How to help a child overcome fears: advice from a psychologist

The problem of children's fears is familiar to many parents. Small children are afraid of Baba Yaga, schoolchildren are afraid of answering at the blackboard, teenagers are afraid of being unattractive to the opposite sex.

Most fears are related to the child’s age and pass over time. However, if fear persists for a long time and brings anxiety not only to the child, but also to the parents, this is a reason to seriously think about it.

In this article, you will learn what kind of daytime and nighttime fears children have, what they are associated with, and how to help your child win the fight against his own fear.

Find out what your child is afraid of at school, whether everything is okay in class or in relationships with peers. To do this, use the application for caring parents “Where are my children”.

Sigmund Freud: distinguished real and neurotic fears

The Austrian psychiatrist in his work “Introduction to Psychoanalysis” distinguished two groups of fears:

• real - when a person is afraid of a dangerous situation that could actually happen to him;
• neurotic - when a person sees a threat in an unrealistic situation or in one that others perceive as non-threatening.

In Freud's system, real fears are based on the work of the self-preservation instinct. For example, a child may be afraid to dive into the pool because he is a poor swimmer. But if the parents explain that it is not deep there, the water will no longer cause concern. In this case, it is clear how to help a child overcome fear - call on conviction and logic to help.

Neurotic fears defy logic. For example, if a child refuses to even stand close to the water or go into it waist-deep, this is a neurotic fear. It does not appear because of real danger, but because traumatic memories or associations are associated with water. It is useless to talk about security and convince in this case; a special approach is needed here, which we will discuss below.

Monitor your reaction to your child's fears

The authors of the book are convinced that there is no single reason for a child’s anxiety. So, a third of it is due to genetics - children with anxious parents are more prone to anxiety. Life difficulties and shocks also have a strong influence: moving, loss of loved ones, parental divorce and other stresses. This is something that is difficult, if not impossible, for parents to influence.

But there is something that depends directly on loved ones - the reaction to the child’s fears. Let's say a child is afraid of dogs. What will you do when one of them is next to him? Relax or think hard about how to drive her away. What if your daughter is afraid to speak in public, and today she has to read poetry on stage? It's rare that a parent will enjoy the show. Rather, he will sit on the edge of his seat, waiting for failure.

Anxious children feel all this more than others and understand that they are not afraid in vain, because even their parents are worried.

Yuri Shcherbatykh identified natural, social and internal fears

Modern psychologist, neurophysiologist and Doctor of Biological Sciences Yu. V. Shcherbatykh offers his own classification of fears. In his book “The Psychology of Fear” he identifies the following groups:

• Natural fears are associated with threats that the world around us may pose. For example, fear of dangerous insects, hurricanes, loud sounds.
• Social fears are associated with dangers from other people or from society as a whole. This includes fear of public speaking, hooligans, and military action.
• Internal fears are associated with fantasies, personal characteristics, and the inner world. For example, fear of the dark or fear of loneliness.

Natural fears are considered the earliest, since the child already in the first days of life reacts to loud sounds, a sudden gust of wind, and bright light. Along with the development of imagination, internal fears appear, and social fears arise when a person becomes part of a team.

To know how to help a child not be afraid, you first need to correctly identify fear.

What is a child afraid of, at what age does fear arise?

At the moment of birth, a baby is already, in a certain sense, a reasonable person, capable of thinking. Up to one year old, children experience a fear of loneliness when their mother or other loved ones are not around. Despite the fact that the child has already been born, he is still connected with his mother emotionally, he feels like one with her, and if the mother is not around, first anxiety arises, and then real fear.

At the age of two years, the child feels like an individual, this fear is dulled, but does not go away at all.

At about 7-8 months, fear of a stranger arises, this is an instinct of self-preservation, and only when he is convinced that this person is not scary at all and will not cause harm, then he will calm down. Embarrassment and shyness after a year are also not a pronounced fear of people.

When children get acquainted with the world around them, look at pictures, watch cartoons, a fear of fairy-tale characters or unknown imaginary monsters arises. Almost all children experience this type of fear, but in a favorable environment it quickly disappears.

From the age of three years, fears are specific. Some are afraid of water, others of dogs, others are afraid of doctors, the list can be endless. At five or six years old, the fear of death arises. An adult cannot accept and understand the loss of a loved one, let alone children. This usually goes away by the age of seven.

John Bowlby identified universal fear factors

An English psychologist and psychoanalyst named only four factors that underlie any fears:

• physical pain or anticipation of pain;
• loneliness, feeling of abandonment;
• unexpected external influences (sound, touch);
• fast approach of any objects.

