of provocateur colleagues if their actions are limited only to endless questions and attempts to ruin your mood. Instead of a compliment, they may say that your hairstyle leaves much to be desired. Such people are able to put pressure on pity or feelings of inferiority, reminding you that it was you who were deprived of your bonus last month.
- If such provocateur colleagues interfere with your work, then try to have a serious conversation. Prepare a “safety cushion” for yourself by discreetly turning on a voice recorder or asking a friend from work to witness the conversation. Explain that if the provocations do not stop, you will be forced to contact the company’s management.
- Your friendly conversation went nowhere, but you still have notes or evidence that a manipulative colleague is interfering with work? Contact your superiors and ask them to influence this person.
Living stress-free is easy
We can't help but worry about the people who are close enough to us. But we can learn not to lead these worries to full-blown stress and nervous breakdowns. Living without the destructive influence of negativity is very simple, you just need to follow a few pleasant rules for this.
- Take daily walks in the fresh air, this will give you the opportunity to relax, the main thing is to let only pleasant thoughts come to you.
- Try any sport. This will strengthen your body and increase self-esteem.
- Be sure to give yourself a good rest. Even if the schedule is too busy, there should be room for respite.
How to ignore the opinions of others
Accept a simple fact: you, and only you, can create your own happiness. Often those around him, especially close people, begin to impose their opinion, telling a person what he should work as, what to do in his free time, what education to choose. However, they themselves will not live according to the model prepared for you and will only shrug their shoulders if you are unhappy after following their recommendations.
Try to look at many things from a useful perspective. When someone pushes their opinion on you, ask yourself: “Is this helpful to me?” If there is no benefit even at 60%, you shouldn’t listen to someone else’s opinion.
Work on your self-esteem. This is a very important point. People often go to extremes: some consider themselves too inept and unworthy to make decisions, while others prefer not to pay attention to criticism at all, even if it comes from a more experienced person. Remember your positive qualities, or better yet, write them down on paper. If it is difficult to do this on your own, ask your loved ones to tell you why they value you, and you will learn a lot of pleasant things. Finally, develop the right attitude towards criticism. Remember that you are beyond judgment, so we can only talk about your words and actions. This means that if a more experienced person criticizes you, you need to take his words as a useful lesson, and not as an accusation.
Am I a geyser?
Each of us needs such a refuge - a quiet corner within ourselves, similar to the depths of the ocean, which are always motionless and calm even in the strongest storm on the surface.
Psychology bookap
This relaxation room, created by our imagination, can relieve tension, anxiety, psychological stress, restore strength, allowing you to better cope with everyday worries.
I am convinced that in each of us there is a certain hidden center that is always at rest, like the center point of the axis of a moving wheel. You only need to discover this center within yourself and retire there from time to time to rest, recuperate and replenish vital energy [this is what yogis do, finding images and sensations within themselves that provide support for maintaining balance. ].
“Build” a small cozy room for yourself. Hang your favorite paintings on the walls there, paint the walls in soothing colors that are pleasant to you (blue, light green, yellow, golden). Furnish the room as you like. Everywhere is clean and in perfect order. The main thing: comfort, tranquility, beauty. And definitely your favorite deep chair. Through a small window you can see a beautiful landscape; for example, a sea beach on which slow waves roll, but the sound of the surf is not heard, the room is quiet, very quiet.
Psychology bookap
Build this room in your imagination with the same care as you would build it in reality. Pay attention to every detail, every little thing.
Every day, when you have a few free minutes - whether between business meetings or while traveling on public transport - go to your quiet room. Whenever you begin to feel increasing inner tension, irritation or agitation, retreat to your “quiet abode” for a short time. A few minutes spent in it, even on the most hectic day, will more than reward you. This is not wasted time, but profitably invested time. When necessary, tell yourself: “I need to rest a little. I go to my quiet room. I’m already in it.” Visualize in your mind all the calming details of the environment; yourself, sitting in a comfortable chair, completely relaxed and in an extremely peaceful mood. In this room you are completely safe, nothing can disturb you; there are no worries here, they remained outside the threshold. There is no need to make decisions, rush somewhere, or worry about anything.
We sometimes isolate ourselves from real life, saying “yes” instead of “no”, we hide under an umbrella when it rains, we build a house for ourselves so that we have somewhere to hide from bad weather and adversity. Every year, when we go on vacation, we temporarily leave our usual surroundings, our usual responsibilities, and run away from everything.
