“Men are polygamous” Biologists explain why this is not so

A very large number of people around the world are concerned about the issue of polygamy. Moreover, this applies not only to men, but also to women. It should be noted that the term female polygamy does not exist in science. According to statistics, the number of polygamous men in percentage terms significantly exceeds polygamous women. Many scientists and psychologists cannot figure out whether to consider this a problem or a mere excuse. Polygamy and monogamy are observed not only in humans, but also in animals, even flowers. So, polygamy among men – what is it?

What is male polygamy

What is polygamy

Polygamy is a form of family relationships, which is characterized by the presence of several official love partners for one person. To put it simply, this is polygamy or (less commonly) polyandry. Polygamy involves one person having multiple partners of the opposite sex.

A distinctive feature of polygamous relationships is that they are officially registered. This means that having multiple intimate relationships with multiple partners is not polygamy. Also, polygamy cannot be equated to a succession of marriages and divorces with different partners.

In simple words about the complex

The word polygamy itself hides many concepts. If you turn to the dictionary, it becomes clear that polis (πολύς) in Greek means many, and γάμος means marriage. As a result, we get something like polygamy or polygamy.

But the concept of marriage was created by human civilization, therefore polygamy in nature should be understood as the presence of two or more sexual partners in one individual. Each species of animal has its own system of “personal relationships”. The emperor penguin, wolves and swans choose one partner for life, but lions are bright representatives of polygamy, and polyandry too.

So people who are characterized by a tendency to have several relationships at once should be called polygamous. Accordingly, they lack the concept of loyalty to one single person. Nowadays there is an opinion that nature instilled monogamy in girls, and a polygamous man is also the result of the work of natural mechanisms. But this rumor is quite difficult to confirm. We will examine the issue of polygamy and monogamy in detail in the article at the link.

Research in recent years has hinted that the desire to connect your life with one or more partners depends on the presence of certain genes, which means that to create a harmonious family you need to find a person with identical views on life, or genes if you will.

History of polygamy

Polygamous families began to appear because people took their cues from animals:

• dolphins show signs of attention to several females at once (in addition, they mate not only within their own species, but also with other amphibians);
• during estrus, a female rabbit mates with several males;
• the female antelope cannot be called picky in deciding the issue of procreation;
• The marsupial mouse mates with several males at once.

Polygamy among people originated in Greece. In ancient times, polygamous marriages were concluded between people belonging to the upper class. In almost all countries of the world, polygamous marriages were not empty words; they were given important political and economic significance.

During the primitive communal system, many countries practiced male polygamy, since this form of love relationship made it possible to quickly increase the population in a particular city. According to community traditions, the head of the clan had the best qualities, so he was the first to begin impregnating women. It was believed that the strongest offspring would come from the head of the clan.

People's ideas about an ideal marriage were formed on the basis of cultural trends, philosophical views, and legal documents in force on the territory of the state. In ancient times, they were influenced by patriarchy and harsh living conditions.

In China and Polynesia, for many centuries there was a belief that polygamy of men (a man’s personal predisposition to multiple sexual contacts) is the only way to preserve their potency. The attention of several wives provided the man with spiritual comfort.

In Egypt and India, kings surrounded themselves with several women, but among the common people in these countries, polygamous families were very rare.

Additional information: Polygamy was replaced by monogamy when many countries came under the influence of Western European culture. The restructuring of the institution of marriage began with globalization in Rome.

What about them?

We have already found out what polygamous means. Now let's talk about the common myth that all animals are polygamous. This is far from true. Relationships between representatives of different sexes in the animal world are also built differently. For example, some birds get together only for the period of hatching eggs and hatching chicks, and the next time they look for new partners. There are arctic foxes, foxes and even some species of fish that practice an exclusively monogamous lifestyle. But, say, beavers can behave differently depending on their habitat.

