Signs of love (psychology). How to recognize true love

• October 23, 2018
• Psychology of relationships
• Yulia Obolenskaya

Literature, cinema, and television are literally filled with the theme of romantic love in all its various manifestations. Poems are written about her, songs and ballads are dedicated to her. And when the time comes and the heart begins to tremble with excitement, it is very easy to confuse true love with the call of the flesh. And even if, for your part, you are completely sure that your feeling is the most real, then how to recognize this in your object of admiration? What are the signs to determine the sincerity of feelings? What is a sign of love?

Signs of falling in love

When a person's hormones mature enough, it is time to love. Probably every adult has experienced this delightful stage of life. And always, before true love comes, falling in love appears. These vague longings, captivating interest in the subject of one’s attention, sweet dreams and bitter disappointments leave a pleasant mark on the soul, causing, over the years, positive emotions and a slight smile. But does every crush develop into deep love?

Not every first feeling becomes great love. Falling in love is like a test of strength, a reconnaissance in battle, when you try on someone you like.

When falling in love comes, the first signs of love begin to appear:

• you really like the person, it’s nice to be around him and you want to prolong these moments together;
• thoughts of a loved one bring joy and a smile;
• its appearance is accompanied by a release of adrenaline into the blood - a feeling of tickling butterflies in the abdominal area;
• it seems that he consists entirely of advantages and is completely devoid of shortcomings;
• this is the most priority and authoritative person on earth for you;
• I want to bring him joy and give him happiness;
• nothing is a pity for him, everything can be given away without hesitation;
• You are planning a common future with this person.

However, the first hot love does not always end in a happy marriage, even if it was registered. After all, falling in love is an idealization of a partner, fitting him into your dream of an ideal man or an ideal woman with the character traits that your imagination has endowed them with. And reality is often very different from our idea of ​​it. Therefore, couples burning with sincere love over time begin to understand that their chosen one is not so ideal, and the family falls apart. In order to recognize true love, you need to pay attention to some signs.

Humanity has long been tormented by the question of how one can discern a true feeling during the course of love and ardent infatuation with the opposite sex, which will make it possible to create a strong and happy family on its basis. Psychology has its own view on this topic. Experts around the world have come to a consensus that the signs of love in psychology come down to several sensations that create a platform for real feelings.

Stages of formation

In order for truly adult and conscious feelings to form, several stages must pass. It is after overcoming them that you can determine when you love a person and when you are in yet another unsuccessful romance.

Love

Any relationship and true love begins with primary love and mutual attraction. At this stage, so-called “hormonal chemistry” occurs between people, characterized by the release of large amounts of dopamine, the hormone responsible for pleasure and joy. During this period, a man and a woman feel a strong attraction, try to spend every free minute together and, if separated for a short time, become immersed in some kind of anxiety.

Due to the increased production of endorphins and oxytocin, partners idealize each other, admire and sometimes endow each other with qualities that they do not actually possess. Love lasts no more than 2 years.

Satiation

After several years, hormone production stabilizes and the rose-colored glasses fall off from both the guy and his girlfriend. The lovers no longer feel such a strong need for each other, and the relationship becomes ordinary and familiar. It is at this stage that healthy egoism arises, since both partners begin to value their own comfort and soberly assess who is nearby.

If young people were connected only by physical attraction, their union will certainly fall apart. To move to the next level of achieving love, partners will have to learn to compromise and take into account the needs of the other person.

Disgust

The most difficult and ambiguous phase is the disgust phase. Many divorces occur at this time, when the level of irritation and anger reaches its peak. The positive qualities of a partner begin to literally disappear before our eyes and depreciate, so many people make attempts to adapt their loved one to themselves. Mutual claims and reproaches, disappointments and quarrels are the main manifestations of disgust.

Tests that must be overcome on the path to sincere love:

• complaints about appearance;
• searching for other sexual hobbies;
• disharmony in intimacy;
• financial difficulties;
• disagreements in raising children;
• perception of different life values.

