How to survive your husband's betrayal and learn to enjoy life again

1. Women's mistakes leading to male betrayal
2. It’s better to survive your husband’s betrayal or get a divorce
3. 3 options for how to survive your husband’s betrayal if you decide to forgive
4. 3 steps on how to survive your husband's betrayal
5. How to behave so that you don’t have to worry about your husband’s betrayal

How to survive your husband’s betrayal or is it better to get a divorce right away? This question torments many women whose hearts have been broken by their spouses with their infidelity. As a rule, girls begin to blame the man for everything, forgetting that they do not seek good from good.

If your husband cheated on you, then it’s your fault too. In order not to have to think about how to forget betrayal, it is better not to make mistakes in the relationship in the first place. However, if the betrayal has already taken place, then you need to firmly understand whether you are ready to forgive her and why it is worth doing it.

9 stages of living with infidelity and tips for overcoming them

People experience the betrayal of a loved one in different ways : they become depressed, experience shock, and begin to hate themselves and their chosen one. Experiences associated with a lover’s infidelity are divided into 9 stages. Depending on what psychological characteristics a woman has, they become longer, shorter or disappear altogether. Understanding that the emotions experienced are temporary will help ease mental pain and refrain from hasty decisions.

Shock and disbelief - 1

The most standard reaction to a spouse’s betrayal is disbelief, shock, and denial of what happened . Having heard about the betrayal, representatives of the fair sex try not to notice the evidence; they consider this unpleasant news a bad joke or a lie.

This reaction is a defense mechanism . Its duration ranges from a couple of minutes of amazement to 4-5 days of denial. If the wife has long suspected that her husband is going “to the left,” then this phase may be absent altogether.

To avoid shock, you need to know the signs of male infidelity:

• unexpected closeness, refusal to talk and explain;
• lying without good reason;
• the husband tries to avoid joint activities with his wife;
• excessive attention to appearance;
• avoidance of intimacy;
• sudden heavy workload;
• unreasonable financial expenses;
• aggression, irritability;
• suspicious scratches and marks on the body.

Aggression towards oneself - 2

In the second stage, the betrayed woman experiences self-hatred. She feels her insignificance and subconsciously shares the blame for what happened with the cheater, goes over “shoals” and offenses in her memory.

The duration of this stage is from two to three hours to one month. Being at this stage, it is necessary to take into account that “searching for oneself” after betrayal is a defensive reaction of the psyche.

Contemplating betrayal - 3

To avoid feeling guilty, you need to understand how to prevent infidelity and take the following actions:

• do not make a scandal, do not blame, talk openly with your beloved;
• bring back romance and care into the relationship;
• take initiative, diversify your intimate life;
• perceive your life partner as an individual, respect his interests;
• listen to the chosen one, provide assistance in solving problems.

If all this does not help, the deceived wife understands that she has done everything possible. And then the next stage comes.

Aggression towards the cheater – 4

Women's aggression, which was initially directed at itself, turns to the culprits: an unfaithful husband, a homewrecker, and other people involved in the affair. A woman stops controlling her emotions, starts scandals, and thinks through a plan of revenge. The duration of the fourth stage is quite long and can take from one month to one or two years.

Feeling of no future - 5

Over time, aggression subsides and is replaced by a feeling of constant pressure and stress. The woman feels as if her life is over and there will never be a happy relationship again. This phase is characterized by attempts to maintain the relationship or, on the contrary, avoidance of the spouse.

This period lasts a couple of months, and if the relationship was short-lived, it is often absent.

The desire to return the past - 6

At this stage, there is a desire to return everything to normal. The wife is ready to ask for the infidelity of her beloved, trying to prove that she still loves him. The flaring fire of passion is nothing more than an attempt to keep the beloved. The duration of the stage varies - it may not exist at all, last a couple of weeks, several months or even several years.

Awareness that there will be no previous relationship - 7

In the seventh phase, the wife understands that after the betrayal, the relationship will never be the same again. Despite the flared passion, the woman still feels deceived. It is difficult for her to communicate with her loved one; there is no more trust. Suspicions of new betrayals arise, and during quarrels he remembers infidelity.

