How to distinguish true love from infatuation?

Each of us has spoken words of love to another person at least once in our lives. However, few people have thought about what this emotion means from a psychological point of view. But love is considered one of the most powerful human feelings.

In the article we will look at what love is from the point of view of psychology, its components and signs, what kind of love there is, how it differs from passion, love and affection, the stage of development of love in a relationship.

If the topic of a love spell worries you from a practical and scientific point of view, then come to the course “Psychological “love spell””, conducted by professional psychologists.

Signs of sympathy

A person can feel sympathy for several people at the same time. It occurs immediately after meeting. This is a feeling of affection for a person, which is characterized by the following signs:

emotional attraction to a person;
common values, beliefs, interests;
a positive reaction to the appearance, character traits, behavior of another person;
goodwill and increased interest;
feeling of similarity.

Sympathy often arises in friendship, where there is affection between people and pleasure in communicating with each other, but sometimes develops into falling in love.

https://youtu.be/GClYyWBcI6w

What are the stages of love in a relationship?

The nature of a love relationship between two people can change. This is due to their transition from one stage to another. Each of them can take a different time period. It depends on the temperament of the partners and external factors.

Psychologists identify 7 main stages of love in a relationship:

Acquaintance and sympathy. At this stage, partners take a closer look at each other. A mutual attraction arises between them.
Falling in love lasts from 1 to 1.5 years. It is characterized by active production of endorphins. Lovers see only positive traits in each other. Rational thinking in this case is blocked.
The sobering stage is accompanied by a subsidence of passions. Partners begin to evaluate each other more critically. Each of them comes to the fore with their own interests. At this stage, conflict situations often arise.
Comfort zone. Partners get used to each other, it becomes simple and easy for them to be together. They already know how to find compromises when controversial issues arise.
The rejection stage develops against a background of monotony. In this case, life is smooth, but physical attraction may fade. Many couples break up at this stage of the relationship. Partners stop seeing the good in each other. They only notice the negative.
Revival of feelings. If the couple managed to move through the previous period, their feelings are kindled with a new fire. Romance and reverent attitude towards each other reappear in the relationship. At the same time, family attachment also strengthens.
The next stage is mutual respect. It is characterized by complete acceptance of each other's partners. They already know how to smooth out rough edges and value relationships.

Signs of falling in love

Falling in love is a very vivid feeling that has the following signs:

Falling in love is a feeling that is often called “love at first sight.” This type of romantic emotion is characterized by a strong emotional and physical attraction between one person and another.
Falling in love is born when you see another person and begin to admire his appearance, behavior, speech, and so on. Falling in love consists mainly of emotions; with its onset usually comes a feeling of euphoria, a rush of adrenaline. This strong emotional outburst is compared to the feeling of “butterflies in the stomach” and is not controlled by the person.
A person in love extols the object of his passion, ignoring his shortcomings and exaggerating his strengths. He is overcome by passion, he is fascinated by another person and considers him the limit of his dreams. There is also a desire to like, to become better and to do pleasant things. Falling in love does not necessarily imply the existence of a relationship: you can be unrequitedly in love.
Falling in love is based on passion and infatuation, so it often does not last long. Falling in love appears instantly and can just as quickly disappear if interest in a person disappears, or turn into true love. It takes effort from both partners to maintain the spark. People who move from one relationship to another, seeking to constantly feel in love, may lose sight of true love because it takes time to develop.
Falling in love is short-lived. There is a saying that love lasts 3 years. In fact, it is not love that lasts this long, but infatuation.
Falling in love often manifests itself depending on the partner. You constantly think about your lover, want to be with him as often as possible, abandon other things for his sake, and so on.

What is first love

First love in psychology is considered one of the most vivid emotions. They talk about her a lot in romantic films and literary works. For a person, first love is a serious test, the outcome of which determines the final formation of personality. Some psychologists claim that first love is characteristic of adolescence, while other experts call adolescence sometimes the period of falling in love.

First love is considered pure and innocent. There is no place for self-interest and manipulation in it. That is why it evokes the most acute emotions. If you fall in love during adolescence, the feelings that arise are intensified under the influence of hormones. Against this background, a desire arises for fulfillment in a relationship.

In psychology, it is generally accepted that first love is not forgotten. And this is understandable, because everything that happens to a person for the first time is stored in memory for a long time.

