Learning to think positively: how to become a confident man, woman, how to help a child gain faith in himself

Author of the material:

Inna Trofimova

writer, psychologist, gestalt therapist

Many people ask – how to become confident? From those who are ready to kiss their image in the mirror, to those from whom the mirror has escaped. This means that beautiful appearance does not always determine self-esteem. What then? Perhaps intelligence, the ability to present oneself? How can you be confident in yourself if you don’t even understand where this feeling comes from? Is it possible to understand the level of your self-esteem? Are there universal techniques on how to become more self-confident? All this will be discussed.

To begin with, it is worth understanding how strongly this quality is developed. After all, it may seem to someone that she is not very confident in herself, but everything is different. And trying to be more decisive, such a girl risks becoming arrogant and self-confident.

Many techniques have been invented to help you become more decisive and learn to adequately perceive your own capabilities. Despite gender equality, it is still worth taking into account certain specifics of each gender. Therefore, we have collected the most suitable recommendations on how to become more self-confident. These include:

• Self-love;
• Choosing the right environment;
• Self-respect;
• Attention to your appearance;
• Material independence;
• Rewarding yourself for small victories;
• Active life position.

Just seven? - someone will be surprised. Why complicate things? Complete at least these steps, and then we’ll see. You may not have to look for other methods. In addition, we have a separate article for men - “How to become a confident man”, which contains tips specifically for guys.

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How to become a confident girl

When it comes to how to become more confident, women tend to focus on sensations and feelings, while men focus on behavior and determination. Moreover, the stronger the negative emotions (fear, embarrassment) and the more often a person experiences them, the more life problems arise and the lower self-esteem falls, thus closing a vicious circle.

It must be remembered that confidence consists of three aspects:

1. A sense of rightness, strength, sufficiency of one’s abilities and knowledge.
2. Confident behavior with a display of strength.
3. Decisiveness – certainty in opinion, decision.

Success in life is not enough for confidence; a positive assessment of it is necessary, so people with neuroses, despite their achievements, still suffer from uncertainty. There are several techniques on how to increase self-confidence, which are worth describing first.

A confident person is identified by his posture and gait.

Positive thinking

The principle of how to become self-confident is known to everyone - you need to look for positive aspects in everything. It will be difficult at first, but if you are persistent enough, the habit will reduce your anxiety level. An important principle is to always treat your thoughts as something erroneous, carefully analyze them for objectivity and positivity. This is a rather difficult habit that needs to be developed through constant training.

Of course, you need to be careful and understand that overusing this technique will lead to unjustified self-confidence. In addition, you cannot use only this method of increasing self-esteem. He is powerless if he does not direct energy to other techniques. Therefore, other techniques on how to be a confident girl are described below.

Know yourself

One of the problems is that a person often does not notice incorrect beliefs because they seem adequate to him. On these principles, he builds relationships, his own system of requirements for himself and the rules of self-esteem. Often, to break down internal barriers and increase confidence, you need to address these underlying misconceptions. Therefore, the first tip on how to be confident in yourself is to know yourself.

Examine your belief system, as well as the thoughts (even random ones) that appear in different situations. Analyze your beliefs for objectivity. Are they really true or are they based on subjective opinions and experiences?

Make 2 lists of your positive and negative qualities. Evaluate each character trait objectively. Are they really present in you or is it a clouded mind that distorts your self-esteem?

Appearance

For girls, increasing self-esteem through appearance will be especially important. There are 2 tips on how to be confident through your appearance that should not be forgotten:

1. Limited change. Buying clothes, putting on makeup, losing a few kilos - all this has a positive effect on a girl's confidence. This can be used, but cannot be abused. The reason is not only that you can harm your health and wallet, but also that confidence is precisely a subjective assessment, a way of perception.
2. Persuasion. The method of becoming a confident girl is well known - we stand in front of the mirror and say compliments. At first, words of praise will seem funny and unnatural, and actions will seem meaningless. Do this 2 times a day when brushing your teeth. When the action becomes a habit, your attitude towards your appearance will improve. An important rule is to praise yourself out loud, loudly and clearly.

What is the difference between arrogance and confidence?

What can be called arrogance? Perhaps this is a violation of established norms of behavior for the sake of one’s own benefit. Let us determine the signs by which one can distinguish arrogant behavior from confident one.

Behavior of arrogant people

Ignoring

established norms of behavior. An example would be climbing to the cash register window without waiting in line, borrowing some things without asking their owner, and the like.

