How to overcome feelings of loneliness and learn to enjoy life

How to overcome loneliness: understand the reason

Ask yourself: why do I feel lonely? Do you have few friends or rarely communicate with them? Make new acquaintances or find time to regularly communicate with friends. In such cases, it is useful to keep a diary, write down your thoughts, and track your well-being. For example, you can write like this:

• the feeling of loneliness comes to me when...
• for the first time I felt alone...

The recordings will help you better understand yourself and cope with the root cause of the unpleasant feeling. In some cases, talking to a psychologist helps if you understand that you cannot cope on your own.

Signs

The feeling of loneliness manifests itself in quite specific ways. A person literally begins to experience internal suffering. This feeling is so deep that it suppresses all joy. A person often plunges into a depressive state and discovers an inability to cope with basic tasks. Let's take a closer look at these signs.

Feeling of insignificance

A person, exposed to strong experiences, is not able to objectively assess the situation. It will constantly seem to him that he is doing something wrong, but in fact he will endlessly miss opportunities that arise. The feeling of one’s insignificance often forces one to abandon existing prospects and be content with little. A person ceases to realize his value because he does not know how to come to an understanding of his value. It turns out that the individual loses touch with himself, his desires and aspirations.

Decreased self-esteem

Being alone, we cannot essentially evaluate our own achievements and talents. Any good undertakings are blocked at the root. All because we have no one to compare with. After all, loneliness makes a person very vulnerable, forces him to withdraw more and more into himself, and learn to distrust others unnecessarily. As a result, there is a significant decrease in self-esteem, the desire to act, to strive for something significant disappears. A person can exist for a long time in dissatisfaction with himself, constantly plunging into self-recrimination and reflection. A sharp decline in self-esteem certainly harms the individual.

Feeling of despair

A characteristic sign of fear of loneliness, which rarely anyone manages to avoid. Feeling his uselessness, the person is increasingly immersed in painful experiences. Despair is a critical point, but it occurs in almost everyone who is often left to their own devices. Coping with this condition is not so easy, especially if it has been going on for a long time. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to radically change the situation.

Fear for the future

A clear manifestation of the fear of loneliness, characteristic of all people without exception. No one is immune from strong negative emotions. People are afraid of loneliness precisely because they are incredibly afraid of the prospect of remaining unwanted. This puts more pressure than quarrels with relatives. Fear for the future originates from self-doubt and the inability to critically assess the situation. A person simply feels unable to cope with severe anxiety and does not know what is best to do.

Distinguish between loneliness and solitude

Being alone is sometimes useful to understand yourself and engage in your favorite hobbies. If you are haunted by feelings such as sadness, loneliness, melancholy, then listen to these tips:

• develop and work on yourself;
• learn new things, cook delicious food, join a hobby club;
• do something that you have always put off on the back burner.

Learn to communicate with yourself, understand who you are. People always like individuals who love and value themselves. Then others will be drawn to you and desire communication.

And yet there is something in it

People often have to experience a lot of negative emotions. But they play an important role on the path to a happy future. Envy, hatred, jealousy, anger, loneliness are like luminous signs that suggest that you need to change something in your life or in yourself.

For some, loneliness is a curse, but for others it is the highest reward. Only by being alone with his thoughts can a person create something outstanding. If you look at the history of the world's most outstanding discoveries, you will notice that not a single one of them was the product of collective labor. Everything was done by lonely geniuses, outcasts and eccentrics, whom society had difficulty accepting.

Yes, loneliness can be a burden, especially for those people who are always used to being in the center of attention and constantly communicating, or those who have lost someone very dear. But in general, there is still something in this feeling, the main thing is to learn to enjoy your own company. And then you can get equal pleasure from loneliness and from communication.

How to Deal with Loneliness: Boost Your Self-Esteem

How to cope with loneliness: Pixabay
Often people with low self-esteem avoid communication, considering themselves unworthy, wrong, afraid of hearing criticism. Many people probably know cases where an ugly duckling at school turned into a successful businessman in adulthood.

