Psychology of love: types, stages, stages and concept

There are many paths in life, but the longest of them is the path to the heart of another person. And if you resist this path and go off it, you will only waste time trying to find it again later.

Love is a mysterious force that fills us with energy, making us experience vivid emotions.

Each of us has developed a different definition of love, according to our own experiences and worldview.

Indeed, each person's experience is so unique that it is naive to believe that there is a single concept of love that everyone can agree on.

Concept and functions

The concept of “love” has many interpretations. This is a chemical reaction, a habit, a spiritual impulse, affection, a desire for protection, care.

Psychologists cannot identify a single interpretation for this concept, since each person perceives it differently.

Love can be called an interested, attentive, caring attitude towards someone.

This feeling combines many positive mental and emotional states, which begin from ordinary pleasure and reach sublime virtue.

Main functions:

Caring is shown towards the object of affection.
Respect - without it, relationships will turn into ordinary exploitation of the object of interest.
Knowledge - a loving person constantly learns this feeling, develops it, not allowing it to fade away.
Responsibility - a person on a subconscious level protects the object of his adoration from all troubles.

All functions are interconnected. If any of them is not fulfilled, love cannot be called complete.

Stages of development

There are several stages in psychology:

Falling in love is the initial stage. This is the stage of romance, enchantment. At this stage, the first idea of the partner is formed and idealized. Positive qualities are exaggerated, negative ones are denied. When you fall in love, it seems that your partner is your soul mate, with whom you can go through all life’s obstacles. The sensations are caused by the action of hormones.
Habituation or saturation. This stage comes after several months of living together. Hormones no longer have an enhanced effect on the psyche, uncontrollable cravings cool down. Partners begin to devote more time to their personal interests. At this stage, the first quarrels and resentments appear, but this is a normal phenomenon. To move forward, lovers must learn to make concessions, forgive, and not pay attention to quarrels.
Disgust. A difficult stage at which many couples break up. Ideals crumble, a desire appears to change something or replace a partner. All this leads to focusing on the shortcomings of a loved one. If you do not learn to seek compromises in quarrels, the relationship will be destroyed.
Humility. If the couple has gone through the stage of disgust, the lovers begin to understand each other better. They notice something new, begin to develop relationships together, set goals for themselves, and achieve them through joint efforts.
Studying. At this stage, lovers define their roles and clarify the nuances of life together. For example, when you need to be alone, go to relatives, etc.
Proximity. Psychologists believe that you need to get married at this stage. The lovers begin to trust each other.
Doubts. After several years of living together, some suspicions arise. Spouses begin to compare their lives with the dreams that they had before, and think about how their life could have turned out without marriage - for the better or for the worse.
Sexuality. To strengthen relationships, spouses begin to look for variety in sex.

The last stage is love. This is a feeling that is taken to the absolute. The spouses know how to have fun together and completely trust each other.

Shows of love

In a person’s life there are periods of doubt, how can one understand whether this is infatuation or true love? In the first stages of dating, it is difficult to understand exactly how strong the feeling is, but let’s try to determine the main symptoms of love. Love from a psychological point of view depends on the emotions, sensations, feelings and aspirations that the object of love evokes.

Characteristic signs

For those who love:

Thoughts constantly fly to your loved one,
mood strongly depends on the words and actions of a loved one,
sudden changes in emotional state from happiness to unhappiness,
obsessive desire to be together, to see each other often,
idealization of a loved one,
the feeling that the euphoria will last forever.

True love is distinguished by humanity, rationality, restraint, there is more responsibility, a desire to help another person develop, and not just being together, and is less selfish.

Characteristic feelings

The feeling of a loved one - usually the loved one is the dearest, it is easy to communicate with him, there is complete mutual understanding, which sometimes surprises, there is a need for close communication. Often love arises after friendships, when people realize that they are close enough.
Freedom, equality - in close relationships it is important to feel inner freedom, and not constant control from the outside. A person himself strives for fidelity in a state of love; he can only be held back by the inner desire to be together always. It is important to learn to accept a person in all his manifestations; you can suggest, advise, but not command. Such relationships will not last. And you shouldn’t put yourself in the role of a subordinate, there must be equality of interests, you can lose your loved one, trying to constantly please, playing second roles. Any imbalance is detrimental to personal interests, health, and relationships.
The desire to care, to think about another - in true love, a person shows attention, constant care for a loved one, can put himself in his place, strives to make life better.
Love is a deep feeling . A real feeling comes from the heart and is not just attraction or mutual interest, it is deep, like the sea or ocean, penetrates the consciousness, enriches life, gives confidence and peace. The person looks happy, his eyes glow, there is an aura of goodness around him. Falling in love is a mood swing like a roller coaster.
Development of feelings - love is constantly developing, moving, it is never static, people change, feelings too. The development and strengthening of feelings is largely determined by loving people, there is a desire and steps towards it or there will be fading, based on mutual desire. It is worth doing pleasant little things, pleasing your loved ones; surprises allow you to add variety to your life and feelings.

