What does it mean if a man doesn’t call or write, how to behave in such cases - women often ask these questions. It is especially incomprehensible when everything seemed to be fine on a date and at a meeting, and then the gentleman seemed to disappear. Girls begin to worry, finding no place for themselves, trying to understand why the man stopped calling, writing messages and does not take the initiative. After all, they say everywhere that a woman should maintain her dignity and not call first, not “hang on her neck.”
But questions arise - what if something happened to him, suddenly he got sick or got into trouble, and you don’t even know. You wait and wait, the darkest thoughts appearing in your head.
So what to do if a man is silent and does not call. In this article we will try to understand the situation and consider different solutions.
If a man stopped writing and calling – what are the reasons?
Situations when a man suddenly disappears - stops writing and calling - usually arise in the early stages of a relationship. Many girls don't attach any importance to this. For them, this guy’s behavior is a signal for immediate separation.
After all, it is the representative of the stronger sex who must take the first step and pay attention. Ladies with low self-esteem often begin to suffer from the sudden disappearance of men.
If we are not talking about an established and consolidated relationship, then the most logical thing is to tell him to go to hell and continue living your life. After all, it’s clear that if a person wants to communicate with you, he will always find the time and opportunity for this. Moreover, in our time, when there are no problems with communication.
But it’s always easier said than done. Even an experienced woman with adequate self-esteem and an impressive list of broken men’s hearts cannot always easily forget about a planned romance. What then can we expect from a young and inexperienced girl - it is quite natural that such behavior from a man will plunge her into severe “troubles”.
A typical set of hypotheses, as a rule, is small and tragic: “he doesn’t want to communicate with me,” “he definitely has someone,” “there’s something wrong with me.”
But a guy's disappearance doesn't always mean the end of a relationship.
Let's look at common cases of why a man doesn't call or write, plunging the relationship into uncertainty.
Possible reasons:
- The guy is too modest and timid . This happens, and he may be afraid to disturb you or call you at an inconvenient moment. She’s shy and worried that the conversation won’t work out, and doubts that you like her. But such behavior is justified for young guys who do not yet have experience in relationships. For an adult man, excessive timidity is not the best quality.
- Sudden important matters appeared . Perhaps something happened to his loved ones, a friend needed help, or was urgently sent on a business trip at work. In this situation, a man’s silence for several days can be considered the norm.
- He thinks too highly of himself and is sure that girls should run after him, call him and write to him. Comments are unnecessary here - such a man is not worth attention and a relationship with him is dangerous for psychological health.
- He has problems and wants to be alone. Men tend to withdraw when difficulties occur in their lives. A man with a strong character is not used to complaining to a woman and laying out all his problems as if in spirit. Perhaps he is not in the mood to communicate with anyone at all; he wants to be alone with himself, in his thoughts. Or the guy is just emotionally tired and wants to retire for a while.
- Doesn't want to seem intrusive. Communication in couples can develop differently. Some communicate quite actively, others much less often. When a girl takes the position of never being the first to take the initiative in communication, especially if she does not always answer a man’s calls and messages, he may get the impression that she is not interested in a relationship with him. He may feel as if he is being imposed upon. This feeling is extremely unpleasant, and over time they begin to deter a man from initiating communication with a girl.
- He doubted. When we met, I fell under the spell or my own mood. Maybe under the influence of alcohol. Afterwards, he overestimated his impressions and no longer saw the point of dialing the phone and continuing the relationship.
- He decided to check on you. Some guys, like most women, like to test their partners' strength. He may not call in order to test your feelings, stir up interest and then dictate his own rules. It remains to be determined whether such a relationship is right for you. For a man, such tactics of behavior are abnormal and indicate that he has psychological trauma and problems.
Here we looked at situations where a man is still interested in a relationship, but for stated reasons may remain silent for some time. Usually not too long - within a week.
If a man does not write or call for a long time, then a woman should evaluate his behavior more rationally.
A case from the practice of a psychologist
Julia asked a question: Hello! Not long ago I met a man on the Internet. It took a long time to get an appointment, we immediately made an appointment.
The date went well, I liked him, it seemed to me that he liked me too. We talked all evening, after which he called me a taxi home. After this meeting, he did not call or write. A day later, I wrote myself and asked if everything was okay and why he disappeared.
I asked him to be honest if he didn’t like me and wasn’t in the mood for a relationship. But he answered. that everything is fine, he liked me, he just has a lot of work and is not a fan of correspondence. He prefers face-to-face communication, but he hasn’t set up a new date; he said he doesn’t know exactly when he’ll have free time.