Psychology bookap
Our nervous system also needs rest; she needs to have a “secluded place” for recuperation and protection. The quiet room discussed above allows you to mentally escape for a period of time from everyday worries, responsibilities, decision-making and worries.
It should be borne in mind that your automatic mechanism is powerfully influenced not by words, but by images, especially if they have clear symbolism.
For me personally, the picture I saw in real life turned out to be extremely useful. Once, while in Yellowstone National Park, rich in hot springs, I stood near a geyser, patiently waiting for the next eruption, which occurred exactly an hour later. When a huge column of steam burst out of the neck of the geyser with a deafening hiss and whistle, as if someone had opened the safety valve of a giant steam boiler, a small boy standing nearby asked his father:
Psychology bookap
- Why is this happening?
“I think,” answered the father, “that our mother earth is like her children.” Having accumulated a certain amount of tension in herself, she must “let off steam” in order to preserve her health.
“How wonderful it would be,” I thought, “if people could just as easily let off steam when the emotional pressure rises inside.”
I am not a geyser, and I do not have a safety valve on the top of my head, but I do have such a powerful tool as imagination. And since then, every time I retreated into my mental refuge and imagined myself sitting in a comfortable chair, I imagined how emotional steam came out of me and nervous tension subsided. Try to use this image of a geyser when you are nervous and tense.
Control your imagination
Some “optimists” have a wonderful habit - they amuse themselves by making apocalyptic plans for the future. It must be very exciting to imagine what misfortunes can happen. If you also have similar fantasies, immediately start working on yourself. Be realistic: in movies, disasters happen at every turn, but are there many of them in real life? Has anything similar happened to you? Maybe your friends experienced a thriller story? It is possible that you have had to experience troubles, but hopefully they do not happen every month?
Doesn't this logic seem comforting to you? We urge you to calm down your imagination and come into balance: if life is really so cruel, draw pictures of harmony and prosperity in your imagination. Learn to write positive scenarios, practice writing until you begin to enjoy fantasy positivity. Someday your imagination, trained for virtual misfortunes, will give up and stop producing nightmares. If you continue to entertain yourself with horrors of your own making, a clinic of neuroses awaits you. But first you will become a subject, communication with whom is burdensome for others.
What does stress lead to?
Anxiety and constant stress lead to the fact that a person becomes unable to control his own life at a sufficient level. Added to this are other unpleasant consequences.
- Tendency to use substances that can make you temporarily forget that you have a problem. This could be alcohol, special medications, or excessive smoking.
- Loss of life goals. Fear of failure makes you abandon your plans and implement your ideas.
- The development of chronic fatigue provokes the appearance of various diseases, which the body does not have the strength to fight.
- The brain, overloaded with processing constant stress, loses tone and performance.
How to protect yourself from negativity at work
First, a simple truth: a person who radiates negativity will never achieve success in life. Just know that this is a loser who is pushing away opportunities and people.
Such a presentation will strengthen your self-confidence and allow you to be more calm about all his antics. Having turned on your inner core, you are already 70% ready to defend yourself. All that remains is to learn some tricks. Here they are:
As soon as you are rude, stop the frantic wave of thoughts! It seems that you are about to tear a person to shreds! And why not, it will become easier. Well, if you want to feed the negative, you can show your knowledge in a three-story mat. Otherwise, exhale, then inhale deeply and put on a mask of indifference. The first seconds are the most important. If you are able to hold back your reaction, then you are superior to your opponent. Why would you stoop to his level? Be taller!
Be prepared for negativity. Forewarned is forearmed. You already understand that an eruption can occur at any moment, so do not be surprised by human behavior. Take this for granted, and your rambunctious colleague will dry up from lack of reciprocal emotion.
Do not conduct the conversation in a “1 on 1” format. Involve the people around you in the conversation, and your colleague will instantly reduce the pressure. It will become uncomfortable for him to offend you when several people are watching and evaluating his behavior. Nature is at work here: everyone wants to show their best side. It's like a computer program aimed at survival in society, and you are a hacker who uses it for your own purposes.
Ignore Ignoring is the best way to deal with a negative colleague. The absence of your emotions is the most unpleasant punishment for this kind of people. Install a kind of filter that eliminates the person from your field of vision. Try to avoid communication as much as possible, and if you have to make contact, answer briefly and immediately switch your attention. Remember, ignoring does not mean playing silent
If a person suspects something, the situation may worsen. Try to do this carefully and unobtrusively.
