How to decide to make changes in life - advice from a psychologist. How to overcome indecisiveness?

• September 17, 2018
• Psychology of Personality
• Evgeny Zagoretsky

It is impossible to fully study the spiritual world of man. Each has its own characteristics, each has its own pros and cons. Some people quickly join a new society, but for others it’s torture. Every day a person is faced with making one decision or another, some people just don’t notice it and do it automatically, while others require lengthy analysis. It is the latter who display indecision traits in a person.

General provisions

If a person is faced with the question of what to drink: tea or coffee, he will immediately give an answer, paying attention to his tastes and preferences. But if a task arises, the solution of which could change his life, then such an individual will be more reasonable and will not make a decision quickly.

If we take people in high-ranking positions, then every day, both at work and in their personal lives, they need strong determination, because they are responsible for all their employees, but for the latter it is already easier, part of the responsibility has been removed from them.

Although everyone has life dilemmas and difficulties: how to decide on this, on that?). Moreover, they can be complicated by a series of “traps”, which will be described below.

Why is it so difficult to leave your comfort zone?

Under the influence of various changes in personal life or the life of society, circumstances change, and a person is forced to react to them, creating new realities for himself or adapting to them.

Thus, the comfort zone is not a constant value. But often it is achieved through considerable physical and mental labor. And from any changes a person has the right to expect the worst, not the best. At least he fears it. Therefore, being in comfortable conditions, a person wants to preserve what he has.

And he does the right thing. All the centuries and millennia of past history have accustomed him to this position. It is better to be prepared for dangers and meet them fully armed. But at the same time, preserve what you have:

• a roof over your head (stone in a cave, wooden or made of skins);
• food that can be found, collected, tracked down and brought back as a hunting trophy;
• people around you, including for the future.

All this is included in the basic needs of a person. Therefore, a person fights to preserve life.

The main pitfalls

“Traps” make life much more difficult. They only move us away from the answer to the question of how to decide to take an important step in life. Here are some of them:

1. The effect of multiple outcomes. To better understand what we are talking about, it is worth presenting a regular test question. Even if there are only two possible answers, the probability of a correct and an incorrect answer is the same. Increasing the number of answers to 3 increases the likelihood of choosing the wrong one. Consequently, a person will analyze longer, because he is afraid of making a mistake (his psychology is structured this way). This is where a trait called indecision comes into play. In real life, everything is even more complicated, because life events easily change conditions. How to make a decision in this case? There is advice: each situation should be led to 2 solutions. After selecting an answer, you can add 2 new conditions and so on.
2. Fear of committing or repeating wrong actions. When making a decision, everyone is afraid of choosing the wrong path. Things get more complicated if the wrong path has already been identified in a similar situation. For example, there is a chance to invest money in a developing project and get good capital out of it in the future, but events emerge in the psyche that once there was an investment in something similar, and there was a failure. Now, the seed of doubt has been sown. In such situations, it is necessary to perceive any wrong decisions as life experience, which is a kind of brick from which the core of the personality is built.
3. Tendency to immediate gain. Not the best side of the human psyche, frankly speaking. A person is afraid to leave his own comfort zone, but this, undoubtedly, can play a cruel joke on him in the future. To understand, it is worth translating this into the relationship between parents and children. Until they reach adulthood (sometimes longer), children ask for permission to perform certain actions, but if in childhood it might be: “Dad, can I have a chocolate?”, and a negative answer will only result in a moment of resentment, then in the future this goes on to “Dad, can I go to the pool party, my boyfriend will be there?” Here the father understands in his heart that this may not end in the best way, but on the other hand, he is in every possible way afraid of upsetting his daughter, and gives a positive answer. It is important to remember that avoiding a serious conversation with your daughter does not solve the problem.
4. Striving for ideal. Finding the best solution to a problem is certainly commendable. The question is: is this always correct? A trivial example: a girl has two options for men who are good-looking for her, but psychologically she has an image of the only one built in her head. So, she will delay making a decision (in search of the right one), and in the end she will be left alone. This is the case when you had to turn off your perfectionism and make a choice. It is important to clarify that, firstly, such an example is only a personal opinion, and secondly, it does not call for hanging on to the first person you meet, just to avoid being left alone.
5. Situations with two solutions, both leading to negative consequences. Let's say a friend asks to hire his girlfriend, but the recommendations show that she will not bring any benefit. Two solutions: refuse and offend your friend, but save the company from an incompetent employee, or agree, remain on good terms with your friend and include a useless employee in the team. In such cases, a decision must be made quickly so as not to lose in the future due to the changed conditions of the situation. It is worth remembering: you always need to look into the future, think ahead. A friend will forgive over time, and the company will not suffer from an unnecessary employee.
6. Regret about wasting material resources. People go to work every day to provide for their material needs, so even when they see that the decision they made has led to negative consequences, they put up with it and move on with their lives, and this is the main mistake that leads to hesitancy to change direction in life. A fashionista girl bought herself some much-desired shoes that looked perfect in the store. But, having been like them for only half an hour, she feels that this is not her heel. The girl wears shoes only because she paid money for them, and continues to torment herself. Don't be afraid to change your mind!
7. Chasing two hares. And again the choice! But in this situation you have to choose between two interesting events. Let's say you were invited to two birthdays on the same day (one friend and the other). In this case, it is worth remembering: you will definitely have to upset one birthday girl and please the other. You need to weigh the pros and cons, explain everything, any person, if he is not a stranger, will understand the situation. Don't be afraid of people's reactions.

