Hello, dear readers! Many people are familiar with the bitterness of a breakup, and the stronger the feelings, the more uncertain the state if the ex-boyfriend writes to you some time after the breakup, offering to continue communication or meet. The main thing is not to lose the ability to think adequately, because the motives can be the most unexpected. Take a break, finish reading the blog article, and then you can decide what to do, but with a clear understanding of the result.
How to react?
It has already happened that an ex-boyfriend, husband or lover wrote. What to do next, how to react, and what is the best way to respond? Should you write to your ex, or is it better to beware of this communication? You need to consider options for different situations.
If you want to return it
Initially, you need to understand the motive and sincerity of his messages. If his desires coincide with yours, then, of course, you need to continue the dialogue. There is no need to return to discussing past problems and delve into old conflicts.
If you want a good new relationship with this person, then you need to get to know him again, get to know him, discover new sides in him and show different sides of yourself.
Do not rush to immediately fall into the pool of feelings again. It makes sense to talk longer and get used to each other again. And it’s easy to understand whether there is still love and meaning in this relationship, or whether it’s just warm memories from the past.
If you want to avoid communication
In this case, everything is quite simple. One option is to simply tell your obsessive boyfriend that you don’t want to communicate with him, much less a relationship.
If a man who left you, while waking up and falling asleep, writes to you and tries to write to you under someone else’s name, then it makes sense to block his contacts, including accounts on social networks and phone number.
And if a man persuaded his friends, who write to you on his initiative, not to leave you alone, then you can block them too. After all, peace of mind and safety are more important than the fact that blocking may offend someone.
Friendship or apart
Some couples, when breaking up, decide to maintain a friendly relationship. It happens that you can’t stop communicating even if you want to, when you have to bump into each other at work, study, or in a company. For some it is easier to maintain friendships, for others it is better to burn bridges forever. There is no universal or best method, people are different. If you continue to communicate, but if your friend doesn’t call when you want to talk, you can easily dial the number and “pour out your soul” without fear of being misunderstood. But when everything is over completely and irrevocably and there is no connection left - what to do if you really want to call, tell how you miss you or, conversely, say all sorts of nasty things?
Why does an ex-boyfriend write: the psychology of the phrase “You were right”
Women expect warm words from men, but after a breakup, the more desirable phrase turns out to be: “You were right.” I hasten to inform you that this is manipulation. So he checks whether she still has feelings. It is important for him not to be forgotten. He could have had a bad day at work or someone hurt his ego and, confident that a woman will come running when called, he writes such a message.
This behavior characterizes only weak and dependent people. He raises his importance at the expense of another person, which in itself is a destructive desire.
Dear ones, even if you dreamed of such a message, I advise you to let him know that you have blacklisted his number. This way you can take control of the situation into your own hands.
Thank you for reading this article to the end.!
Sincere repentance
There are exceptions. Especially in young, inexperienced couples. He may have done something seriously wrong. You had a fight and he left. In the heat of a quarrel, I said some nasty things to you. The psychology of a man in love is designed in such a way that after a while he will repent . He will be tormented by his conscience that he did wrong to you. So he starts calling you, asking to meet, sending you gifts. Some guys are embarrassed to ask for forgiveness straight away. They try to lead him to him when they meet. There are other extremes. For example, such a man may carry these emotions within himself, but under the influence of alcohol he may suddenly come to visit, begin to ask for forgiveness, confess his love, and repent. Maybe he's doing all this because he's drunk. Or maybe I only got the courage to tell you this when I was drunk?
There are examples of couples where, after such repentance, the man really realized his mistakes , was forgiven and the relationship continued
SMS without continuation
The above algorithm describes a happy development of events. But in this way, only 1% of 1,000,000% of exes return. So let’s face it and, in order not to suffer, let’s immediately wisely cut off all the bridges:
- Greedy. If your dad holds a high position or you are the headman at the university, He will decide that you should not miss the opportunity to communicate and gain benefits. Therefore, he will write periodically, maybe invite you for coffee.
- "Spare." He has a girlfriend, but he has problems communicating with her. In order not to be left alone in the event of a breakup, he keeps you on a “short leash”. If everything goes well, he will loosen his grip. This often explains why an ex is actively texting at first and then suddenly disappears.