If, after the betrayal, the family breaks up, then the fair sex begins to get used to the changes in her life. She forgets her ex, stops suffering, and turns her attention to more important aspects of her life. The duration of this stage takes up to six months.

Exhaustion - 8

The phase of exhaustion occurs regardless of whether the family has survived or not. In the first case, quarrels, stress, endless nagging appear, and coldness arises in the couple. Spouses become indifferent to each other. The stage lasts from 1 to 2 months, sometimes it can last longer, becoming the cause of clinical depression.

Making a decision and stabilizing the situation - 9

The last stage is emotional stabilization. A devoted woman recovers from the psychological trauma inflicted on her and returns to her usual course of life. At this stage, all the nuances are analyzed. If the relationship was able to “survive” to this phase, then the chances of returning to the previous relationship increase significantly.

Leave in a difficult moment

Some people are pathologically afraid of responsibility, either their own or one that needs to be shared. To avoid it, they are ready to rush to the ends of the earth.

Men are people too, and this is the most vile kind of betrayal:

• How many cases have there been when women were held criminally liable, and after half a year or a year they returned to nowhere, found themselves without family, children, housing, reputation;
• young mothers stay with small children, and the man runs away because children are expensive, noisy, and troublesome.
• after losing a good job, social status, or popularity, women were abandoned and went to younger, more successful, wealthy people;
• during the illness of a close relative living together, when the psychological situation in the house becomes difficult, they leave (to another woman, to work in another city or country);
• They leave their wife if she has a difficult diagnosis.

In this case, all that remains is to rejoice, no matter how creepy it may sound at first glance. Did the father abandon the children? Thank God, they will not see a bad example in front of them and will grow up to be decent people. Left him with his sick mother? So obviously I couldn’t help in any way. And now you don’t have to worry about it, you can focus on the main thing. And if you look around, you will find a more worthy replacement. Even if you have a couple of months left to live, and strangers will help you with this, you should be glad that your last days are spent with worthy people.

There is no need to regret the past or consider the years wasted. There was something good and bright about them. And the rest are lessons that have already been learned.

How to move on after your husband's betrayal

You suspected betrayal and tried in every way to find out the truth. Your suspicions have been confirmed. What to do? What to do after your husband cheats:

1. First, don't rush into making rash decisions. You need to weigh everything carefully and let yourself cool down. All actions must be done with a cool head.
2. Secondly, admit that nothing terrible happened, everyone is alive and well. Learn to take the hit, throw out the unnecessary from your life.
3. Thirdly, clearly define for yourself what you need . If you want to return to your previous relationship, this is quite possible. If you decide to get a divorce, remember that after the divorce it will not become easier. The pain will go away, of course, but it will take time.
4. You have the right to demand that your spouse completely stop any contact with the homewrecker . If he agrees to this ultimatum, it means he wants to improve relations, there is no need to spoil them with scandals and reproaches.
5. Look at your intimate life with different eyes. Try to diversify your sexual intimacy.
6. Distribute household responsibilities, let your spouse finally begin to take part in household affairs.
7. Discuss the financial issue clearly.
8. If your spouse refuses to break off relations with your new passion and continues to date her, threaten divorce . Only in all seriousness. If the spouse still values ​​his family, he will refuse his mistress.

In this situation, a lot depends on the woman. The main thing is not to make decisions in a hurry. Don't let your emotions push you into reckless actions.

Why cheating is like a disease

Firstly, betrayal, like illness, has certain prerequisites associated with an incorrect lifestyle. Disease can be caused by poor nutrition, drinking alcohol, smoking - in a word, everything that pollutes the body. And what leads to betrayal is what pollutes relationships: resentment, quarrels, disrespect, unwillingness to listen to each other and compromise.

Secondly, both illness and betrayal take away a person’s strength, both moral and physical. It is simply impossible to survive your husband’s betrayal without consequences. If we understand a strong, loving relationship as a healthy state of a person’s life, then the loss of this relationship leads to enormous stress, both for the deceived spouse and for the deceived.

