Advice from a psychologist on how to get a girl back after a breakup

08/22/201602/06/2017 Nadezhda Plotnikova

Did your beloved leave for someone else, just fall out of love, and realize that you are not on the same path? There are many possible reasons and reasons for such an act. And although it seems that now it is too late to do anything, the heart and feelings protest in every possible way against “giving up their positions.”

The question of how to return a beloved girl worried young people many centuries ago and has not yet lost its relevance. What to do? First of all, you need to understand that you won’t be able to step into the same river twice, but it is possible to change yourself and try again to improve relationships.

How to understand that a woman will return?

Against this background, several main cases can be distinguished .
Sometimes a representative of the fair sex is a little hesitant and just wants to step away for a while. If she is nervous in the presence of a man and often shows awkwardness, she is definitely not indifferent to her ex.

In this case, it is advisable for the man to begin active steps to renew the partnership when the woman calms down. She shouldn't claim that everything happened too quickly.

So that a woman is not afraid of frank intentions, it makes sense to go into the shadows for a while . If a girl still feels something, constantly remembers the past in correspondence and tries to “meet by chance” - this also indicates a predisposition towards her ex-man.

It happens that growing problems and conflicts forced her to leave, so it is important to do everything possible to show the chosen one that this will not happen again.

It may also be that we are simply dealing with completely unrequited love - and this is the most difficult case for a representative of the stronger sex. It is unlikely that such a woman will want to return on her own.

We focus on career/earnings and success

Work is an effective way to redirect your energy, take your mind off personal problems and achieve the desired financial well-being. Constant employment helps you forget about a painful breakup, avoid meetings or phone calls, and find your place in life. A new project, moving to another position, opening your own business, international internship are integral parts of male self-realization.

Not having to spend money on restaurants/gifts/vacations together is a great way to save some money to invest in study and self-development.

The time has come to take English courses, learn to play the guitar and fulfill other long-standing “wants” for which there was no time or money before.

Step by step, a man turns into an “advanced” version of himself, becomes self-sufficient, can forget without regret the woman who betrayed him, and calmly build new relationships, or easily get back into a relationship with his ex (although this is questionable, because “broken vase" will never be the same as before).

What issues need to be worked through before the relationship can be restored?

Before returning a woman, it is necessary to work out the return of women's trust . When is it okay to break another person's trust? First of all, when it comes to betrayal and lies, but also when there is disappointment for any other reason in a situation that is important for a woman.

Rebuilding trust is a long process, and it is necessary to understand that a banal apology is not enough.

In addition to these, other aspects are also important:

  1. The first is to ensure that trust is not lost again.
    The man must prove that this time he is telling the truth and the woman will not be disappointed. This is why it is so important, for example, to break contact with the person with whom you cheated on your partner.

  2. The second aspect is to restore intimacy and restore trust by showing that trust is mutual.
    A man must clearly show that he is ready to try, fight for the relationship, accept punishment with humility, but also become closer to his chosen one in order to prove that the woman needs him. If there is a lie in the past, a man feels guilty about hiding something, he can say this directly: “I want our relationship to be based on mutual trust.”

A big part of the process of rebuilding trust must be dealing with the problem that undermined that trust. Demonstrating that a man cares about his resolution and is able to take responsibility is an important step towards restoring the trust of a loved one.

If she forgives you and trusts you again, prove that she will not regret it , but also try not to let her constantly return to bad experiences and blame us for mistakes.

"Reboot" on the other

New acquaintances and flirting are the best way to gain self-confidence, make sure you are attractive to women and increase your self-esteem a little.

To “cheer up”, it is enough to go on a date several times: it is quite possible that a man will meet “the one” and become convinced of the pointlessness of restoring past relationships. If not, it’s important to tell your new acquaintance honestly that you’re not ready for serious intentions.

You shouldn't make someone else suffer because of your continued love for your ex.

If a man wants to get his girlfriend back, “reboot” is also a great option. If on a date he accidentally catches the eye of his ex’s friends and acquaintances, they will convey interesting information to her. This will show the woman what a mistake she made when she decided to break up.

How to offer to make peace?

You can say your decision directly or write an email if you don’t have the courage to voice your feelings while looking into your eyes. The message recommends asking for forgiveness and saying: “I thought a lot and realized that I behaved wrongly.

