Greetings! My name is Igor Lapin and I am a professional pickup trainer. Today we’ll talk about how to understand that your ex wants to come back (no matter who she is - a simple girlfriend or a wife) and what to do if this is really the case? Before we begin, I would like to note: if the relationship with your ex was serious enough and you were together with her for at least two months, there is a 100% guarantee that she still misses you and wants to return.
The only question is, are her feelings alone enough to become a couple again?
How to understand that a girl will return after a breakup - The main sign
There is only one sign that will let you know that a girl wants to come back - she reminds you of herself.
You broke up, time passed and she starts writing to you, calling you or timidly liking your photos on social networks. Just remember - if a girl reminds you of herself, it means she has a desire to restore your relationship, or she just wants sex.
Few people talk about this, but girls want intimacy as much (if not more) as men. And when their desire becomes very strong, many prefer to sleep with their ex rather than look for something new and unknown on the side. And this is a completely normal situation. Therefore, if a girl is active and reminds of herself, that’s good. Any other signs will not give you an understanding of what she wants.
Remember Girls very rarely say directly what they want. At most they hint. This is their nature. If you broke up and enough time has passed, then don’t expect a similar SMS from her: “Hello, I miss you and want to come back.” A girl is unlikely to write like that. She will want you to be active.
If your ex-lover texts, “Hi, how are you?” - This means she is thinking at this moment “Hi, I want you back (or I want to sleep with you).” But you won’t receive such an SMS, so learn to read between the lines.
I also recommend reading: What do women like most about men? (Opens in a new tab)
What to write to a girl after a breakup?
You need to write a simple message to your ex, like, “Hey, how are you feeling?”
Based on the answer and further dialogue, it will become clear how she feels about you. If she coldly answers: “Hello, okay,” then there is no need to talk about any feelings on her part. And you’d better leave the idea of getting her back alone (at least for the time of her cold response).
But if a girl starts asking questions and then you have an extensive dialogue, then this is an indirect sign of her interest in you. Think for yourself, why would she write to you if she is not interested in you. And the larger the volume of her message, the higher the interest. Also pay attention to the questions she asks you. If your ex is actively interested in your life, it means she cares about you.
Statistical data
According to statistics, 56% of wives who left their husbands do not think that they did wrong.
The remaining 44% sometimes regret their decision and try to regain their husband’s favor.
Judging by statistical data, a man always has a chance that his wife will come to her senses and try to win back his affection.
If you can’t make a decision on your own, you should consult a psychologist.
How to get a girl back after a breakup - Psychology
After you've broken up and you want her back, there are two possible scenarios. In the first scenario - she also wants to return to you (you now already know how to determine this) and the second scenario - she does not want a relationship with you.
Let's start with the last, most undesirable option, when the ex does not want to renew the relationship.
There is only one way to return it, now I will tell you step by step.
Step #1 - Get out of her life completely.
If you write to her, call her and make attempts to return her, then immediately stop doing this. Every attempt you make only reduces your chances of success. Take a break.
During this pause, you must completely change and become the best version of yourself. If you love a girl, and she leaves you, this means that your beliefs and behavior are wrong. It’s hard to admit, but women don’t leave men with the right backbone and demeanor. Admit it and start pumping yourself up.
How to start changing?
Explore the topic of relationships more deeply . My site will help you with this. Here you will find a huge number of useful articles that will improve your understanding of the psychology of relationships. But you can also study courses and videos from other experts who specialize in the topic of getting your ex back. Link to training material (Opens in a new tab)
In addition to upgrading your knowledge in the field of relationship psychology, also do not forget about other areas of life.
Set yourself an ambitious goal
If you are a student or schoolboy, then set yourself the goal of getting a gold medal or a red diploma, becoming the best student in your class or group. If you are already working, then strive to get a promotion or open your own business. The more ambitious the goal, the stronger the pumping. In the process of achieving your goal, you will change, your character and picture of the world will become different. Girls adore ambitious men, so this is an important point. It will also help you take your mind off your feelings, and you can direct your emotions in a productive direction.
Start chatting with other girls
Get as much practical experience interacting with women as possible. It doesn’t matter how old you are, 14 or 50. Start at any age. Overcome your fear of dating and start meeting beautiful girls in your city. While you're on your way to work or school, you meet a lot of beauties on your way, but you don't approach them, and that's in vain. Also, create an account on a dating site (on my blog you can find many articles about online dating), start chatting and inviting worthy girls on a date.