If a man doesn’t like to call and write, but at the same time is in no hurry to make appointments, what does this mean, is it worth waiting and continuing the relationship with him?
Psychologist/psychotherapist Elena Maksimenko will answer : “Hello, Yulia! Only you can decide whether you should continue the relationship and wait for the initiative from the man.
Obviously, a man interested in a relationship will not leave a girl in limbo, and even if he really has little free time, he will always find it when he really needs it.
Not all men, and even women, like to communicate by correspondence, and this is normal. But in your case, I don't see this as a problem. It seems that the man is in no hurry to develop an acquaintance, otherwise he would hasten to let you know that he liked you and wants to repeat.
The psyche of a healthy man is structured in such a way that he, like a hunter and conqueror, having spotted the desired “prey”, will not let it go from his hands. In this case, it does not seem that you have become an object of desire for him. This does not mean at all that there is something wrong with you.
It's just that this is most likely not your person. Think carefully about whether it’s worth wasting your time and nerves on unclear expectations.”
Important point
Dear girls, remember one important phrase and write it in golden letters on the tablets of your heart: “If a man is interested in you or is already in love, he will always find the time and desire to write you one or more messages during the day, even if he is called for a personal meeting An emergency (flood, fire, earthquake) suddenly occurs with the President of Russia or at work.” He will write because he likes you and doesn't want to lose you. He will be able to find a few minutes to call you because he won't want you to worry about him. Despite gender differences, men are also bored and will not disappear for a week or more if they are interested in you.
Everything else is excuses that a girl in love really wants to cling to, who wants to believe her man and is ready to put up with the fact that he might suddenly disappear and stop answering her calls and messages. But what will happen next if the girl has already allowed her boyfriend to behave like this with her? After all, mobile phones and social networks, in which everyone hangs out now, provide an excellent opportunity to report that everything is fine with a person. And if, in addition, a man often logs into social networks or other instant messengers, without responding to messages from the girl with whom he started a relationship, then this is a direct reason to wonder whether she is being deceived by her partner.
A man doesn’t call or write after a date – reasons and what to do
It happens that you went on a first date and everything seemed to go well - he was kind, you struck up a conversation, you had a pleasant evening. Any girl begins to expect a reaction from a guy after the first meeting, especially if she really liked him. But the man does not call or write first the next day. What could be the reason?
Yes, something is clearly wrong here. After all, when we are very attracted to a person, we do not waste time to win him over and start a relationship with him.
Psychologists identify several possible options for why a guy doesn’t call or text after a date.
You didn't live up to expectations
Yes, you have started a romantic relationship and yes, you seem to be suitable for each other.
If a guy doesn’t show initiative, doesn’t write and isn’t interested in how you spend your day, what you’re doing and how you’re feeling, then most likely he doesn’t do this because he’s disappointed. In the course of building relationships, each person reveals himself fully to the other. Someone may reveal their most unattractive sides and then the other half will understand that nothing can connect them with such a person. You can interest a man in these ways.
You weren't his type, he didn't like you
This is perhaps the most common reason that explains a man’s behavior after the first date. Women tend to idealize everything, especially if they are single. They can regard even banal politeness as something more.
Don't create illusions, then you won't have to be disappointed. You shouldn’t be upset either, you can’t please everyone. If a man doesn’t call, don’t worry, but try to analyze what caused his antipathy.
Perhaps your appearance or manners make a repulsive impression. In this case, your next gentleman will behave in exactly the same way. I'll have to work on myself.
This simple answer has deep roots. Even though you're having a great time, it doesn't necessarily mean the same thing to him as it does to you. You need to understand whether such a “cool” relationship is worth continuing. Nobody wants to be an “alternate airfield.”
There is no point in wasting time on a person who does not see the prospects for further relationships. Don't call or write to him. Wait until he calls first. Then his motives will be clear to you. And if he doesn’t call, it’s completely clear that he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
Understand that if a man wants it, he will call, write, come, find the time and resources for this. And there is no need to engage in self-deception, to come up with reasons why he did not do this.
He likes you too much, but he has low self-esteem
Not all men are so confident in themselves as to be convinced that any girl will be interested in them. Some people tend to doubt and worry, especially if the lady they like made a strong positive impression and captivated them at first sight.
They, just like girls, are afraid of being rejected and misunderstood. Give the man time to collect his thoughts and decide to take the first step, because not everyone is able to immediately show attention to their passion and call her on a second date when he has not yet moved on from the first.
Optimal waiting period The optimal waiting period is 3-5 days. If during this time a man has not written, called or indicated his relationship to you in any way, you should not continue to build illusions and come up with excuses in your head.
Even the most modest man will take a step if it is important to him. And if he doesn’t do that, do you need him so indecisive?