Accept other points of view Yes, it is difficult. But sometimes it’s not about them at all, but about you
Maybe you are melancholic, taking everything to heart, or just lazy! Try to figure out what your colleague is pouring out on you: a bucket of slop, or constructive criticism. It may turn out that all you have to do is submit reports on time, and problems at work will disappear on their own.
Effective work on yourself
The list of negative claims can be endless. His problem is not the imperfection of the world around him, which everyone faces, but his own perception. This character is pathologically incapable of rejoicing (especially for others) and inflates little things to the scale of a catastrophe.
And if it is still possible to isolate yourself from the opinion of such a random passerby, then such bosses, colleagues, neighbors, relatives, educators and teachers can turn even the calmest person into a monster. It is especially difficult if those who raise and teach children are in constant negativity. Due to their age, children are susceptible to negative influence.
And they can easily adopt the example of an eternally grumpy adult and not even stop behaving this way in adulthood.
A separate type of negative people are haters, from the English word hate, to hate. Don’t feed harmful people bread, let them mix someone with dirt, humiliate and insult them for a trifle. The reasons for such behavior vary, from feelings of inferiority to the inability to obtain pleasure through other methods and express negative feelings constructively. But you may not understand their motives to protect themselves. After all, it is almost impossible to re-educate an adult, especially a stranger, so that he stops. It’s easier to just learn how to defend yourself from them and teach your children to do the same.
Stop insults
The first reaction to a harmful character who is trying to humiliate or offend is resentment. But this is exactly what the unpleasant interlocutor is trying to achieve! Some people seem to feed on negative emotions. This is where the concept of emotional vampirism arises. If a person hurts others and then regrets it, then at least then he asks for forgiveness and tries to cope with his problem. Otherwise, he either does not care about the suffering of others, or he even does nasty things for his own pleasure.
So it’s hardly worth giving such harmful people satisfaction from their sadistic actions, getting upset and offended.
After all, even if you don’t show it, negative feelings cause the release of hormones into the blood, which, with frequent exposure, destroy the body.
The second reason to avoid resentment is what is the point of resenting an already unhappy character? It is unlikely that someone who has a happy life will vilify others, spread gossip behind their backs and execute others for the slightest mistake. Such people should be sympathized with, not hated, since they are already punished by themselves.
When a person is offended, it is as if he is trying to prove to himself and others that he is right, and is also trying to punish the offender for his rudeness. But you need to stop always proving that you are right. And it is clear that inflated demands and outbursts of hatred on every occasion are not normal. And the pointlessness of punishing offenders with insult is already clear: firstly, these stupid people are already punishing themselves; and secondly, the resentment of the victims may even make them happy. Even if not for long.
Mindfulness
When internal tension and resistance arise in response to an attack or outpouring of negative feelings, you should ask yourself:
- What is it about this opinion that upsets me so much;
- whether someone close to me showed similar rudeness when I was a child;
- what reaction is the interlocutor seeking from me;
- if I simply ignore complaints and attacks, will this threaten me with unpleasant consequences;
- Is it possible to turn this into a joke?
Of course, sometimes it seems that you need to be held accountable for rudeness urgently, right now. But, as a rule, this is an illusion, and we have at least 10 seconds to think. When Apple founder Steve Jobs was asked tough questions, he sometimes paused for several minutes before answering, and sometimes he made it a joke.
If the attack is suspiciously reminiscent of a situation from childhood, then most likely a trigger is triggered - a hook that reminds the individual of how bad it was for him in a similar situation in childhood.
For example, when accused of “well, you’re stupid!” sounds the voice of the mother who spoke throughout her childhood:
- Yes, you don’t grab stars from the sky.
Or the school teacher who said:
- When everyone stood in line for brains before the birth, you moved away!
By the way, this phrase belongs to a real teacher. And one can only guess what traumatic effect this rudeness had on the child who heard it. But as an adult, a person is able to work through this trauma and develop other reactions in response to a similar stimulus.
Refusal
None of us should allow ourselves to get upset just because others want us to. And even if it seems to a person that there is a sound grain in the opponent’s opinion, a stupid and aggressive pitch can kill him. And then the person withdraws into himself, ignores claims and attacks - which is sometimes also a winning strategy.
Adoption
Acceptance is about agreeing that the negative person is the way he is and is unlikely to change. After internal agreement, the person stops tormenting himself. After all, the struggle of trying to prove that the opponent is behaving incorrectly and even being rude for no reason stops.
What does a negative person mean?