Moreover, there are universal strategies that allow you to take a girl’s number right away. You can read about this in the article: What to write to a girl instead of “Hello, how are you?” Personal experience (Opens in a new tab)
As you gain experience, you will begin to better understand girls and their psychology. You will become more confident and relaxed.
Step #2 - Getting your ex back
You improve yourself, at the same time achieve ambitious goals in the outside world and develop the habit of a winner. You also form an environment of other girls, learning how to interact correctly with the opposite sex in practice. And I can tell you that when you have a choice among other women, then you already become in the position of the chooser. And if you still decide to choose your ex, then do the following:
You go and get to know her as if she were a complete stranger. You start everything from scratch. There shouldn’t be any memories or hints about your past relationship, you are now completely different in front of her. This won't be the same guy she left.
Your experience will have enough influencing skills to interest her and make her fall in love with you. If you deeply study the topic of relationship psychology and pump up your masculine core, then there is a chance that your relationship will be restored.
Recommendation I also recommend that you take a course from an expert on the topic of relationships - Sergei Sadkovsky. The course is called “How to get your ex-girlfriend back easily and quickly.” Sergey is a professional psychologist who has many positive reviews. Men really get results. Therefore, taking the course will not be superfluous for you. Course link (Opens in a new tab)
When do women return?
The girl’s return to her ex-partner is directly dependent on the reason for the separation and the presence of feelings for the man. As a rule, difficulties in couples do not arise overnight; they accumulate over months and years. If difficulties are hushed up and not discussed with your partner, then someday this will result in a large-scale quarrel.
There are several global reasons for a break:
- A sudden conflict, under the influence of momentary negative emotions, increases the chances of separation. When for one of the lovers, integrity and pride are above all else. It’s not uncommon for numerous small quarrels to lead to separation, from which you get tired and just want to take a break.
- Treason. Many couples break up for this very reason. Men are polygamous by nature; it is difficult for them to restrain their instincts. As a result, the woman who suffers is emotionally weaker and more attached.
- Violence. The female sex is obviously weaker than the male sex and cannot answer. Such a relationship is doomed from the start. If a girl returns to such a person again and again, then it is worth thinking about a painful addiction, akin to a drug addiction.
During the emergence of affection and love, the girl does not notice any shortcomings, but everyone has their own character, habits, manner of communication and behavior in everyday life. People in love find ways to get around the “sharp corners” and adapt to each other. When feelings pass, minor shortcomings begin to irritate and infuriate, quarrelsomeness and discontent appear in girls.
The psychology of relationships is built on the trust of partners and complete mutual understanding. If a woman returns, then she has thought about everything a million times, remembered both positive moments and negative situations. As a result, positive emotions prevailed, and there is a feeling that everything can be returned to normal.
How to forget your girlfriend after a breakup? — Practical advice
To forget your ex-girlfriend, we will use two methods with you, alternating them with each other.
1) Sublimation method 2) Substitution method
Sublimation method
Sublimation is a way to relieve psychological stress by redistributing energy in a productive direction.
Those. you need to direct all the excess negative energy into some useful activity. Load yourself up to the maximum with your studies or work. It is advisable that you absorb new information, because our brain is incapable of learning something new and complex, and at the same time thinking about unsuccessful relationships. You can only think about one thing at a time. This method once helped me a lot, so I recommend it.
You can also sublimate energy into sports. Join the gym and leave all your anger and disappointment in the gym. Perhaps breaking up with your ex will be the starting point that will bring you more success than you expected.
Substitution method
At first it will be difficult for you to switch to another girl. The hormones in your brain believe that your ex is the best lady on earth, there will be no other like her. This is just a chemical reaction in the head that will soon pass. That’s why I wrote about the sublimation method first, so that your hormonal levels will calm down a little. And then we can move on to another step - replacement (or switching). Just switch to other girls, start dating them and you will be happy.
Once you seduce the cool girl you like, you won't remember your ex. There are practically no monogamous people among people. Therefore, we are able to fall in love more than once in our lives, but much more. Switching your attention to other girls helps a lot, but not right away. Because, again, I repeat, immediately after breaking up, other ladies will be uninteresting to you, but keep in mind the thought that this is a chemical (hormonal) reaction in the brain, and it will soon pass.