- Abuse. This is the saddest option, when He turns out to be not just bad, but a real maniac. He takes pleasure in the sight of a broken heart, tears and prayers. Therefore, he flies in from nowhere, sprinkles with beautiful words, gives sweets and flowers, and when heaven comes, he disappears. And so on in a circle.
Reasons why it's better not to get back in a relationship with your ex
- you are showing your weakness.
In this case, a person can use your weakness to his own advantage. If you feel that after a breakup your ex-partner is showing increased interest in you, know that these are simply attempts to manipulate you. A man may try to take revenge on you for his battered pride. By showing your weaknesses, you seem to disarm yourself and remove your reservation. This is very dangerous, since you do not know for sure how your ex-man will behave in this situation.
- you are not made for each other.
This is the reason you broke up. There is no need to resist fate and prove otherwise. This is already a passed stage of your life. You cannot step into the same river twice. Accept this and move on towards your happiness.
- you are moving away from a bright future.
Banal physical connection, ordinary sex do not let you leave this person. But in this way you lock yourself in a cage and do not allow yourself to develop. This can lead to such serious consequences as an unplanned pregnancy. And then your common child will experience all the “delights” of such an unhealthy relationship.
you are slowing down your development.
New acquaintances help people lift their spirits and expand the boundaries of consciousness. Now this does not require much time and effort. You can use online resources to find your soulmate. You just need to present yourself correctly.
- he or she will not change.
Often we hope that a person will change for the better. This happens, but extremely rarely. After all, a couple of years is not enough to change your character traits and change your priorities. Sometimes this takes decades.
Start with a clean slate
It's not always possible to start over again.
This approach is closely related to nostalgia. Your ex-boyfriend flips through your shared photos and remembers how cool it was back then. Wants it all to happen again . It's been a long time. He believes that he has changed for the better. You miss him too. And here the guy can initiate an idea called “try to start all over again.” Starting a relationship like this can really give you a new honeymoon. While he still wants to impress you, so as not to look stupid. There will be flowers, gifts, attention, affection, care. All this will end someday. You will return to the state of affairs that was before the separation. If you broke up because he cheated on you. Know that he will easily change again. Don't try to bring back the past . It won't be like before. It's better to focus on the present and future. Life is full of new emotions. Take a step towards them, not a step back... into the past
Emotions when reading messages
When Jen saw Glanz’s number on the phone (other girls had a similar reaction), she was filled with mixed feelings. The physical sensations were also strange: my stomach seemed to sink somewhere, my heart began to beat faster, and my palms began to sweat. Such manifestations occur with strong excitement.
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Is it necessary to renew the relationship?
This is a very difficult question to which there is no one-size-fits-all answer. There are many factors that influence this answer. You need to answer many questions for yourself, understand your true feelings. What is more important to you, finding ways to avoid getting together with a guy or finding reasons to build a life together again?
Let's look at different factors.
Reasons for separation
The reason for the separation is almost the decisive factor in deciding to restore the relationship.
If he left you
In this case, his desire for communication will be quite incomprehensible. And there are two options. Either old emotions have risen up in him, or he is writing to you insincerely and absolutely not with the goal of restoring the relationship.
Analyze the breakup well, and if he left you because of some trifle or caused you too much pain, then you should not rush to establish such communication.
If you left him
Most likely, there were good reasons for this action. And if you had them, and if they led to a separation, are you sure that this will not happen again?
Can we really say that the man has changed? Have you really learned to behave differently in relationships? Will these feelings make you two happy? If not, then there is no point in starting again.
It all ended in scandal
If there was a scandal, then there were mutual claims. Here again the question is, are you sure that your ex-partner has changed, and also, have you changed?
If everything remains the same, you still do not satisfy each other, and your life will again be filled with scandals and misunderstandings - you should not return to such a relationship.
In any case, it makes sense to discuss the problems and try to understand each other, whether there is a desire to change something, and whether you are ready to do it. If so, maybe you can give this relationship a chance?
If you broke up via SMS, then you shouldn’t think about restoring the relationship. After all, even if such an important decision as a breakup was not made face to face, did this relationship ever make sense?
How often does he write?