Then it is permissible to talk about the news from your life after separation - without flirting, provoking jealousy and other actions that can cause negative associations in a woman.

Sometimes a simple phrase “I'm thinking about you,” which will remind you of the feelings you experienced, is enough for a woman to take the first step towards reconciliation. But you shouldn’t talk openly about love and passion right away - this can scare away your ex-girlfriend.

No snot with mutual friends/acquaintances and on social networks

A typical mistake a man makes after a breakup is to sit with friends with a bottle of alcohol, complain about life, and tell him how bad he feels because his loved one left. If these are your mutual friends, you can’t do this. Information told confidentially over a drink will reach the ears of the ex, and she will once again be convinced of her power over the guy, and that she did everything right.

If you really want to share, choose reliable friends who do not communicate with your significant other and definitely will not run to tell her about what they heard.

Against the backdrop of a breakup, not only girls are drawn to rash and stupid actions. Men can also write tearful posts on social networks, post stories with sad music on Instagram, etc. After a breakup, the girl will monitor all the guy’s pages, given that he doesn’t get in touch, so “snotty” posts are of no use.

But posting a photo of a vacation with friends or another positive photo is the right strategy.

How to behave correctly?

Let's look at how a man can get a woman to come back:

If the man himself initiated the breakup

Is it always possible to return a loved one if you yourself want to leave? Of course, because female nature is very quick-witted. Therefore, in this case, it is reassuring that there are always chances (small or large). But a lot really depends on the real man.

First of all, it is important:

  1. Establish contact with your loved one and explore the “neighborhood” around him.
    For example, scout out the situation with the help of a close relative or friend who is friendly to you.

  2. To be able to start the first conversation with your partner after separation, choose a favorable atmosphere: your favorite cafe or an important place.
    You can also try organizing a casual meeting at which you can voice all the most unshakable arguments in favor of why you regret what happened.

    If a woman mentally asks herself if things have really changed for you and if she should consider giving you a second chance, then you've almost won.

  3. The main thing is not to show all your cards at once and do not clearly show that you want to return to the woman - it is better to focus on creating appropriate, positive emotions and a little sexual tension. From there everything should go smoothly!

If the woman left on her own

The woman she loves may show pride and, therefore, refuse to return, especially if she herself was the initiator of the breakup. She may want to punish you: “Let her suffer like I did.”

What you should do is respect someone else's decision and step aside a little . This approach can help with lightning speed (if the person who broke up with us is not firm and hesitates in his decision). In addition, resting and standing at a distance gives more space for the right actions and increases the chances that your loved one will get bored and change her mind.

The most important secret of how to act in this case is to apologize once, but really honestly. You need to try to explain what you really want. And don't expect immediate forgiveness.

You must give the other person time and space so that he does not feel manipulated, but comes back on his own, maintaining and even demonstrating his sense of self-worth.

Once this happens, you must gradually develop the new intimacy so as, firstly, not to scare off your companion, and secondly, to ensure that she does not change her mind and does not change her decision to return.

What should you not do?

Before considering ways to get your girlfriend back, you need to clarify the list of actions that are strictly contraindicated. Is it possible to resort to them? Yes, but only if you want to turn your ex-lover away from you forever.

  1. There is no need to constantly call, talk about love, send gifts. Women's psychology is such that a guy kneeling and begging for forgiveness seems like a creature unworthy of attention. Your active imposition will generally destroy at least some respect and alienate your ex-lover even more.
  2. Stop threatening to commit suicide. Unfortunately, this method is quite common among the stronger sex. Firstly, even if this works, then keeping the girl next to you will not be love, but pity. Secondly, next time such a trick will not work, since the young lady will develop a kind of immunity to threats.
  3. One should not promise global changes. The notorious female psychology forces girls to believe not in logical arguments, but in emotions and sensations. She will not understand the global nature of your plans; she needs sensory evidence: to look, to feel the difference. Only then will she be able to trust you.
  4. Do not drown out the pain and your blues with alcoholic drinks. Alcohol only enhances real emotions. If you are sad, then a few glasses of strong alcoholic drink will only increase the intensity of this mood. Besides, you don’t want to sink even further in the eyes of your ex-darling?

