For many of us, texting seems like an integral part of a romantic relationship, and if a man doesn't show the same enthusiasm during it as we do, a frightening thought involuntarily arises - it's because he's not interested enough.
However, in reality, there are many different factors that can prevent you from communicating online and being as active as you would like.
Below we have listed 13 of the most common reasons why a guy might not text first or doesn't text often enough.
She turned into a mommy
“I’m tired of her constant supervision,” says Maxim. “We have a son, and my wife thinks she has two children who are important to keep an eye on.” Decisions about where we will relax, what to do on weekends, are made only by her. He's trying to get me a different job. In some ways it’s convenient for me, but I can’t make love to a woman who has become almost a mother to me.”
In a harmonious relationship, partners have a natural change of roles. Along with the erotic image of a lover, warmth and care, which are associated with the maternal part of a woman’s personality, are also important to a man at certain moments in his life.
“The problem arises when we become frozen in one role, in this case, mother,” says the psychologist. — Living with my mother is comfortable, but relationships with her are taboo. It is not surprising that an excess of female guardianship kills any sexual desires in a man, transformed into a symbolic child.”
The guy harbored a grudge
Girls can often, without even giving it any importance, hurt a man’s pride and seriously offend him. You should think about what happened between you before this indifference appeared. If the same situation with hurtful words spoken from your mouth comes up in your memory, you need to talk about it directly. If necessary, it is better to immediately apologize for your statements.
Interesting article: how to understand that a man likes you by correspondence.
Lack of "chemistry"
“Our relationship did not begin with some incredible passion,” Artem admits. “I was already burned before and tired of the meat grinder of feelings I found myself in.” With this girl I just felt calm and good, but gradually the orderliness turned into boredom.
I had to admit to her that we weren't right for each other. It was unexpected and painful for her, but I decided that it was better for both of us to end this story.”
“If a previous strong love brought suffering, then next time a person can choose an emotionally more vulnerable partner. And he himself acts from the position of “strong”, deciding when to start and end a relationship, explains Marina Myaus. “However, this strategy does not always work.
Human relationships are not static. Control over the situation, its predictability, which initially brings pleasure, turn into a feeling of inadequacy of the connection and disappointment.” If you feel that you value the relationship more than your partner, but for some reason you agree with this imbalance, you should be prepared for the fact that your dependence, which flattered him, may repel him over time.
Always in a bad mood
“We met at a party with friends, she seemed to me the most beautiful girl,” recalls Oleg. “I was in love and ready to do anything for her.” However, her constantly bad mood became the background of our lives.
Everything that happened around was criticized. She cried and complained either about her colleagues who underestimated her or about her envious friends. I'm tired of saving her and entertaining her. We broke up".
Attempts to awaken cheerfulness in a woman can turn into a symbolic way for someone to conquer her and initially please her. However, over time, if a partner is not willing to constantly be responsible for the emotional well-being of another person, the imbalance in the relationship becomes obvious to him.
The “eternal victim” begins to demand more and more attention and make the other person guilty for not investing enough in her salvation. Constantly being in a bad mood turns into a form of passive aggression.
Opinions of loved ones
A man’s own opinion can drown out the advice of a friend, acquaintance, or one of his parents. Some people are too dependent on the opinions of others. Their whole life largely depends on what their loved ones think or say. This also applies to their personal life.
Unlike other situations, in this case you will not be able to get to the root of the problem. On a date, everything could be perfect even in small things, but the opinion of a third party changed everything. Should you continue a relationship with someone so sensitive to the opinions of others?
Some people are too dependent on the opinions of others
Afraid to clearly express his own sympathy
Bright and pure love often begins with friendship. If you can communicate with a friend day and night, then with a passion it is better to take time and dose your communication. When a relationship is just beginning, the guy tries not to bother his chosen one. Men believe that if they are the first to take the initiative to communicate, the girl will immediately see through them and understand their true feelings.
Such an understanding may be completely useless, because a representative of the stronger sex takes a long time to decide to admit his own sympathy.
Got what I wanted from you and now he's just playing
But it all started so wonderfully - flowers, sweets, romantic dates, cute gifts. It all ended with a magnificent night of love with passionate kisses and loving hugs. When you said goodbye, you heard the standard “I’ll write.”
After this, the guy disappears, and you, often washing your face with tears, think about why everything happened exactly like that. If we consider the situation from a psychological point of view, there may be several reasons.