A negative person is primarily someone who affects self-esteem. If a person is not confident in himself, any passing remark can plunge him into the abyss of despair. Even an innocent person can act as a negative personality. For example, a teacher or boss who expresses his desires and orders in a demanding form looks like an accumulation of negativity to a touchy and vulnerable person.
There are also so-called “energy vampires” who specifically generate negative emotions in others, provoking scandals, physical discomfort and other unpleasant reactions. Such people have many psychological tools in their arsenal that are powerless against self-confidence and equanimity.
Everyone is familiar with elderly grandmothers who cause scandals in stores and clinics. These negative personalities became like this from a lack of emotion and attention. With age, many opportunities to receive bright emotions are lost, and by causing negativity in others, you can get a response, find yourself in the center of attention and get emotional release.
Another type of people are those who assert themselves at the expense of others. This could be a boss, any official, a friend, a classmate, a relative, or even a spouse. Such people do not know how to create something meaningful and the only way to raise self-esteem is to humiliate those who succumb to provocations.
Lifehack for gaining a positive charge for the whole day
Almost every day we get a chance to recharge ourselves with good emotions completely free of charge. All you need to do is exchange a few kind words with someone.
Give a compliment to a colleague, a saleswoman in a store or a courier from a delivery service. Call a friend to share your smile and good mood.
You already know how to react to negativity so as not to become infected with negative emotions. But a smile is transmitted from person to person using the same mechanism. Exchange smiles with someone - you will immediately feel how your soul has become warmer.
And if you can carry this feeling throughout the whole day, you are guaranteed many pleasant events today! And tomorrow... And always... Just try!
Emotions with a sign
People can approach the same situation differently. Some people replay unpleasant moments in their heads every now and then, thereby further strengthening the resulting negativity.
Others simply do not focus on the problem, which after some time ceases to be such
That is why it is so important to realize that the attitude towards a particular situation depends only on the person himself. To make it easier to drive away sad thoughts and not dwell on bad moments, you should concentrate as much as possible on the positive, remembering all the good things in life
To make it easier to drive away sad thoughts and not dwell on bad moments, you should concentrate as much as possible on the positive, remembering all the good things in life.
No need to feel sorry for yourself
Quite a lot of people, at the first signs of fatigue, give up and begin to complain about their problems with all their might. This behavior results in despondency and uncertainty consuming you entirely. Self-compassion is the body's response to any effort. Under no circumstances should you allow self-pity to manifest itself in any way.
You need to firmly believe that you will cope with all the tasks and questions that arise. It is worth forcing yourself not to be distracted by momentary impulses. Believe me, as soon as you divert your attention from the irritant, it almost immediately ceases to have any effect on you.
Return to nature
Sometimes you really need a break from all the people around you. So take a weekend, a day or even an hour, and go somewhere for a walk in nature.
Let the sounds of nature replace the flow of chatter of the modern world
Notice the simplicity of the natural world and how harmoniously the plant and animal worlds coexist with each other
Breathe deeply, tune in to meditation. Focus on filling your body with fresh air and lifting your mood. And when you return to your daily life, you will feel refreshed and protected from absorbing the negative energy of those around you.
Your “psychological thermostat”.
Our body has a built-in thermostat, also a kind of “autopilot,” which maintains body temperature at a constant level of 36.6 C, regardless of whether it is frosty outside or tropical heat.
In the same way, each of us has a kind of “psychological thermostat” that allows us to maintain an even emotional atmosphere within us, despite changes in the emotional “weather” around us. Many people do not use such a thermostat because they do not know about its existence and do not suspect that this is possible. Your “psychological thermostat” is as important to the health of your spirit as the physiological thermostat is to the health of your body. There is no need for you to borrow external moods at all. Get started using it by following the methods and techniques recommended in this chapter.
How not to lose your individuality
...and stop depending on the opinions of others?
Our individuality evaporates under the onslaught. How we look, how we behave and what goals we set for ourselves, what we want from life - all this is our individuality. Freedom is the most important thing a person has. To take away freedom means to take away a person’s life. One should never lose one's self. The system is built in such a way that people who are different and different from each other are not always accepted by society
Of course, if we pay attention to the views and opinions of passers-by, we will not be liberated, we will not begin to truly live. Everyone sees themselves differently, therefore everyone wants to express themselves
Interesting and unique people get lost among thousands of passers-by because they are afraid of other people's opinions.
In order to stop depending on the opinion of society, it is worth understanding that:
- The opinions of others are just opinions, no one forces you to listen to them and change anything. Often people, condemning someone's action, do not notice that they themselves have committed a similar thing. After all, it is always easier to condemn than to understand.