The scientist believed that we are biologically predisposed to react to these factors as if they were a danger. For example, both a child and an adult can be frightened by a sudden touch, even if it does not pose a threat. According to the scientist, a person who often encountered at least one of these factors in childhood may grow up anxious and distrustful.

Erik Erikson proved that fears start in childhood

The famous German-American psychologist, even before John Bowlby, spoke about how important it is to lay the foundations of a healthy psyche in childhood. In Childhood and Society, Erikson argued that trust in the world as a whole is established between birth and one year of age, and largely depends on the care of parents.

If in infancy the child’s immediate environment changed frequently, he did not have a stable daily routine, and his parents were not nearby, this can lead to high anxiety and suspiciousness in the future. Erikson argues that such children, even after many years, tend to perceive the world as something hostile and full of dangers.

Causes of fears in a child

1. Overprotection combined with increased anxiety of parents.

Worried parents, worried about any reason, unconsciously give the child the message: “This world is full of dangers. You can't handle them on your own. Always be with us, and we will protect you."

Only children in the family suffer especially in this regard.

The age of the parents also plays an important role. The older the parents, the more concerned they are about the life and health of the child.

2. Conflicts between parents, frequent physical punishment, especially from the father.

A child in such an atmosphere grows up fearful and unsure of himself.

3. Emotional “coldness” of parents.

The child does not develop basic trust in the world, a sense of security and safety.

4. Psychotraumatic situation in the past, fear.

Any negative experience experienced can take hold and cause feelings of fear in the future. For example, if a child was bitten by a dog as a child, as an adult he will avoid and be afraid of even small dogs.

5. Films, videos, computer games with scary characters.

A child’s thinking is not yet critical, and many begin to fear monsters from films in the real world.

6. Mental disorders.

Children with mental disorders are also characterized by numerous fears. This especially affects children with autism spectrum disorder.

How fears manifest themselves

When the conversation turns to children's fears, many imagine a silent, indecisive child. But children (as well as adults) experience fears differently. For some, they manifest themselves through aggression, and for others, through deliberate cheerfulness and talkativeness.

Some children are prone to psychosomatics - this is when fear causes a sharp rise in temperature, upset stomach, and headache. This is where cases occur when a child suddenly falls ill before each test. You shouldn’t immediately accuse him of pretending; nervous tension can actually cause symptoms of the disease.

To understand what to do with fears and how to identify them in order to help a child not be afraid, parents should pay attention to signs of anxiety and stress.

If your child is cruel to animals

Children over 3 years of age understand that their actions can cause pain. If they continue to pull the cat’s tail, torment the dog, hamster or other animals, most often this indicates strong nervous tension, which the child is suppressing for some reason. Punishments and lectures on “how to behave” will not help.

Most often, a child shows cruelty because he feels pressure, and in this way he tries to regain control and overcome helplessness. Pay attention to the relationships in the kindergarten or at school, as well as whether there are often quarrels in the family, whether the child is often communicated in a commanding tone. Vera Golutvina writes more about this in her book “How to Overcome Fear.”

Recommendations for parents

Helping a child cope with his fears means understanding his feelings, hearing his own “I” and strengthening self-confidence.

• Joint activities of the child with adults and peers help to cope with children's fears: walks, games, visiting a puppet theater, circus, sporting events. The more interests children have and the more varied their lives, the less they will be fixated on their fears, concerns and anxieties.
• Take an active part in your child's life, but don't try to control everything. The child must trust you and share his secrets with you.
• Create a comfortable, calm atmosphere at home in which the child feels loved and protected.
• In no case should you frighten your child with fairy-tale characters for the purpose of discipline (“If you behave badly, Baba Yaga will take you away, the dragon will drag you away”, etc.).
• Do not discuss disasters, accidents, stories about ghosts and the other world in front of your child. Children are impressionable, and such conversations remain in the memory for a long time. Many, even when they become adults, still remember what scared them in childhood and what scary stories adults told.
• Teach your child to a clear daily routine and follow it even on weekends and holidays.
• Reduce the amount of time your child spends on gadgets.
• Do not make fun of the child’s fear, do not try to explain to him that there is nothing to be afraid of. It’s better to say, “I’m with you, I understand that you’re scared.”
• Be patient. Most fears go away on their own with age. The main thing is to prevent them from poisoning the child’s life and developing into pathology.
• The psychology of children's fears is such that most of them are born in the family. Pay attention to your own psychological well-being. If you yourself are naturally anxious and restless, try not to pass these feelings on to your child.
• Don't ignore your child's fears. If you don’t know what to do or how to help your child, seek advice from a psychologist.