- The night of love passed ahead of schedule. Practice shows that intimacy at the first meeting cannot result in a full-fledged romantic relationship. The man simply regarded you as a frivolous and flighty person. We cannot rule out the fact that the guy can be a real seduction guru, which is why you surrendered to his charms. In this case, the guy himself initially understood that further relations would not work out.
- Sex did not bring pleasure to the man. A man may be disappointed in the night he spent, because his expectations were simply not met. Perhaps he himself was far from up to par. In this case, the guy experiences shame and dissatisfaction with himself. Of course, he won’t get in touch after this.
- The night was too hot. There are situations exactly the opposite of those described above. Sex with you was so stunning that completely different feelings awoke in the guy, and he didn’t plan to fall in love at all. Initially, he was confident that a minor flirtation between you would end in a night of love and you would calmly go about your business without mentioning each other again. Perhaps the man has recently experienced a romantic drama and plunging headlong into the pool is not part of his plans. A guy may not want emotional dependence.
- The man did not like you. Sex is not only physical pleasure, but a spiritual connection is also important, even for a man. After the night, the guy apparently realized that all your communication was only sexual attraction. Serious feelings never awoke in him. The result is consistent, he decides not to continue this communication.
- You tried too hard during intimacy. In intimacy, you can try to show everything you are capable of. You remember all the poses from books and scenes from films, vehemently demonstrating this to your partner. In this case, a man can appreciate such skills as the result of sexual experience with many partners. Even if before this he had thoughts about a long-term romance, now they will melt away without a trace.
- He simply achieved what he wanted. As sad as it may be, this reason is the most common. From the very beginning of the relationship, the guy had only one thought - to get you into bed as soon as possible. As soon as the goal has been achieved, he simply disappears from sight.
If after the first night a guy disappears for one of the reasons described above, you shouldn’t be upset and, even more so, blame yourself for everything. The situation would be sadder if more meetings happened and you managed to become attached to the person, and even worse, fall in love. It is worth forgetting about this character and moving on with your life as if nothing had happened at all.
What to write to a man
To make sure he is the last thing on your mind before he falls asleep, send one of the sweet good night texts to melt his heart. Read this article and arm yourself with sweet messages.
We hope this article helped you understand the real reasons why men don't text or call. Essentially, you are afraid of the man's loss of interest. There will come a time when a man can pull away and start walking away. Do you know how to react correctly when this happens? If not, read this article.
We recommend watching a video from which you will find out why a man doesn’t write and whether you should write first:
Reasons for stopping correspondence and calls
It happens that after a period of active correspondence, a man suddenly becomes silent and seems to forget about your existence. The woman is offended because it is not clear what the reasons for his behavior are and what to do.
Let's analyze from a psychological point of view the main motives of the guy who suddenly stopped writing and calling.
Manipulates
You corresponded safely for several days, suddenly the guy suddenly stopped communicating. Don’t rush to look for the reason within yourself, thinking that you somehow scared him away. Perhaps the man is silent because he wants to check how much he cares for you, and how soon you will rush to write a new message first.
Not everyone manipulates with malicious intent; some try to understand in this way whether the interlocutor is really interested in them. If you like a person, then do not hesitate to take a step towards him. But when he first fails to text, and then the guy doesn’t text for a week, it’s worth considering whether you need a “roller coaster” instead of a normal relationship.
Doesn't text after sex
As sad as it is to admit, some men only want one thing. If a guy doesn’t write for 2 days after sex, it means he doesn’t want to, because he’s already achieved what he wanted.
Don't sit by the phone all day long waiting for a message. Remember that his silence is not your fault, he is just looking for a one-night stand at the moment, not a soul mate.
Why is this so difficult? Secrets of psychology
At the core of why women are so worried about the whole texting and calling issue is fear. Fear that a man is not really interested in hurting you, that he is just trying to play with you.
When we have fear or faith, our psyche will try to find evidence to support what we feel. We all travel around the world with the help of filtering systems that take in relevant information. And they discard everything else. For example, if you think that no one likes you, you will hone in on people who don't like you. And ignore all the evidence that people really value you.
Loving a man is scary. Especially when the relationship is at an early stage. And you're not entirely sure how he feels. You feel like a vulnerable woman. You feel unprotected, you are nervous... And you are not entirely sure that this man will be different from the rest.