If you see these traps, then you can successfully fight them and in the future not ask the question of how to change everything in your life, but simply start changing.

Why you need to leave your comfort zone

Oddly enough, sudden changes beyond your control can indicate the limits of your comfort zone. Even if they promise or actually bring positive things for you in the future, a person perceives them internally with hostility and wariness. What could it be? For example:

• transfer to a new position;
• the arrival of a new employee to the team;
• change of direction of activity;
• planned repairs at your workplace or home where you live;
• repair of communications on your route to work, to the store, etc.;
• a trip, even for vacation, to an unfamiliar area;
• disease, pandemic.

Are you ready to live constantly in fear that your zone of stability is in danger? In addition, small shocks (not stress, no!) are even useful. They add liveliness and brightness to life. Overcoming small difficulties adds interest to the monotonous flow of life.

And most importantly, human development is inherent in his very nature. Any dream requires implementation, and, therefore, will encourage you to make changes in your life.

A person studies all his life or is “taught by life.” Nothing is permanent. Sometimes life makes a choice between the familiar and the unusual. But often - between two unusual situations. The choice is not between good and evil, but between greater evil and lesser, in the opinion of a particular person. This also applies to completely innocent situations. For example, in a situation where the route path is suddenly blocked on the way home.

Tips for dealing with indecisiveness

If such a feeling often manifests itself, it is worth thinking about this problem and taking the path to improving your personality. Indecisiveness causes strong emotional stress. Here are some recommendations from psychologists:

1. Awareness of the presence of a problem. Every person is not immune from difficulties. What is meant by problems? These are unmade decisions. You need to accept the presence of a dilemma, identify solution options and choose, in no case delaying the moment until later.
2. Don't sugarcoat the situation. Sometimes a person, in order to protect himself from reality, psychologically prepares himself that everything is fine. So, there is a job you don’t like, misunderstandings with your boss. It would seem worthwhile to think through the options of events: either change your place of work, or talk with the director. But because of indecision, the worker convinces himself that everything is not so bad.
3. Rules of three criteria for decision (“need”, “want”, “will”). Each problem has its own leading criterion from those previously presented. You need to set your priorities correctly. Although it is worth remembering that prolonged analysis will lead to confusion.
4. Taking responsibility. How can a person who is afraid of responsibility decide to make changes? The underlying factor is indecision. The fear of negative consequences consumes a person, and he begins to doubt everything. A full-fledged person must think outside the box, creatively, include intuition, imagine all the outcomes of events and be responsible for the decisions she makes.
5. Once you decide, don't give up. Life is a constant series of obstacles. We must remember that only the weak immediately go astray. Making a decision does not mean a successful result. This is just the beginning. The confidence with which it was started is the same with which it is necessary to carry it through to the finale.

When is change most likely?

In Vedic astrology, the time of change is usually associated with the change of major planetary periods - Vimshottari dasa. Each planet has its own time period:

Calculate what astrological period you are currently experiencing and return to this page.