Rebirth of feelings after a long breakup

In case of prolonged rupture, you should pay attention to the following:

  1. What exactly caused this person to leave for a long time.
    We rarely end relationships overnight, and the reason for the breakup is usually due to certain patterns.

    Don't count on your loved one to make it easy for you and tell you directly that he wants to come back. You should do some self-reflection considering that your good intentions may have backfired.

  2. The principle of “total ignoring”: this rule should be applied in the vast majority of cases. Cutting off contact for a period of time, for example, 3 months with a person who left us, allows us to make changes in the world, cope with negative emotions and regain some control over the situation.
  3. Intuitive actions: if you need to bring back a woman who has left for a long time, you cannot rely on chance. If there is a belief that the woman you are attracted to is not confident in us and therefore wants to take a long break, we should not ignore this issue, but take it as a sign that we need to fight for it so that a final separation does not occur.

In such a situation, reverse psychology comes to the rescue, suggesting taking actions that seem contrary to common sense. However, they are designed to evoke certain emotional reactions and push our loved one to make a decision that is favorable to us.

Take a break and adjust your behavior according to the traditional breakup recovery strategy, i.e., no contact, change for the better, and make a second attempt to approach or provoke your loved one.

If a woman clearly has some doubts that haunt her, try to minimize these concerns. If a man notices that something is wrong in an honest conversation and sincerely invites himself to take some time to solve the problem, this will change the situation for the better.

Convince the woman to identify herself and try to make her understand that you don't want to lose her.

If you don't want to talk

How to make peace with the girl you love if she doesn’t make contact? In such circumstances with your ex-girlfriend, use the following advice from a psychologist:

  1. Do not rush to make amends the moment a quarrel occurs. Now the girl’s emotional background is heated, her feelings are offended, she needs time to cool down.
  2. After a certain number of days, remind her of your existence. It is better to carry out a reminder with a pleasant message, wishing “good morning” or “good night”. You should not immediately seek a meeting.
  3. Present through the courier a bouquet of flowers with sweets, sushi, pizza and a note that it is from you.
  4. Then take the step to meet in the most convenient area for the girl. If he agrees, you are on the right track.
  5. When talking, do not remind about the scandal that occurred. Show your love, how much you missed your beloved, unobtrusively hug and, if possible, kiss her.
  6. Noticing that the girl’s cold heart began to melt, apologize for what happened. When relationships heat up to the limit, girls can take extreme measures and break off relations with their boyfriend, so do not rush into action. The refusal of the chosen one to talk and meet may be a reason for panic. Be careful what you do.

Main mistakes

Essentially, every relationship is different, and each individual situation has additional obstacles. However, some universal principles remain the same because this is where the basic mistakes happen that ruin your chances of success:

  1. Pressure .
    The biggest and most common mistake we make after breaking up with a loved one is putting pressure on him. This can take various forms:

    • an attempt to beg for attention at any opportunity,
    • calls and refusal to leave,

  2. buying gifts and theatrical gestures in the style of romantic comedies,
  3. searching for allies among a friend’s inner circle,
  4. blackmail and awakening pity.
  5. Reluctance/excessive desire to change oneself and change the situation, which served as the main reason for separation. Breakups happen in most cases because something went wrong in the partnership aspect. But you shouldn’t show too much feigned interest and commitment, trying to appear to be someone you really are not.
    To get your partner back, you need balanced changes - those that will be noticed and appreciated. Therefore, it is worth reflecting on yourself, taking stock of the relationship and drawing constructive conclusions. Then think about what you can improve to interest your chosen one.

    Changes in appearance are obvious at first glance, but the most important ones are related to our lifestyle, approach to controversial issues, our ambitions, goals and plans, as well as worldview and character.

  6. Feigned modesty and invisibility. Vice versa! In such a delicate situation, it is important to do everything to stand out. If we want to get back into the circle of interests of our ex, we need to plan well what impression we want to make on him or her.
    Ideal = create an atmosphere of surprise, because it itself creates curiosity. Your task now is to show that we are different, more attractive, better. For example, publicly boast about your (professional, scientific) achievements or a key life change (a new hobby, promotion on the career ladder, moving to improved living conditions).