Humility

After numerous conflicts, the couple begins to come to common points of contact, correctly evaluate each other and adequately analyze life's difficulties. Only those partners who know how to work on relationships can move to humility.

During this period, lovers develop tolerance and a sense of kinship. Now the couple has become even closer to love and complete mutual respect.

Service or respect

At this stage, people begin to value the union and show selflessness. Many problems are left behind and people realize that they have something to lose, so they try their best to maintain good relationships. At this time, a man and a woman reach emotional maturity, become faithful assistants and reliable support.

The lovers realize that they cannot change each other and actively adapt. The battlefield changes to the negotiating table and the spouses begin to forgive, accept, tolerate and respect.

Friendship

At the stage of friendship, a platonic connection arises between partners. Spouses can completely trust each other, share their most intimate things and provide full moral support. A man and a woman try to get out of conflict situations peacefully, to do something pleasant and useful.

The period of friendship can last several years, and sometimes even a lifetime. It manifests itself most clearly when the children together have grown up and the partners have enough time for each other.

Love

The last, strongest and strongest stage is love. To achieve it, lovers will have to overcome many pitfalls, reasons for disagreement and crises. After many years of living together, partners literally grow together with each other, perfectly understand the feelings and desires of the other perfectly and enjoy communication.

It is at this stage that the connection becomes truly harmonious, bound by the bonds of true spiritual affection. A person no longer tries to understand whether I love my partner or not, since he is 100% confident in his own emotions. This period is the most holistic and calm.

Do all people know how to love?

Yes

0%

No

100%

Voted: 1

Love

Falling in love is an emotional state when the chosen one, contrary to the signals of the mind, is endowed with exclusively positive qualities, and the negative ones are not only ignored, but are not taken into account at all. Falling in love lasts differently for everyone - from three weeks to several months. But sooner or later it definitely passes, since it is an intermediate state, and not a deep feeling. And then it’s as if a veil suddenly falls from your eyes and your chosen one appears in all his true glory with all his vices and shortcomings. And if what you see does not cause sharp rejection and remains attractive to the other half, then this, most likely, is true love.

You discuss your common future without fear

Where to go on vacation next year, who to get - a cat or a guinea pig, and finally, what to name the child, even if he is not in the immediate plans yet. Joint plans are evidence that your partner has become an integral part of your life.

This, by the way, is a good way to determine that you are not in a relationship with someone who is right for you. Perhaps in 10, 20 and 30 years your loved one will still be throwing clothes around everywhere and laughing at jokes that seem unfunny to you. Tolerable or chilling? If you are tolerant, then everything will be fine.

Attachment

Attachment is an established habit of always being there, seeing someone you like, and having the opportunity for long-term communication. Many truly happy marriages have been built on the basis of this feeling, because nothing can unite two different people like a common interest and a common cause. First there is a passion for solving these common work or scientific problems, and then signs of love begin to appear. But here it is worth keeping in mind that joint work may end and along with it the factors uniting the spouses will disappear. So if, apart from the work of the two, nothing else connects, the marriage may lose its relevance. Therefore, in marriages based on affection, you need to find other, no less important points of contact, and then your union will be successful.

You are honest with each other. Even if it threatens a quarrel

When you are not happy with something, you find the courage to talk about it and together look for solutions to the problem. The process may be painful and unpleasant, but this is normal - it is better to deal with mutual claims as quickly as possible.

Dissatisfaction accumulates over time, and when a quarrel occurs over a trivial matter, they remember everything at once. Flowers that someone didn’t give to someone, broken promises, dirty dishes in the sink - word after word, a fist on the table, and ultimately the collapse of the relationship. Moral: don't try to turn a blind eye to problems and put up with what doesn't suit you.