Treat children's fears as an inevitable phenomenon of a child's growing up, without unnecessary worry, condemnation, and even more so, ridicule. If a child feels the love and care of adults, and is sure that he will be supported and protected in any situation, then he will be able to independently win the fight against his fears.

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Fear, anxiety and phobia - what's the difference?

To help your child cope with fears, it is important to understand the difference between these concepts.

• Fear is a direct reaction to danger. An emotion that arises in response to a real or imagined threat.
• Anxiety is a reaction to uncertainty, when a person expects unpleasant events, but is not sure of their occurrence.
• A phobia is an uncontrollable, irrational fear of a situation that may not pose a real threat. The key word here is “irrational,” since the child often understands that there is nothing to be afraid of, but cannot cope with himself.

If we are talking about anxiety (reaction to the unknown), it is enough for parents to talk with the child about an exciting event, tell how everything will happen, and answer questions. This is enough for him to stop being afraid.

As for phobias, this is the area of ​​work of a psychologist or psychotherapist. If we are talking about a persistent irrational fear that does not go away for a year or more, you need to consult a specialist.

In a situation where children experience fear (that is, they are sure that there is a threat), talking is not enough. We'll talk about how to help a child overcome fear below.

How to recognize childhood fear?

In babies, fear is expressed in freezing or, conversely, in increased motor restlessness; they cry, hide behind their mother, or run away. The source of fear in this case is not difficult to identify.

Preschoolers and schoolchildren cannot always talk about what scares them. Parents should be wary of the child's constant tension, motor agitation, increased fatigue, restless sleep, frequent headaches, moodiness and tearfulness. All this suggests that the child is in a state of chronic restlessness and anxiety, and he will need the help of a psychologist.

The main methods for diagnosing fears in children over 3 years of age are based on drawings (“Drawing of a family”, “Draw what you are afraid of”). Methods such as “Fears in the Houses” and “Finish the Fairy Tale” are also used. With their help, you can find out what worries and worries the child, what fears predominate in him.

In high school and adolescence, psychologists use questionnaires that allow them to assess the degree of psycho-emotional stress of the child, the level of anxiety and predisposition to neurosis.

Carefully find out what is really going on with your child and help him cope with his fears. Install the “Where are my kids” parental control app to know where he is, what he is doing and who he is spending time with.

From birth to one year

According to the classification of Yu. Shcherbatykh, children's fears at this age are natural, that is, based on the instinct of self-preservation. The child is afraid of strangers, loud noises, and may be nervous because of a new environment or the absence of his mother. In the second half of the year, he already distinguishes intonations well and reacts by crying to rude speech.

How to help a child overcome fear if it has already arisen? Make his life stable, monitor his daily routine, create rituals for waking up and going to bed. Tactile contact is also very important for the normal development of the psyche - hugging, carrying in arms.

Types of fears

The variety of fears in children can be divided into two groups: daytime and nighttime.

Daytime Fears

Children have daytime fears:

1. Natural (based on the instinct of self-preservation): fear of death, darkness, heights, animals, elements, loud sounds, confined spaces, pain.
2. Social: fear of loneliness, people, punishment, being late, condemnation.
3. Situational: fear as a consequence of a traumatic situation (a child who almost drowned in a lake is now afraid to swim even in the pool).
4. Personal: fears are associated with the individual characteristics of the child (shyness, isolation, anxiety).
5. Imaginary: fear of monsters, Green Hand, Black Mask, etc.
6. Obsessive fears or phobias: strong and overwhelming fear associated with some event or phenomenon in a person’s life.

Night terrors

Night terrors in children can manifest themselves in the form of nightmares, sleepwalking and sleep talking. Scary dreams can recur and haunt a child almost every night. The process of the appearance of such dreams is associated with the work of the brain, which continues to work at night and processes information received during the day.

Research has shown that approximately 3% of all children on the planet under 14 years of age suffer from night terrors.

Causes of night terrors in children:

• sensitivity, anxiety and suspiciousness of children, as well as their parents;
• suffered stress;
• change of usual environment;
• painful condition, fever;
• accidents, fear;
• unfavorable family situations (quarrels between father and mother, divorce);
• emotional alienation of parents;
• increased demands on the child, frequent physical punishment.