All subsequent relationships are automatically compared to the first love. It rarely turns into anything serious. Because of this, there is a certain understatement and incompleteness.

Signs of love

Love is a long gradual process. It can begin with friendship, sympathy or love, but it is a deeper, more reliable and lasting feeling.
Love is based more on actions than emotions. During this period, people already know well what will make their partner happy. And through their actions they show their love: they care, take responsibility for the family, and so on.
A person is consciously in a love relationship with a loved one; his feelings arise from the depths of his soul, and not from strong passion or infatuation. Affection, mutual trust, respect, and devotion arise between loving people.
Feelings that encourage you to care about another person and take into account his interests. True love means the willingness to live with a person without trying to change him in accordance with your ideal.
Love is the result of deeply getting to know each other, understanding the pain points and “angles” of the partner’s character, and intentionally building communication in such a way that it proceeds with maximum pleasure and efficiency for both.

How to learn to love?

Are there people who don't know how to love? Unfortunately, similar situations happen in life among men and women. Why do some people not know how to love? It is natural and obvious that a person needs love, but not everyone can build harmonious relationships; they try to oppress their partner or become victims themselves.

The reason may be personal characteristics - increased selfishness or mental deviations, as well as lack of confidence.

What people don't know how to love? A person who does not know how to love is often fixated on his own self, thinks only about personal interests , perhaps did not have an example of a good family, or vice versa - he was spoiled in childhood and got used to the whole world revolving around him. It is important to learn to observe a potential partner, learn about life experience, observe relationships in the family, this way you can see a potential “tyrant” who requires only self-love.

Why don't people know how to love? The main reasons for the inability to love are fear of showing feelings, reluctance or ignorance, although less often . A person with high self-esteem finds real feelings difficult; it seems to him that no one deserves to be around, and people with low self-esteem, on the contrary, end up in dependent relationships, where they are suppressed and oppressed.

Unfortunately, not every person knows how to love, perhaps the reason is in upbringing and inability to express feelings or in ignorance of the language of love. To love means to live the life of another person, to think about his interests, to show attention and care, but often people get hung up on personal interests.

People who do not know how to love are usually unhappy themselves; they do not understand that love is the light that illuminates the life of the lover and the beloved. People who constantly criticize, discuss, and live in negativity do not have the opportunity to find happiness, become good partners, spouses.

The main differences between love and infatuation

People often find themselves confusing infatuation with love, mistaking temporary infatuation for true deep feelings, or missing out on true love in search of permanent passion. To avoid such self-deception, study the following basic differences between love and infatuation:

Duration of feelings. Love doesn't happen overnight, it's an ever-growing process. It is predictable and logical, since it arises between family and friends. Falling in love is random, a person never knows when he might fall in love. This feeling appears suddenly, like a flash, but over time it can disappear just as fleetingly. Falling in love does not necessarily last long as it is based on infatuation or passion. A crush can fade quickly, but love grows stronger over time.
Perception of disadvantages. Loving people know and accept the shortcomings of their other halves. They are ready to live with a person, accepting him with all his shortcomings. Falling in love blinds people, so they do not notice the shortcomings of the objects of their infatuation and consider them flawless. There is no illusion in love: you love the other person for who he really is.
Emotions . When falling in love, people experience a strong emotional outburst, and feelings of love are based on actions. Even though the emotions may be more intense, true love is much stronger than falling in love.
The power of feelings. Falling in love is relatively superficial, love is a very deep feeling. Loving relationships are characterized by trust, respect, and devotion, which may not be fully manifested or absent when falling in love.
Love is a calmer feeling than falling in love. Falling in love makes you want to spend all your time with a person. Loving means giving personal space to a person and trusting him.
Willingness to overcome difficulties. The bond between people in love may not be strong enough to withstand difficulties. The bond between loving people is so strong that it allows them to cope with life's problems and, no matter what, always stay together.
Relationship perspective. Falling in love occurs at the initial stage of a relationship, sooner or later it passes. Love is a long-term feeling that does not go away. True love stands the test of time.

Types of love in psychology

There are several types of manifestations of love in psychology. Each of them has the right to exist. Sometimes several types are combined at once. The classification has been developed since the times of Ancient Greece, but has not lost its relevance to this day.

