Author of the material:
Inna Trofimova
writer, psychologist, gestalt therapist
Who am i? This question takes one by surprise even in adulthood. But a scene from the book about Harry Potter immediately comes to mind: Hagrid tells the boy that he is a wizard. To which he replies: “I cannot be a wizard. I'm just Harry." The path of self-knowledge took 7 long volumes. And this is with the presence of spells for a magic wand. But we also have magical attributes at our disposal: books, advice from psychologists and trainers. Didn't work the first time? Nothing, the rat in the vase didn’t immediately turn around either.
The good news is that all the advice you need has already been given. The wisdom of self-knowledge was formed back in the time of Archimedes and has only slightly changed over time. The bad news: prescriptions don't help. Why? There are three reasons:
- It is beneficial for people to remain in a childlike state of helplessness. They know what to do, but choose the usual comfort and doing nothing.
- A sincere desire to help yourself is not enough. For every good piece of advice, you need a dozen more on how to implement it.
- Many expect miracles with minimal energy expenditure. Eager researchers want to learn a language in one evening and become an advanced yogi after a week of meditation.
Below is a checklist of seven points to work on yourself. A checklist is a list of checks. We passed the test, checked the box, crossed out the item, and felt relief. The list can be adjusted or supplemented.
Adopt parents.
Blaming parents for one's own failures has already become a trend. There is no point in this. Firstly, they raised their children as best they could, did not read columns in psychological magazines, and sometimes simply survived. Secondly, adult life lasts much longer than childhood, so there is every chance to educate yourself.
But sincerely forgiving a person whom you are used to looking up to is not easy. It's even harder to accept the fact that you have a lot in common. Staging reconciliation will only leave a sediment in the soul, but will not bring relief.
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Forgiveness is a hard journey, hard to start and impossible to finish. But there are a few tricks:
- You can ask for forgiveness in absentia. In life this is called “getting into someone else’s shoes,” but in psychology there is a method of two chairs.
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How does he work. Take 2 chairs. Sit on one yourself, sit on the other with an imaginary parent. Imagine him in detail: clothes, appearance, manner of sitting. Make a complaint to your imaginary dad or mom. After that, sit in their place and try to assess the situation from the point of view of their reality. And you can change for a long time, but don’t overdo it. What has accumulated over the years cannot be corrected at once.
- You don't have to forgive. You just need to learn to live with it. As the heroine of the film answered the question of whether she managed to make peace with her mother: “Mom and I agreed that we refuse to understand each other.”
The meaning of the zodiac signs
If you're wondering how to find out your horoscope, check out Brief Histories of the Zodiac Signs. Each of them is tied to the corresponding constellation. The image of Aries is the ram. The sign is ruled by Mars, the god of war. However, the origins go back even further, to ancient Egyptian astronomy. It contained the deity Amon-Ra, depicted as a man with a ram's head.
Taurus is ruled by Venus and is associated with the goddess Aphrodite. The image of the sign is a bull. The Greek god Zeus changed his body shape into a large light bull to kidnap Europa, the princess of the Phoenicians.
The image of Gemini corresponds to the name of the sign. It is ruled by Mercury. The image of the sign comes from the myths of the Greeks and the history of the brothers Castor and Pollux. The latter was the child of Zeus, and Castor was the son of the Spartan ruler. After Castor's death, Pollux asked his father to revive him. As a result, Zeus united the brothers in heaven.
Cancer is ruled by the Moon and has a corresponding image. The origins of the sign go back to the myths of the Greeks. The Karkinos crab bit Hercules in the leg, causing him to kill him. After this, Hera, who was at war with the demigod, placed Karkinos in the starry sky.
Leo is under the protection of the Sun. According to Greek legend, Hercules defeated the Nemean lion, strangling it and saving the people captured by the beast. Zeus decided to immortalize this victory by placing a lion in heaven.
Virgos are under the influence of Mercury. According to legend, there was a goddess Astraea, the patroness of innocent and pure people. She left humanity, mired in anger, and ascended into the sky.
Libra is ruled by Venus. The Romans considered scales a sign of justice. They are held by Astraea, mentioned above.
Scorpio is ruled by Pluto. The Babylonians had Scorpio men, the patrons of the Sun god Shamash. They let him out on the ground during the day and closed the doors behind him at night.
Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter. The image of the sign is a centaur with a bow. He is associated with the Babylonian deity Nergal.
Capricorns are ruled by Saturn. The image of the sign is a goat. The Greeks believed in the existence of Amalthea, the adoptive mother of Zeus, who fed him goat's milk after saving him from Kronos, the devourer of his own children.
Aquarius is ruled by the planet Uranus. The image of the sign is a man with a jug. This is Ganymede, a young guy who was carried away by an eagle and became the cupbearer of Zeus himself.
The patron saint of Pisces is Neptune. The sign depicts the fish into which Aphrodite and her child Eros turned to escape the terrible monster Typhon.
Take starting conditions as given.