Most often, nightmares haunt children from 5 to 12 years old.

The child begins to be afraid to fall asleep alone and asks to leave the light on or lie down with one of the parents. He sleeps restlessly, tosses and turns, and sometimes even screams. In the morning he feels lethargic, overwhelmed, depressed, and begins to be capricious. Parents also begin to get nervous, irritated, and take it out on the child. In the evening, everything repeats all over again - restlessness, growing anxiety, the child’s reluctance to go to sleep.

To prevent the situation from becoming critical and the child’s night fears from developing into pathology, the help of a neurologist or psychotherapist is needed. Parents should follow the recommendations that will be discussed later.

Harlow's experiment proved that children need parental warmth to be healthy.

In the 1950s, American psychologist Harry Harlow conducted a series of experiments that may have been cruel, but radically changed ideas about child care. Harlow formed a group of baby monkeys who were separated from their mothers and placed in a cage with two "mom surrogates" - a wire figure with a bottle of milk and a soft figure covered with cloth. Here's what we found out.

Without a good mother it’s bad. It quickly became clear that the monkeys prefer to spend time hanging on a soft figure, although she does not have milk, and they only approach the wire “mother” to eat. When only she was left, the monkeys began to behave like autistic children - huddled on the floor, avoided contact, rocked back and forth.

An evil mother is still a mother. At the last stage of the experiment, Harlow created a model of the “evil mother” - he placed a soft figure in a cage, which was equipped with a device that suddenly repels the monkeys or releases thorns. But even after suffering from such treatment, the animals returned to the “evil mother” and remained attached to her.

After the end of the experiment, the monkeys never recovered. As adults, they remained more timid and nervous compared to monkeys who grew up under normal conditions.

As a result, the scientist concluded that nutrition and good care alone are not enough for a child - without tactile contact (touching, hugs, affectionate treatment) he will not be able to maintain mental health.

From 1 year to 3–4 years

After a year, the child begins to walk, gains freedom of action and actively explores the world. It is important that parents find a balance between encouraging independence and healthy parenting. Excessive prohibitions can develop timidity, apathy, or, on the contrary, give rise to a tendency to circumvent restrictions and take risks.

Also at this age, fear of pain appears - children usually associate it with going to the doctor. It is important to explain to the child the essence of medical procedures in understandable language, to avoid harsh pressure, and, if possible, to be nearby during the procedures.

From 3–4 to 7 years

After 3 years, children actively develop their imagination and may develop a fear of fairy-tale characters, ghosts, darkness, etc. At this age, it is worth paying close attention to the content that the child sees—aggressive cartoons, computer games. Due to the immature nervous system, overexcitation and stress appear even from the abundance of bright, dynamic shots.

As children approach school age, they begin to think about death and may be afraid of dying or experiencing the death of their parents. This is a normal part of growing up. But if a child asks such questions too often or draws scenes related to dying, there is a reason to consult a psychologist.

Fear of fairy-tale characters sometimes masks real problems in a child’s life

Parents should carefully ask their child why exactly he is afraid of this character - what exactly he can do.

It happens that behind the image of “Baba Yaga, who is forbidden in a dark closet,” there is a real adult with excessive restrictions.

What are children afraid of at different ages?

During mother's pregnancy

Yes, yes, the child becomes familiar with the feeling of fear during intrauterine development, when the mother experiences severe anxiety. The released portion of hormones passes through the placenta from mother to child, and in response to this, the baby may exhibit severe motor restlessness - pushing, kicking. This is how he reacts to fear.

In the first months of life

Anxiety in infants is often associated with unmet physiological needs. Later, the need for emotional contact with mom appears. If the mother is strict, unkind, rarely approaches and smiles at the child, he becomes capricious and restless. Babies are also afraid of separation from their mother, strangers and loud noises.

From 1 year to 3 years

The child grows, and with him his motor activity and desire to understand the world grow. And suddenly an affectionate and kind mother begins to forbid him something, limit his freedom, and raise her voice. Naturally, the child in this situation begins to experience anxiety and restlessness.

If adults maintain a balance between what is possible and what is not, the child grows up calm and self-confident. He gets his first experience of the dangers of the world around him (fire burns, ice is cold, if you pinch your finger in a door it will hurt) and learns to avoid them.

If in a child’s life there are only restrictions and prohibitions, overprotection reigns in the family, then the child grows up anxious and dependent, afraid of his own shadow.