Remember that you are an individual. This means that what distinguishes you from others is the most valuable gift. To improve your self-esteem, do the following:

• consult a psychologist;
• develop in what you love;
• go in for sports.

Many successful show business stars have said that they were different as children. These differences helped them achieve success and become social individuals.

What does science say?

In 2015, a global meta-analysis of 70 studies was conducted. The result showed that a lonely person is at 26% higher risk of premature death (it is worth noting that this figure is lower for depression - only 21%).

Back in 2007, Cole and his colleagues made an interesting discovery. Studies have shown that the cells of people who suffer from chronic loneliness look completely different from those of a person who is not lonely. Two genetic differences were found between these people:

1. In lonely people, the genes responsible for the body's inflammatory response are more active, which is a rather dangerous process. Inflammation is necessary for the body to cope with injury, but if it occurs constantly, then the body creates an excellent environment for the development of atherosclerosis, neurodegenerative and cardiovascular diseases. It also contributes to the development of cancer.
2. On the other hand, genes responsible for fighting viral infections are suppressed.

However, Cole believes that the body's reaction to loneliness is not much different from the reaction to another source of chronic stress. Research has shown that feeling worthless makes people less able to cope with illness and more likely to develop chronic diseases.

Loneliness: Learn to Enjoy Your Company

No one to invite for a walk? Then go yourself. Go out to dinner, visit a movie theater and enjoy a great movie. Yes, at first you will be constrained, especially when watching noisy companies around. But then you’ll get used to it, especially since there’s nothing strange about having fun on your own.

To make your task easier, do this:

• Take a book to a cafe and read over a cup of coffee. Know that it's normal for everyone to spend time alone sometimes;
• be positive. Who said it would be easy? But for the second time you won’t have to force yourself.

This way you will not only have fun, but also expand your comfort zone.

Loneliness among people

This state occurs when you are convinced (and this belief can be true or deceptive) that there is not a single person in the whole world who understands and appreciates you.
You retreat into your shell, cutting off all but the most necessary contact with the outside world. After work, you return to an empty apartment and spend the evening alone. At night you wake up from the slightest rustle. You freeze in horror: what if there is someone in the room? And at the same time, you are horrified by the thought that there is no one here and cannot be. This loneliness is one of the most difficult feelings a person can experience. Isolation from the outside world makes you desperate and it seems like nothing can help you. But even in this state, you can find a positive side. When suffering reaches a critical point and becomes almost unbearable, it often becomes a very strong motivation to go out into the world and start again.

Ambulance

Any harbor is good during a storm. Communication is as necessary for the human soul as oxygen is for the body. We all dream of passionate love and friendship for all time, but if these dreams seem unattainable now, you will benefit from any communication. Even if you have a few words with the seller at the store or go to your neighbor for salt, this will help you maintain contact with the outside world.

When you feel lost and abandoned, take advantage of every opportunity to connect. For a lonely person, a completely random acquaintance at first glance often becomes the straw that helps to escape. If possible, see a therapist or sign up for group classes.

Change yourself

Loneliness is a great engine of progress. To get rid of this unpleasant feeling, we can overcome our complexes, shyness, and self-doubt. Do you feel awkward in the company of unfamiliar people? Very good. Be shy, worry, even cry if necessary and go through your entire wardrobe. And then pull yourself together, get dressed, comb your hair and go out to people. Do it, no matter the cost.

The best way to network is to try to understand the people around you and help them understand you. Some communication techniques may also be helpful. For example, a fail-safe technique when meeting people is to ask people questions, because few people can resist the temptation to talk about themselves and their loved ones.

It is unlikely that the first person you meet will be exactly the person you have been looking for all your life. But somewhere there are probably people who, just like you, are looking for someone with whom they can have a heart-to-heart talk. Do not despair. You will definitely find each other. But only if you look.