It is noteworthy that in the animal world, even polygamous males try to impregnate strong, healthy females. A polygamous person, hiding behind his instincts, most likely does not even think about procreation and survival. At a minimum, in this case, he should have chosen exactly those women who could theoretically bear and give birth to healthy offspring (strong, with wide hips, and not just beautiful breasts). If this is not the case, then talk about polygamy is nothing more than empty words to justify one’s own promiscuity.

Causes of polygamy

Psychologists believe that the reasons for polygamy are:

• cultural traditions of a particular country;
• religious views;
• social foundations of society;
• deficiency of maternal affection and love in childhood;
• a man’s lack of emotional ties and trusting relationships with his mother;
• the desire of men and women to satisfy their needs in full;
• love;
• temperament;
• an attempt to assert oneself, solve psychological problems through intimate relationships with several partners;
• pathological self-esteem (overestimated or underestimated);
• a person’s reluctance to compromise, make a choice, make a decision;
• the confidence of polygamous people that polygamy will help them maintain physical health;
• the desire to survive and prolong the family line in war and post-war conditions;
• wealth and wealth of a man;
• a man’s desire to show his dominance and superiority.

Asya Rakhovich

Psychologist with more than 8 years of experience. Consultant on interpersonal and marital relationships, self-discovery.

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Are men polygamous and women monogamous?

If previously it was believed that every male is polygamous, today scientists have refuted this statement. There is a logical explanation for this. Polygamous relationships are usually divided into polyandry and polygamy. This is proven by the fact that not only a polygamous man can have several wives, but also a woman can build a family with several husbands.

A polygamous marriage is often created by a man, surrounding himself with the attention and care of several wives at once. But there are also examples of such a choice among women, which in sociology is called polyandry (polyandry). The same thing happens in animals: there are polygamous males, and there are females with the same preferences.

It cannot be said that by nature all men are polygamous and women are monogamous. This form of marriage as a polygamous family is chosen not only by men, but also by women.

Women's secrets

Every woman has her own methods and ways to tame a man. Like real psychologists, they use flattery. After all, men, like children, believe in their chosenness and unsurpassability, so even undisguised flattery will do. Of course, you should respect his opinion, his hobbies, his mother. Constant support will become a priority factor so that a man will not look for understanding on the side. After all, at home they will understand him, accept him and warm him up like nowhere else.

And finally, the most important thing is to remain honest with yourself. If you need a man, then it’s worth fighting for him and for your family. If love has passed, then there is no need to hold on to the past. Every woman is worthy of love and is not doomed to humiliation. It's the 21st century. We must boldly look into the future and not be afraid to change our lives.

This is all the information for today. I think we have figured out who a polygamous man is. I wish you happiness and love! Let the word “betrayal” never be present in your relationships with your loved ones. Subscribe to my blog, participate in discussions, bring your friends. Goodbye, my dear readers!

Now watch the video and smile.

Polygamy in men

Male polygamy is a man’s need to produce numerous offspring. Previously, this behavior ensured rapid population growth. And now, in the attraction to this form of marriage and family relations, psychologists see a man’s desire to prove to others his success. Behind this desire is an inferiority complex or the desire to compensate for the imperfections of one partner.

Polygamy of men

Some researchers consider the tendency towards polygamy to be a natural instinct of men, but what should prevail: the call of nature or the ability of a person to subordinate instincts to his will? In addition, modern polygamous males strive to satisfy their intimate needs with several women, rather than pursue the goal of numerous procreation.

Polygamous men say that each wife is unique, and together they give an amazing feeling of harmony. What one woman doesn’t have in her character, another woman has. The same applies to figure imperfections.

Factors7

There are also a number of factors that incline a person to one of the types of relationships:

• Religious canons. The influence of faith on marriage can be seen in the examples listed above. Thus, Christians prefer to marry one girl, and Jews have a rule that obliges the brother of a man killed in war to marry his wife.
• The influence of society - if a guy at work is told stories about how his married colleague “had a great time on the weekend with his girlfriend,” a corresponding image of a “real man” begins to form in his head.
• A boy who grows up in a single-parent family will be predisposed to create similarly dysfunctional families. In practice, it will be easy for him to leave his wife and go to another. But proper education can smooth out this moment.