So you are looking for proof that he will hurt you. Confirm to yourself that you will never be able to find the one you want. When you don't hear from him, it's not because he's busy. Often because he is not interested in you. Or he writes to some other girl.
If he doesn't respond to your texts for hours, it's not because he didn't have his phone nearby. It's because he doesn't think you're important.
If his answers are short, it's not because he hates texting or calling. And he prefers to just see you in person. But because he is annoyed with you. And he doesn’t want you to write or call him anymore.
We hope you understand. The point is that we create our own stories. And if we allow negative stories to stick to the point where we actually start to believe them as truth, we also create our own realities with our greatest fears.
Counterdependence
Here is the opposite situation: the man immediately began to develop feelings for you and that is why he abruptly ended the relationship. Why? Rejection of loved ones is typical of counterdependent people. Deep down in their hearts, like everyone else, they want great and mutual love, but at the same time they do not let a person get close, and at some stage of the relationship they can begin to behave coldly and indifferently. This complex is formed in childhood, but often leaves an imprint for life.
Relationships with a counterdependent
people will be difficult. However, they can still be happy and fulfilled. In this case, a lot depends on you.
Rejection of loved ones is common among counterdependent people
Unsuccessful first meeting
As you mentally analyze and replay past dates in your head, you may remember how your boyfriend behaved. If a person does not have much relationship experience, he may make mistakes, worry, and rush things too quickly. This uncertainty sometimes leads to funny things. For example, a guy was in a hurry with his first kiss: you gently turned him off, making him understand that it was too early. For you it’s no big deal, but for a man it could turn into a slight shock.
Uncertainty sometimes leads to funny things
Such a “slap in the face” can hurt pride, shake self-confidence and even give rise to that very resentment towards the girl that was discussed at the beginning of the article. Hence the reluctance or even fear of the next meeting. After all, now the guy will associate you with that awkward moment from the past. And no one likes such memories. And the more moral damage a man suffered during that not-so-successful date, the lower his desire to remember you will be.
Of course, it’s hard to predict the course of events on a date. Any such curiosity is the man’s fault, because he deliberately takes risks. You can only try to smooth out the corners: do not react to every bold but unsuccessful attempt at rapprochement too sharply or aggressively, so as not to simply “scare off” the guy. And if this does happen and the man stops writing (and I would really like to), try starting a dialogue first. Already in the conversation, hint: nothing terrible happened and you will be glad to meet the man again.
Perhaps he was counting on something else
Another option: during a conversation with you, the man realized that he would not be able to achieve his goal. After all, it’s unlikely that you had time to discuss in detail the format of your future relationship before the meeting. Most likely, this was not discussed at all. And already on the date it became clear: you see communication completely differently.
For example, the guy had no intention of starting a serious and long-term affair. Probably counting on the format of an open relationship. Of course, he didn’t say this directly. At the same time, the girl made it clear: she was only satisfied with a serious relationship with an eye to the distant future. This is the reason for the subsequent breakup.
“The man writes, but rarely. Is he not interested in me?”
This situation is not hopeless. If a guy shows at least some initiative, that's not bad. But how to understand his true intentions?
It all depends on the style of communication, intonation, mood, topics of conversation. You need to pay attention to detail. Of course, it is much easier to feel a man’s true attitude towards you through live dialogue rather than correspondence. If you don't see each other, phone calls will save you. But based on text communication, incorrect conclusions are often drawn.
A man can really be very busy at work, school or business. Perhaps the start of your relationship simply coincided with such a difficult period in his life. If at the same time he is truly interested in you, he will make every effort to break out of the chain of affairs and see you. If the guy just makes excuses and doesn’t even try to set a date for the next date
, such relationships can be considered unpromising.
“Apparently there is no love”
For many men, like women, the same “chemistry” in a relationship is important. Some kind of attraction, sympathy, love. Then these relationships fill life with bright colors. It’s unlikely that everyone, but many strive for exactly this.
Sincere sympathy does not always arise immediately. But not every guy is ready to wait. Even one date is enough for someone to say: not for me. Again, often men, not seeing further prospects in the relationship, do not bother to inform the girl about this. Perhaps they are afraid to hear an angry or cold answer - this is also a kind of stress. Or perhaps they deliberately keep you in reserve in case they fail to find the one.