- Sometimes people's opinions about the same thing are completely opposite, and it will not be possible to please the whole society as a whole. There will always be someone who will find something negative even in the most noble deed.
- It is impossible to live constantly looking at others; your personal opinion should always come first.
The way others see us is not us
What others think about us never touches the truth. All ideas are illusions. A person will not be able to immerse himself in your state, probe your inner world and your vision of it.
The opinions of others are the complete opposite of our true knowledge and values. When you listen to others, agree and blame yourself for being different, it puts an end to your personality and its development. Remember: what others think about you is not who you are.
Surround yourself with the present
Our environment influences us - that's a fact. Among deceitful and hypocritical people we become spoiled. Try not to be around people you don't like. Look for people who are like you, non-judgmental and willing to listen.
Choose the right company, this is very important for the further formation of your personality
Your choice
You are your choice. The main thing is to do it without thinking. Don’t lie to yourself, talk to yourself, ask provocative questions, but answer them honestly. Know your weaknesses and strengths
Confidence in yourself and your abilities will not give anyone a chance to attract attention, and no one will be able to offend you and your views
Gossip
Gossip creates problems and can make mountains out of molehills like nothing else. Don't create gossip or listen to it. Understand: if they talk about you, you are always ahead. But who are these people who are so interested in other people's lives? It's simple: they have a surprisingly small world, and they have not seen anything beyond their stereotypical knowledge. When they come across an interesting and somewhat strange person who is trying to express himself, they condemn what they cannot understand. There will always be a herd in any society.
Immunity
Develop an immunity to strength and special indifference to the opinions of others. All this only complicates your path. Do and look the way you want. There will be no other chances and life for this.
Our negative emotions turn... into negative events!
One day I got sick and had to go to the doctors regularly. Probably everyone is familiar with the situation when you really just need to “ask”, and the entrance to the doctor’s office is guarded by a line of 15 grannies...
I then noticed an interesting pattern: if you get into an argument with the queue, then it will be difficult to wash yourself away from the rising wave of negativity. As a result, instead of half an hour, you will spend half a day in the clinic: the necessary offices will be closed, the specialists will be on vacation, the receptionist will definitely lose your card, and your gloves will be in the wardrobe.
For a while, I really went to the clinic as if I was going to work. And I had no idea how to protect myself from negativity. I was indignant, swore and spent almost the entire working day solving simple issues. And then I learned not to let the negativity inside myself, and then everything began to be resolved easily and quickly. There was even a card!
Life works like this: the outside world constantly tests our strength, trying to push us out of the resource state. And when he succeeds, another chain of negative events is launched.
On the subject: The power of human thought: how thoughts can become reality
When faced with a chain reaction of negativity, we think: “Okay, today I’m upset, I didn’t have a good day, but tomorrow everything will be different.” Right? It turns out not really...
How negative emotions ruin our lives
Negativity is like a virus: it is also contagious and destroys health - blood pressure rises, problems with the gastrointestinal tract arise, and depression can begin.
This is especially true for situations where the source of negative influence is constantly nearby - in the family or at work. Of course, emotional people, the so-called empaths, react the hardest to negativity.
It turns out that weakened “emotional immunity” can complicate our lives not only in one day, but also in the long term - cause illness, break-ups, career problems...
How to react to negativity to protect yourself from infection?
First, try to track and catch the moment of infection itself. This is not easy, because many people immediately turn on the instinctive “Flight or Fight” program, and they simply cannot react consciously. But if you pay attention, you will definitely learn over time.
And then you can completely change the setting of the current day with the help of thoughts.
I'll tell you another story...
About the smell of money and victory over negative emotions
Emperor Vespasian argued that money has no smell, and in ancient Rome this was probably true. But today money smells, and how!
In money magic, there are rituals during which banknotes are smeared with patchouli oil. Everything would be fine, but after a couple of days the weaker ethereal notes of patchouli disappear, and what remains is the most persistent base aroma - the smell of camphor.
As a rule, by this time the money magician has already gotten rid of the bill, and the paper “stink” with a face value of 1000 or 5000 rubles goes to an innocent visitor to a store or bank.
The smell of camphor is quite pungent. If a soiled bill is not noticed in time, the entire wallet along with the rest of its contents will smell.
How to protect yourself from negativity if you want to remember the money magician with his oil with an unkind word?