Doesn't see the result of his courtship
Guys love beautiful and inaccessible: This is what many girls think and create a mask on their face “don’t interfere, they’ll kill you.” Well, young people don’t “fit in,” but she, in fact, wants attention and communication. How will he understand if she makes it clear with all her appearance and behavior that “closed”?
Of course, young people can remember that “the city takes courage” and bravely rush at the external indifference and coldness of a girl, but why do guys need this, because there are many who are open and friendly. Sometimes a sporting interest kicks in, whether I can do it or not. But you have to pay for communicating with such a young lady, like everything else in this world, for example, time, mental effort, etc. And the result is far from obvious.
The girls are left alone and ask themselves: why? Yes, because no matter how attractive you are, if “unavailable” is written on your face, then for young people this means access has been denied in advance. If the door is closed, don’t break in, persistently look for the open door. So they don’t break. And she was already daydreaming, the guy showed interest, but, faced with apparent inaccessibility, disappeared.
Perhaps you have shown yourself to be too proud and unapproachable Photo: pixabay.comThe winners are girls who may not have the most attractive appearance, but are friendly and sociable. It seems that, at first glance, she is “no good”, but the guys are constantly hanging around her, taking her into their company, courting her. And then the other girls get jealous, but continue to wear a sign on their foreheads that says “don’t interfere, he’ll kill you.” Maybe it's time to change the sign?
Why did the man suddenly stop writing and calling?
A situation that leaves girls in great confusion and becomes the cause of sleepless nights and burning tears: two people communicate, meet, have fun and usefully spend time, there is no reason for offense on either side. And suddenly, absolutely out of the blue, the man stops calling, does not respond to messages and SMS.
Yesterday he kissed goodbye and said, “see you,” and today there is deaf silence. At the same time, he appears on the social network and definitely sees the messages (whether he views it or not is a secondary question). In other words, it ignores.
At first, the girl attributes his behavior to being busy. This option cannot be dismissed outright, but when the situation gets out of control and lasts for several days or weeks, it’s time to take a sober look at things. Let's leave him a 1% chance to explain himself: he is seriously ill, he left and someone from his family is coming from his page, his account was hacked, he did not have the opportunity to call/write.
In other cases, everything is prosaic: he puts you in your place, makes it clear that you cannot lay claim to him and his life.
This is his choice - this is such a free, non-binding relationship. Maybe it seemed to him that you were crossing an invisible line, maybe that’s actually the case. This means that you look at your mate differently.
After a couple of weeks, or a month, or even a year, just when you forgot to think about him, he will show up and, as if nothing had happened, ask how you are doing and offer to meet. What to do is up to you. But you can be sure that the scenario will repeat itself exactly.
A man does not write or call after sex
Sudden and violent sex happened between you. This sometimes happens at the first meeting. Everything went perfectly - you had a good time and regarded it as the beginning of a relationship. You are sure that the meeting will happen again soon and you are waiting. But after sex, the man simply up and disappeared.
Most likely, your sudden connection was a moment of weakness for him. It is likely that he already has a girlfriend, wife, mistress (underline as necessary), the relationship with her is satisfactory, and yesterday’s flirting (and even sex) was like a breath of fresh air, a desire to have fun, be distracted, and add variety to his life.
But he has no desire to destroy a permanent relationship. And he simply will not appear in your life again, since he does not need a relationship with you.
Finding out the ins and outs of your “beloved” will not be particularly difficult. Having a little data, you can find pages on social networks, look at photos, find mutual acquaintances, and make inquiries.
Even if there is no particularly compromising evidence in his profile, a lot of information can be gleaned from the pages of friends and relatives. Next to him is a sultry blonde, a woman with three children under the Christmas tree, or a whole kaleidoscope of beauties? Run, Lola, run!
You shouldn’t waste your time and nerves on him; he won’t appreciate it and is unlikely to be grateful for the interference in his life. You shouldn’t think that in you he found the one and only, and everything that came before can and should be considered a mistake. It would be a mistake to cling to illusory hopes.
In the end, even if he shows up, at best you are destined for the role of a mistress. Didn't call back after sex
But it is also likely that before the first intimacy the guy really made big plans and did not lie when talking about serious intentions. But after sex everything changed. Either he didn’t like you as an intimate partner, or he, based on his observations, concluded that you didn’t like him.
perhaps sex was the partner’s only goal and a serious relationship was not initially planned. The result has been achieved, the height has been taken, and then on to the next victories.
If a man begins to write and call less often, what does this mean?
When your beloved man first took the initiative and paid enough attention to you, and then suddenly began calling and texting less often, this carries a certain subtext.