In psychology, it is customary to distinguish the following types of love:

Consumer love. Based on mutual benefit. A person may be interested in money, intimacy, or attention.
Infatuation. Develops against the background of sexual desire. This is what often leads to the birth of a family. Some couples manage to maintain passion in their relationship for a long time.
Friendly love. Based on mutual respect and common interests. It is also considered a good option for creating a family union.
Rational love. Involves a reasonable approach to creating relationships. It is based on the need for comfort. In such relationships, the social roles of the partners are clearly distributed.
Storge is love formed on a sense of duty. As a rule, we are talking about long-term relationships that have become a habit.
Agape is a type of selfless love like that which a mother has for her children. It is based on devotion and complete dedication.

Similarities between love and infatuation

The main similarities between these feelings:

the presence of strong sympathy for a person, attraction;
fear of parting with the chosen one;
fear that something might happen to him;
desire to help, support;
the desire to be a confidant for the chosen one.

Love and infatuation have a lot in common because they have a common basis and common goals, but it depends only on the couple how long the feelings will last and what they will bring with them.

How can you feel for a friend?

What are your feelings towards a friend? It happens that a person does not even suspect the existence of friendship, but he is drawn to someone, he is overwhelmed with feelings, and begins to fantasize:

I am drawn to this man in a brotherly way.
We just have a normal relationship.
We are just work colleagues.
I am interested in spending time with this person, etc.

At the same time, anxiety is felt, on a subconscious level, anxiety, guilt. These doubts can completely ruin relationships. It becomes especially uncomfortable when this friendship is mistakenly perceived as love. In this case, friends may think about further developing the relationship, even sexual, or simply break up.

But in any case, the feeling of a friend’s elbow in many cases instills confidence that you are not alone, you feel the support of a friend. This means that in return he can receive the same friendly devotion.

What is this feeling: love or infatuation?

Based on the results of numerous studies, psychologists have identified the top factors that help a person, in theory, distinguish falling in love from love:

Idealizing a partner is a sure sign of falling in love. A person in love never takes offense at the object of his love and is ready to forgive all shortcomings in the character and actions of his loved one.
A difficult breakup. Lovers endure short-term separation painfully; long-term separation can kill this feeling.
The desire to own a person. People tend to feel jealous. It appears because a person wants to possess the object of his love undividedly.
Suddenness of sensations. This mainly concerns “love at first sight”. Despite the name, a person still experiences love. Feelings come suddenly and cause severe emotional shock.

If a person decides to identify relationships through tests, then this is an inherently bad idea. Feelings can only be determined by the internal sensations and emotionality that a person experiences for his soulmate.

What is needed for mutual love to arise?

Psychologist Elaine Hatfield, as a result of her research, came to the conclusion that in order for love to arise - mutual, bringing joy and satisfaction, or unrequited, leading to despair and depression - three factors must be present:

1. The timing is right. There must be (ideally, both) a willingness to fall in love with another person.

2. Similarity. It is no secret that people sympathize with those who are similar to themselves, not only externally, but also internally - they have similar interests, hobbies, and attachments.

3. Early attachment style. It depends on the personal characteristics of each person. A calm, balanced person is more capable of long-term relationships than an impulsive and impetuous one.

Psychologists strive to understand the nature of love, but at present it is unlikely that any of them will be able to answer the question of why and how this feeling appears. But the phenomenon of love certainly needs to be studied. After all, if you understand the patterns of this feeling, then the reasons for unsuccessful relationships, which can be avoided in the future, will also become clear.

Love is an emotion and its three components

Thanks to the brain scanning technique, H. Fisher, a doctor of anthropology from the USA, was able to divide love into three main components of emotion - attachment, lust and passion.

Lust is a sexual passion , and its physical expression is controlled by the hypothalamus. The hypothalamus is a special part of the brain that weighs on average about 4 ½ grams. When hormones enter the hypothalamus, namely testosterone, they activate sexual activity. If we take into account the fact that in men, unlike women, the hypothalamus is larger in size, and also produces 10 or even 20 times more testosterone, then it becomes clear why men have a much greater sexual desire than women .
Craving is the brain's attempt to connect with a possible partner. This emotion is so strong that sometimes it causes very strong euphoria. During this stage, strong chemicals are released that cause a feeling of high. Dopamine creates a feeling of prosperity, serotonin gives stability to emotions, and norepinephrine inspires, giving confidence in all endeavors.
When reality becomes stronger than passionate attraction, then the partners separate, or stage 3 will occur - attachment , on the basis of which a connection is built that is strong enough and long-lasting for raising children together.