I know that many people react calmly to this scent. But personally, I don’t like camphor, and my husband is generally allergic to it.
And then one day I was picking up my change at the checkout in a supermarket and I felt that one of the bills smelled of this very camphor, and very strongly.
I ask the cashier to change the bill and receive a slightly rude refusal. I explain the situation, ask again - the cashier refuses with undisguised pleasure. It is clear that what is happening amuses her.
Formally, she is right, but her tone makes me angry. And suddenly the understanding comes that right now I am creating a negative event with my own hands and ruining my “karma” for the rest of the day. But it’s already difficult to slow down - as they say, “Ostap got carried away.” »…
In the end, the cashier and I through gritted teeth wish each other a good day and part: I with a fragrant bill in my wallet, she with a clear sense of superiority.
On the way to the car, I try to cool down and urgently figure out how to react to the negativity after the fact. I remember Zeeland’s pendulums (I’ll write about them later) and take a few deep breaths. This immediately reduces the degree of negative emotions.
That time my day was saved and no more negative events happened. And over time, I realized: in order to react correctly to negativity, you need to turn on awareness in time - that is, understand what is happening right now
. This is the most difficult thing, and the rest is just a matter of technique.
On topic: Mindfulness is the key to living in balance
How to remove negative energy from your home
Global cleansing of the house is carried out when they feel bad in this room, they often quarrel or after the previous owners:
First you need to do some general cleaning. Find and clean all hard-to-reach places from dirt, throw away all broken and non-functional items, give unnecessary clothes and other things to those in need. It is better to carry out wet cleaning using water with Thursday salt
After such cleansing, the house will be open to receiving positive energy; pay special attention to mirrors in the house. Mirror surfaces store all the negative information about past residents, about those who were sick and died in the apartment
To remove negative energy from them, you need to thoroughly wash them, first with salt, then with clean water; then you can cleanse the apartment with a regular paraffin or church candle. You need to walk around the entire apartment with a lit candle counterclockwise, stopping at each corner. If a candle smokes, the flame becomes black and uneven in a certain area, this indicates the presence of negative energy. You need to go around the entire apartment again until the flame becomes even everywhere, and then leave the candle to burn out.
And some more general tips:
- Get indoor plants and care for them lovingly. They will neutralize negative energy from guests. If you live in a private house, you can plant trees and shrubs around the building, which will create a ring that protects from external negativity;
- get a cat in the house. This animal has the unique gift of repelling negative energy;
- Always clean your home after guests visit and ventilate the room well.
invisible wall
There are provocateurs who are just waiting for a response to the negativity sent into the world. And when they receive it, it’s as if they are swimming in the waves of other people’s emotions, fueled by energy. The most correct thing a person can do in the face of such attacks is to mentally build an invisible wall around himself. The first seconds in which the response is formed are the most important. That is why it is necessary to have time to take a deep breath, exhale and try with all your might to switch from perceiving the negative to “creating” that very wall.
You need to imagine the height of the wall, the color, the material from which it will be made and literally feel how all the unpleasant words sounding from the outside are shattered against its armor.
How to stop depending on other people's opinions
Most of us are very dependent on the opinions of others, and this circumstance often ruins our lives. Someone tries to adapt, changing their opinion under the influence of the environment. Others silently endure negative statements, but suffer greatly and depend on other people’s opinions, self-esteem decreases and, as a result, neuroses and depression arise. How not to depend on other people's opinions? What do I need to do?
Divide all people according to their importance to you:
people whose opinions are very important to us and who are really worth listening to; people whose opinions are sometimes worth considering; people who mean nothing to you.
Life is such that we constantly hear opinions about any events. And there are a huge number of opinions, everyone has their own, it is impossible to simply physically listen to everyone, especially if these opinions are unpleasant for us and interfere with our lives
It is very important to be able to understand people in order to understand whether it is worth listening to them
Separate the wheat from the chaff
From each opinion you need to extract only the useful, and throw the rest of the garbage out of your head! The main thing is not to let others ruin your life with their opinions. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me,” English proverb.
Assess your perspective yourself
Many famous people in childhood or youth did not show much promise, studied very mediocrely, and were ridiculed because of their appearance.
For example, teachers considered Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, and Konstantin Tsiolkovsky to be mentally retarded.
Tom Cruise changed several schools, he couldn’t read, he couldn’t comprehend the text.
Winona Ryder switched to home schooling due to ridicule and bullying from classmates.
Examples can be given endlessly. Imagine if they had listened to everyone who judged them negatively, would they have turned out the way they did? Hardly. They calmly walked towards their goal, without listening to others.