    In addition, you should not forget about social relations: be friendly, responsive and interesting, a good organizer of parties and spending time together. Do everything possible to evoke in your loved one the same emotions that you had when you first met.

Non-standard methods of getting your ex-girlfriend back

If you are unable to return the feelings of your ex-girlfriend using the methods described above, try turning to other, not entirely standard methods. The only condition is that you must firmly believe that such methods will help you, even if the girl has left for someone else.


A prayer for the return of a beloved must come from a pure heart. It is love and sincere feelings that will help make it as effective as possible. If you want to achieve guaranteed success, you should not rush and bother the girl, since it is unlikely that she will change her decision so abruptly.

The prayer should be read by a baptized person; you can turn to God, his son or your own guardian angel. There are many prayers that should help bring back lovers. The prayer to Saint Matrona looks like this:

“Holy Matronushka! I turn my prayers to you! Please, save my love, turn slave (name) back! Ask the Lord for blessings! I pray to you with words from my heart! With bow, Matronushka, to you, amen!”

You can read the prayer both at home and in church. However, priests advise performing the sacrament in the temple so that the effect is more clear. Regardless of who your prayer is addressed to, stand near the icon, take a lighted candle or lamp.

Love spell from a photo

If you belong to the category of people who are sure that love and feelings must be fought for by any means, try to return your ex-lover using magical rituals - for example, by bewitching her using a photograph.

Esotericists consider a photo to be an imprint of the human aura containing a particle of the information field. The sequence of actions during divination looks like this:

  1. Peer carefully at the image of the girl, imagining a happy future together.
  2. Light the wax candle and take the photo. Say your wish by turning the photo face down and passing it over the fire.
  3. Say the following words: “As I, the servant of God (your name), yearn for the servant of God (name of the chosen one), so let her yearn for me! Amen!"
  4. Then set the photo on fire with a candle flame, and the ashes need to be scattered in the wind.

It is extremely difficult to return a former lover who has fallen out of love, but you can interest her in your new personality, in an improved way. To return love and refresh the feelings of your old girlfriend, love yourself. This will help you understand your own priorities, look at old relationships with new eyes and choose the right strategy. Good luck to you!

If the girl is to blame for the quarrel

The fact that girls are always right and even if they are found to be wrong is better to remain silent is an erroneous judgment. And the reason for this is that men often begin to keep silent about their personal grievances. Girls get used to it and begin to use it for the purpose of manipulation, after which the man goes to apologize even without guilt.

Following this behavior, the relationship will face the following difficulties:

  • The girl displays an inadequate assessment of her own behavior, as a result of which she behaves inappropriately, not thinking that she is neglecting her partner’s feelings.
  • If a woman is self-centered, a man often experiences discomfort. As a result, his self-esteem drops.
  • Absolute permissiveness entails fatal actions that provoke final separation.

To avoid such circumstances, it is necessary for a woman to begin to realize her mistakes. You should proceed as follows:

  1. Don’t rush headlong into apologizing without guilt.
  2. After a few days, the woman will understand that she touched your feelings at this moment and it is worth talking through all the complaints.
  3. Talk about the current situation in a comfortable and calm environment.
  4. Think carefully and find a motive for which you can apologize yourself, for some offense in the form of a passionately spoken word. This way, it will be easier for the girl to admit her mistake.
  5. If a woman is emotional and does not want to make any contact and admit her guilt, take a break for 4 days. This period will be enough for the woman to think about the situation and her actions. At the end of 4 days, talk again.

Under no circumstances allow yourself to humiliate yourself in front of a girl. Think, if a girl does not want to admit guilt and is not looking for common ground to restore the relationship, do you need such a girl with a manifestation of one-sided love.

In your opinion, how can you improve your relationship with a girl after a quarrel? Share your own methods in the comments.

Cheer yourself up

“Pleasurable sensations can help our bodies relax and feel less stressed, even in times of conflict,” says Parker.

So, if you feel like dragging out a fight even if everything that needs to be said has already been said, try to remember a time when your girlfriend did something nice for you, something you appreciated about her, or even just some good memory not associated with her.

Or do something that makes you happy, like drinking a cup of tea or playing with a pet.

If a blow was struck

What to do if you have a quarrel</p>

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