We did not choose which country and family we would be born into. They did not choose their date of birth and the place in which they grew up. This must be taken for granted. If you don’t do this, you can live your whole life tormented by comparisons: “but if I had...”, “if only I had...”. This illusion of choice only causes resistance. By accepting what is, we lay the foundation for accepting ourselves. Then we get another “adult” right – the right to choose. Choosing where to work not because your parents once forced you to graduate from university, but because you want to. Live according to your own scenario as you see fit.
Accept yourself.
Loving yourself is the most controversial advice that has already set teeth on edge. It causes constant debate among psychologists and researchers. Some believe that such a verbal appeal is naive. This is achieved through long-term behavioral training. Others prove that loving yourself is easy and offer themselves as a mentor. In any case, you need to love yourself, otherwise why look for a way to what you don’t love.
We believe that it is much easier to love yourself if you are thin than if you are fat. Or you can respect yourself as a successful person, but I, a loser, deserve only contempt. In fact, everything is exactly the opposite. Behind the simple phrase “love yourself” lies a bottomless layer of work on yourself. It sounds pompous, but it is what it is – you will have to dig long and deep. No one knows how to do this from start to finish.
There is not only one piece of advice, there is no single methodology. Someone explores themselves through attempts to love their own body. Someone is trying to establish social contact, and the usual hugs are already a feat for him. Someone is giving up illusions about their own omnipotence. Need to find. Need to try. Get angry, quit and look again. And a practicing psychologist and the “small steps” technique will help in this difficult matter.
How it works. Set yourself specific and measurable goals in time, actions or numbers. Then we can observe the result, find a reason to be proud of ourselves and begin to feel the path towards ourselves.
Wrong goal setting. Get rich / Lose weight
Correct goal setting. Next month (term) earn 10% more (figure) than last month / Lose two kilograms in a month. But before that, at least weigh yourself.
Result. After the agreed period, review the results. Things are going well - set a new goal. But just as fearless and measurable.
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Dose fanaticism.
We love to go to extremes. We neglect physical education for years, then we come to the gym and tear the barbell and ligaments. We go with the flow, suddenly become puzzled by the question of self-knowledge and off we go: tons of literature that is not only impossible to understand, but also impossible to read, seminars and an endless echo of the phrase: “Am I a trembling creature or do I have the right?”
Do not engage in self-analysis at work, while relaxing with family or meeting with friends. It is impossible to be turned on all your life, otherwise there will not be enough alcohol to relax. Set aside some time for self-reflection so you can talk to an intelligent person in a calm environment.
Distinguish between persistence and obstinacy.
Lack of flexibility interferes with life and work. It is especially significant for managers. Many of them behave too authoritarianly because they fear the laxity of their subordinates. Others, on the contrary, play at democracy and complain that they are not taken seriously. The solution is that at some moments it is worth being persistent, but you need to be able to listen and hear those around you.
Perseverance is the manifestation of flexibility and receptivity to change in achieving one's goal. It does not manifest itself to the detriment of one’s own principles, but it also does not allow one to isolate oneself from others. Finding an answer to the question “who am I?” - a deliberately incomplete process. Man is an open system, constantly changing and unpredictable. It is important to understand what set of beliefs moves you towards your goal and adjust it on the path of self-knowledge.
I am my body
This is the most naive, but completely natural version of self-perception. Every day we see our body in many mirrors, and every time - lo and behold! - it demonstrates resigned submission to our will. If you wanted to raise your hand, you did. They wanted to make a grimace - easily. The body reacts most directly to the urges of the soul, which creates the illusion of inseparability or even identity with the “I”.
An adult says this: “I’m walking,” “I’m eating,” “I’m breathing,” “I’m freezing.” And when the body experiences this or that discomfort, it states: “I feel bad, I’m suffering.” But in fact, it’s not “I” who feel bad, but only my body...
In the first months of life, a child perceives his body as something foreign, external. He plays with his hands as if they were rattles, and only after some time does he notice the difference between his limbs and the objects of the surrounding world. An adult can recall similar experiences in his memory, by analogy with the sensations in a stagnant leg, when it seems to be there, but is perceived as someone else’s.
In fact, it is quite simple to feel the separation of yourself from your body - you just need to tune in to the right mood and focus your attention correctly. For example, you can stand under a cold shower and observe that it is the body that is freezing, while the “I” can remain on the sidelines and observe the process. It may not be possible to catch the right mood the first time, but not the first time, so the second - there is nothing complicated here.
Carrying out such a separation of yourself from your body is very important and interesting, since it allows you to treat bodily discomfort more philosophically in the future and maintain peace of mind, even when the body is not entirely comfortable. That is, you can suffer from hunger, or you can mean that the body wants a snack, and at the same time not suffer at all. The second option is somewhat more constructive, right?
Here you can also remember about instincts, which are embedded in the body at the genetic level and are in no way subordinate to us. That is, we, of course, can resist our instinctive urges, but we still have no power over them, and this confrontation itself does not end well. Instinct is the voice of life itself, and trying to drown it out leads to death.
Instincts are not subject to our “I”; we can only observe them in explicit or indirect form. One could say that “I” are my instincts, and this would be a good attempt to get closer to the truth. The foundations of instinctive behavior are inherent in us by nature, and not acquired through upbringing, so they can be trusted - they will not fail, because they express the needs of what a person is in general.