Thirdly, both betrayal and illness can be perceived as some kind of signal. The body gets sick if it is not properly cared for, just as relationships change for the worse if the husband and wife do not devote enough time and attention to them. Even thoughts of betraying your loved one are an alarm bell that draws your attention to the fact that not everything is in order in the family. Here you shouldn’t place the blame on one person: neither on the cheater, nor on the partner who allegedly pushed him to this. It all comes down to the fact that if a husband or wife has a desire to start another relationship, this means that a lot of unresolved problems have accumulated in the couple. Fourthly, betrayal, like a serious illness, can be overcome and you can move on with your life, but these events will in any case affect a person’s fate. It’s good if once a person has been infected with some virus, he is no longer susceptible to it, since the body has developed a specific immunity. The same can happen with betrayal: having experienced it once, the psyche adapts to such shocks.

The main question is whether it is worth bringing the situation to the point where the husband exchanges his wife for an unfamiliar woman who will supposedly become a consolation for him? After all, all the “positive” moments associated with a new, vibrant relationship pale in comparison to how difficult it will be for both parties to survive the betrayal when it becomes obvious.

To forgive or not to forgive

It is very difficult to forgive the betrayal of your significant other. Accepting the situation and understanding the reason for the action will help you understand yourself and raise your fallen self-esteem. It is very important not to confuse forgiveness with the fear of being alone.

The best option in this case would be separation, but without negative emotions and hatred towards your ex-husband. These feelings ruin your life, prevent you from starting a new relationship, and constantly remind you of betrayal.

Conclusion

Dear readers, I have given you proven tips on how to survive a divorce from your husband. I want to warn you: everything I wrote about needs to be done for yourself, and not in order to return your departed husband. Well, if you still decide to try to restore the relationship, then do it competently, as professional psychologists advise.

And remember, no matter how bitter and difficult it may be for you now, this painful period will pass sooner or later. Many women have experienced betrayal and divorce and live quite happily and calmly without a husband or are building a family with another person.

You too will survive a divorce, but how quickly and with what consequences depends largely on you. Whether you find a new husband or not, everything is in God’s hands!

Find your path to happiness, don't look back. It is possible that when you find her, your spouse will decide to return. At this point you will have to decide whether you need it - for example, I no longer need it.

PS Dear readers, I described my thoughts and feelings after divorcing my husband. If this topic is close and familiar to you, leave comments and share your stories. Let's help each other!

How to live after betrayal: advice from a psychologist + video

1. Accept betrayal as a fait accompli. To sincerely forgive a cheater, you need to stop looking for excuses and hope that the relationship will return to its previous course on its own. Instead, the deceived wife is advised to come to terms with what happened and understand whether she is ready to forgive.
2. Don't hide your emotions. A sincere conversation with a cheater will help reduce pain and get emotional release. After listening to the betrayed husband, you can understand why he did this.
3. Stop feeling like a victim. Adultery is a serious offense without justification. But both partners are responsible for the relationship. To forgive, a woman needs to analyze her own actions and realize that this is partly her fault.
4. Step back. Keep your distance, stop thinking about the traitor. Then the pain caused by your husband’s betrayal will subside, and it will be easier to forgive him. If you can't accept infidelity and forgive, you need to come to terms with that as well.
5. Maintain your dignity. Having learned that your spouse has a new relationship on the side, you do not need to make attempts to meet with your mistress or slander her. This is necessary in order not to lose self-respect.
6. Show nobility. This is quite a feat. But if you have made a conscious decision to maintain your relationship with your spouse, work to restore it.
7. Don't try to respond to betrayal with betrayal. Each woman, if necessary, can find a sexual partner for one time. However, such a connection will not bring comfort.
8. Focus on your own health. Often, representatives of the fair half of humanity, who have experienced the betrayal of their other half, begin to suffer from female diseases. A woman needs to maintain her attractiveness and health at all costs.

If you consider it possible for yourself to save your family with an unfaithful spouse, forgive him completely. There is no need to constantly remind him of his misconduct. Otherwise, your lover will greatly regret his decision to stay with you.