The frequency of how often the former chosen one writes can also tell you whether it makes sense to return the relationship.
Occasionally
If most of the time you do not communicate, but sometimes he writes to you, most likely he already has new feelings, and most of the time he is not interested in you. And he probably writes out of boredom, and not a desire to return the relationship.
Every day
There are two reasons why the guy writes. Either he is possessive and it is vital for him to control the life of his ex-girlfriend, or he still has sincere feelings and wants to take care of her.
In the second case, you need to reconsider your attitude towards your ex-partner - and if feelings have not yet cooled down, then why not give him a chance?
On certain dates
It is likely that your current partner is not around on certain days, or the guy writes on days when you have days off. In this case, attention on his part most likely means a desire for a single meeting.
But even if after 2 years he continues to congratulate you on your birthday or some seemingly insignificant holidays, can you be sure that his feelings have already faded?
Perhaps after breaking up, the man did not write to you for a long time, but this does not always mean that he decided to completely cut off communication. It’s just that a man’s psychology after a breakup is that he starts to miss the girl later. Consequently, he may begin to realize his mistakes later and make attempts to repair the relationship.
Yes, the frequency of messages is not a 100% guarantee of determining the motives of why your ex-husband writes to you, and whether you need to start a new relationship with him, but by following certain patterns, you can better understand his disposition towards you.
How do you feel?
It is enough to analyze your feelings to understand whether you need a relationship with your ex-partner.
If his SMS makes your heart skip a beat and a smile appears, maybe it’s time to admit to yourself that the feelings are still alive?
After all, if you are waiting for his messages, and conversations with him are as important and interesting for you as before, it means that love still exists, and the person is just as important. Perhaps he deserves to give this relationship another chance.
The same is true in the opposite case. If intrusive messages only cause irritation and a desire to get rid of the interlocutor as quickly as possible, then you need to gently inform that communication no longer makes sense and you need to stop it now.
If your ex-partner cannot stop bothering you after your request, and all the hints fall on deaf ears, overcome yourself and block him so that this communication does not poison your life.
What to pay attention to
There are several other factors that can reveal feelings and intentions:
- if a man writes but does nothing , then there is a high probability that he does not need a relationship. And when corresponding with you, he sees either a friend or a backup option. Perhaps he enjoys communicating with you, but he is not yet ready to take decisive action to restore the relationship. And here you can either give the man time, or simply continue communication without the prospect of something more;
- if he backs up his words with actions , then it is likely that he is very serious. If he again decides to achieve a relationship with the chosen one whom he lost, if feelings are boiling in him again, and his actions speak of love and care, think about giving him a chance.
If, in the end, a decision was made to restore the relationship, then you need to study the advice of psychologists. To some extent, restoring intimacy after a breakup is even more difficult than building a new one. Important tips are:
- be attentive and careful towards yourself and your partner. Don't let the new wave of love completely cover your eyes;
- take care of yourself. If you still find it difficult to let go of old wounds and grievances, then discuss this with your partner or work with a psychologist. You should feel comfortable in the relationship;
- don't remember the breakup . Every word about a past breakup and reproach towards your significant other can cause anger and irritation. If these feelings are dear to you, then start them with a clean slate, and do not cling to old grievances;
- focus on the good things that happened in the relationship. Remember good deeds, words or events that made you happy. Try together to again create that cozy atmosphere of love in which you two felt comfortable;
- thank each other. New relationships are hard work. Words of gratitude will be an encouragement and incentive to move on and do more;
- create new memories together. After all, the more good moments there are, the stronger and more comfortable the relationship will become for the two partners;
- reconsider the agreements. Are the previous agreements still relevant in the new relationship? Or maybe it’s worth creating something anew;
- draw the right conclusions. You need to perceive the break as a kind of reboot and an opportunity to draw conclusions about problems in the relationship;
- apologize and admit your mistakes. After all, if you constantly resist and stand your ground, then there will be no progress in the relationship, and everything will get worse again;
- make plans for the future. Talk about what you would like your relationship to look like in the future, what you can change in yourself, and what actions on both sides will make this relationship ideal;
- talk and listen. The ability to listen is perhaps the basis of good relationships. After all, if partners know how to listen and hear, and subsequently change, it means that they value these relationships and want their further development.