When someone criticizes you, he is not thinking about you, but first of all about himself
As a rule, people criticize those shortcomings that they do not like in themselves, or those advantages that they themselves would like to have. At these moments, they, unwittingly, reveal their secrets. A person who angrily criticizes and tries to find your shortcomings and make you look like a weakling and a loser, in fact, most of all in life is afraid that this will happen to him, and perhaps it is already happening.
Don't trust first impressions
Many people tend to change their minds very quickly. Including about you. You yourself, most likely, have changed your opinion about a person more than once. It happens that at first glance you don’t like someone, but when you get to know him better, you evaluate him completely differently.
Don't pay attention to the rudeness
If you were told something unpleasant or hurtful by people who mean nothing to you, it will not affect your life in any way. They will forget about you in 15 minutes
Should I be upset and take into account the opinion of an outsider? Hardly
Accept that everyone has different tastes
There is always a negative opinion for any phenomenon in this world. On the best films, books, paintings that you like, there will always be opposing opinions
Is it worth paying attention to them, or will the fact that someone doesn’t like it make you immediately stop loving the book or movie?
Some people just assert themselves at your expense.
By expressing their opinion, people thereby want to rise in their own eyes
They feel important and significant only when someone is criticized or taught. Will the opinion of such a person be authoritative for you? After all, at its core, this is not aimed at you, but the purpose of criticism is the desire to rise above others
I'll only worry tomorrow.
It may happen that in the process of eliminating the conditioned reflex, someone will not be able to completely ignore the “bell” at first, especially if it rings unexpectedly. In such situations, you can achieve the same result by delaying the response to the signal.
Psychology bookap
One of my patients, Mary S., always felt restless and anxious when she found herself in a crowd of people. By practicing the method recommended above, she learned to remain calm in most cases and not to perceive negative stimuli. But nevertheless, from time to time the desire to run away, to save oneself, became almost irresistible.
“Remember what Scarlett O'Hara did in Gone with the Wind,” I told her. “Usually she would say, ‘I won’t worry today. I'll worry about it tomorrow." In this way, by postponing her reaction, she was able to maintain peace of mind and successfully cope with circumstances, despite war, fire, illness, and unrequited love.
Delaying a reaction interrupts or disrupts the automaticity of habit acquisition.
Psychology bookap
The advice to “count to ten” when you feel irritation coming on is based on the same principle and is very useful if you count slowly, effectively delaying the reaction that is associated with muscle tension. You cannot feel irritation or fear when your muscles are completely relaxed. Therefore, if you are able to postpone the feeling of irritation for ten seconds, then completely postpone the reaction, then you can completely erase the conditioned reflex.
This is how Mary S. got rid of her fear of crowds. Whenever she felt the urge to run, she said to herself: “Okay, but not now, but in two minutes. I can only disobey for two minutes.”
The Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius used to say that people are constantly looking for some kind of refuge for themselves: a house in the countryside, on the seashore or in the mountains. But a person can, if he wishes, find refuge in himself. Nowhere will a person find refuge so imperceptibly and easily as in his own soul, especially if he carries images within himself, looking at which he instantly finds complete peace of mind; and calmness is nothing more than proper order in thoughts. This is what Marcus Aurelius thought.
In the last months of World War II, someone asked President Truman why he endured the hardships and strains of the presidency better than any of his predecessors, and how it was that in this difficult post he retained his youth, energy, cheerfulness, if any. referring to the many problems that a president has to face in wartime? In response, Truman said that he has a kind of refuge in his head, where he periodically retires to rest and recuperate, and where he isolates himself from all worries and worries.
Stop feeding the beast
The term “emotional vampires” was used above.
We are talking about parasitic individuals who literally feed on your attention and affection, leaving you emotionally devastated
Before you start investing your emotions in these people, think about the fact that you will end up losing all your energy. Because of this, you will not be able to take even a step towards solving their problems.
You will never be able to satisfy their thirst for your love if they are determined to feel and act like a victim.
You can offer your support to those who need it: a friend or even a stranger.
But try not to lose sight of the moment when your efforts begin to become unnecessary
Or when people calling for your help become more like rivals vying for your attention
You don't have to solve other people's problems, especially when they don't want to. They just want to be endlessly pitied. So you have to know when to leave!
When you feel that your internal resources are being depleted, just step aside and leave everything as it is. There is nothing wrong with refusing to take part in someone's contrived drama.
