What to do if your child is afraid to sleep alone in the room

No matter how tired you may be of some people, returning to an empty apartment and sitting alone with your thoughts can be scary. Many people cannot stand loneliness. According to VTsIOM, in Russia there are 46% of such people. According to BMC Public Health research, people are 80% more likely to suffer from depression if they live alone. But this does not mean that if you live on your own, you will be doomed.

Living alone is growing up, and it is both a cause and a symptom of anxiety.
– behavioral researcher Clarrisa Silva
We all enjoy spending time with our thoughts sometimes, but over time they can become negative and start to cause anxiety. Here are some ways to cope with anxiety if you live alone and are afraid of monsters under your bed at night.

Why is your baby afraid to sleep?

Fears arise for many reasons. This may be overexcitation, overdeveloped imagination, strong attachment to parents, place of sleep and other factors. Many of them may seem far-fetched and banal. But it won't hurt to know the full list of possible causes of restless nights and phobias before going to bed in your own crib. Let's divide the main reasons for fear according to the age of the children.

Infant

Children from birth to 1.5–2 years of age show a negative attitude toward sleeping without their mother for the following reasons:

• The baby is cold and hungry.
• The baby is pissing himself, but mom doesn’t notice his wet panties.
• I'm used to being held in my arms all day. Without feeling the warmth of someone else's body, he cannot fall asleep.
• The newborn was overexcited: he did not sleep for too long or played noisily before bed.
• The baby has colic, stomach pain and gas.
• The bed is uncomfortable. Breasts are uncomfortable in a spacious bed, or the mattress is not suitable in terms of hardness.
• The baby got sick. There doesn't have to be a fever; perhaps he just feels unwell.
• The baby is used to sleeping in his parents' bed.

On a note! Children should sleep in a separate bed from birth. This is normal from the point of view of hygiene and the psychology of raising an independent personality. Place the cradle near you at night.

At 3–4 years old, you can carefully move your baby into a separate room.

Children from 2 to 6 years old

This is a period of rapid development of the kindergartener’s imagination and independence. He communicates a lot with his peers, other adults, and watches TV. An immature nervous system provokes fears due to the following factors:

• The baby sees monsters under the bed. This is due to the wild imagination of children.
• Lack of attention from parents. The little one started going to kindergarten and sees his mother less often.
• The baby is raising its parents. More often, parents of 3-year-old children face a test of endurance when another age-related crisis occurs under the motto “I’m on my own!” The child dictates to his mother where he will sleep and when he needs to go to bed.
• Unbearable mental load. After 3 years, kindergarteners attend clubs, dance, sing, learn English, that is, they actively develop under the strict supervision of their parents. By the age of 6, you need to learn to read, count, and take a course for a future first-grader using an enhanced scheme. It is difficult for an unformed psyche to withstand such a load. As a result, self-doubt and fears are formed.

On a note! Often young children do not understand exactly what feeling they experience at night. From fear, the heart beats quickly, breathing becomes difficult, and the desire to run to mom appears.

Talk about what fears and nightmares are with your 4-5 year old child. Explain that fear of something is a normal human reaction, you need to cope with it, and not hide under your mother’s blanket.

Junior schoolchildren from 7–8 to 10 years old

This is a time of enormous changes in life.

The reason for fear may lie in the following:

• Anxiety related to school. Most often, first and fourth graders are at risk for sleep disorders. For the former, the reason for anxiety is getting to know a new team, the academic load, for the latter - final exams from primary school and entering the secondary level, where there will be new teachers, difficult subjects.
• Socialization. After kindergarten, children spend more time alone, meet new people, make friends at school and in the yard. On this path, difficulties and misunderstandings with peers may arise. Children need parental support.
• Watching “adult” programs and movies. In the absence of parents, and even with them, children watch horror films, scary cartoons, and have nightmares at night.
• Computer games. Walking and fighting monsters have a negative impact on the baby’s psyche.