Women tend to justify their loved ones, but often this turns into even greater pain and suffering. After all, expectations are usually not met.
It’s worth clarifying right away about being busy - anyone can find 30-40 seconds to write a short message, regardless of their profession and work schedule. You should not console yourself with the fact that he simply does not like to write SMS, or does not want to be distracted from work.
Moreover, you shouldn’t beat yourself up by talking about your own unattractiveness. Often there is a fear of intrusiveness when you have already written several messages yourself. And he continues to respond to them less and less.
If this happens, this is a serious reason to think about ending the relationship and any expectations.
Try to call a man for a serious conversation and clarify your relationship. Of course, in the most calm and diplomatic manner possible. Perhaps he himself admits that he no longer wants a relationship, but did not dare to end it for fear of offending you.
If a man avoids the conversation and does not give clear answers or clarify the situation, then you must understand that all this will continue, and you will suffer. Do you want this? You decide.
But sometimes you need to take the initiative into your own hands and break ties with a person who behaves inappropriately, does not consider it necessary to be honest with you and does not care about your psychological well-being - he does not care about your feelings.
When a man says - you call and write, but he remains silent for a week, two or more, this also only says one thing - you are not important to him. He may not mind meeting you sometimes and spending time or chatting if you write, but he is not going to conquer you, nor is he going to build something serious with you.
It is worth understanding a simple and banal thing - if a person does not think about you, does not seek communication, he is not interested, there are no feelings. Therefore, waiting for it to appear on the mobile screen is stupid.
It's all about you
Surely, it’s hard to imagine, but the reason may be not only the guy, but also you. Perhaps you are simply not interesting to communicate with or you cannot support many topics of conversation. This does not mean that you are not smart enough or not educated; it also happens that people do not have the same interests and there is nothing to talk about. Don’t beat yourself up too much, it’s better to think about it: maybe you’re just not on the same page with this guy?
And in this article you will find out what you can ask a man by correspondence.
You text him too often
If a man has a very busy work schedule, and literally every 10 minutes he receives messages on his phone and distracts him, he begins to get irritated. A person simply does not have the time or opportunity to answer. In this case, it is important to moderate your ardor, slow down and just wait until the guy has time and he gets in touch with you on his own.
You scare him away with your pressure
This reason is somewhat similar to the one described above. Almost no man likes it when a woman shows excessive initiative. There is a category of girls that cannot wait until a guy begins to show himself somehow and they try in every way to fill a man’s life. Guys, in turn, value their freedom and simply avoid such women. Don’t think that the more you show your initiative, the more he starts to like you. The situation will turn out exactly the opposite.
What to do if a guy doesn't write
You shouldn’t start sorting things out and making complaints about the fact that the guy doesn’t write to you. You cannot clearly express your concern about this. Stay calm. Try to switch to other things and not focus on the problem. After all, in addition to talking on the phone, there is also real life - work, study, family.
Men do not tolerate hysterical people. You can make it clear that you are concerned about the guy’s disappearance, but you need to do it unobtrusively. At the same time, you shouldn’t sit near the phone day or night waiting for it to call. It's better to try to intrigue the guy. When you receive the long-awaited SMS, simply do not respond for a long time, and show coldness in the text of the message. Male opinion
He disappeared after an argument - what to do?
They say that real men don't get offended. These are all prejudices. A man is the same person, he has feelings, emotions, he can be hurt, offended, greatly upset or disappointed.
If a guy stopped calling and texting after a quarrel, he is probably experiencing negative emotions and does not want to communicate with you.
What to do in such a situation?
First, analyze which of you was wrong. Perhaps you were the initiator of the quarrel and undeservedly offended him. In this case, an apology will not be superfluous. if a man is easy-going, he will forgive you and you will make peace.
But it is possible that the guy is a cunning manipulator. He can create reasons for quarrels himself, and then pretend to be offended, playing “silent”, without calling or sending any messages.
Does he need this for him? So, he is trying to make you feel guilty. When you rush to call him and ask for forgiveness, he will quietly begin to put forward conditions, adjusting you to himself. Narcissistic men often use these techniques.
It is worth being careful and objectively assessing the quarrel that has occurred, otherwise you can fall for cunning tricks and become a victim of the narcissist, from whom he will gradually suck all the energy and literally trample on him psychologically.
Therefore, the best tactic here would be to cool your mind and weigh the situation without emotions. You only need to apologize if you truly admit that you were wrong. In other cases, the man must ask for forgiveness himself if he wants to continue the relationship.