Babies also have a strong fear of pain. Hence the whims and hysterics before going to the doctor, the fear of injections and other surgical interventions.

From 4 to 5 years

By the age of 4, children develop fears of fairy-tale characters (Baba Yaga, Koschey the Immortal, the Wolf and others). The fear of these creatures is associated with disturbing relationships between the child and adults, primarily in the family. Baba Yaga is the image of an evil, cruel, uncompromising woman. Koschey the Immortal is rude, stingy, heartless. The wolf is aggressive and dangerous.

Children are also afraid of the dark, afraid to fall asleep and be left alone at home. This is due to the fact that a child, left without parents, feels that he cannot independently protect himself from the dangers surrounding him.

From 6 to 7 years

At older preschool age, children begin to fear death. Both your own and the death of your parents.

Fears of darkness and loneliness also remain strong. The fear of fairy-tale characters is replaced by the fear of ghosts, monsters, aggressive cartoon characters and computer games.

From 8 to 11 years

By the time a child goes to school, the number of his fears decreases.

But so-called “school” fears appear: being late for school, answering incorrectly at the blackboard, fear of a strict teacher and classmates.

There is even the term “school phobia” - an obsessive fear of going to school. Often this fear is due to the fact that the overprotected child experiences separation from his parents while at school and doubts his ability to cope with all school tasks.

Parents can also unknowingly contribute to the development of “school phobia” by constantly monitoring the child’s homework and scolding him for poor grades.

Also, younger schoolchildren are afraid of not meeting social requirements: being a bad student, an unreliable friend, an unloved son or daughter.

In addition to “school” fears, children at this age are afraid of natural disasters: hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, as well as the dead and ghosts.

Find out what your child is afraid of at school, whether everything is okay in class or in relationships with peers. To do this, use the application for caring parents “Where are my children”.

From 11 to 16 years old

During adolescence, children undergo active puberty, their figure and voice change, and their body weight increases or decreases. Therefore, many begin to experience the fear of change, the fear of being ugly, ugly, unattractive to the opposite sex.

The fear of death reaches its peak at this age. Children are afraid of war, serious illness, or a terrorist attack.

“Social” fears also reach their peak: fear of ridicule, condemnation, rejection by peers, and even bullying.

Girls are more susceptible to fear than boys due to their impressionability and emotional vulnerability.

In adolescence, as in preschool: the stricter and more intolerant parents are towards their child, the more fears he has.

Fears contribute to the appearance of self-doubt, isolation, increased anxiety and depressive thoughts in a teenager.

From 7 to 12 years

The beginning of school life is the equator beyond which natural and “fantasy” fears increasingly give way to social ones. Children who grew up in overprotective conditions may have a hard time being separated from their parents and having to cope with school assignments on their own.

Parents often aggravate the situation by attaching excessive importance to grades, forcing them to rewrite homework multiple times, etc.

How to overcome children's fears associated with school and help a child not be afraid of this new stage of life? In the first grades, you should focus not so much on grades, but on whether the child understands the program as a whole, what blind spots he has.

If there is understanding, the marks will improve on their own. And do not forget that school is only a part of life; in addition to lessons, children should have interests and hobbies.

From 12 to 16 years old

Adolescence is a time of social fears that crowd out all others. The child is going through puberty, his appearance is rapidly changing, and hormonal changes are underway.

This is how the fear of becoming ugly and becoming an object of ridicule arises. To reduce such fears to a minimum, it is important to instill in a teenager self-care skills, the habit of regularly exercising, and monitoring nutrition.

It is also important that the teenager has hobbies, his own company of like-minded people and friends. Sports or creative classes, hobbies help to avoid depressive thoughts and make it easier to overcome an identity crisis.

How to help your child not be afraid: tips for parents

The main advice that psychologists give to parents of anxious children is: “Get rid of your own anxiety and worry.” Parental anxiety can be expressed in different ways: sometimes by overprotection with attempts to protect you from the slightest difficulties, and sometimes by excessive demands and severity (“I punish because I want you to achieve something in life”).

Both often mask deeply hidden anxiety and a perception of the world as a place full of dangers and threats. The only difference is in the approach: overprotective parents try to protect against threats, harsh ones try to teach them to cope with them on their own.

But both approaches lack a positive perception of life, in which there is a place not only for struggle, but also for joy and interest in everything new. Often children are not able to understand the motive of an adult, but they, like a sponge, absorb the main idea - “the world is dangerous.” And with such an attitude, it is impossible to help a child overcome fear.