Changes in life: when the period of a certain planet begins, changes begin to occur in a person’s life associated with the activation of the energy of this planet and changes occur:

• in the houses that this planet owns;
• in the houses where it is located;
• in those areas of life that she controls;

It is also important to look at what power the planet has. The most common types of changes that occur are:

• During the period of the Sun - growth of social status, power, change of position, changes in the life of the father.
• During the Moon period - motherhood, work in women's organizations, important events related to the mother, a time of spiritual internal changes and a high emotional level.
• During the period of Mars - changes in personal strength, determination, military service, change of activity to a more active one.
• During the Rahu period, changes usually occur at the beginning and end of the period. Rahu gives unexpected fame, prestige, success in politics, divorce, death of a partner, serious illness (depending on position).
• During the period of Jupiter - the manifestation of creative ideas, the birth of children, marriage, increased finances, a new spiritual level.
• During the Saturn period - slow progress, changes are possible through difficulties, suffering, pessimism, fears and illnesses.
• During the Mercury period - new training, change of activity, career growth.
• During the Ketu period - gaining spiritual knowledge, discovering your path and destiny, changing jobs.
• During the period of Venus - the acquisition of material pleasures, romantic relationships, marriage.

In addition, changes in life can come during the karmic period of Sade-sati, when Saturn transits the natal Moon. In Sade-sati, a person receives everything according to karma, so there can be both good and bad changes, even losses.

Do you want to learn how to build your natal chart to see your hidden potential and purpose, know your weak and strong points and upgrade them to avoid many problems? Register via the link to our free webinar, where we will tell you how to create your own individual horoscope and learn how to fulfill your desires using a special technique.

Reasons for a person's lack of confidence in their decisions

Here are some of them:

1. Heredity. This deficiency may have been passed down from our ancestors, but the future generation is created to find new ways to solve the problems of the past generation.
2. Upbringing. It is always necessary to let children solve problems (even if at first some are not serious) on their own; you can give them some advice, but do not take the initiative into your own hands. This will be a direct path to destroying the child’s self-confidence.
3. Social influence. There is no need to betray your principles under the pressure of public opinion. Since childhood, many people have been trying to instill other people’s opinions, to make people the same, stereotyped. The main advice is expressed by the quote: “Just because you are in the minority - and even in the singular - does not mean that you are mad” (George Orwell).

Throw away false restrictions

We drive ourselves into a dead end when we say: “We need to make a decision by tomorrow morning.” “If I don’t decide on a relationship in a week, everything is lost!” Not all solutions are simple, it is important to stop escalating the situation.

Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

Relax, let go, let everything go at its own pace, just give yourself time. The more pressure, the more mistakes, fuss and stupid things you can make. Take your time, turn off your inner critic, become an observer - this will make it easier to make the right decision.

Advice from a psychologist: how to decide to divorce your husband?

Modern couples are increasingly devaluing their relationships. As soon as they see problems along the way, many do not want to preserve the family home, but take extreme measures - divorce. It has been statistically found that women are more likely to make such decisions.

What to do in such a situation? How to decide? To solve the problem, you can use the algorithm that will be described below.

Results

Each of us wants the best for ourselves. Some people want to develop, achieve social or spiritual goals. Some people are helped by the scheme of dividing their life into zones - comfortable, growth, discomfort (panic). And any of these methods motivates positive changes in life.

The main thing is not to despair when difficulties arise and to continue moving forward. And here you can rely on the words of Spiritual Economics: “The worker is worthy of reward for his labors” (SYN, Luke 10:7). If you work, you deserve to be happy. And there are a lot of ways to get there. Choose yours and act!

Algorithm of actions

How to make a decision about divorce/family preservation:

1. Ask questions: will it be better without a husband/wife? Is this really such a significant problem that it is worth leaving your life partner? If only pity stops you, this is a major mistake, because it will be emotional torture for both spouses.
2. Strength and sincerity of feelings. If the feeling of love remains, and the reciprocity of the husband/wife is felt, it is worth thinking about what a shock this will be for both spouses. You need to be alone, discuss everything with each other. In most cases, there is mutual understanding between people.
3. If the previous two points have not been stopped, then you need to immediately inform your husband/wife, but the main thing is to remain calm and balanced, without wasting energy on the showdown, because there are many organizational issues to be resolved ahead.
4. Many people face disagreement from their husband/wife in this decision. There is only one answer: he/she is trying to save the family. So, maybe the initiator of the divorce got carried away, and it’s worth giving a second chance, preserving the social unit.
5. When children become the main obstacle. There is no clear answer in this situation. Children, of course, can grow up happy in a divided family, but what if this doesn’t happen?

Sometimes a psychologist's advice on how to decide to divorce your husband can be unhelpful. Sometimes a person himself feels better whether he needs it or not, without the help of specialists.

This decision can radically change lives, so it requires a long recovery. Measure seven times, cut once.