In fact, it will be difficult to persuade an intelligent representative of the male half of the population to make a choice. He himself is able to decide how many women he wants to connect his life with, and no stereotypes or beliefs will change his choice.

Polygamy in women

If there is a justification for polygamy, then polyandry has no such justification. A woman’s desire to acquire several husbands has always been condemned, so it is not customary to talk openly about polyandry.

Psychologists suggest that polyandry is caused by a girl’s desire to find a more promising man to reproduce good offspring. Experts see a connection with feminist views in a woman’s desire to have several husbands.

However, there are countries where polyandry is legal:

• southern regions of India;
• Tibet;
• China;
• Nepal;
• South America;
• certain areas of Africa.

Frateral polyandry in these countries is due to the difficult economic situation and the lack of possibility of equal division of material wealth between brothers. Therefore, parents choose a common wife for their sons. Children born in this union are common; all the woman’s husbands treat them with equal warmth.

Polyandry is explained by the desire of the family to preserve their lands, therefore this form of marriage and family relations is more characteristic of the privileged class. Among the aborigines, unions are more often concluded between one woman and one man, because they have no agricultural wealth, brothers have nothing to share.

Examples of female polygamy include the following situations:

1. If a woman is not officially married, her polyandry can be considered as an experimental search for the most successful option for marriage. In addition, it is not necessary that her goal is to find an ideal husband. She can explain her behavior by freedom and independence.
2. A mature lady whose children have already grown up, and her husband has stopped satisfying her in bed. In this case, she finds another partner who is much younger than her in order to improve her own women's health.
3. A young woman has several men who play different roles in her life. She needs one of them, because with him she feels real pleasure in bed, the other is the father of her children, the third is needed so that she will not be ashamed to go out into the world.

Polygamy in women

Who needs the myth that men are polygamous creatures? An illiterate excuse and its exposure

Most often, this is either the reasoning of the poorly educated and downtrodden - it is true that the half-educated is worse than the uneducated - or the reasoning of deceived wives who want, well, they want not only to be deceived. After all, it’s more pleasant if everyone is deceived? Not so offensive... Well, the third, most numerous and harmful nest of this theory is primitive sanctimonious mailings about “the weather in the house” with stupid advice about lace underwear with candles. Mailings with calls to endure, forgive and please, all this Valyaevism, presented as the deepest female wisdom - most often this is written by loser men bullied by their wives, embodying in them their secret dreams of a silently submissive harem.

These reasonings come in different levels of scientificity - from the simple and crude “all men are assholes”, to providing a scientific basis for this. For example: a woman cannot always indulge in sex. Either menstruation, then pregnancy, then feeding, then a headache. Well, yes, it happens. And he's getting hot. But is this an excuse for going left? Here I just want to ask: if for some reason a man can’t - he’s sick, he’s not in the mood, etc. - then how can he calmly allow his wife to run away to the left? For some reason, in response to this question, there is such an indignant roar and such expressions that a gentleman would not call a cat when he steps on it in the dark! Why?

In ancient times, there was at least a partially clear answer to this: a man wants to know for sure that the children are his. Okay, let's say. But now, with the availability of birth control and paternity testing, this problem is ridiculous, there is no such problem. However, the thought of a wife’s symmetrical behavior in the event of a man’s illness still causes a hurricane of indignation. How so? She must endure, think about the spiritual, subdue her passions and wait until he can! It turns out that passions can be tamed with humility . Who would have thought?

Another “seemingly scientific” justification for this behavior of men is wars and the loss of men, which, alas, has happened more than once in the recent past. This is sad, but in the last 50 years it should still lose relevance in the areas where the intended readers of this useful resource live. And if in some countries in peaceful and relatively prosperous times there is a strong shortage of men, then it is necessary not to let the remaining men run around and inseminate, creating fatherlessness, but to figure out what these countries are doing with men of marriageable age?