Don't fight windmills.
When you intend to give your Success Mechanism a new problem, you need to “clean” it of the remnants of the previous problem. Otherwise, some of its elements may be transferred to a new situation, and the mechanism will give you the wrong decision or the wrong answer.
Psychology bookap
A typical example of “transfer” (due to the inability to mentally “cleanse” nervous mechanisms) is a managerial employee of a company who brings home his work worries and moods. All day he was worried, fussing, acting energetically and assertively. Perhaps he was disappointed with something, something irritated him. Going home, he still retains the remnants of excitement, fuss, anxiety and aggressiveness. He still has not relaxed, has not calmed down and continues to think about work problems, although he is no longer able to do anything practically. Therefore, everything at home irritates him, and he takes out his bad mood on his household.
Many people even take their daytime troubles to bed, unable to relax even here.
Mentally and emotionally, they are still trying to somehow cope with the situation, although at this time such activities have already been “removed from the agenda.”
During the working day, you have to change your emotional attitudes and forms of thinking many times. You organize them differently for a conversation with, say, a boss and for a conversation with a subordinate. And if you just had to deal with an irritable visitor, then before talking with the next one, you need to reorganize your thoughts and feelings, otherwise you may transfer your emotional mood to a conversation with a promising client and thereby create the conditions for negative results.
The psychological service of one fairly large corporation discovered that members of its management team often, without noticing it, answer telephone calls in a stern, angry, hostile voice. It turns out that if the call comes in the middle of a hectic activity, during a difficult work meeting, or when an employee is feeling irritated for some reason, the answering voice can involuntarily convey anger and hostility, leading to confusion among unsuspecting customers. Psychologists recommended that corporate executives pause for 5 seconds and smile before picking up the phone.
It is extremely useful to know that you can “tolerate” not only negative, but also positive emotions (friendliness, love, calmness, peace of mind, etc.).
Psychology bookap
As we have repeatedly pointed out above, it is absolutely impossible to feel fear, anger, anxiety if your muscles are completely relaxed, if you are at rest.
I retreated to my “quiet corner” immediately before and immediately after surgery. After all, surgery requires a high degree of concentration, composure and self-control. It is forbidden to take irritation, aggressiveness or personal concerns with you into the operating room, as this can end in disaster for the patient. That’s why I always thoroughly “clean” my mechanism before surgery. At the same time, the highest concentration of attention and complete detachment from extraneous things are in no way suitable for an ordinary everyday situation - be it an interview with a meticulous journalist in a clinic or small talk at a magnificent ball. For this reason, when I leave the operating room, I also go to my “safe room” for a short time to prepare, so to speak, a clean table for new tasks.
This method helps you create a kind of psychological umbrella for yourself that will protect you from irritants, help you find peace of mind and achieve better results at work.
Psychology bookap
Throughout the book, we constantly talked about adequate response, about your reactions to environmental conditions. However, a person is not a passive, but an active actor in this process. We do not simply react out of necessity, subject to the whims of external factors existing at the moment. We constantly strive for some goal that we define ourselves; We are charting a path to get there. Only then, given the goal and course outlined, do we respond appropriately, that is, in a manner that works for the desired end result.
If our reaction to negative information does not move us towards our intended goal, then there is no need to react at all. And if our reaction takes us away from the intended course, this means that the correct reaction is to refrain from any reaction.
When you ignore the “phone call,” you maintain your own state of stability. Such an internal stabilizer does not allow either small ripples or steep waves to toss you around in the sea of life, throw you off the right course, or drive you crazy.
Psychology bookap
A type of reaction that is inadequate to the circumstances, generating anxiety, uncertainty and internal tension, are bad habits of reacting to worries and troubles that exist only in your imagination. Many of us create “windmills” in our imagination, which we fight with all our might, using the entire register of emotional experiences. Our imagination also superimposes the actual negative facts. We constantly think, for example, about what we think might happen here or there, and what we should do if something similar happened. Alarmed, we mentally picture the consequences of an event or phenomenon created by our imagination, and then react to negative images as if they really exist. You, of course, remember that our nervous system is not able to distinguish real sensory experience from a mental experience reproduced in bright colors?
You can counter real negative stimuli not with any action, but with complete inaction. The correct reaction to disturbing fantastic pictures is to completely ignore them. Analyze your environment, determine what actually exists in it, and react spontaneously only to reality. Pay close attention to everything happening around you. Then your reaction will always correspond to the facts, and you simply will not notice the fictional world.
