Today we’ll talk about how to deal with your ex-girlfriend if you still plan to get her back. And, first of all, you need to pay attention to properly structured communication. As a rule, guys who turn to us for help complain that girls run away from them, and there is no talk of any communication. And generally speaking, a man who has been dumped, most often, in fact, does not know what to tell his ex-girlfriend
. Most often, many of them believe that as soon as such a chance arises, they must definitely convey to their ex-girlfriend that their separation is one big mistake. And the more arguments you give in favor of your words, the faster the girl realizes everything and says: “Well, of course, how come I didn’t understand everything right away!” However, most of our clients got burned right here - they don’t know how to communicate with their ex-girlfriend - and their heart-to-heart conversations led to nothing but the deterioration of an already bad relationship.
Reasons and situations for communicating with your ex
Representatives of the stronger sex can communicate with their failed soulmate most often for the following reasons:
The desire to prove something .
If a girl shows strength and moral stability, the man wants to spur her on so that she understands who she has lost. This can manifest itself through attempts to cause jealousy, make you angry, irritated, etc.- Increasing self-worth and self-esteem . A man is simply flattered by the attention of a representative of the opposite sex, even if it is an ex-girlfriend. This behavior is especially relevant if an additional opportunity arises to demonstrate to the girl changes for the better in her personal life, career successes, etc.
- The prospect of an “alternate airfield” . Some enterprising guys show a desire to “sit on two chairs” and, for example, even being in a new relationship, continue to communicate with their ex. Also, a similar reason may arise in case of doubt about the current state of affairs “on the personal front.”
- Feelings of guilt or pity . In the case of a difficult breakup and/or after a long relationship, the painful “aftertaste” can last for a very long time. The situation is complicated by a difficult separation: with manipulation, threats, blackmail and provocations of one or both parties.
- An attempt to pour out my soul . If people have been a couple for a long time, then moral support for each other has already become a habit. That’s why guys return to their former lovers to get the usual warmth, ask for advice, talk it out and simply “pour out their souls,” like a relative and old friend.
- Maintaining friendly relations . A separate category of men sincerely considers friendship between a man and a woman, including former partners, to be a normal and real phenomenon. In some cases, this actually takes place if people were able to maintain mutual respect for each other and kinship of souls.
- Unextinguished feelings . This can be either love or passion, or psycho-emotional attachment.
Ask specific open-ended questions
This is probably the best way to keep the conversation positive, lively and interesting for your ex. By asking about specific things in her life or interests, you give her the opportunity to share news or the latest post-breakup information and avoid any potentially negative or emotional topics. At the same time, as long as she answers, you don't have to talk yourself.
Some examples of such specific questions: “Are you still looking for a new job or have you already found something?” or “How is your dissertation going? Were you able to interview that biologist?” You can also say: “Yesterday I was talking to a friend about France. Are you still thinking about going there? or “How do you like the new car? Does she still smell like paint?
These are the most common examples. You can choose any topic that you know your ex will be interested in, and then ask a question that will spark further discussion, or at least something more than just a one-word "Yes" or "No" answer.
What questions to avoid?
Don't ask anything that might bring up bad memories or bring up negative things, and don't choose topics that seem forced. You want to sound natural, like you're asking out of pure curiosity and are genuinely interested in the answer. It is very important to look and act as friendly as possible. This principle works not only when talking face to face, but also during telephone communication. Because this will simultaneously give your ex the impression that everything is fine with you, that you are not suffering or heartbroken. So if you have to communicate with her on the phone, take note of some useful tips on how to do it right. You can find them here.
When should you not communicate?
It is advisable to refrain from communicating with sensitive and nervous people who are prone to depression, blackmail and manipulation. If feelings are still fresh, then any communication can become torture and will only bring suffering to both the woman and the man. In addition, constant nostalgia is fraught with “hanging” in the past, which can interfere with new relationships.
You should not communicate with your ex if you survived a toxic union. When a partnership has brought nothing but negativity, then any further contact will continue to sow discontent and irritation.
Where do you come from, love and where do you go...