They also like to tell parables and fables, like one teapot and several cups, or about a key and a lock, saying that a woman is a lock, a man is her key (Freud, hello), and, they say, one thing leads to another and that’s it, no options. But, as a rule, there are several keys for one lock, and they are replaceable; if you lost it, you went to a locksmith, but if the key fits many locks, then the deal is dirty with it! This is not a key, but a thief's master key!

But most often we come across the following generalization: that’s just their nature ... This is the way it is in nature... Nature, they say, laid it out this way: the female sits in the nest and incubates, and the male runs around and tries to inseminate as many females as possible.

We will look into this in more detail and see that this most common argument is also the most incorrect .

In nature there is no such rigid attitude at all. Thus, monogamy is present in most birds, and swans, storks, eagles, and crows pair up for several years, and in some cases for life. Science tells us that monogamy predominates in about 150 bird families and is absent or weakly expressed only in representatives of 20 families. For mammals, things are worse. Most mammals do not form stable pairs at all, but not all - for example, wolves find a mate for life, among monkeys there are also such - gibbons.

Please note that in monogamous couples the male takes part in raising the offspring and shows care. And in polygamous species, not at all - he picked the flower of pleasure and ran on, growing as you want. This explains the spread of monogamy in birds: sitting in a nest and hatching chicks is much more difficult if no one helps feed. In mammals, a pregnant female often drives the male away altogether so that the children are not eaten. But what does this have to do with people? Why should people be scared to refer to this? Who is happy with this kind of “insemination on the run”?

Even in a troop (gorillas, walruses, whatever), where the “many females per male” model is adopted, it is still a finite number of females, the family is like that. They all live together and know about each other. And not the freedom of the male to run around and inseminate anyone. Although such a model also exists in nature - but there both male and female are FREE to choose. And by the way, in the much-loved “nature” of those species in which pairs unite only for fertilization, males fight, court, show, dance in front of females, and females CHOOSE. Then they mate, and that’s it, bye-bye. And here the peasants want to climb up the tree and not rip off their hands: he has polygamy and freedom, and she has monogamy and fidelity. We settled in well.

Supporters of the “biological basis for male promiscuity” somehow completely do not take into account that in the nature they so love, there is NOT AND CANNOT BE a species where males are polygamous and females are monogamous. This is complete nonsense. Also, there are no species in which some animals are polygamous and some are monogamous. Can not be! The mating behavior of a species is a specific characteristic, and for a given species it is obligatory for all! And people in different social formations have a variety of options... monogamy, polygyny (many wives), polyandry (many husbands - rare, but it happens), group family (not in Sweden, but in some tribes), etc.

And in general, why does everyone so like to refer to nature in this matter?

In nature, animals do not remember their parents. At all. And it is quite acceptable for children to mate with their parents.

And old animals are kicked out of the pack. In nature, no species feeds frail old people. Shall we imitate?

In nature, a goat urinates on its beard, and females like it, and a dog eats puppies' poop.

In spiders and mantises, the female generally eats the male...

In nature, a lion (a bear, many others) can eat its cubs so that the female becomes available again.

AND? Shall we refer to this? Do it “as in nature”? Why does everyone suddenly love the “it’s in nature” argument so passionately when it comes to the issue of male infidelity?

We are no longer nature.

We are not animals, we are people. Not chickens with a rooster, not fur seals with a grunting herd of sea cats. We are, after all, homo sapiens and live in the 21st century AD.

Let's treat each other as people and not reduce our behavior to animal instincts!

And all these fairy tales are a clumsy and illiterate excuse for dissolute men and for undemanding women who want not only her to come across a lascivious goat.

Tags: fidelity, men, family values, woman, couple relationships, feelings, nature, behavior, polygamy

Types of polygamy

Polygamy is traditionally divided into the following types:

• polygyny - polygamy (one man has several official wives);
• polyandry - polyandry (one woman has several official husbands);
• sorority marriage (a man marries his sisters);
• Swedish family (a group marriage in which several men and women live together and have a common household, or several married couples exchange partners for sex)

Swedish family

Polygamy in the modern world

This form of marriage and family relations as polygamy in the modern world accounts for 10% of all marriages. It is believed that a polygamous man is not capable of the fidelity with which monogamy is associated.