No shame.

An arrogant person does not care what anyone else thinks about him. He acts in a way that is beneficial to him, without regard to other people's opinions.

Tactlessness. Arrogant people almost always have their own opinion on a given situation, which they are ready to express even against the will of other people.

Own interests

at any cost. If they need something, they will do everything they can to achieve it, without having “anything sacred.” They may ignore the fact that their actions cause significant harm to other people, even if they are children or elderly people.

I'll be bolder - I'll become strong

In fact, by resorting to arrogant behavior, you can quickly gain some benefit, but later it can turn against you. The reputation of an arrogant person does not make anyone happy - such people cause irritation and a repulsive impression. Arrogance has nothing to do with self-confidence, because the latter is usually based on self-esteem, which is unnatural for arrogance.

Confident behavior skills for women

Thoughts are directly related to actions and body language. They are instantly reflected in nonverbal messages, which in turn influence the ideas that are born in the head. The same applies to actions, deeds and achievements. Positive thinking must be reinforced from the outside, and confidence must influence the world around us. Otherwise, the process of personal development will stall. Therefore, it is necessary to develop skills of confident behavior.

To get started, follow these guidelines when communicating with people:

1. Speak loudly. Confident people aren't afraid to appear inappropriate, stupid, or too loud, so you should behave in the same way.
2. You can try to give yourself confidence through body language. To do this, you need to walk upright and communicate while looking into the eyes of your interlocutor. At the same time, you must not clamp down, but also not make unnecessary movements.
3. Another tool is confident speech. People who are afraid of being criticized or not listened to tend to speak quickly. Therefore, it is necessary to speak slowly, pronouncing sounds clearly.
4. Smile. This simple method induces good mood and calm. This is a great way to relieve anxiety. A smile has a magical effect; it is transmitted to other people, which makes dialogue with them easier.

You need to clearly understand what you want
In addition to non-verbal demonstrations of confidence, you can and should do things that will increase your self-esteem. A psychologist’s advice will help you on how to become self-confident:

1. Stop hiding. You need to learn to express your opinion, answer difficult or awkward questions in front of everyone, attend major events, and sit as close to the front rows as possible. You need to try to pay attention to yourself. If it’s too scary, then first learn how to do this in small companies among old friends.
2. Change your habits. It is difficult for a person with low self-esteem to immediately change their habits. But you can do this in stages. Change a little, but constantly. First, learn to wake up 10, 20, and then 30 minutes earlier. Then make it a habit to start your day with gymnastics. Then make it a rule not to smoke after 18 o'clock, then until 12 o'clock, then give up cigarettes on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, and finally stop smoking altogether.
3. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Remember that suffering that is not related to the body and disease is in the head. Yes, there are difficult life problems, but even in them, suffering is not a necessary phenomenon. You can stop feeling sorry for yourself in any, even the worst and most hopeless situation. This will not make the problem go away, but life will become easier. Make it a rule to never focus on what the next problem might bring. Better think about resolving the situation.
4. Avoid perfectionism. If you think about doing everything perfectly all the time, then you will very quickly be disappointed in yourself and in the world. No one is immune from mistakes and stupidity; it’s just that more successful and talented people make mistakes less often. In addition, we are susceptible to blues, laziness and other vices. Of course, you should always strive for high-quality work, but if this does not work out, then you should not reproach yourself with the last words.
5. Physical exercise. This is not just another way to be a confident woman. Training is an important component of the comprehensive development of personality, health and a beautiful body. Finally, physical exercise gives a boost of energy, reduces depression, improves performance and overall mood.
6. You can't compare yourself to others because it's impossible to be the best at everything. The desire to be like someone else is a clear sign that you are not sure that your uniqueness is attractive and sufficient. One of the misconceptions of our time is to evaluate a person’s life by social networks. In them, people post only the best moments of their lives, which gives the impression that everything is fine with them and there are no problems. Therefore, you should not compare yourself with others.
7. One of the worst habits is the desire to please others. It seems that this is a natural desire, but this is a big mistake, since everyone will not like you anyway. And even the majority. Therefore, the best solution is to relax, since becoming a confident woman means independence from the opinions of other people.
8. Learn to say no. It is especially important to do this in cases where there is a risk of conflict or misunderstanding. At the same time, one must refuse correctly, that is, one cannot make excuses. On the contrary, it is necessary to directly state that you do not want to do something simply because you do not want to. Or without any explanation at all, I just won’t do it and that’s it.
9. Correctly assess your current situation. Usually people compare themselves to a fictitious ideal self, which in the future has a lot of money, fame, success and everything else. Of course, in reality, none of this usually happens, which causes great disappointment. You need to get rid of this habit by carefully catching your thoughts and recognizing them as stupid.