How to get rid of feelings of loneliness: get a pet

Social research shows that the presence of pets can reduce feelings of loneliness. Get a dog: this way you will not only find a good friend, but also go for walks with your pet. There is a chance to meet other dog owners and make friends. Help to overcome loneliness:

• cats;
• hamsters;
• Guinea pigs.

Any living creature will bring variety and positivity to your life. Imagine: you open the door and a pet greets you. Immediately my soul feels joyful and good.

Preventing consequences

Cole discovered that if the feeling of uselessness and loneliness passes, then the body's cells begin to work normally. And yet the scientist insists that making a person less lonely is not enough - it is extremely important to return the meaning of life to him. For example, a certain charitable organization in Los Angeles unites lonely pensioners and junior high school students.

Elderly people help the children with their homework and look after them until their parents arrive. Pensioners themselves say that after such sessions they begin to feel healthier. There are other similar organizations in America that bring together single people. Unfortunately, in Russia the realities are different, and people have to fight loneliness on their own.

How to get rid of loneliness: help others

Help: Pixabay
Join a volunteer organization, charity event. If you are too shy, then start with online communities, and then move on from virtual communication to personal communication. Try to do this:

• Don't attend events just to make friends. Go there for a fun time;
• be yourself, be friendly;
• take a step forward. Show interest in other people, invite a new friend for coffee.

People love attention, so don't be afraid to be active and want to make acquaintances. Perhaps this will be the start of a good friendship.

There is no easy way

Getting rid of loneliness is a complex and lengthy process; it is impossible to become socially active and happy in one day. It is important to understand that this takes time. Perhaps realizing this will be the first step towards getting rid of loneliness. It takes time to feel all your emotions (maybe it’s not loneliness that is gnawing at a person), this is the best way to prepare to cope with the problem.

It is important to find out the cause of this condition. Once you understand why this feeling appeared, you can begin to get rid of it. As Eric Males said, nothing causes such disturbing emotional experiences as a person's own thoughts. Therefore, it is necessary to highlight those thoughts that disturb peace of mind and replace them with brighter, positive and productive ones.

If a person cannot independently determine what exactly caused his loneliness, then he should seek help from a psychotherapist.

How to fight loneliness: take care of yourself

Conflict at work, a quarrel with a loved one leads to the fact that many become isolated and engage in self-flagellation. You can't do that. Situations are different, try to look at what is happening from a different angle. Maybe everything is for the better? Either way, you will learn a good lesson.

Does loneliness haunt you? What to do? The following recommendations will help:

• listen to yourself and understand what you need;
• take a bath, drink a glass of wine, relax;
• take a walk in the park, go to your favorite cafe.

Take care of yourself and feel how your morale improves, the burden of problems is lifted, and you are again ready to communicate with people.

Loneliness in the face of death

A person comes into this world alone and leaves alone. This is the law of nature, and no miracle cure can protect us from loss and separation. When someone close to you leaves forever, explanations and consolations do not help. Suddenly you find yourself in the face of a terrible force that you cannot resist. And any words are useless.

Ambulance

Since ancient times, people, faced with love and death, have called on art for help. They sang, composed stories, and covered the walls of their homes with intricate patterns. Art can help you too. Read, watch movies, go to exhibitions, listen to music. By and large, the entire centuries-old culture of mankind is an appeal to unattainable lovers. And perhaps the very feeling of belonging to eternal values ​​will help you.

Change yourself

If you have previously enjoyed what others have created, try creating it yourself. Even if you have never been creative, take a risk. Dance, draw, write, embroider, sing, learn to play musical instruments. Most likely, you will not reach the heights of Picasso and will not become Mozart. But you will definitely find a way to express your feelings. And this is the first and most important step towards accepting what happened and moving on, keeping in your heart the image of someone who is truly dear to you.

