Why do exes come back, and is it worth giving a second chance? The psychologist explains

Why do men come back after a breakup? It is impossible to give a definite answer regarding the reasons for returning after a breakup, since it concerns the individuality of the intimate history of each unique relationship. However, the most common trends stand out. It happens that they come back after trying several other relationships, which gives the formation of an experienced understanding that the ex-woman is more suitable, and her importance increases. The everyday side of the issue also comes into play, making a man, satiated with romance and adrenaline, miss his organized life and his usual slippers. There is also full-blown jealousy, like a drive towards the past, and an inability to experience the new happiness of the former companion. Debt to children, reproaches from friends, image at work, paying off a mortgage, a feeling of shame, inadequacy in everyday life - everything can become a motive for returning. Although the most ethically correct reason why men return to their exes after a breakup is the presence of a desire to be together, due to mutual feelings and the same direction in life.

A woman faces a difficult choice about accepting back a man who wants to return. Such a passage of a crisis can give a new understanding of relationships, or it can take time and nerves, and the success of ending such an undertaking depends on the initial motives, efforts made and internal capabilities.

Intimacy

For some, sex is one of the components of a relationship, but for others, it is the most important component. And some men return to their former partners solely because they have not found another girl with whom it would be just as good in bed. If for some women a union built purely on sexual relations is unacceptable, then for others it is more than satisfactory. For some, an emotional connection is important, but for others, male libido and the ability to use it to their advantage are enough to be happy.

Advice from practicing psychologists

When girls are abandoned, they wonder why their lovers do not return to them after breaking up, and wonder what psychology says about this. Many young ladies make mistakes, become annoying, trying to often catch the eye of their former gentleman. They call, write messages, blackmail with children. You need to pull yourself together and let the man go with ease, because this will worsen the relationship.

After a woman is abandoned by her boyfriend, she begins to take care of herself, learns to cook, and maintain order in the house. These actions had to be performed at all times. To be able to accept him back and restore the relationship, you need to work on yourself.

There are many reasons for breaking up a relationship, objective and impulsive. Sometimes you can restore a relationship with a guy if he left. But in some cases it is better not to do this. Only with the desire of both partners and willingness to work on themselves will it be possible to renew the union.

What to do if your ex-husband returns

The main thing is not to show your interest in a man. Cold indifference in such a situation is the best thing you can do. Don’t agree to a personal meeting, he must understand that you no longer need it. The meeting will mean that you have something to say and it doesn’t matter how you present it. Leave the fire of his ego without wood.

Usually, after parting with a woman, a husband or lover quickly calms down. He is sure that he is a male, that he is happiness for any free woman, and as soon as he becomes free, the best representatives of the fairer sex will begin to fight for him. There is simply no point for him to suffer over lost love, because there is a bright future ahead and single women awaiting his freedom.

Actions and feelings of a young man

The behavior of men after a breakup is sometimes surprising. Especially if the initiative to break up lies with him. Instead of completely disappearing from his ex’s life, he begins to look for meetings, regularly reminds him of himself, and tries to attract attention. Often a man calls after a breakup, catching his ex by surprise. Such actions occur when the perpetrator of the breakup feels confused. After all, he is not used to being alone, making any decisions on his own, especially if the couple has been together for a long period of time.

Why does your ex want to come back?

Every man who wants to reunite with his former passion has certain goals. Psychologists identify several main reasons that encourage exes to return:

He realizes that he made a mistake. Sometimes people make rash decisions, driven by emotions, and then regret their actions. Representatives of the stronger sex with high moral qualities most often return to ex-girlfriends. They believe that the chosen one will have a difficult time without him, and her life will become worse.
He was tired of loneliness. Having been a bachelor, the guy notes that delicious food does not appear on the table, the house is not cleaned on its own, and shirts are not washed or ironed. Being lonely, a man is forced to solve all everyday problems on his own. If the couple shared all expenses in half, then the desire to return may be due to commercialism.
Disappointment in other women. Some men are accustomed to seeing certain qualities in their life partner that they expect from new passions. However, not every woman wants to be a cook, mistress and cleaner all rolled into one. As a result, a person begins to suffer from a lack of attention and care. Therefore, guys often express a desire to return to their former passions.

A sense of ownership. In such a situation, even after breaking up, they continue to monitor the lives of their exes, because they do not want to put up with the loss of power. Realizing that the girl in whom he invested his time and resources may end up in the arms of another, the man returns.
If he quit on his own. Men rarely return to women they leave themselves. But if the girl who initiated the breakup beckons, then in almost all cases they return, despite the fact that they may have a new relationship.