It is necessary to evaluate your achievements by comparing with yourself from the past. Then it will quickly become clear that you have achieved considerable success.

How to increase a man's self-confidence

The answer to the question of how to become a confident person would be incomplete without pointing out the rules of communication and building relationships:

1. Learn to be neutral about criticism. Throw away any shame, resentment and negative thoughts from the fact that something didn’t work out for you and you were criticized or even scolded for it. Criticism is a completely normal and useful phenomenon that can point out mistakes and develop you in the right direction. You cannot respond to it with defense, aggression or shifting responsibility. Learn to admit your mistakes.
2. Beware of harmful connections. Often the people who have formed our low self-esteem are our relatives and loved ones. Breaking ties with them is very difficult, but often absolutely necessary to create normal confidence. Remember that breaking up with them is often not as painful as it may seem. In addition, after this you will feel much easier.
3. Make positive connections. We are not talking about useful connections (although this is also not bad), but about positive acquaintances. You need people who will support you in your endeavors, who will praise you and rejoice in your successes. Of course, sycophants are also not needed; they do even more harm.
4. Meet me. To make positive connections, you need to make new contacts. To do this, you need to use all available means.

The following tips will help you become a confident man:

1. Lead an active life. Meet, meet, learn - it’s better to do at least something than to do nothing. You need to get out of your comfort zone. At first it will be scary and unusual, but then it will become easy and simple.
2. In the process of achieving a large goal, it must be broken down into many small tasks. This simple technique simplifies the solution to any problem. It is imperative to praise yourself for achieving secondary tasks.
3. Learn. First, study psychology if you have a problem with self-esteem. Of course, higher education would be an excellent goal. However, you should not focus only on the professional field. Studying history and social studies will greatly simplify your understanding of how large teams work, and programming will greatly simplify your understanding of how your personal computer works.
4. Don't put off important things. The reason for not wanting to do it now is the fear of not being able to cope or the belief that nothing will work out anyway. All these dangerous thoughts need to be eliminated. Don’t be too demanding of yourself, then it will become easier to perform actions.
5. Make your apartment clean and attractive. Caring for plants and home improves mood and confidence. You can bring order to your workplace.

Try to keep your surroundings free of clutter and chaos.

How to become a more determined and calm woman

A calm and confident woman often evokes only respect and admiration. Is it easy to become such a woman?

Fighting negativity.

You should not give in to negative emotions. Suppress the habit of criticizing other people and getting irritated by their attitude towards you. Think about what makes offenders act one way or another, what deep motives they actually pursue. Talk openly and calmly with the person who is causing you a negative reaction - find out what exactly he is trying to achieve. If possible, you should keep your meetings to a minimum.

Stop being offended.

Perhaps resentment is one of the most unconstructive feelings that are characteristic of children, but very strange for adults. In response to some action that offended you, you should not withdraw into yourself and move away from the person - explain to him that you were hurt by his action. Give reasons for this. Learn to build a dialogue, conveying your desires through it.

Control your emotions.

If you feel like you're on edge and having a hard time managing your emotions, mentally collect your thoughts. If this is appropriate, you should simply leave the conflict zone by telling the person calmly and without offense: “Let's come back to this conversation later. I have to go now". If we are talking about an impending quarrel with a stranger, then also try to end the conversation as soon as possible.

Be calm.

Even if you are overcome by millions of thoughts, doubts or indignation inside, try not to show it outwardly. Breathe evenly, using your diaphragm. Inhale slowly and exhale over a few minutes. Step back and take a few deep breaths. Concentrate not on negative emotions, but on your breathing.

Take a break.

If something upsets or angers you, then find an opportunity to distract yourself from it. Use the example of Jane Eyre, and tell yourself that you will think about it tomorrow, or at least a little later. In the meantime, do something more enjoyable for yourself - call a loved one with whom you enjoy communicating, watch a good movie, go to a concert, etc.

Do some sports.

Many women and men who play sports are much better at managing their negative emotions than others. This is not surprising because... During training on exercise machines, wrestling, swimming or fitness, tension is significantly relieved.