In addition, there are several other causes of night phobias that are not related to age. This:

1. Life changes. Moving to another city, to a new apartment, changing the decor in the room, another bed, and so on.
2. Psychological situation in the family. Most often, phobias are formed due to frequent quarrels between parents, especially if they occur at night. Children hear that mom and dad are sorting things out, they don’t understand what’s happening. The next night they find it difficult to sleep; they want to be close to mom and dad to prevent a quarrel.
3. Ailments of the central nervous system, mental health. Restless nights often accompany children with mental and neurological diseases (autism, schizophrenia, ASD, hyperactivity).
4. Psychological trauma. This is fear, surviving fires, earthquakes, wars. Newborn babies may be frightened by loud noises.
5. Baby's temperament. Phlegmatic people are more sensitive to changes, separation from mother, and noisy games in the evening than choleric people.

On a note! You need to immediately wean your baby from going to his parents at night or being whimsical in his own bed. If the mother agrees to the baby’s terms several times, then the next nights she will definitely sleep in the toddler’s arms. The baby will understand that he can manipulate his parents.

Age-related characteristics of fear

Night terrors most often begin in children after 3 years of age and end at 10–11 years of age. In some cases, the child is afraid to sleep alone from birth. If phobias and visits to mother’s bed at night continue in a teenager after 11 years of age, you need to seek psychological help.

Also, to find out the causes of fear, it is necessary to analyze when the child began to be afraid, which could provoke the phobia. Every age has moments like this. Let's give a few examples when fear is a normal reaction to growing up or changes in life or care.

On a note! Dr. Komarovsky considers night terrors in children from 3 to 9 years old to be normal if they do not constantly exhaust the child and parents. He advises you to seek help from a psychotherapist if nightmares and hysterics intensify and become more frequent; any non-drug methods of calming and training to sleep separately do not help.

Causes of fear of the dark

The fear of darkness has been inherent in man since primitive times. Then people had to constantly fear that enemies or wild animals could attack at any moment in the dark. And human vision is designed in such a way that it is tuned only to daylight.

In addition, there are other reasons for the fear of the dark (nyctophobia):

• fear that appeared and took hold since childhood - many children are afraid of the night time, most of them cope with this with an effort of will over time, and for some the fear of the dark accompanies them into adulthood;
• fear of death - in darkness and silence a person experiences a feeling of loneliness, compares it with death and therefore tries to avoid it (turns on lights, TV, music, etc.);
• fear of being alone - it causes a feeling of loss and uselessness, so you want at least someone to be nearby: a pet or even an imaginary friend;
• chronic stressful situations - prolonged stress leads to severe tension, which creates a feeling of threat from the unknown, intensifying in the dark.

If a person did not have a real reason to be afraid of the dark, then there is usually some kind of imaginary danger lurking underneath. The darkness hides the real world and the mind begins to invent its own - fantasy and frightening. In this case, it is easiest to overcome the fear of the dark.

How to get rid of fear

If a child is afraid to fall asleep in his crib, parents need to become more attentive to the baby.

Ask your three-year-old why he is afraid to sleep alone, what worries him. Make a daily schedule and follow it strictly. Don't fall for childish tricks.

To solve the problem, you need to eliminate the cause of fears and arrange for the baby to sleep in a separate room. Pity and laziness are inappropriate here. Staying in a separate bed without a mother, in the nursery all night, is an important stage in raising a full-fledged personality. Otherwise, your son or daughter will grow up soft-bodied, indecisive, and mumble.

If the fear of the dark doesn't go away

If none of the methods described above helped get rid of the fear of the dark, then you should contact a specialist.

A psychologist can help you work through nyctophobia and get to the bottom of the true causes of fear. They can be hidden in distant childhood or in unpleasant events that the psyche has displaced from memory and consciousness. For example, cognitive behavioral therapy methods help well with this.

Creative self-expression can help reduce the importance of the reasons for fear of the dark and make them insignificant. The frightening images that a person expresses on paper, in crafts and other manifestations will become harmless in daylight.

Advice from psychologists

Recommendations from psychologists are aimed at creating a comfortable emotional environment for going to bed and overcoming fear, which is provoked by the child’s wild imagination.

Make friends with fears and monsters from dreams

Let him draw the monsters that live under his crib. Or make figures from plasticine. Play, give them names. But come up with entertainment where the monsters have positive roles.

Create a bedtime ritual

It could be a book, a lullaby or 100 kisses on the cheeks. The ritual may take a long time, but at this moment the child will receive maximum attention from you. You cannot skip the discussed method of going to bed for a single day. If the little one fell asleep in bed and came into the parent’s bedroom at night, you need to return the baby to the nursery and repeat the ritual.