Relationship with another woman

The most common case, according to the female half of humanity, and the most controversial, in fact. After all, in fact, you need to distinguish stupidity from a plan, and attempts to give yourself pleasure from the desire to cause pain. Men often have sex with other women because:

• they simply want to assert themselves, to prove that they are still good, young, healthy, and in general studs of any kind;
• it is a shame to show your weaknesses in the family, and in difficult moments, stress is relieved elsewhere;
• sexual variety replaces drinking or drugs during regular stress and helps you forget about problems;
• they want to conduct a sexual experiment, to which the wife does not agree;
• an opportunity arose, the mistress was asking strongly not to throw away the property;
• out of drunkenness or for a bet.

At the same time, they love their spouses, cannot imagine life without their family, and sincerely repent (especially if they are caught). In a good way, this is the case when it is unpleasant, but not fatal. A reason to express grievances, air your sand, get more attention, and at the same time think carefully about whether you should correct something in your behavior; psychology can help here. And if you just can’t forgive at all, then think about what causes such categoricalness. Usually these are deep personal traumas of a woman that a good specialist should work with.

Such a relationship becomes a betrayal if money is taken out of the family, the husband disappears for days without knowing where, and lies about fishing or business trips do not work. The woman is insulted, humiliated, and the children are not taken care of. And after that, they collect the best things, carrying a banner in front: “I’m leaving for a better life from the dull grayness.”

It is important to realize here that betrayal is a fait accompli. How to forget your husband's betrayal? He is a thing of the past. We definitely need to get rid of such a past. New housing, work, hobbies, sports, music, dancing, drawing. Charity helps a lot. Nothing heals a person faster than helping another. In such troubles, you can discover many new talents in yourself and use them for the benefit of career growth, family well-being and other pleasures.

How to help yourself after your husband cheats

Betrayal is a heavy blow for the deceived spouse. The loss of a sense of stability associated with the presence of a strong male shoulder nearby, a drop in self-esteem - all this has a negative impact on the psychological state and quality of life. To cope with the situation, follow these tips:

• stop comparing yourself to a homewrecker. And although there is an opinion that men cheat only with young and beautiful people, a simple little woman can become a rival;
• work on yourself. Take care of your appearance: change your hairstyle, join a fitness club, change your clothing style. This will help distract you from bad thoughts, and the new image will attract the views of the opposite sex;
• reconsider the value of having a man nearby. Despite the union sealed in the registry office, the spouse remains a free person with the right to stay or leave. If he went “left” and did not end the relationship honestly, then he was not an honest partner from the very beginning;
• find support. Talk to your girlfriends or loved ones, find a forum on the Internet for survivors of betrayal, and seek help from a psychologist. Talking to someone who understands can ease your emotional state.

What is betrayal and why is it so painful?

The husband is a traitor... If we recall the original Russian understanding of things, “betrayal” is the ability of a loved one to hand over another to enemies or cruel circumstances that are clearly harmful to mental and physical health.

It’s bad enough that the person from whom you expect support and understanding abandons you in a difficult situation, or even creates it himself.

Even worse, this process usually comes as a complete surprise. Internal unwillingness to understand and accept such treachery becomes the cause of severe depression, a sharp drop in self-esteem, and ability to work, which further worsens the condition of the devoted individual.

But if you look correctly at what is happening from the outside, you will certainly discover facts that indicate the opportunity to improve your life, sometimes significantly grow professionally, personally, socially, and improve your financial situation and health. Of course, the initial result will be pain, but it is not necessary to feel like a victim.

Life situations are so diverse that it is impossible to take into account everything in a relationship, but it is enough to grasp the main principle in order to receive a message for the right actions. Therefore, we can consider only the most common variants of betrayal and ways to competently respond to them.

What not to do

If your loved one has cheated on you, you need to act wisely, maintaining dignity and logical actions. By avoiding typical female mistakes, you can survive the infidelity of your significant other without unnecessary stress.