Conclusion: 1) It is always easier to start a new relationship than to restore an old one; 2) To get your ex-girlfriend back (who doesn’t want to date you), drastic internal changes must occur in you; 3) Don’t force yourself on your ex, always maintain your dignity and leave gracefully; 4) Sublimate negative energy into a productive channel and develop; 5) Chat with new girls and gain practical experience in seduction;
What to do if she doesn't want to communicate
How to find a girl for love and relationship - what to do if it doesn’t work out
In the case when the relationship has reached a dead end to such an extent that the girl refuses to see each other, talk on the phone, does not respond to messages and blocks her on social networks, the best course of action would be to temporarily stop trying to resume communication. Give yourself and her the opportunity to cool down. A forced break in a relationship should be used to analyze your behavior and develop a new strategy.
The next step could be to write a letter from a new account, in which you need to admit your mistakes and apologize for your obsessive behavior, assure them of the sincerity of your feelings and wish them a happy life. By reacting to a woman’s departure with restraint and nobility, a man demonstrates maturity and strength of character, which already lays the foundation for restoring the relationship.
When writing a letter, you have the opportunity to weigh and think about every word, so this is a good way to reach a girl
Unknowingly, her friends can be of great help in the process of returning the feelings of her beloved girl. Therefore, it is important to present yourself to mutual acquaintances from the best side, demonstrate positive changes in character, speak about your loved one with warmth and gratitude, but without excessive melancholy in your voice. The beloved will definitely be informed about the changes that have occurred, which may force her to remove her defenses and even think about resuming the relationship.
What is the reason?
It is important to understand the reasons for what is happening in order to plan further actions.
Girls often like to say that it is you who are to blame for the breakup, even if you think completely differently. Should I blame myself for everything that happens? This is a purely personal matter, into which the almost nameless author of this article should not meddle. But it is simply necessary to soberly assess the situation.
- Your fault. The breakup happened because you did something unsavory. This could be betrayal, constant lies, empty promises. In most cases, contrary to popular belief, the girl herself will tell you the reason why she is leaving. If not, all that remains is to rack your brains. Think about it, maybe the reason is really you? Most likely, she got bored with you.
- The girl leaves for someone else. Why might this happen? Girls tend to explain everything in such a way that you are worse than her new chosen one, and it will be extremely difficult to convince her. If you really care about your beloved, you will have to become better than her new chosen one. And the point here is not at all about your physical form, intimacy or income. We will return to this later.
- The chosen one decided to simply break up with you and be alone. Here you have a better chance of getting her back. It is important to find out why she did this. Perhaps you really were disturbing her in some way?
Now let’s figure out in order what to do in these specific situations.
I'm sorry, I'll fix it!
If a girl leaves solely because of your fault, then you are faced with a very difficult task. You'll have to be patient and wait a little
. First, let's find out the specific reason. If you broke up because of lies in a relationship, then here you will have to completely eradicate lies in the future.
If the reason was betrayal, then everything is much more serious. It’s far from a fact that the girl will forgive you at all. In any case, it is worth sticking to some plan of action.
- Over time, the pain subsides and the grievances are forgotten. It’s worth waiting a little time if the girl doesn’t immediately contact you. I previously wrote about why she refuses to date. And while waiting you can’t do nothing. Start working on yourself! Improve your physical shape, become more attentive to the girl, read books, whatever! Then you will have something to present as evidence.
- Feelings and sincerity are important. When you somehow establish contact with the girl, start paying increased attention to her. Be interested in her affairs and concerns, ask about her plans, tell her about yourself. Share with her something truly intimate that no one knows about you. Bring down an avalanche of bright impressions and positive emotions on her!
- Even the most sincere promises cannot bring back the past. Therefore, you will have to manage to prove your words in practice. If you have done something, constantly prove to her that it will not happen again. Get ready for constant control on her part at first.
Unfortunately, a girl is not always ready to forgive you for something. If even after long and persistent attempts you do not feel that you are starting to return your beloved, give up. It seems that this battle is lost, and you will have to start all over again, taking into account past mistakes, with another chosen one, no matter how sad it may be. Hi, friend! Especially for you, I have prepared the course “Student. Natural seduction" for only 1490 rubles! Follow the link and order ->