Call old friends

Communication: Pixabay
Rest assured that people who liked to communicate in the past will still not mind meeting today. We often lose touch when we get caught up in work. Call old acquaintances and friends, offer to sit in a cafe. To ensure successful communication, follow these tips:

• be nice, be interested in the other person;
• be positive and radiate optimism.

It all depends only on your thoughts and mood. Be sure that everything is fine, communicate easily, and then there will really be no reason to feel sad.

Now you know what to do if you feel lonely. Use the recommendations to get a taste of life again.

Original article: https://www.nur.kz/family/self-realization/1875358-kak-spravitsa-s-odinocestvom-effektivnye-sovety/

Forced loneliness

This can happen even to those who are usually surrounded by loving family and loyal friends. Sometimes circumstances are such that you have to move - temporarily or permanently. Because of work, health conditions, as a result of marriage, in the end. And then, suddenly finding yourself far from your loved ones, you feel abandoned and lonely.

Ambulance

If you've been separated for a short time, tell yourself: It's just wonderful that I have someone to miss. Time spent alone will help you realize love and show your loved ones how much you care about them. Indeed, in a normal situation, people often do not even tell each other about their feelings, considering that this goes without saying. When you are separated, feelings become heightened. Modern technologies allow you to maintain communication at any distance - telephone and Internet are at your disposal around the clock. Talk about what is happening to you, write letters. It may very well be that you will be able to get to know people you have known for a long time from a new perspective. And finally, do not forget the folk wisdom: if you cannot be close to those you love, love those who are close to you.

Change yourself

If life circumstances have separated you from your loved ones for a long time, you face a difficult decision. And yet you need to accept it and determine what is more important to you: the circumstances that keep you away from your loved ones, or the people close to you themselves. Sometimes it turns out that even the most brilliant career in the capital or abroad is not worth separation from those you love. It happens that for the sake of loved ones you have to forget your pride, ambitions and even what previously seemed an unshakable life principle. Every new day opens up new opportunities. And it’s up to you how you manage them.

Self talk

Every psychologist knows that several subpersonalities live within a person. This is an inner child, a loving parent, and a ruthless critic. Our inner voices, which sometimes quarrel among themselves, scold us or are capricious. Learning to recognize these voices is a difficult and important task in knowing your own “I”.

“Whoever does not like loneliness does not like freedom, for only in solitude can one be free ,” wrote the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, but this does not mean that in order to feel inner freedom and fulfillment it is necessary to live alone. It is important to feel comfortable both being alone and surrounded by people. Stereotypes imposed by society are changing - already now, according to various studies, single and divorced women feel much happier in comparison with themselves living in unhappy marriages.

When I feel good around myself, then I will feel great around others. Don't be afraid of loneliness. It is our helper, not our enemy.

Literature on the topic

In parting, I recommend reading the book:

• Jean-Michel Quinaudeau "Taming Loneliness."
• K. Grof and S. Grof “Frantic search for yourself: A guide to personal growth through the crisis of transformation.”
• L. Svendsen “Philosophy of Loneliness.” This book will help you not only understand the phenomenon of loneliness, but also find the boundaries between your Self and other people, teach you to understand yourself and others, take responsibility for your life (including loneliness), and explain the subtle patterns of loneliness and friendship, love , trust.

If you experience cognitive dissonance (internal mismatch, contradiction), and you probably do, then I recommend reading the article “Cognitive dissonance - what it is in simple words.” Some recommendations are also given there. To analyze the issues of fear and anxiety, jealousy, insecurity, I suggest reading the articles “How to get rid of anxiety - advice from a psychologist”, “How to get rid of fear - advice from a psychologist”, “How to get rid of jealousy - advice from a psychologist”, “How to become self-confident - advice from a psychologist."

Be a unique, self-sufficient, constantly developing personality, and then none of the possible loneliness will overtake you. Remember that you have many alternative choices. And this is wonderful, not scary!