Features of the manifestation of fears

Children express their fears in different ways, depending on their age and emotional development. This could be severe fear, constant fear of something, or affective fear - arising against the background of emotional instability. It is the most powerful and can manifest itself in the form of shock, horror, and hysterical crying.

A child may complain to adults that he is afraid of something, or he may keep everything to himself (especially if he is afraid of being misunderstood, of hearing reproaches, ridicule and condemnation). But alarming symptoms will still be present. The baby becomes fearful, withdrawn, nervous, apathetic, may have difficulty falling asleep or sleep lightly, and will constantly cling to his mother.

Hidden anxiety that does not find a way out or understanding is the most dangerous for the delicate child’s psyche. It is this that most often leads to the appearance of lingering fear, which is beyond the baby’s control. This leaves an imprint on the formation of the child’s character, prevents productive communication with others, and reduces adaptability to changes in the external environment. Ultimately, chronic fears affect the child’s future: his socialization, relationships with the opposite sex, and colleagues at work.

Simple tips for creating a safe family environment

• Don’t focus on the negative (“if you don’t study well, you’ll become a janitor”), instead find positive incentives (“if you finish school well, you’ll be able to learn how to build airplanes, it’s very interesting”).
• Avoid showdowns in front of your child, especially in a raised voice. For young children, a quarrel between parents is a real tragedy. It is easy for a teenager to lose authority in this way.
• Do not shame your child for being afraid - this will further increase the emotional stress. Look for ways to overcome a traumatic situation in a safe environment (for example, if a child is afraid of public speaking, you can practice at home and in front of relatives).
• Introduce elements of independence into children's lives from an early age. Don't expect the ability to make decisions and work patiently on tasks to come naturally.
• If a child talks about unpleasant events at school or about his mistakes, do not rush to assess the situation and give advice - ask about everything in more detail, let him talk, show sympathy and understanding.

Choose one fear to fight

Often anxious children are afraid of many things: the teacher will swear, classmates will laugh, answers to test questions will fly out of their heads. Where to start? Try to focus on the outcome, not just the child's feelings, and identify one fear.

Yes, I want the child not to experience all those unpleasant sensations that haunt him when going to school or, for example, when he finds himself in the dark. But try to abstract yourself from them and understand what the child is deprived of. What could he have gotten if not for his fear?

When a child has difficulty communicating with peers, he constantly feels out of place and is afraid of ridicule. Start by inviting your classmates to visit. This is an understandable goal that can be achieved soon enough, and it will help in the fight against other fears.

Drawing psychotechnics

Ask your child to draw a family and analyze where he places himself and his loved ones. Children who picture themselves apart from their families experience loneliness and a feeling of abandonment.

Pay attention to whom the child’s figure is closest to - this is the most significant adult for him, from whom support is expected. See whose figure is shaded the most. Strong pressure is a sign of emotional tension associated with a given person.

You can also ask the child to draw his fear and ask where he lives, what he likes and what he doesn’t like, what he is afraid of. The result is a tale of fear - come up with a good ending.

Consultation for parents “Children’s fears of children 4–5 years old and ways to deal with them”

Lyudmila Sharovarina

Consultation for parents “Children’s fears of children 4–5 years old and ways to deal with them”

A period of a child’s life begins, which we can call the transition from early childhood to preschool . During this period, the child begins to actively develop, begins to discover the world around him through communication with adults and peers.

During the period of 4-5 years, a child develops the most important indicator of personality development - self-esteem, which depends on active communication with the world around him and, first of all, with adults. The child begins to actively copy the behavior of parents and older brothers and sisters, especially behavior that arouses interest among others.

This age is also characterized by the fact that the child’s imagination develops well - a wonderful soil for the emergence of fears .

Fear is considered a natural human state - a protective reaction of a healthy body to certain stimuli. All children are afraid of something. Oddly enough , many fears are necessary for children ; this is a natural factor in development. But if adults have learned over many years to control their fears and interact with them , then children are not protected by knowledge from unknown and frightening things. Therefore, it is important for literate parents to learn to promptly distinguish between moments when the body’s natural reaction threatens to develop into obsession or even a phobia. The topic of children's fears and methods of struggle is much more serious than it seems to adults. We say: “You’re already a big boy, aren’t you ashamed to be afraid of such a small dog (water, cars, a strict neighbor, etc.?” - we often say , about
the child's fears . Whether it's our fears : the health of loved ones, lack of money, a formidable boss, an unfulfilled quarterly plan.
But how a child experiences his childhood fears and methods of struggle in childhood largely depends on how happy and confident he will grow up. And it is within the power of parents to help him .