Psychological advice on deciding on a second child

Mothers often have a fear that they may not be able to cope with the additional workload. How to decide on a second child? What if the woman physically does not have time to do everything that is necessary for the babies? There are other fears, such as material fears: what if it won’t be possible to give everything the baby needs? How to decide on a second child in this case?

It’s worth turning on your imagination and immersing yourself in a world where the couple already have two children. Need to:

1. Think through all the difficulties that you may encounter and ways to solve them.
2. Buy helpers for household chores (this will greatly simplify life with children).

It’s a good idea to think about all the positive things that a second child will provide:

1. The priceless smile of a baby.
2. Improving maternal qualities.
3. Saving material costs (maybe the first-born’s clothes will fit him?).
4. A feeling of ease due to previous experiences.

Algorithm for thinking about moving

How to decide to move:

1. Estimate material costs. You should write down how much money you will need for initial living until a job is found. The best option for the list: renting a home for several months, utility bills, food, travel, and purchasing medications in case of illness. When there is confidence that there are enough funds available, a feeling of calm should gradually fill the state of mind.
2. Consider the possibilities. Assess the economic and social level of development of the place you want to move to. Analyze possible jobs, salaries, compare with existing ones. Calculate how much you will spend on rent and compare it with the current one. After all, it may turn out that there will be even fewer prospects there than there are now.
3. Study the labor market. There are employment agencies that you can contact, advertisements in newspapers looking for employees. Before moving, it is wise to submit your resume to a number of companies in advance and wait for a response. And only then move with great peace of mind, knowing that there will definitely be work in the new place.
4. Fear of loneliness. Family, friends, just acquaintances - they will need to be left. This is what stops many: the fear that there will be no one to support them in difficult times, no one to share their impressions or problems with. But if you decide that you need to change your life, you should be able to turn off emotions, be focused only on the prospects that await you, on the success that you can achieve, thereby helping your family and friends. No one forbids you to find friends in a new city online so that they can help you at first.
5. Study the culture and mentality of the place you plan to move to. This way you can easily fit into the routine of everyday life.

Having thought everything over and calculated, you need to immediately start implementing your plans and not stop.

In other words, how do you decide to move to another city? It’s very simple: you need to weigh the pros and cons, turn off your emotions and just start acting.

Psychological advice on changing careers

This is what Confucius said:

“Find something you love and you will never have to work”

When a person is forced to do work, he is unlikely to become a fan of this work, because his character traits are not comparable to the requirements of the work. As a result, the individual will be deeply unhappy. But you shouldn’t waste time, you need to change the direction of your life path. What should I do? How to decide to change jobs?

Don't create an idol for yourself

It’s stupid to think that leaving your ideal partner is a disrespectful reason. Yes, a person can be kind, caring, promising, good in the classical sense of the word, but you cannot deceive the heart. Do not be fooled by the provocations of the mind, which insists that you will never meet anything like this again. Good does not mean suitable.

Imagine that you like your coffee black without sugar, and the barista hands you a delicious latte, sprinkled with dark chocolate, accompanied by a slice of cake. The set is gorgeous, but you don’t eat sweets and generally ordered espresso. It’s the same with relationships: a person’s “goodness” does not mean that he is right for you.

Algorithm for making a decision on changing jobs

Here's what psychologists recommend:

1. Identify the negative aspects of this work. What repels? This may be failure to realize potential, or not the best relationship with the director.
2. Ask yourself: what are your true goals in life? Was this what you dreamed about? It is worth opening and understanding your inner world to find out your true intentions.
3. Analyze your current life position. If a person goes to a job he doesn’t like, then this is vital: he needs to feed himself and his family. Initially, you should find a job you like and only then, having settled in it, leave your old one, so as not to end up with nothing. At the same time, it is useful to try to find something positive from your current job in order to stop emotionally burning out at a breakneck speed.

How to understand: is our desire to change something serious?

According to the expert, if the desire for change is dictated by certain natural reasons (marriage, the birth of a child, graduation from college), then, as a rule, they occur as planned and consistently.

“In other cases, in order to understand the seriousness of your intentions, it is better not to act impulsively, but to take a break - time to think,” the specialist recommends. During this period, it is better to try to somehow switch - go on vacation, take care of the garden at the dacha, and then return to the original desire and evaluate your motives.

In assessing motives, Tatyana Zakhartsova advises using the following technique: “Think about yourself after a long time - 5-10 years: how do you see yourself in your fantasy? Now try to get to the point where you are now in five steps. How do the desired changes fit into these steps?