What does it mean to truly love? Trust, care, strive to make the life of a loved one better. Initially, it is important to understand what a person needs in a love relationship, first of all; it turns out that each person has a personal understanding of love, which gives it a special meaning.

G. Chapman's book describes love languages, the psychology of expressing feelings, ways to find mutual understanding after living together for several years and falling in love.

It turned out: the main cause of conflicts is the lack of love and the different needs of men and women; each shows feelings in their own ways, which is not always understood by the other side.

Practical psychology of love helps to find ways to express feelings and emotions, considers the basic human needs for love. We are all unique and we love based on our inner understanding and life experience.

Classification

Psychologists distinguish several types of love:

Mania is a manifestation of feelings as addiction. This form appears at the initial stage of relationship development. The danger arises when mania begins to drag on and intensify. A sense of control over the partner begins to prevail in the relationship, which negatively affects the lovers. Such relationships resemble the connection between a maniac and a victim.
Consumer love is ludus. There is no real intimacy. One of the partners wants to receive something from the other - intimacy, expensive gifts, emotions. When the goal is achieved, interest disappears and relationships are destroyed.
Passionate love is eros. This type is similar to mania, but does not have negative preconditions. Lovers focus their attention on intimacy and want to get maximum pleasure from each other. Partners constantly want to be close to each other and can spend whole days in bed. Over the years, passion fades and shortcomings emerge. Most couples who grew up on the basis of eros are destroyed.
Love that is created on a sense of duty - storge. Such feelings are not built on animal passion or romance. People come to such relationships after years of living together. At the same time, the partners have grown together so much that they cannot imagine life without each other. For them, family comes first; they do not know how to betray.
Selfless love is agape. This type of feeling is clearly visible between mother and child. For a couple in love, this can be a bad and even destructive manifestation of love feelings. If one of the partners feels selfless, he can forgive everything, forgetting about himself. Slowly this will lead to the destruction of the relationship.
Rational love is pragma. Formed between people who are looking for comfort. They do not need financial gain, any achievements, they do not pursue sporting interests. Such partners are looking for a reliable ally in each other, a friend with whom they can go through life without fear.
Friendly love is philia. There is no physical attraction in such relationships. Harmony of the soul, division of interests, equality of thoughts reigns. Partners like to spend time with each other, communicate, watch movies, listen to music. Anyone can destroy such a connection.

Each type of love relationship is characteristic of different ages and has characteristic differences. In order for the relationship to be strong and not to be destroyed at the first difficulties, it is necessary to simultaneously and proportionately develop flirtation, friendship, passion, and responsibility.

Eros

Eros is sexual, or passionate, love. It is this type that best corresponds to the description of romantic love. In Greek mythology, eros represents the love obsession experienced by anyone struck by Cupid's arrow.

The arrowhead touches the victim of the playful deity, and she falls into a love fever. For example, like Paris, who lost his head over Helen, which led to the Trojan War.

In modern philosophical thought, eros is understood as a living, seething force that pushes a person to survive and continue life.

Characteristic signs

Symptoms:

Lovers do not notice those around them.
Partners cannot answer the question - “why do you love him (her)?”
There are no doubts about the choice.
There are frequent manifestations of jealousy.
Every day the partners become better, they try to look more beautiful for each other.
The ability to forgive and seek compromises arises.
Relationships do not stand still, they are actively developing.
Achieving the set goals is carried out through joint efforts.
Lovers know how to enjoy silence with each other.

It is believed that you can fall in love only once in your life, but this is a wrong opinion. By nature, people are polygamous. After the end of one relationship, you can move away from the pain and continue searching for a partner.

Philia

The pinnacle of manifestation of philia is selfless friendship and sincere affection. Aristotle believed that a person can experience philia for another for three reasons: the other is useful to him; the other is pleasant to him and, above all, because the other is rational and virtuous. Friendship based on the latter is associated with mutual trust.

For Plato, the best friendship is that which lovers have with each other. This is philia, born from eros, which feeds and strengthens it, transforming it from lust into the desire to better understand and get to know each other, and after this the world around us.

True friends strive to live together honestly and openly, changing themselves and helping each other change for the better, and, in essence, play the role of therapist for each other.

How to save fading feelings?

To prevent feelings from fading away, you need to:

Learn to distinguish between sex and love. These are different concepts.
Constantly ask your significant other what he (she) thinks about the relationship. You need to be sincere to achieve true love.
Set goals and achieve them through joint efforts.
Respect your partner in his choice and opinion. You cannot humiliate or ridicule your loved one.
Say right away what you don’t like about your partner or his actions. If you remain silent, the negative effect will accumulate.
Constantly share plans for the future.
Maintain self-esteem and self-respect.
Constantly look for new interests. It is advisable to have a joint hobby.
Diversify your sex life and make your fantasies come true.
Solve joint problems immediately after they arise.