And today we will look at the most characteristic fears for this age :

1. Fear of the dark:

One of the important childhood fears is fear of the dark . The child's wild imagination develops rapidly and comes up with monsters, scary characters from cartoons, fairy tales, books, hidden in the closet or under the bed. monsters and monsters sitting under the bed, hiding in the closet or under the table. a child , I was terribly afraid to lower my hand while lying in bed. It seemed to me that someone would pull her and drag her away. It's funny now, but then it was scary .

The main condition for combating the fear of the dark and fictional characters is a calm psychological atmosphere in the house. Make it a rule before going to bed to calmly talk with your child in his room, read books, listen to calm music together. Physical contact and gentle words are appropriate. Under no circumstances should you scold a child for being afraid or throw indifferent phrases like this: “There’s nothing to worry about ”

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You need to convince the child that he is completely safe. To do this, you can leave the door to his room open, you can buy a beautiful children's night light , you can also draw or sculpt someone he is afraid of, then give the hero a comic look and laugh at him together.
You can also come up with a fairy tale with this monster, where he takes the role of a positive character and the ending in the fairy tale will be positive. Another method of dealing with the fear of the dark is the game “emotional swing”

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You and your baby run into a dark room; it will be even better if you accompany this with a cheerful whoop and also quickly run out. Thus, the baby, experiencing emotions from negative to positive, will eventually get rid of fear .
2. Claustrophobia ( fear of closed spaces )

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Most often, this fear affects children who do not yet have any brothers or sisters, who have limitations in communicating with peers, and who receive an excessive portion of affection and love suffer from it

The most important thing is that you cannot scold the child for this and you cannot do the opposite, that is, lock him in the room alone. In a child's room, it is necessary to paste the walls in lighter colors, free up the space from unnecessary pieces of furniture, and do not close the door to his room at night.

Specialist in the field of child psyche A. I. Zakharov offers a psychological game “Penetration and exit from the circle”

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The essence of the game is that adults and children stand in a circle, clasp their hands and close their eyes. At the same time, they declare out loud that no one will be able to penetrate their circle - they carefully guard it and there is no place for any daredevils there. This phrase itself subconsciously incites the child to fall into the circle. Players walk outside the circle and try to slip unnoticed under one of the pairs of hands. The one who slipped into the middle loudly claps his hands and everyone opens their eyes in surprise. The second part of the game involves the same way out of the circle.

3. The child is afraid to sleep alone.

Psychologists explain that most likely your love is lacking - he attends kindergarten , all kinds of clubs, sections, parents are at work late - this is where the lack of attention arises. In order to overcome this fear , you can make renovations in the child’s room at his request, i.e. he can choose a bed, bed linen, you can also hang posters on the wall with images of his favorite characters, and offer to take his favorite toy with him. Pay more attention to your baby. Every day, before going to bed, read a fairy tale together - this way the baby will feel protected, needed, loved. Don't be shy to tell him how much you love him, how much you missed him all day.

4. Fear of a man in a white coat.

We all understand perfectly well that this fear arises in a child after an injection, a person in a medical cap and a white coat, or an examination with unpleasant instruments, which leaves the child with an association with unpleasant sensations for a long time. Children begin to be terrified of doctors, and this fear is much stronger and more dangerous than the pain itself caused by the procedure.

To reduce this fear, you can tell your child about the doctor’s work. Play doctor with him, using as many special medical instruments as possible: listen to him, examine the oral cavity, and perform other possible manipulations. Be sure to switch roles with him.

When communicating with the doctor and nurse from the treatment room, be courteous and polite, watch your emotions: smile kindly, behave at ease - the child should see your calmness and confidence that nothing threatens him.

If you visited the dentist or vaccination office, do not forget to praise your baby for his patience and courage, even if his condition was the opposite. After leaving the clinic, try to immediately switch the baby’s attention to other objects: tell him an interesting story, a fairy tale.

5. Fear of punishment

Often adults do not even lay a finger on the child, but treat him too authoritatively and do not allow objections. Or they make excessive demands, and the fear of being rejected and unloved settles in the child’s soul , but for a child there is no worse punishment than this. Strict mom and dad control the child’s life by imposing bans on “anything and everything”

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Thus, over time, the child is simply afraid to take an extra step, meet new peers on the playground , or play with a new toy.
Even the most harmless punishment of a child can lead to unexpected consequences. Thanks to measures to lock a naughty baby in a dark room, closet or other place with little light, he may develop several fears : fear of confined spaces , darkness, loneliness, the appearance of nightmares in his sleep.