1. Martyrdom. Sometimes women take on the role of martyr. That is, she knows about the fact of betrayal, with whom exactly it happened, but at the same time remains silent. By not saying anything to her chosen one, she humiliates herself not only in her own eyes, but also in the eyes of her partner.
2. "Well-wishers." Often, women learn that their beloved is having an affair from strangers. To understand what to do next, you need to go over the situation in your head if this turns out to be true. Are you ready to forgive a cheater? If you are ready, then you don’t need to pay attention to the gossip of “good people.” If you are not ready to forgive such an act, then before lashing out with accusations, clarify some points that can confirm the veracity of the denunciation. If someone mistook their spouse’s colleague for their mistress, this does not mean at all that this is really the case.
3. Forgiveness must be earned. If you immediately forgive your husband for his affair, then he understands that he is very significant to you, which means he can do anything, and you will still forgive him. Therefore, it is necessary to behave in such a way that the man fully feels his guilt. But this must be done quietly, without hysterics.
4. Panic. Often the first reaction to news of betrayal is panic. The awareness that things will no longer be the same prevents you from thinking soberly and making rational decisions. Trying to cope with the situation and solve all the related problems at the same time leads to stress. Therefore, it is necessary by an effort of will to drive away gloomy thoughts and talk with your life partner in a calm environment.
5. Search for the reason. Many factors lead to a “leftist”, which a woman cannot influence in any way. The stereotypical opinion that the husband was looking for adventure on the side because he lacks sex, care, and love at home may not be the reason for betrayal. Sometimes they do this because they want something “spicy.” There is no need to torture yourself by searching for reasons.
6. Scandals. If your spouse returns home after a stormy night with a new passion, there is no need to throw tantrums and break dishes. A woman who has just found out about cheating is very vulnerable and incapable of taking adequate action. Most likely, the husband has already thought out a line of behavior and will turn everything in his favor, making his wife guilty.

Betrayal is a strong shock for any person. It is very difficult to forgive and get over her. Analysis of the situation, support from loved ones, switching attention to hobbies, work and communication with people around you will help you cope with the shock.

Start earning money.

Having small children or poor health can delay the return to financial wealth, but these days there are many opportunities to work from home, part-time. Charities and social services can help in difficult times. Don't be shy about asking for help, they are created for this. The philosophical principle “this too shall pass” works just perfectly here. Time will pass, efforts will be made and everything will work out.

As for distrust, this is a practical skill that is very necessary in modern society. It is useful to learn to read all the papers for signature and understand the legislation. Check documents from employees, ask for confirmation of statements and proposals too. Pedantry instilled in practice in these matters will help both the woman and her loved ones more than once.

Was there any betrayal?

Psychologist, coach Liliya Levitskaya

advises, in the event of a life crisis, to first stop and calm down, because in a state of passion, almost all decisions will be incorrect and destructive to the personality.

“After this, it is important to understand what kind of experience this situation brings to you, because betrayal is a relative concept,” says the specialist. – Nobody belongs 100% to anyone, and if a person feels bad in some respects and his needs are not met, then he will look for a way to be happier. Therefore, the “traitor” and the “victim” here are just people who could not be happy together and could not build a relationship, which means both are responsible for the result. They are responsible, not guilty.”

Learn from pain rather than amplify it through revenge, the coach advises. And study the Declaration of Reality Acceptance very well, because reality is what it is. Here is this Declaration as presented by Lilia Levitskaya:

Requests for help Write your story I hesitated to write here for quite a long time. It seems that I don’t have such serious reasons as incurable serious illnesses, lack of home and food. And yet, I feel like life is leaving me drop by drop, I couldn’t win, I didn’t have enough strength. And my story is simple: I could not survive the divorce and betrayal of my husband, with whom I lived for 20 years. He has a new love (12 years younger), a wedding, the birth of a daughter, cloudless happiness. I have a job without holidays and weekends, two sons, and an awareness of complete hopelessness and desperation. I'm waiting with all my strength for the summer, when my eldest son returns from the army, I'm afraid I won't make it. The only thing that somehow holds me back is the fear that my youngest son will end up with my husband’s new family, with his young wife. The son still doesn’t know why his father left the family, that he got married and had a child. The ex-husband himself doesn’t speak, but I don’t know how to say it, I can’t even imagine how my son will stand it, because he loves his father very much. I understand that this is a matter of the near future, because my ex-husband lives next to us, and our son will see them with a stroller one way or another. This is how I have been living for three years now. I tried everything to overcome this situation, took several courses at the “correspondence school of love,” but it doesn’t get any easier, the mental pain doesn’t dull. Sometimes I run into my ex-husband on the street or in a store, glowing with happiness. And each such meeting causes acute mental pain. I often ask myself the question, why am I given this situation? I ask and don’t find an answer... I have always been a faithful wife, family and children came first for me, I took care of my husband, helped everyone I could. She never betrayed or deceived anyone, she always tried to support and comfort those who were in trouble. Obviously, I could not find a foothold in this life to survive my little tragedy. And I'm tired of waiting for things to get better someday...