We have common children. Many women wonder whether their ex-husband will return. If they have children, then this is a common story of husbands returning to their wives. However, without feelings for a woman, children cannot always become a decisive factor in the return of a spouse to the family.
Emotional pressure. There is a category of girls who can achieve anything they want with their tears. They begin to put moral pressure on their boyfriend, acting through his friends, relatives and acquaintances.
He managed to compare. The young man sees some shortcomings in his chosen one, and therefore decides to break up with her. But having started a relationship with another girl, he becomes convinced that his previous passion was much better. However, this does not always mean that the relationship can end with a happy ending. If on his life's path he meets a girl who meets his ideals, he will go to her.
Real love. It’s hard for people together, but bad for people apart. And the lovers once again quarreled and decided to separate. They start a new relationship, but at one point they break off all ties with new passions and return to their exes. This can only be explained by true love.

Scenarios of behavior to return your loved one

The choice of the right tactics depends on the reasons for the breakup, so it’s worth starting from them. Even a premonition that the ex will return can deceive if you provoke proceedings in every possible way, insist on continuing communication, or, conversely, look unapproachable.

Left for someone else

The betrayal of a loved one is perceived as a strong blow to pride. The main thing here is to save your own face, not to stoop to revenge or surveillance. A man will return only after feeling that his lost love was better, more reliable. This requires time and decent behavior. It’s better to part ways on a friendly note, express how painful it is, how sad it is to lose him, but show that no one is holding him. Understand that men only want someone who loves herself. Therefore, instead of suffering, take care of yourself, development, and analysis of mistakes. Don't call, don't write, don't look for meetings. Time will pass, he will show up on his own. The main thing is not to show how you suffer, and also not to fall into the arms of other men.

Ate everyday life

A strict definition describes all the symptoms of housewives. If you got dressed and got your nails done just after leaving your home, the man will miss the one he fell in love with. Also, restrictions and deprivation of the opportunity to engage in your favorite hobby often force you to leave and take a break for freedom. Reconsider your attitude towards household chores. Maybe it’s worth saving up for home appliances in order to delegate some of the responsibilities to her, handing over children to grandmothers more often, or taking them to a baby club on weekends. An exhausted wife, no matter how cruel it may sound, scares away even a loving husband. Love yourself, take care of yourself.

Eternally busy

The complete opposite of maternity maids and housewives, a notorious careerist. If at home you are thinking about work, talking only about fulfilling the plan, working part-time at home on weekends, your partner will look for tenderness and care on the side or among friends. Love must come from both, you cannot be married at work. You need to decide what is more important, personal happiness or a high position. Usually these two things are incompatible.

Manipulation

Another factor that destroys a marriage. You cannot force your desires to come true through refusal of sex or other threats. Men immediately recognize the one who only needs money or connections from them. Such a union cannot exist for long. In an alliance there must be dialogue and trust. Maybe you should look for an equal partner, and not someone you can push around. Usually, after a breakup, men return to those who give them warmth and love when they feel important. Be the one who is ready to give them these feelings.

Why men come back after a breakup - men's opinion

Initially, it all comes down to the fact that they are interested in how his former passion lives. And if there is nothing interesting in her life, then he may not appear in her life soon.

And if her personal life has improved or career growth has occurred, this arouses interest and indignation at the same time that he did not become a participant in such cardinal events in her life.

Why exes come back

It’s very simple - all decisions must be made with a cool head. Emotions are not the best advisors in such situations. That is why psychologists unanimously advise, upon learning about your husband’s infidelity, the first thing to do is:

take a time out
think and weigh
and only after that decide what you should do.

In cases of separation, advice like “Follow the first call of your soul!” does not work. If I followed the first call of my soul, all my exes would be in local traumatology. Thinking is very useful! This is a wonderful skill to teach your daughters. Before you say or even do anything, think!

So, when emotions subside, reason comes first. And the exes too. And the former, who until recently was relevant, realizes that due to his own stupidity he lost:

What do children think

When parents divorce, most of all those around them feel sorry for the child. After all, now he will have to live without his dad. Even if the father is present in the life of his child, it will not be constantly as before. Of course, young children cannot answer a complex question, but teenagers find the answer. They believe that the father leaves the family because of them, and returns back also because of them. Children are selfish, and this is quite normal. Their universe revolves around family, and when things go wrong, they may blame themselves.