Passion

Passion most often manifests itself in relation to brilliant personalities - movie or pop stars, famous artists or directors, scientific luminaries, musicians, writers and other people who have succeeded in life and arouse the admiration of others. Wives and husbands in love often sacrifice their personal careers to ensure the successful creativity of their chosen one. This feeling is based on sincere admiration for the abilities of the loved one and his achievements. You can live your life happily in such a marriage, but on the condition that the half of the family serving the genius is not burdened by such a secondary position.

Love and its manifestations

There are other signs by which lovers can be recognized. And the first of them is a constant desire to hold your other half’s hand, as if subconsciously afraid of losing it. Sometimes love arises suddenly, taking us on an exciting journey in a powerful cycle, and then we have no time to doubt and look for signs of love. But more common is unhurried love, which matures gradually. She needs time to get stronger. Swift has the ability to be born quickly, but it also passes no less quickly. But hard-won, slow love has a very high chance of a successful marriage.

When doubts arise inside whether this person will really be a worthy life partner, he begins to analyze his relationship and look for signs of love in himself and the chosen one. The assets of a future union include such important human feelings as trust, passion, recognition, the joy of being together, while the liabilities include the fear of being rejected, the fear of future responsibility to another person and dependence on him, the fear that both are not ready for this a serious step like marriage. If you have such doubts, you should pay attention to nonverbal signs of love. We will consider them further

Why and for what do they love?

Sometimes they love in spite of everything, common sense, the slander of relatives, they just love and that’s it, quietly and tenderly, often saying to themselves, “well, how mine he is, this dear and beloved person.” And at the same time your heart skips a beat with happiness!

I remember how one of my friends said that “I even like his hoarse voice when he plays and sings with a guitar”... it’s definitely about love!

One of the men, oh, click, here it is, mine! But this does not always happen, because love is a calm, good feeling and it does not come immediately. With love, the amplitude of vibrations is practically absent, there is simply “everything on top” and EVERYTHING!

Nonverbal signs

There are many non-verbal ways to show your love when you are embarrassed to say it directly. They appear mainly in the early stages of a relationship, when people are just taking a closer look at each other. If you want to make sure that you really care about someone, learn to decipher these veiled signs of attention and love. It should be said that non-verbal signs for men and women are different in accordance with their nature, but there are some common ones that appear equally in representatives of both sexes.

The most obvious sign of love is the involuntary blush that appears at the sight of the object of your affection or even when someone talks about it. This indicates that the person is not indifferent to you and occupies all your thoughts and feelings. These also include a changed voice and a manifestation of awkwardness. Sometimes, trying to hide our interest in a person, we begin to pretend and demonstratively pretend that we are indifferent to him or, moreover, find fault with him, even offend him, as a little boy does, showing his love for a girl by pulling her pigtails.

What psychologists say

Psychologists have studied love as a distinct emotion for many years. Each of them has an opinion on this matter. American psychologist Robert Sternberg argues that love cannot exist without passion, responsibility and physical attraction. In his opinion, these three components are the most important.

Erich Fromm believed that long-term relationships can only develop if there is a mutually beneficial commercial alliance. According to his theory, if this approach is implemented on both sides, then the marriage will automatically become successful, even when the primary passion disappears.

Harry Sullivan believed that love can be expressed in different ways, but its main feature is the exaltation of the interests of a loved one over personal needs.

According to Belgian psychotherapist Esther Perel, in order to maintain love, it is important to never lose self-esteem. Although from the point of view of science love is a physiological process, all psychologists talk about it as an experience and consider it as a feeling or sensation.

Understanding and recognizing the feeling of true love is not always easy. It is important to learn to distinguish ordinary love from deep and sincere feelings in the early stages. Although modern research has proven that the feeling of love is a chemical reaction, people still consider it a magical feeling, a source of inspiration and the main motivation for achieving serious goals in life.