However, researchers of the institution of family and marriage put forward the hypothesis that monogamy has outlived its usefulness as a form of marital relations. If this is not so, then why in the modern world the number of divorces exceeds the number of marriages? In addition, betrayal is often a reason for divorce. A man is polygamous by nature, and female polygamy has its advantages. Maybe polygamy will solve the problem of adultery?

Sociologists today include simple cohabitation as this form of marriage relationship. Researchers are alarmed by the fact that more and more girls and young people prefer open relationships without obligations, refusing to tie the knot. Also an alarming bell is the fact that young people practice partner exchange: geneticists have proven that such behavior threatens a healthy gene pool, because such connections spoil male chromosomes.

In the modern world, polygamous relationships are prohibited in most countries. But this form of organization of family and life is preserved today in Muslim countries. For example:

• in the UAE;
• in Afghanistan;
• in Saudi Arabia;
• in Algeria;
• in Brunei;
• in Guinea;
• in Egypt;
• in Senegal;
• in Tanzania;
• in Pakistan;
• in Nigeria;
• in Syria;
• in Myanmar.

In Australia and Oceania, polyandry is enshrined at the legislative level, which is explained by the matriarchy of these countries.

Regulatory documents regulating the creation of a family in different countries mostly promote monogamy. Polygamy is officially prohibited by almost all Eurasian countries, as well as Western states.

Psychologists are against polygamy. After all, a polygamous person does not experience a real emotional connection, which occurs only in a couple. A polygamous male is driven by natural instinct.

How to rehabilitate a polygamous man

If a woman finds out that her chosen one is having an affair on the side and is generally inclined towards polygamy, then she will not be able to perceive this as something natural. A rare representative of the fair sex will decide to change the current situation, believing that it is simply unrealistic to influence a partner. However, male polygamy can be fought:

• Trusting relationship. If there really is a trusting relationship between the spouses, then the woman may well influence her life partner. For a man who truly loves his wife but is having an affair, the risk of being discovered is a rather painful moment. He may well want to be faithful to his legal wife, but due to certain features, he is simply not able to change himself. In this case, the wife will have to become even closer to her husband, support him in difficult situations, and listen to his opinion. In general, to show that she alone is capable of combining all the most valuable qualities.
• Constant work on yourself. To ensure that the husband does not have a reason to look for a relationship on the side, a woman should not relax after marriage. She must be a good housewife, a reliable friend and a passionate and inventive lover. The most common mistake of almost any young wife is that after receiving a stamp in her passport, she stops paying due attention to her appearance. Nothing will push a man faster to the idea of ​​immersing himself in pleasures outside the family nest than a slacker appearance.

Important

A woman is most often guided by the mechanism of morality and character traits. For the most part, they consider it wrong to even imagine the possibility of building relationships with several men at once. For men, polygamy is a way to feel successful and attractive to the opposite sex.

Polygamy in Islam

The traditions and customs of Islam have been carefully passed down from generation to generation for many centuries. It is on them that the approval of polygamy is based. The Koran makes all the wives of one man equal to each other. Every Islamic man, upon reaching adulthood, decides for himself what type of marriage and family relationship is suitable for him.

If a man chooses polygamy, he must treat all his children and women who are part of his family equally. A polygamous male should spend the same amount of time with each wife.

Monogamous marriage is chosen by those men who do not feel strong enough to maintain a harem and share their love among all the concubines.

Cunning men who preach Islam, not being able to support several wives, nevertheless take them. They do this to force women to work. The polygamous males themselves live off their working ladies.

Transition from polygamy to monogamy

As evolution progressed, more stable and strong ties began to emerge between individual representatives of different tribes. Even the beginnings of marriage appeared. However, they continued to be based on polygamy. A husband could have any number of women on his side, but his wife, in case of betrayal, risked being stoned. By the way, it was in this version that harems were born.