Ophelia, age: 42 / 04/01/2017

Responses:

My dear dear, of course it hurts you a lot, you can’t throw 20 years out of your life. But you have 2 wonderful sons! You are a very rich woman! This is true, because your sons will give you grandchildren - and even more happiness. Letting go and forgiving is probably the hardest thing. I wish you to let go of that pain and forgive your ex-husband for the pain he brought to you. Take care of yourself and your health, your children really need you. And this is the main thing!

Julia, age: 32 / 04/01/2017

Ophelia, I was also in this situation, so I understand you and really want to support and help. Surviving betrayal is very difficult, but still possible. I, too, was stuck, to be honest, in suffering. psychologists say that it usually takes a woman a year or two to accept the situation and be ready for a new life. I probably worked on this situation for 5 years, with psychologists, priests, and independent studies. for so long because I had a childhood trauma of rejection, they didn’t teach me to believe in myself. As I learned, my ex-husband went into the past, where he belonged for a long time. Today I live and rejoice. I consider myself a lucky person that I had to live through such a traumatic childhood, the betrayal of my father and then my husband, I became deeper, wiser, kinder, more compassionate, more humane. I was in unbearable pain, I was tormented by panic attacks, I wanted it all to end, I didn’t live, but just like you, I climbed, for the sake of my son, he should know that a person can overcome anything. What does your ex-husband’s family have that you don’t? Has a baby been born? Thank God you have 2 sons. Do you think that where your ex-husband is, happiness is there? Happiness is where you are, Ophelia.

Elena, age: 46 / 04/01/2017

Good afternoon. Trials and tribulations have come into your life. Personally, I also encountered this, and not so long ago. The only way out is God. If you come to church, take the path of repentance, you will understand everything, etc. Believe me, you will become the happiest. This has been done for centuries and by many people. God will wash away everything unnecessary and give you something new, more valuable and reliable. That pearl that everyone is looking for, and when they find it, they calm down and don’t look for anything else. Treat this problem as if God has knocked on your door and is calling you to Himself, to give you peace and something more valuable to your soul. For your own good and with care for you. The choice is yours, we are all free people. I wish you well, I’m in a similar situation myself, I’m also trying to get out of all this, and I understand it well. God help you!

Evgeniy, age: 27 / 04/01/2017

Dear Ophelia, I also often wonder: what can become a fulcrum? For example, I’m 36, no husband, no children, no stable job. I see that everyone is still alone with themselves, and even children are not such a support. For you, this is apparently a loved one, but you have not yet experienced betrayal and this fact excludes the emergence of a new person. Your wound is not healing because you see your ex-husband regularly. Out of sight, out of mind. I know women who changed countries just to avoid being in the same city and it helped! Yes, at least you can move to another area of ​​the city. Life is fleeting and it would be a shame to lose it because of a man. Every year of your life is a feeling of the ground under your children’s feet, a feeling of well-being and security that is with us as long as our mother is alive. Change the scenery and starting a different life will become easier.

Anna, age: 36 / 04/02/2017

Dear girl, I can call you that, I’m 60. I understand you. I was in this skin myself. 25 years of marriage, 2 sons. Husband's betrayal. 10 years have passed. Only now I realized that after the divorce I found myself. That everything was not as he said, that I was stupid, pathetic, incompetent. I got the opportunity to move on with my life, help my mother and sons. I lived these years with dignity, without humiliating myself in front of him. But it seemed impossible to forgive, so much dirt and humiliation was poured on my head. Now I don't remember him. Is it true. Be patient, honey. Live and make your children happy, don’t hurt them.