Advice will help develop and strengthen relationships, increase interest between partners.

Neoclassicism

Winkelmann considered the Apollo Belvedere

personification of the Greek ideal.

German Hellenism

German term griechische Liebe

("Greek love") appears in German literature between 1750 and 1850, along with
socratische Liebe
("Socratic love") and
platonische Liebe
("platonic love"), in reference to male-male attraction. The work of German art historian Johann Winckelmann was highly influential in shaping classical ideals in the 18th century, and is also often the starting point for histories of German gay literature. Winckelmann observed the homoeroticism inherent in Greek art, although he felt he had to leave much of this perception implicit: "I could say more if I were writing for the Greeks, and not in the modern language that was forced on me." certain restrictions." His own homosexuality influenced his reaction to Greek art and often leaned towards the ecstatic: "from admiration I pass to ecstasy...", he wrote of the Apollo Belvedere, "I am transported to Delos and the sacred groves from Lycia—places Apollo honored by his presence—and the statue seems to come to life, like Pygmalion's beautiful creation." His approach to art history, now considered "anti-historical and utopian", provided a "body" and a "set of tropes" for Greek love", a semantics of Greek love that... fuels corresponding eighteenth-century discourses on friendship. and love".

Winckelmann inspired German poets in the late 18th century and throughout the 19th century, including Goethe, who pointed to Winckelmann's glorification of the male nude in ancient Greek sculpture as central to the new aesthetics of the time, and for whom Winckelmann himself was a model Greek love as the highest form of friendship. Although Winckelmann did not invent the euphemism "Greek love" for homosexuality, he has been characterized as the "intellectual midwife" for the Greek model as an aesthetic and philosophical ideal that shaped the 18th-century homosocial "cult of friendship".

Idealization of Greek homosocial culture in » Death

David
Socrates"
18th-century German works from the milieu of classical studies "Greek Love" include academic essays by Christoph Meiners and Alexander von Humboldt, Christoph Martin Wieland's parody poem "Juno and Ganymede" and "A Year in Arcadia: Kyllenion"

(1805). , a novel about an apparent love affair between a man and a man in the Greek setting of Augustus, Duke of Saxe-Gotha-Altenburg.

French neoclassicism

Neoclassical works of art often represented ancient society and an idealized form of "Greek love." " The Death of Socrates"

Jacques-Louis David
is conceived
as a “Greek” picture, imbued with a recognition of “Greek love”, a tribute and evidence of idle, disinterested male communication.

How is love different from passion and infatuation?

Differences between love and passion:

Passion is built on fundamental egoism, which gradually seeps into conversations and influences actions.
In passionate relationships, partners put achieving their personal desires first.
Passion doesn't last long. When people get what they need, they become cold towards each other and look for new goals.
Searching for compromises is not typical for passionate relationships. Any quarrel could be the last.

Differences between love and infatuation:

Partners try to get physical pleasure, not spiritual.
Lovers ignore each other's flaws.
Falling in love makes people see an illusion around them.
The foundation of falling in love is hormonal effects.
Trust is not typical for falling in love.

Agape

Agape is the all-encompassing, universal, highest form of love: for a spouse, a child, the world in general—anything. In the Bible, agape refers to the love of God for man and says that it is “long-suffering, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, does not act in rudeness, does not seek its own, is not easily provoked, does not think evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices with the truth, covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Unlike storge, agape does not depend on friendships and the degree of intimacy with the other party. Agape refers to merciful, selfless, altruistic love that is ready to sacrifice without demanding anything in return.

Modern research shows that altruism brings many positive aspects to a person in the long term: better mental and physical health, euphoria from helping another. In addition, agape helps create stronger social connections. In a word, it enriches and improves the quality of life.

What do scientists think about this feeling?

Love from a chemical point of view:

When you fall in love, the body actively produces serotonin and dopamine. A person is addicted to love.
If a man suddenly loses interest in one girl, he begins to court several women. There is not enough vasopressin hormone in his body.
During the period of passion, human blood is saturated with a cocktail of various hormones. Intimacy cements relationships.

The last stage of love, from the point of view of chemistry, is the attachment of partners to each other. At this stage, the body actively produces the hormone endodiazepine. It silences anxiety and gives peace.

Love is different for each person. Some fear this feeling because of a tragic breakup that caused heartache. Someone gets the highest pleasure from it. In order for a relationship to last longer, be strong, and interesting, you need to constantly introduce novelty into it, try to develop feelings. It is enough to increase interest for passion to flare up again.