But still, “I” is not my instincts and “I” is not my body. The physical shell is rather one of the conditions for the task that we all solve when we come into this world. The essence of this problem and the key to its solution lies in something else.
Correlate the scale of values and emotions.
Often we consider value what is customary to do in society. Or we want to look good in the eyes of others. But something inside always doesn’t fit together, there’s a feeling of some kind of incompleteness. There is an exercise to clarify the issue.
Exercise. Divide a sheet of paper into 2 parts. On the left, write 10 values in life: at the top is the most important one, and move downward to the bottom. In the right column, write 10 joyful occasions, also in descending order. Now compare these 2 lists to understand how values or priorities correspond to emotions in specific cases.
It’s a paradox, but often they are diametrically opposed. So, the opposite of playing sports is the pleasure of eating a burger. It turns out that significant life events excite the imagination less than simple everyday trifles. This is where the question of disagreement between the concepts of “necessary” and “important” arises. If they do not coincide at all, then you are at the very beginning of the path to yourself.
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I am emptiness
Let's move on, as one of the readers called it, to distilled philosophy: if everything described above is not “I,” then where can we look for it?
Here we will need to turn to our own memory and extract from it the most ancient glimpses of consciousness that we can reach. Try to remember the most distant images from childhood, still fragmentary and foggy - the subject of our search is hidden in them.
The important thing is that where there are memories, our “I” is also present, and the earlier the memory, the fewer extraneous thoughts it contains, the more pure awareness it contains.
If you manage to recall some of these images in your memory (what’s so difficult about that?!), note that a long time ago, when you were two or three years old, you already had your “I”. Even then, you clearly felt and realized yourself, and from within this awareness you looked at the world around you. Don't try to understand it with your mind - remember it! Immerse yourself in childhood memories and find your “I” in them - “You” have already been there.
The earliest and most fragile memories - these islands of awareness torn from the darkness of timelessness contain the most important discovery - “I am!” There are no words yet, no thoughts yet, no morality, but “I” is already there!
Look at this “I” more closely - don’t you find anything strangely familiar in it? If not, take out vivid memories from three years ago from your memory and find the same “I” in them. Is it even a little different from the “I” you found in early childhood?
If you cut off everything superfluous and extraneous, is there at least some difference between the “I” that you had in the first years of your life and the one that you had at ten years old, at twenty, at thirty?... And today? Is your current “I” different from yesterday?... Is there at least some difference between today’s “I” and the “I” that you discovered in yourself as a child?
Our true “I” exists outside of words, concepts and meanings, outside of time and space. Even when we leave what is cherished for seekers of truth here-and-now, our “I” remains in its place.
Our “I” simply exists, it does not have any qualities or character, it cannot be described and cannot be divided, it is one and unchanged throughout life. It cannot be remade or educated, it cannot be taught anything, its only function is awareness, and it has mastered this skill perfectly since birth.
A person’s happiness lies in finding this unchanging “I” with its calm contemplation. Awareness itself does not judge and does not give any assessments - it absorbs and accepts everything that happens around without worries and fears. It is filled to the brim with the mere fact of its existence, and pain and pleasure, suffering and joy of the world around it do not affect it, for it these are just flashes of light on the movie screen.
But many years of purposeful development of the rational and calculating side of the psyche leads to the fact that the center of gravity shifts from the true silent “I” to the ever-frightened and preoccupied Ego. And this turns a person into a mad monkey - a creature lost in its fears and doubts, tossing between pride and the insignificance of its Ego.
A person forgets who he really is and, feeling the emptiness of his existence, now tries to find himself in his thoughts, in his principles, in his moral values, in his character, in his individuality, in his achievements and victories... and everything is in vain.
Even the game of self-development does not help here, since in reality there is simply nothing to develop. You can train your mind, sharpen your character, comb your value system and polish your halo, but what does all this have to do with the unchanging Self? Any attempt to improve oneself only leads to a worsening of the situation - to a strengthening of the Ego, to a deeper identification of oneself with something that is definitely not “I”.
Listen to the strings of your soul.
A person lives in sensations: physical, emotional and mental. How to understand yourself? From time to time, sit on the bank of a real or imaginary river and think about your destiny. If the strings of your soul are ringing, you should continue to do your job. If not, you need to work on yourself further.
Life advice from Pyotr Mamonov (actor, musician, poet): “Ask yourself a question: why am I living? Just ask it really. If no one felt good today because I lived the day, then I lived it in vain.”
What is self-knowledge?
Self-knowledge is the study of one’s physical, mental and spiritual characteristics, understanding one’s positive and negative personality traits, identifying one’s own interests and inclinations, and understanding oneself as a person as a whole. In simpler terms, self-knowledge is the comprehension of your true “I”. I hope this is more clear!
Man, as a rational being, unlike animals, has a fundamental need for self-knowledge. The goal of self-knowledge is self-awareness. Self-awareness is a person’s knowledge and awareness of himself, separating himself from the world around him, realizing his uniqueness and originality, understanding an exceptional set of personality qualities to fulfill his mission.