Nonverbal signs in men

Next, let's look at the nonverbal signs of love that are unique to guys and exclusively to women. If a man is inflamed with passion for a girl, the following external manifestations of his interest become very important to him:

• touch - physical contact with their beloved is simply necessary for them;
• being in the field of view of your subject;
• demonstrative indifference;
• offering his help in some manly task - bringing it up, moving it, nailing it, lifting it, and so on;
• showing interest in various questions about the beloved to her and the people who know her;
• desire for physical contact - hugs, kisses, cuddling, touching with feet, hands and other types of contact, including sex;
• unlimited trust in the woman you love, even to the point of denying obvious facts.

Passion and loyalty

Loyalty is an important part of any relationship. Passion is the fire that keeps you attracted to each other. Loyalty is the core. You won't get far without it, and it's worth remembering and accepting from the very beginning of your love affair. If you are dating one person, but you are passionately attracted to others, then there can only be one answer: this is not your person.

Treason

True love is tested by time, trials and difficulties. If over the years of a joint relationship you have not cooled down, become indifferent, or started cheating; If your partner doesn't annoy you 80% of the time, you are still willing to love and support him - that says a lot. Passion and loyalty still live in your hearts, and all these are the fundamental pillars of Sincere love.

Boy and girl

Nonverbal signs in girls

Signs of love in women are completely different. As you know, female logic is the absence of any logic, therefore the signs of her love can sometimes be very contradictory, but clear. These signs in women appear as follows:

• playing with eyes;
• attracting attention;
• excessive care and guardianship;
• modesty and shyness;
• glow from within or extreme absent-mindedness;
• showing attention to the affairs of your man;
• increased attention to your appearance and wardrobe;
• mysterious behavior;
• smoothness and femininity of movements;
• manifestation of sexuality.

Love in art

As we have already said, love has long been sung everywhere: in songs, poems, books, films, TV series... This list is endless. How many poems have been written in honor of fatal lovers? How many sculptures of women and men in love are there in our world?

Love in old age

If you also like to read and watch about love, especially tragic love, we recommend watching the film about love “The Fault in Our Stars,” where feelings are glorified especially beautifully and sadly.
The Fault in Our Stars

How to recognize true love?

Dr. Ray Short, in an effort to help lovers explore their feelings, offers some important advice:

• understand what attracts you most in a person. If these are physical characteristics, then most likely you are simply passionate, but if you are interested in him as a person, then this is love;
• if you truly love, then you like absolutely everything about your chosen one, even his shortcomings seem sweet and pleasant, and when you only like a sexy figure or a beautiful face, then this feeling is fleeting, and love is not real;
• the quick start of a love story is almost always infatuation; true love manifests itself slowly, but thoroughly;
• if the feeling either fades or flares up with renewed vigor, this is most likely passion, and constant tender and warm feelings indicate true love;
• when love is real, you strive to become better, superficial infatuation does not give rise to a desire for improvement;
• with real feelings, separation only increases the significance of the object of love; in other cases, even a short separation can cool feelings;
• true love is selfless and aimed at providing joy to its soul mate, and love implicated in material wealth is very fragile and will fall apart at the first sign of financial troubles.

What is this feeling: love or infatuation?

Based on the results of numerous studies, psychologists have identified the top factors that help a person, in theory, distinguish falling in love from love:

1. Idealizing a partner is a sure sign of falling in love. A person in love never takes offense at the object of his love and is ready to forgive all shortcomings in the character and actions of his loved one.
2. A difficult breakup. Lovers endure short-term separation painfully; long-term separation can kill this feeling.
3. The desire to own a person. People tend to feel jealous. It appears because a person wants to possess the object of his love undividedly.
4. Suddenness of sensations. This mainly concerns “love at first sight”. Despite the name, a person still experiences love. Feelings come suddenly and cause severe emotional shock.

If a person decides to identify relationships through tests, then this is an inherently bad idea. Feelings can only be determined by the internal sensations and emotionality that a person experiences for his soulmate.