How often do men actually return to their families for the sake of their children? Statistics show no. This will surprise few people in Russia. A man can return to his wife, to his usual way of life and, as a result, to his child. But for the sake of children, few of the stronger sex will leave their mistress.

We recommend reading: Jealousy - definition of the concept, causes, signs

He left you because he thought you weren't worth his time. Maybe he was even ashamed of you in front of others. And now he noticed that you were successful, remembered how much you loved him, and decided that not everything was so bad.

Do exes come back?

Sometimes it happens that a man and a woman break up. Often the initiator of a break is the stronger sex. It's easier for him to deal with it. A woman needs more time and effort to get back on track.

There are frequent cases when she already forgets her beloved, he appears on the horizon. Many sexologists claim that this happens due to a sense of ownership and hunter instincts. This happens if he has not met a new love or is disappointed with her.

Why do exes come back? Psychology

Psychologists have identified several reasons why exes come back when you are no longer expecting them.

Lack of a new passion. A person needs love. The monotony in a relationship bores both partners, but due to their natural selfishness, they can simply turn around and leave. But why do men return to their exes? This behavior consists of the following: he took a walk, compared, and realized that he was in a hurry with the breakup.
A sense of ownership. The appearance of a gentleman and the resulting jealousy is the motive for the return.
Experiment. He leaves, then returns, again provoking a break. He wonders if she will accept him again.
Naivety. Having lived his life with one woman, an aging womanizer meets a young nymph, to whom he leaves his faithful life partner. He is convinced that his young partner is interested in his intelligence, potency, appearance, but not his finances. When he understands how things are, he returns to his abandoned wife.
Sex. Male psychology has proven that sex in marriage comes first for the husband. If you don't get what you want, a break occurs. He satisfies sexual needs on the side and calmly returns. Sometimes the wife doesn’t even know about the man’s infidelity.
Call of Duty. The abandoned woman begins to have psychological and financial problems, and he returns.
Love for children. The children ask dad to return to the family.
Yearning. They return to their abandoned passion because they begin to yearn for their wife and their life together.
Appearance. The beloved ceases to suit her externally. When she finds the reason for leaving and puts herself in order, he returns.
Love. Parting gives him a chance to realize that he loves this particular woman and life without her is not sweet.

Why do husbands return to their ex-wives?

Why do men return to their ex-wives? Why ex-husbands return, the psychology is that after a divorce he may begin to miss his wife and wants to return. In such cases, husbands seek reunification if:

He is guilty and wants to be forgiven.
Wants to prove his importance to his wife.
He loves his wife very much.
They miss their children.

Here are the reasons why ex-husbands return to the family.

Why ex-men come back

Those who come back are those who realized that without their beloved it is bad. Some men need time to understand that their abandoned lover is dear to him. Therefore, psychologists recommend not to rush, but to give him the opportunity to sort out his feelings himself.

Why do ex-lovers return? The reason for this may be simple jealousy. Even in separation, he continues to monitor the life of his ex, scaring away his rivals. He transforms again into an attentive gentleman and a sensitive lover.

In many cases, the desire to return is driven by comfort. He was accustomed to the comfort of home, clean clothes and delicious food.

There are many reasons why men always return to their exes, but sometimes it is difficult to understand his true motives. Sometimes a woman, refusing to accept a prodigal husband, makes the right decision, and sometimes she makes an incorrigible mistake. The main thing is to listen to your heart and not let it manipulate you. Before reuniting or parting forever, you need to think and weigh everything.

Don't rush to accept a man again

I recommend not jumping to conclusions when a person returns to start building a relationship again. In this situation, you need to be wise and attentive. But at the same time, be as respectful to the person as you want him to be respectful to you. Have a sincere conversation with him, and only when you feel sincerity and honesty in his words, only then accept him back.

In any case, the man will first try to reconnect with you. Typically, they do this through text messages, calls or social networks. If he writes or calls you, try not to show emotion, cry or be offended that he had thoughts of leaving you. Because it took a lot of strength for a man to muster up the courage to approach you. Writing a text may seem like an easy task, but not all men are capable of even this.

So proceed calmly. Try to be positive rather than negative. Don't delve into the past and don't remember his mistakes. You should have done this during the breakup. And, if you again start asking him questions about the unsuccessful past, then in this way show that you do not believe in reconciliation. So stay calm and communicate normally. You should also not talk about your reconciliation to friends or relatives. Keep it a secret for now.