Over time, issues of property division began to arise. They were solved very simply - since males dominated society, a male child should also inherit everything. In order not to leave all the property acquired over a long life to someone else's offspring, the head of the family had to be sure of his paternity. This is where the question of determining paternity arose. Nowadays, this problem is solved in just a couple of hours - the child and father undergo special tests, and then find out the result almost instantly. Then the only way out of the situation was monogamous marriage.

Religions played a major role in the strengthening and development of monogamous marriage. At the same time, purely human relationships developed - in addition to the natural instinct to prolong one’s own kind, affection and feelings began to play the role.

Polygamy and domestic mentality

The desire of a man to acquire several wives, as well as the desire of a woman to have several husbands, is not supported by the domestic worldview. In Russia, polygamy is prohibited, since the principles of organizing life in such a family contradict the Family Code of the Russian Federation.

In Russia, upon learning that a partner is polygamous, the second spouse feels offended and deceived. This is why adultery is becoming the most common cause of divorce in modern Russia.

The polygamous type of marriage and family relations contradicts not only the domestic mentality, but also the Orthodox religion. Therefore, from childhood, parents try to develop in their children loyalty to one chosen one.

Russians tend to be monogamous

Monogamy

For the overwhelming number of representatives of the fair sex, monogamy is the norm and is embedded at the internal level. As a rule, a woman is raised from childhood as a future keeper of the hearth and mother; she is taught that she is responsible for certain obligations.

A large role in a woman’s worldview is played by her hormonal levels, which shape the need to take care of their children. She simply has no time and no need to have several partners at once.

Monogamous marriage implies fidelity between spouses; there is no place for a third person. In addition, it is worth remembering that there are a number of advantages in such an alliance:

• full support from society;
• classic form of relationship;
• concentration of spouses only on each other;
• rational distribution of property between descendants;
• loyalty of partners, guaranteeing protection from various infections that can be obtained in the case of casual relationships.

Men who prefer polygamous relationships justify their needs and inclinations, first of all, by the fact that the classical form of marriage tends to quickly become boring, which means that the family will gradually become an exclusively burden. As men say: “We eat black bread every day, but sometimes we want something more.”

Pros and cons of polygamous relationships

The fact that polygamous relationships exist in the world means that they have both pros and cons.

enshrined at the legislative level, polygyny allows you to quickly increase the population in a particular country;

the need for love, attention, sex is fully satisfied without the use of moral violence;

Quarrels and showdowns in polygamous families are rare.

jealousy between numerous wives or husbands, which can push people to commit crimes;

lack of emotional intimacy;

the unfavorable financial situation of several wives;

decreased female self-esteem;

personal relationships between women and men are discussed with third parties;

the subtleties of the relationship between spouses are hidden from children, as a result of which children experience distrust of their parents.

Marriage relations

If it so happens that a woman did not pay attention and allowed a polygamous man into her life, then the situation needs to be corrected. How to live with a pathological cheater? Should we pull him out of other people's beds or wait for him to come running and come back on his own? Many people do this. The phrase: “It will come back to me anyway,” sounds very often. Insulted wives either indulge in all sorts of bad things themselves, or completely stop taking care of themselves. But this is not a solution - to gnaw at yourself from the inside, trying to figure out where and what you did wrong.

There are surefire ways to keep a polygamous man:

• change your image and behavior. A 100% winning option is to attract the attention of an unfaithful spouse by turning 180 degrees in your transformation. She was quiet - she became a confident bitch. She was a cheerful, laughing woman - she became a sophisticated lyrical lady. All women are born actresses. The main thing is to believe in your new image, and the rest will appear by itself;

• introduce elements of play into family life, including sexual ones. The husband is not only looking for another woman on the side, he craves new sensations. But once upon a time his wife was the only and most desirable one for him. You can rekindle an extinguished fire using role-playing games and sexual relationship techniques;

• praise and once again praise your “blessed.” Pay attention to everything he has done around the house, rejoice at his success at work. Admire his appearance. Do it sincerely and from the heart.

Everything will work out if love remains, and the man is not disgusted with his adventures.