How a man felt about his ex can tell a lot about him. If it was not mutual, but painful love on his part, then in 80% of cases he will appreciate your love and devotion, because these are the feelings he was looking for for so long and they were what he lacked. If, on the contrary, he simply allowed himself to be loved, and at the same time was still in search of his true love, then perhaps you are that very true love. Here everything depends solely on you.
There is a point of view that rare cards with congratulations or infrequent correspondence are all just a manifestation of politeness and culture. And a man who does this does not commit any crime.
I can’t agree with this, because he doesn’t send postcards to both Masha, with whom he sat at the same desk in the fourth grade, and Lyusa from the neighboring yard, but sends them exclusively to one woman. Why not show all your masculine gallantry in all its glory?
Advice for men on how to position themselves, what to say
How to behave when communicating with your ex:
First of all, you need to behave as calmly as possible.
Do not show nervousness and excitement with sudden movements and “jabbering” incessantly.Do not start communication first - give the woman the floor to assess her mood and then act according to the situation.
- Remember that constructive dialogue is possible only if there is mutual respect for each other and a willingness to interact positively, and not once again to find out who is right and wrong, or to demonstrate aggression.
- Continue communication only if the woman is friendly or neutral. If you are forced to make contact with a person who is pre-programmed for negativity, think through possible options for the development of events and approximate answers to questions.
- If women's actions, words and deeds have driven you into a dead end, do not do anything concrete. Maintain a non-approachable position or say that you will think about the offer - but nothing more.
- When communication causes severe discomfort and unpleasant emotions, it is better to end it under any pretext or even without it. Remember that the main secret of successful communication is psychological stability.
Talk about all the good things that happen to you after the breakup
Without a doubt, this is the best topic for any conversation with your ex. After all, you know that the main condition for a girl’s return is that she really wants to return to you; to restore her attraction (both emotional and physical) to you to such an extent that she herself comes to this decision.
And to do this, you need to transform her idea of you. And one way to do this is by sharing stories or news about your “wonderful” new life in order to subconsciously change her image of you as a meticulous and annoying person to an image of a fun and desirable guy. Because this is exactly how women want to see men. This is one of the 12 characteristics that literally attract girls, acting on them like magnets, and if you do not have such traits, it would be a good idea to acquire them.
But be careful!
You might overdo it and it will look like you're showing off and making your ex jealous. Therefore, be vigilant, remain restrained and do not over-praise yourself, otherwise she will get bored or even suspect you of lying.
Of course, you can't talk about yourself all the time, but discussing interesting and exciting things that happened to you after the breakup is an ideal way to occupy a few minutes of conversation. And if you don't have a funny story, you can talk about how you went skydiving with your friends last weekend, or tell her about the funny new karate instructor you just signed up with, or whatever. Just make sure to keep the story short, upbeat or funny, and don't be boring.
Main mistakes
What not to do:
- Communication from “nothing to do” . Before making contact, it is important to determine clear reasons why this is necessary. They must be respectful, for example, caring for a common child, discussing his future, dividing property after a divorce, financial issues, etc.
- Communication to complain about your ex , express how “bad” she is, or discuss the relationship for the hundredth time.
Despite the experience of separation and the disappointment associated with it, it is necessary to remember, first of all, the happy moments of the shared past, and not the claims of the present. There is no need to once again recall grievances and voice complaints that are probably already well known. - Walking around the bush . Be honest. If you need to say something important, speak directly, without omissions or hints.
- Sending false signals . There is no need to create the appearance of friendly relations and, especially, to flirt with your ex-girlfriend. This will not lead to anything good.
- "Pillow for Tears" .
Do not use your past life partner as a support for the release of your own emotions. Yes, in difficult moments the easiest way is to ask someone you know for help, especially a woman who can really help better than others. However, this is obviously a dead-end choice, which will sooner or later have to be abandoned. It is better to seek help from friends or close relatives.
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Relationship with ex-girlfriend
Get the girl back
Relationship with ex-girlfriend
With the exception of a few “lucky ones” who manage to find a girl the first time and fall into the trap of her charm, every man has ladies from the days of our past. And we, of course, are talking about ex-girlfriends whose relationships ended due to some serious or trivial problems. And although the relationship with them has already passed, many men still want to tinker a little and play with their past. And it’s not for us to judge such male desires.