Advice from psychologists on how to feel confident in any situation

All the training described above does not give results immediately. But there is a need for high self-esteem now, so some recommendations are needed to normalize the condition in any situation at the moment. The advice of a psychologist can help you answer how to be confident:

1. Imagine a person nearby who will praise you. It is better to imagine a relative, loved ones or loved ones.
2. Monitor your thoughts and discard the bad ones. This is the best option for feeling confident in any situation; you should resort to other methods only if this method does not help.
3. Do not overestimate the significance of the situation in this communication. In most cases, the desire to be liked is not justified in any way, so you can relax.
4. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and be imperfect. Every person has shortcomings, and most have more than one and sometimes even many.

Choosing the right environment.

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Water wears away stones. If someone hears reproaches against him every day, sooner or later he begins to perceive them as the truth. It is extremely important to filter your surroundings, leaving only people you like in it. How to become confident when your friends and acquaintances are constantly trying to humiliate you? It is unlikely that you will be able to increase your self-esteem with envious girlfriends and ill-mannered men. You should be a real conductor of your own life, choosing only those instruments that do not spoil the overall composition and sound.

How to help your child gain strength and self-confidence

When it comes to self-esteem, any normal parent will definitely wonder how to help their child become self-confident. This personality trait is formed in children by parents. The foundation is laid before the age of 5 and later develops until the age of 14. For example, problems in the family have a much stronger impact on children aged 3 than on teenagers aged 13.

Important! The foundation of high confidence is the unconditional love of parents. Children must understand that they are loved not for excellent grades and obedient behavior, but for no reason.

Initially, the baby does not have any information about who he is, what place he occupies in the world and family, how he should feel about himself and his actions. All this is laid down by parents through not only words, but also actions, non-verbal messages, family rules and attitude towards children in general.

If you want to help your child feel confident, you need to follow several rules:

1. It's not enough to just say you love. Children trust gestures, behavior, and intonations more than words. Therefore, you need to hug and stroke the baby more often. If it is necessary to punish, then this is done calmly, without shouting or scandals.
2. It is necessary to pay attention to events in the child’s life. Quarrels in kindergarten are not a trifle, but a serious problem that can lead to major consequences. It is necessary for children to successfully resolve these situations, otherwise their confidence may be shaken. And for this we need you, parents, who will show you the right path.
3. For normal self-esteem, certain skills and life experience are required. Therefore, you cannot limit the baby and try to do everything for him. Children must do their own homework, fix their toys, sew up their clothes and stuff their own bumps.
4. You can't be intimidated. A typical style of education and restrictions from all kinds of dangers is the child’s belief that everything in the world is dangerous: uncles steal children, dogs bite, cats scratch, and every object contains a deadly infection. This inadequate perception of the world will not lead to anything good. Better teach how to recognize dangerous and safe objects, animals and people.
5. When criticizing, point out specific mistakes and tell them how they can be corrected. At the same time, criticize not the person, but his actions and work results.
6. Motivation for school performance should not come from screaming, but from the child’s desire to learn. And for this, you yourself must set an example of a person who strives for knowledge. Finally, remember that bad grades in school are not the end of life.

How to love yourself

First, you need to understand that self-love is not constant admiration and narcissism. Love is more about accepting yourself with any shortcomings. There is nothing enthusiastic here, this feeling is neutral. To fall in love, you need to praise yourself more often - many psychologists repeat this tired exercise over and over again simply because it really works.

The first step is to try to get rid of complexes

Reward yourself for any victories.

There are failures in every person's life. That's why it's so important to learn how to count your achievements and praise yourself for victories. In the case of girls, this should generally become the norm. Reward yourself for specific achievements. And not necessarily large-scale. Any little thing can be a reason for praise. The main thing is that the praise does not turn out to be many times greater than the effort spent. Otherwise, there will simply be no time left for new achievements. In general, it’s a great way to be confident in yourself and your abilities.

How to develop leadership qualities

The topic would not be complete without information about leadership qualities. Here it must be said that high self-esteem and leadership are interrelated concepts. You can't be a leader without self-confidence.

Leadership consists of several aspects:

1. Charisma is a combination of qualities that make a person liked by others. The main ones are humor, positive attitude, honesty, courage, and sociability.
2. Professionalism. A leader must have the best skills and knowledge in order to have authority among his colleagues.
3. Lead the group to the goal. The leader must set a goal for the group that would be attractive to each member of the team. Of course, a leader must lead other people to achieve this task.