Create a positive image for the night

Explain that he must sleep in a separate bed, because magic awaits him, a night fairy with a gift. In the morning, place a small surprise under your pillow.

Discuss tomorrow before going to bed

The child should fall asleep sooner so that morning comes faster. Talk about how you have a busy day tomorrow: going to the cinema, visiting, going to the playground, tasting ice cream. But in the morning, don’t give up on your plans, you need to keep your promises.

Appoint a night guard

A child's sleep near the bed can be protected by a teddy bear, soldiers, or a doll. Place the toy in the bed or next to the door. Discuss the story with your preschooler, and let him nominate his own defenders every night.

Change your child's interests in games and cartoons

You can’t just ban viewing or entertainment; you need to offer more interesting entertainment options that are safe for the psyche.

On a note! For sound sleep, the temperature in the bedroom is very important. Air heated to 18–22°C is considered comfortable. In winter, ventilate the room before going to bed, and in summer, turn on the air conditioner.

Use technology

Technology and social media have completely changed the world we live in - essentially you are never alone! Use live streaming or FaceTime or Skype calls to feel how close you are with your friends with just a few swipes of your fingers. Online communication can be a great way to maintain healthy relationships with many people. Just make sure you don't replace them with real life relationships.

Advice from pediatricians

Sleep disturbances and anxiety in the baby in the evening are easily explained by mental, emotional and physical overexcitement. Small children do not notice that they are tired, they resist going to bed, but in fact they have been in need of rest for a long time. As a result, the baby becomes capricious, demands his mother in his bed, and going to bed turns into a scandal.

To avoid conflicts and hysterics, pediatricians recommend the following:

1. Monitor bedtime and playtime in young children.
2. Spend active time 1-2 hours before bedtime.
3. Follow a daily routine on weekdays and weekends. You can discuss bedtime with school-age children.
4. If your child is hyperactive, enroll him in a sports section, but do not attend training 1 hour before bedtime.

Question from parents! Is it necessary to treat a child if he is afraid to fall asleep alone? Children need medical help if anxiety and phobias plague the child night and day for a long time. Seek advice from a psychiatrist, pediatrician or neurologist.

Symptoms of fear of the dark

Nyctophobia begins to manifest itself in people when it gets dark. If a person does not know how to overcome the fear of the dark, he may experience:

• weakness and body aches;
• cardiopalmus;
• quite severe headache;
• abrupt change in pressure: its increase or decrease;
• stomach cramps;
• increased sweating or chills;
• stuttering or loss of voice.

Emotionally, a person suffering from a phobia may feel nervous tension, increased motor activity and fussiness. He also suffers from nightmares.

Advice from experienced parents

The following measures will help relieve fear:

1. Stay close to your kindergarten-aged child all evening. Don't take him to grandma's or to visit him after kindergarten. It is important for the baby to feel your love and receive a sufficient portion of attention.
2. Buy a book to read in bed. Don't get these fairy tales during the day. Read 1-2 pages before bed.
3. If a child is scared by the emptiness under the bed, place a box with books and toys there.
4. Stay close until you fall asleep completely for a couple of days, then you can talk or watch TV in the next room. The main thing is that the baby feels your presence in the apartment.
5. To wean yourself from sleeping with light on, buy the dimmest nightlight. Turn it on before leaving the children's room. After the baby is fast asleep, turn it off and leave the baby in the dark.
6. Equip the children's room with comfortable furniture and come up with a bright, positive interior. The child must have a desire to spend the night in a separate room. You can create an intrigue in advance, a couple of weeks before moving into the nursery: tell the baby that a surprise awaits you, and redecorate the bedroom.
7. Leave the nursery door open all night.
8. Put the youngest child to sleep in the same room as the older ones.

A shared nursery promotes the development of friendly, trusting relationships between brothers and sisters. Older children will be more responsible and independent.

This is interesting! According to research by physiologists and psychologists, children begin to feel real fear when they develop fantasy and imagination. Boys become fearful at 3 years old, and girls at 4 years old.

Keep your head busy

Don't underestimate the power of a mind that isn't busy. Your attention should not wander so that new doubts do not arise. Leave yourself clues so that when you come home there is always a book to finish reading or a new episode to read. In addition, do not avoid special exercises and training for the brain - solve puzzles!