In addition, such punishments break the child’s psychological connection with adults; he feels alienation from his parents , which in the future can lead to problems in marriage for an adult.

It is worth remembering that any mistake of a child is, first of all, a parental omission in upbringing. And that means you need to punish yourself, not him. Any reproach should always be expressed in the form of love for the baby. Otherwise, he will begin to associate the evil mother with Baba Yaga from a fairy tale, and his father with the Serpent Gorynych, which will give rise , in addition to the above fears , also fantasy ones.

To overcome the fear of punishment - of course, provided that the parents change their behavior - outdoor games are shown. (eg: Tag, Zhmurki)

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Game: "Angry Duckling"

It is very useful to gradually remove emotional inhibition by acting out pantomime scenes with the child in which he will play the role of an angry character.
For example, a duckling (it’s not difficult to transform into one; if you stretch your lips forward, you’ll get a funny duck’s beak). Let the baby show how the duckling is angry, and then figure out who he is angry with. Naturally, the show should be accompanied by cheers and applause from adults. For example, a duckling wants to catch a worm (a string that is pulled by one of the relatives, and the worm crawls away. The duckling is angry (the child frowns , stamps his foot, clenches his fists, etc.)
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Let's now summarize. We have already understood that any childhood fears can be dealt with using various methods, the most popular of which are Play Therapy and Art Therapy.

Play therapy:

a way to combat fears with the help of games , an excellent way to lift your spirits, get rid of complexes, depression and stiffness. However, it is not worth continuing the game for more than 30 minutes if it is a moving and active game - there is absolutely no need to overstimulate the nervous system. One type of play therapy is role-playing play. Come up with a plot based on this or that fear , choose the main character - let the kid pick him up, and play from beginning to end, putting in the final the result that you are going to in the fight . (For example, your baby is a super hero who bravely fights the darkness and saves you from it.)

Art therapy:

(this includes drawing, sculpting, and appliques - in short, everything that is created with your own hands) is an equally wonderful way to overcome your fears by drawing or sculpting. At the same time, fine motor skills will be involved. Invite your child to draw what he is most afraid of, let him say what he is drawing (or sculpting from clay, plasticine)

. Then invite the child to sketch, tear, if it is clay, roll into a ball what he has done and throw it in the trash. Or you don’t have to break it or throw it away - try changing the drawing, turning it into a more colorful and kinder character with whom you can make friends.

And at the very end, I want to remind you that your love, warmth, participation, attention to your child’s fears , joint search for a solution to the problem that has arisen, support for the baby is the best medicine. Under no circumstances should you brush off your little one’s requests, don’t close your eyes and say: “This is nonsense! There is no problem, I don’t see it - you came up with everything!”

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And certainly in this case it is impossible to scold, to fight by contradiction. Most fears can be overcome together, without the help of specialists. This is especially true for age-related fears . Here it is enough to switch attention and involve him in a game aimed at getting rid of the fear of something, so that the baby “switches”
and over time overcomes his fear.

Fairy tale therapy

The essence of the method is to use fairy-tale characters to give the child an example of how to deal with fears and win. To do this, you can take ready-made psychotherapeutic fairy tales or compose your own.

Choose characters, label them with dolls or animals, and then come up with a plot together with your child. Ready-made fairy tales can be read to children from 3 years old, but you can only come up with your own with an older child.

Children's fears are an integral part of growing up, and if they do not turn into phobias, they should be perceived as normal. A child will easily overcome these emotions if he grows up in an atmosphere of care and understanding.

Remember that a psychologist’s advice only provides a tool for combating fears, but only parents can create a suitable environment for this.

How to tell if a child is afraid of something

To overcome childhood fear, you first need to identify it. It is most reasonable to do this during a confidential conversation with the child. You can directly ask him if there are things that are bothering him. This is advisable after the child reaches the age of three years.

Mom or dad should gently and slowly ask the child about any concerns. Do not focus on any individual possible childhood fears - this can lead to suggestion and fixation. When talking to your baby, encourage him and praise him. Having discovered a child’s fear, demonstrate calmness and confidence, because the child will definitely analyze your state and emotions. If he understands that his fears cause any anxious feelings in an adult, then he may begin to worry even more. Let the child describe his fear, tell him what it looks like, what feelings it evokes, in what situations it arises, and what it provokes.