In this article we will look at the issues of relationships with ex-girlfriends, when you just need to overcome the desire to take revenge on this girl, and also consider a situation when you still want to get back into a relationship with her. Unlike other sources, we will not taboo such topics.
How to forget your ex-girlfriend
Unfortunately or fortunately, human memory is designed in such a way that after a certain period of time we all begin to forget the bad things, and only warm and positive memories remain in our memory. This is surprising, but even prisoners from the toughest places subsequently have only warm nostalgic memories of places not so distant.
Naturally, if people manage to change their attitude towards such horror, then changing their attitude towards their ex-girlfriend will also not be difficult. The question is only two key things: time and replacement.
Time. Any separation of a couple requires a certain amount of time to restore the spiritual and physical strength of each participant. As a rule, at first men feel happier and stronger, but later their worries catch up with them, and real depression sets in after about 3-4 weeks. For girls, everything happens the other way around; they may be very worried for the first 2-3 weeks, but then it becomes easier and freer for them every day.
A man needs about 2-3 months for his heart to heal, and warm memories of his ex-girlfriend appear no earlier than six months.
Replacement. Losing a girl is a big hole in the heart of any man, and it will ache until the man finds something to fill it with. As a rule, such fillers become either another girl, or some kind of work or hobby. And only when this replacement appears in a man, does he begin to relate to the loss of his ex-girlfriend more easily and freely.
How to behave with your ex-girlfriend
Once all the worries associated with your ex-girlfriend go away, you are again able to enjoy every day. And then you can already choose a policy towards your ex. There may be many such options, but almost all guys choose one of three:
Ignoring. When one life ends, another begins. And if so, then there is no more room in the heart for the past. This is what most guys think who broke up with a girl for a reason related to some of her shortcomings: cheating, alcohol, betrayal, lack of feelings, etc. Guys simply stop noticing this girl, and all communication comes down to the absence of this communication. Later there is another girl, and the guy again enjoys his life.
Friendly, fleeting communication. This is communication when a guy and a girl sometimes see each other (for example, at work or on the street) and just chat a little with each other on free topics without any aggression. This behavior is possible several years after being “ignored”, or when the reasons for the separation were mutual.
Using a girl. If the breakup was largely the guy’s initiative, or after the breakup the girl went through a series of unsuccessful relationships, then she may have a desire to somehow restore her connection with you. Therefore, she herself can make contact and provide some kind of romantic basis, and the guy can easily get sex from the girl. Moreover, sex does not imply a relationship; it falls under the “remember the past” basis, i.e. without any obligation on your part. It's comfortable!
Beware: you are my friend! There is also this behavior with a girl when a girl sits on top of her ex and squeezes the benefits out of him, without any return on her part. This is all the girls are called friendship, and the errands are called a small request. If you are faced with such a situation, then switch your behavior to ignoring or fleeting communication. You won’t have sex anyway, but you won’t waste your energy on a girl you don’t need.
How to get your ex-girlfriend back
It is worth considering that an ex-girlfriend is a girl who dated you at least six months ago. Those. if you want to get back into a relationship with a girl who recently broke up with you, our other article will suit you.
Renewing a relationship has a strict procedure that must be followed:
Solution to the problem. If you broke up with this girl because of some problem, then it would be foolish to try to restore the relationship by leaving this problem in limbo. There is a huge chance that she will interfere with the two of you again. Therefore, first we solve the problem that caused the separation in the past. If the problem is that the girl is cheating, then the problem cannot be solved, which means there is no need to return the relationship!
Resuming communication. Next, you will need to gradually begin your communication with your ex-girlfriend. Now the easiest way to do this is through social networks, or through small evening walks (trips). At this stage, you are simply interested in her life and find out her fate after breaking up with you. If a girl has started her communication with you, then this is already an indicator that everything is not going as smoothly and well as she would like. A happy girl would have sent you a long time ago and that’s it.