Question for a psychologist:
Hello! I met a man at a friends event. The evening in the company was fun. But nothing happened - they just chatted and joked. We exchanged phone numbers. The man promised to call and didn’t call, a week has passed, how should I react?
Psychologist's answer:
Why, in general, react somehow? It was a non-binding acquaintance in a relaxed atmosphere. Nothing happened between you except flirting, which also means nothing.
The man promised something, but did not fulfill his promise. Do you want a man who doesn't keep his promises?
It seems that you have overestimated casual acquaintance. This is typical for women. Move on with your life and don't think about him. Perhaps he no longer remembers you, and you are toiling and waiting. If I wanted to, I would call immediately, within 1-2 days. And since he hasn’t called all week, the answer is obvious.
A man writes, but rarely – is there anything to hope for?
This situation is not hopeless. If a guy shows at least some initiative, that's not bad. But how to understand his true intentions?
It all depends on the style of communication, intonation, mood, topics of conversation. You need to pay attention to detail. Of course, it is much easier to feel a man’s true attitude towards you through live dialogue rather than correspondence. If you don't see each other, phone calls will save you. But based on text communication, incorrect conclusions are often drawn.
A man can really be very busy at work, school or business. Perhaps the start of your relationship simply coincided with such a difficult period in his life. If at the same time he is truly interested in you, he will make every effort to break out of the chain of affairs and see you.
If the guy just makes excuses and doesn’t even try to set a date for the next date, such a relationship can be considered unpromising.
How to behave if a man doesn’t write or call - advice from a psychologist
Tell me, please, how important is it for your man to constantly write and call you? The cessation of communication with this subject can only be for the better, and fate is preparing a meeting with another, much better candidate. If this man ignores you when your relationship is just developing, then what will happen next. In a situation where a guy answers only when you are the first to make contact, the same story - do you need it, run after him?
Where in nature have you seen females running after males? When a man conquers a woman, this is the healthiest situation from a psychological point of view. Everything else does not lead to anything good.
How to behave - advice from a psychologist:
- Keep your face up. Modesty suits a girl, but if you don’t have the strength to endure and remain silent, worry and be tormented, call him first. It may be embarrassing, offensive, uncomfortable, painful, but it is better to solve everything at once than to suffer endlessly.
- Don't make excuses for him . Anecdotal situations also happen in life: a phone can fall into the water while fishing, into a toilet, or fall down an elevator shaft from the eighth floor. A man can go on shipping business to places where he can’t get cell phone reception. But if he really needs you, he will find a way to contact you in another way. Nowadays this is not so difficult to do.
- Be clear, but don't be intrusive. If you have been dating for a while and your boyfriend has not observed such behavior before, call him and talk. There is no need to be intrusive, overprotective, blackmail, threaten - you need to understand what is happening. If he is sick, bring him broth and oranges, and if you are not sure of your choice, give him time to think alone.
- Don't waste time sitting by the phone - live your life, it doesn't end. Shopping, shaping, a good movie or book act like medicine.
- Maintain your self-esteem. It’s almost impossible to keep a man who has already decided everything for himself, don’t be humiliated!
- Protect yourself from wrong actions. For especially sensitive people, there is an excellent remedy: give your phone number, but don’t write it down. It will be a shame if he doesn’t call, but there is absolutely no temptation to call and sort things out, since there is no way.
Girls' mistakes
Girls tend to blame themselves for the fact that the man did not call them back. Most often, it all comes down to the guy’s intentions and his tastes, but sometimes women actually make mistakes that lead to the young man not calling them back.
What to do to avoid this:
- Don't focus on his call . First you need to stop waiting for news from him. If a guy likes you, he will take the next step himself. If not, switch to another relationship. If you can’t wait for a reaction from a man, save yourself the wait and call.
- Don't impose . Don't be too persistent when communicating with a man. Show that you are interested in him, but go too far. As soon as he realizes that you are too interested, he will begin to dictate his own rules and call you when he needs it.
- Talk about desires . You may come across a man who is not used to constant calls and long conversations. Perhaps he is head over heels in love with you and is ready for a future together, but he does not call several times a day because of his shyness. Discuss this, say that it is important for you to hear your own voice every day. Then this problem will disappear by itself.
- Think about whether you offended him ? Analyze your last meeting, did everything go as it should? Perhaps you somehow touched the man’s pride, or said something offensive. The only way to find out for sure is to call him.
Some men don't want relationships, others use girls to check off their list of ladies' men. Don't delve into yourself and don't try to analyze your behavior in the hope of unraveling the mystery of why he didn't call you.
Remember that a man who really wants to get in touch with a girl will always find an opportunity for this. If this does not happen, try to treat your unstarted relationship as an important experience that will be useful in later life.