Olga, age: 59 / 04/02/2017

Hello. Make acquaintances with interesting people. Go to the site ABC of Fidelity, there are diaries there, find friends there, this is an Orthodox dating service. Start a new life. I know a woman from there with 2 sons, she also had a divorce several years ago. But the person is very religious and active, interesting and charges others with positivity. Do not despair. By the way, a happy face does not mean a happy heart. And the burden of sin lies on every person (the greater the sin, the greater the burden). Spiritual law, however. Sinners are tormented by their sins, the Bible tells us. Everyone suffers from what they have done. So cleanse yourself of your personal sins and it will become easier for you. Take care of yourself, think about yourself, dear. By the way, your name is great. So mysterious and spiritual. God help you, dear Ophelia

Inna, age: 26 / 04/02/2017

I thank everyone who responded to my request. Unfortunately, I have no one to share my experiences with. Therefore, the support of strangers turned out to be incredibly important and necessary for me. Of course, I am making a huge effort to get out of the swamp in which I have been for more than two years. At first, I was full of optimism to survive and forget this event, like a bad dream. But everything turned out to be much more complicated than I could have imagined. In fact, it is very difficult to come to terms with the idea that the closest and dearest person turned out to be a traitor, that I and my sons were neglected, deprived of their father’s support and assistance in raising them. The youngest son has begun a difficult transitional age; now he especially needs male influence. I understand that I cannot replace his father. I remember when the children were little, a man came up to us in the park and said how lucky your husband is, he has two sons. Many people dream of such happiness. Two sons - that's so cool! This is the pride of the father, continuation of the family, joint hikes, fishing, football, help in all matters, and much more. But no, they are no longer needed... It’s very sad to realize that nothing has changed for the better in two years. I used to think that running away from problems was wrong, you need to be brave and face them. Apparently, in my case, it’s really better to seriously think about moving. And I never forget about God; my every day begins with prayer. But strength and hope left me, unfortunately. Thanks to everyone who supported me! I wish you happiness, peace and prosperity.

Ophelia, age: 42 / 04/02/2017

My mother also went through a divorce; my parents were married for almost 30 years. This is certainly stressful for a woman, but you must pull yourself together for the sake of your sons. Think about it, if you are gone, who will take care of your boys? After the divorce, my mother, on the contrary, spread her wings. She has a job she loves, and she devotes all her free time to me and my sister. Her life is in us and she also lives for us. Try not to see divorce as a tragedy. You have a chance to build your personal life again, you have two healthy sons, who, I am sure, love you very much. You are wondering why this situation has been given to you, but try to think in a different direction: “What can I learn from this situation?” Live for yourself, live for your children. Men should not be the center of your Universe, but you yourself, and you also have children. Well, he left and left. Good riddance to him, let him build his life, and you build yours. You are only 42 years old, your whole life is ahead of you. Don't despair, dear Ophelia! God help you!

Diana, age: 23 / 04/02/2017

Dear Ophelia, let me advise you to watch one program: Gaft’s meeting with his son at Malakhov’s. There, the woman who was once abandoned by Gaft has such a worthy position - it’s simply beyond praise and worthy of respect, she looked in admiration. Try to reconsider your situation and your sons a little. Understand, it was not you who lost after your husband left, it was he who deprived himself of the joy of seeing your sons grow up, he stole part of his life from himself, maybe someday he will understand this. And you, you can be happy that you have each other, let your home be warm and cozy, where you want to return to warm up. All the best to you, tune in for the best!