Why and for what reason exes come back

As they say, you cannot step into the same river twice. Everyone knows this saying. But at the same time, life proves that sometimes this still happens, and more often than you might think. For example, quite often we return again and again to some past stages of our lives. So, often men and women return to people with whom they had a family in the past

. What pushes us to return to our former partners and how many chances are there to mend relationships that have previously been torn to shreds? Psychologist's opinion:

Sometimes you can hear conversations like this: “he left her, and after a while he came back, she had a good time, and then came back to her husband...”. It is very easy for strangers to talk about this, but rarely does anyone realize that in fact all this hides a deep drama behind it. After all, for people to leave or return, there must be serious reasons. And it is difficult to imagine how much mental strength a person must exert in order to forgive his former partner for betrayal.

The main problem with which people come to a psychologist for help is that they simply cannot re-establish relationships with their ex-husband or wife who wants to return to the family. These people are tormented by the question of whether they should forgive and accept their partner back or not. This decision is very difficult, and in order to make it, you should first find out the reasons why your partner decided to leave you and why he wanted to return to you.

Reason number 1.

Your partner needs a temporary break. After being alone with himself for some time, he realized that he really needed you and decided to come back.

Psychologist's opinion:

Among all the options, this is the most harmless. In this case, the person does not leave his family in order to build a relationship with a new partner, but simply wants to be alone for some time and think about his relationship. Similar relationship crises can happen to anyone.

Reason number 2.

Your partner does not like your marriage, and he decided to leave you to find another partner for himself, but he did not succeed, and then, in order not to be completely alone, he decided to return to you again.

Psychologist's opinion:

Such behavior will not solve the problems that have arisen. If there are certain problems in a marriage, they will not be solved on their own after the wife or husband wants to return to the family. Therefore, you need to think about what exactly needs to change in the relationship. And only in this case will there be a chance to save the family.

Reason number 3.

The new partner turned out to be worse than the previous one.

Psychologist's opinion:

When a partner breaks up his marriage and begins to build a relationship with a new wife or husband, it is quite possible that this will result in disappointment for him. For example, the first wife always pampered him with delicious pies and other dishes, but the new wife, besides sex, cannot offer anything else. And good sex is not the only condition for a good marriage... there are also cases when, after some time has passed from the start of a new relationship, it turns out that a new partner is interesting to date periodically, but he is absolutely not suitable for living together. As a result of all this, a person understands that he was much better off with his previous partner.

Of course, in such a situation we can hardly talk about feelings; this, most likely, can be called a consumer position. It is up to you whether you agree to reunite with your “Prodigal” partner, but one way or another, do not expect your relationship to be the same as before.

Reason number 4.

The partner is pushed to return to the family by a sense of duty when special circumstances arise. For example, difficulties arose with children, a previous partner became seriously ill, etc.

Psychologist's opinion:

On the one hand, it’s not at all bad when a person believes that he is responsible for his children and ex-marital partner. But at the same time, one must remember that in this case he is also not guided by feelings. He is driven by duty. Naturally, you can accept your ex-partner back, agree to his support, but at the same time you will feel that he will no longer be able to be completely yours, as he once was.

Reason number 5.

A partner who has divorced is not ready for changes in his life.

Psychologist's opinion:

Over the course of some years of living together, you have already gotten used to each other, learned to put up with shortcomings, and become family. And family life with a new partner seems completely unfamiliar and foreign. As a result, after a while, longing for what happened before appears. It is because of the desire to return to a familiar environment that a person tries to return. But the fact is that even if he is accepted back, this does not mean that after a while he will not want to leave again. Moreover, after some time, leaving and returning will become his way of life and it is possible that he will live with two families at the same time. If this happens, then he needs to be given an ultimatum: he must once and for all decide which of his families he chooses, with whom he wants to stay.

Reason number 6.

You used to be husband and wife, and then you separated. Now that some time has passed, you are older, you have new goals in life, and you realize that you want to get back together.

Psychologist's opinion:

Among other options, this one is quite acceptable. At a young age, people can break up due to everyday problems, quarrels due to emotional temper, lack of specific goals in both partners or in one of them. People can meet again when they have decided on their life values, solved material, everyday and housing problems, and formed as individuals. It is possible that after this meeting an even stronger attraction will appear than before, and all grievances will simply disappear, as people will understand that in the past they were simply mistaken. In this situation, there are good chances to start the relationship from scratch.

One way or another, before you agree to take your ex back, you should have a serious conversation with him about your relationship. How strong your marriage will be depends on the efforts that you and your partner will make for this.