Gradual advance. At the next stage, you begin to invite the girl to more “status places”, for example, sushi bars, cafes or bars, where you are interested in her plans and talk about your successes. Those. you gradually introduce into her the idea that you are a successful, stable and strong man.
Intimacy and renewal of relationships. If a girl takes your bait, then you yourself will begin to see how an insidious plan will appear in her eyes to drag you into bed and make you hers again. Therefore, you just need to play the role of a reserved gentleman, and then “surrender” into the hands of such an insidious girl.
Renewal of relations. And at the final stage, you have to prove yourself as a strong man, whose behavior has not changed due to such an “unexpected move” on the part of the girl. You shouldn't rush to her and cry with joy that she's back. You also need to behave steadily, thereby allowing the girl to be weak. It's simple!
Should you date your ex-girlfriend?
We've actually seen cases where relationships with ex-girlfriends have led to happy families and happy men. Therefore, although this relationship has an extremely low chance of success, you can still try.
Good luck and success!
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A chance meeting: a test of emotional stability
Here, if, again, after this chance meeting, she writes you a message and pings you, that’s great. If there is nothing, that’s also normal, and you feel comfortable again. Continue to live, follow the path you are on, take care of yourself, and I am sure that everything will be fine for you.
If it so happened that you felt normal, but met your ex and “floated”, you had emotions, feelings, experiences - this, of course, is bad. This means that your self-confidence and calmness were still very unstable, shaky. The mere appearance of your ex in your life ruined everything.
Take care of yourself and work more deeply on your condition in order to really feel as comfortable, stable as possible, and no longer depend on the appearance of your ex in your life.
First reaction: act natural
The first piece of advice that I want to give everyone is this: it is very important to be as natural as possible and in no case bother with the topic “how to look in such a way as to make some kind of impression on your ex.” Especially if the ex is not alone. There is no need to curry favor with her in any way; in general, behavior should be as natural as possible.
In general, there are a number of basic tips, however, among them there are some that are generally inappropriate, for example, getting back into a relationship. I hope you already understand why.
And here I will also focus on some advice from various would-be psychologists, experts on YouTube, who say that you need to be super confident, persistent, and unemotional. In a word, to be in the “on top” position and make some very cool impression on your ex with your unrivaledness.
Ex-girlfriend as an alternate airfield
This option is not suitable for honest men, because you will have to deceive your ex-girlfriend. The meaning of this strategy probably doesn’t need to be explained to anyone. Relationships are maintained so as not to be lonely until someone better comes along on the horizon to be your beloved wife. The ex-woman should be on a short leash, even if she already has a new man. Cruel, isn't it? This strategy really works, no special tricks are needed here, everything is extremely simple, although it seems dubious.
Look at ease or experience natural emotions?
Based on practice, I can say that it is very difficult to implement this line of behavior for a man who emotionally craves the return of his ex, thinks about her, who has not yet closed the gestalt and who realizes the importance of his ex for himself.
If he tries to do this, he will look simply terribly pathetic, it is better not to do this. Naturalness is really important for men. There are some emotions - okay, let them be. If you have any experiences, let them be there too. And here it is important to understand - if your ex suddenly sees these natural emotions, some experiences in you - let them be, let her see your timidity, self-doubt, exciting experiences.
Well, for example, if she comes up to you, says something (even if what she says hurts you) or is simply in the company of another man. You will be dumbfounded, you will stutter and you will be overcome by jealousy. If you feel all this emotionally and experience this meeting like this, that’s normal. That is, these are natural things - we are not robots, we cannot just get rid of all these emotions.
Relationship management: just go towards your goals
If your ex has a lot of questions for you, especially regarding the past, your personal life, all this is ignored. In general, it is best to end the meeting with any strong activity and leave.
Transfer your communication to the area of correspondence, let her write to you. The best thing is not calls, but messages in text format, so that you have time to think, see what she actually wants, what she will write to you and how to answer correctly if you want to build a dialogue with her. If there is no such desire, then we simply ignore it and get rid of it once and for all.
If a dialogue works out and something goes in terms of a comeback - okay, you need it yourself, you can use it, and if not, then I hope that you no longer suffer from this fact, my friend!