Anna, age: 36 / 04/03/2017

Ophelia, I, like many others here, believe that it is better for you to move so as not to meet with your ex again. You are now seriously wounded by betrayal, why finish yourself off? You know how at the front a wounded soldier, even the bravest one, is always taken from the front line to the hospital, to the rear, so that he can heal, rest, get stronger and go back into battle. Give yourself time to come to your senses, experience it, comprehend it, and after a while, meetings with your ex will be much easier for you. Now, when I see my ex-husband, I experience a strange feeling, like I’ve lived with a man for 20 years, and he’s a complete stranger, and there’s nothing to say other than “hello, goodbye.” And how could I, in fact, allow a complete stranger, with dubious moral values, to rule, judge and have mercy in my life, to rule my life? I, just like you, suffered from “not needed, neglected”, how to live on? He is not the Lord God; our ex-husband’s neglect does not make us less valuable and worthy. You are a wonderful woman with wonderful sons, the betrayal of your husband does not make you or your children worse. His betrayal speaks about him, not about you. You write that your son needs a male upbringing. Surround him with respected men, find a priest who will find an approach to your teenager, a coach in the sports section, a teacher. You also have an eldest son, who can also help his brother grow into a real man. Maybe you will meet a man. There are many options. The light did not fall like a wedge on the ex-husband, who distanced himself from his sons. Switch your attention, as much as you can, to something good, beautiful, kind. Emotions and thoughts have covered you, dragged you into the abyss of despair, and you return yourself to reality,” here I am, alive, healthy, young, standing in front of the entrance to my house. What am I thinking? About your ex's happiness? Do I need this? No, don't. What do I need? Is it useful? But it’s good for me to please myself, for example, walk 3 laps around the house and listen to the birds singing/play with the neighbor’s puppy..” go and look at the world, this is real life, and not the horror you had to go through. You have already passed this, this is the past, and you are in the present. The darkest night is before the dawn. It will definitely get better soon.

Elena, age: 46 / 04/03/2017

Dear Ophelia, I understand you very much. I myself was (and now still doesn’t let go) in the same situation. I experienced a double betrayal by bm (I forgave the first time). Now he is cohabiting with another lady (of course, much younger), a child will be born soon. And I really wanted a second baby (I have a daughter). All these stories are so banal: betrayal for the sake of a young fool. Ours is quite a classic: we married beggars, loved each other, then “rose up” and became a “challenging prize” from the “all-understanding and loving” fairies. It’s just that the time now is completely immoral, the family is collapsing, people are turning a blind eye to everything. Disgusting. There are a lot of women with similar stories now. But this does not mean that you should not live. You have to live. For the sake of God, children, parents, myself. They correctly wrote to you that a man is not the center of the universe. The center is the Lord. And He is the one who helps you survive any grief. The sacraments of the Church and repentance resurrect, I know from myself. Well, to cheer you up, I’ll say that I recently got married again) But this is a completely different story, confirming that everything is possible) God help you!

Alevtina, age: 40 / 04/03/2017

Ophelia, thank God that you start every day with prayer! After several years of church life, I realized that you need to turn to God when a terrible painful state or mood comes over you, at this very moment you need to ask Him for help. Of course, this does not cancel morning and evening prayers, this is a little different. Try it, and you will feel His closeness, it will bring you closer to Him... when a person dear to my heart left me, I prayed: Lord, bless him. I repeated this to myself many times when it was especially difficult, and after a few days it became easier for me. I understand that it is much more difficult for you because you have lived half your life together, because you see each other, but still try to pray like this. Prayer does not, of course, cancel out active external activity, and I agree that it would be good for you to move, it would speed up the process of your recovery. Don’t despair, you are not alone, you have children, and most importantly, the Lord is always there. Read the Gospel more often, it is very comforting and penetrates into your very heart. Don't forget about Sunday services and participation in the Sacraments. Every Sunday is a little Easter, and very soon the calendar one. I would also advise you to do some handicraft, it also calms you down and distracts you from unnecessary thoughts. All the best to you! Hold on!

Masha, age: 27 / 04/03/2017

Ophelia, I want to help you, support you, but I can’t find the words. Try to move away from this situation. Forbid yourself to not think about it for at least a day, and then another day. Because you still won’t find the answers why he did this. You have children - this is the most important thing. You have a job. Maybe fate has something good in store for you ahead. You are only 42 years old. Live some time for yourself and your children, do what you have always dreamed of, but did not have time due to being busy. Just do it sincerely for yourself, without looking at your husband. For such a warm and kind person as you seem from the letter, everything will definitely work out.

Anna, age: 33 / 04/03/2017

Why kill yourself, my husband also left after twenty-three years of marriage. We have a student daughter and three children under our care. We love him very much and everyone suffers in their own way. Most of all, of course, I. But I decided to let him go and wish him happiness. I pray for him. I probably won’t live long, I’m seriously ill. But we haven’t decided what to do with the children yet. I want to survive for the sake of the children, but this is only possible for God. Let your will be done!

Mira, age: 59 / 12/24/2017

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