Why do they forgive betrayal at all, because it is betrayal? Many people ask this question until they find themselves in a similar situation, because then everything becomes not so clear. What to do when you yourself have changed? The feeling of guilt weighs heavily. Yes, it’s difficult to call such an action correct, but you need to move on and find a useful grain in this situation.
Try asking yourself why did I do this? Of course, we are not talking about external circumstances now, such as alcohol, the right lighting or the beautiful eyes of that guy. This is all just a consequence. The reason for betrayal always lies in dissatisfaction. Despite the gravity of the act, look at it as an opportunity to understand yourself. Cheating is a chance to become better.
Treason and betrayal: what is the difference?
How to distinguish treason from betrayal? Every person puts a sufficient amount of unpleasant and negative meaning into the word “treason.” Perhaps only betrayal becomes more painful...
What's the difference? Why does a once loving person suddenly become capable of such actions?
Cheating - a violation of marital fidelity - is like a strong, sudden blow inflicted by the person closest to you, knocking the ground out from under your feet, and not everyone can cope with this.
I distinguish between betrayal and infidelity. Treason concerns the body, infidelity concerns the soul.
— Christina Kofta
Any extramarital affair becomes quite a serious test for a couple - their joint future and present are under threat.
Betrayal is a violation of given promises and oaths. But this word often means the actions of people that are unexpected for others and usually do not live up to any expectations.
Betrayal is not always associated with the emergence of sexual relations with another partner - this feeling can arise under other circumstances and, as a rule, is always associated with a person’s strong attachment and his dependence on attention to himself.
If we consider the difference between infidelity and betrayal within a marital relationship, then infidelity is a husband’s (or wife’s) approach to his mistress, and betrayal is a fairly long-term relationship with someone on the side.
Cheating is not just something that happens to one partner in relation to another - it is something that happens to a couple.
It’s not for nothing that the word “change” is at the root of the term “betrayal” - after a complete betrayal, not only relationships and feelings, but also the people themselves become different, and betrayal only shows long-standing problems in a couple’s relationship and helps both solve these situations and push spouses to the last, decisive step - divorce.
Treason is betrayal. It doesn't matter whether you jump into bed or slowly crawl into bed.
— Larisa Guzeeva
Attention! Often, attitudes towards such feelings as betrayal and treason depend on the person himself, his understanding of certain circumstances: for some, simple deception is tantamount to treason, while others consider betrayal and lies only a harmless joke.
The main criterion here is a personal attitude towards oneself and a willingness to forgive.
The main reasons for male infidelity
A detailed analysis of the problem can reveal several dozen different reasons for the second half’s betrayal. The reasons depend on internal psychological attitudes, which lead to infidelity. The most common ones include:
- Problems at work, a midlife crisis, quarrels in the family - a man is looking for a way to relax, trying to escape from reality. At the same time, someone else’s bed here turns into a “shelter” and is perceived as entertainment.
- Sexual dissatisfaction - the stronger sex is offended that the spouses no longer look and behave like they did before the wedding. The passion subsides. Husbands also seek satisfaction of unfulfilled desires, erotic fantasies, which they are embarrassed to admit or which they are denied.
- There are few common points of intersection (hobbies, social circles, life goals and preferences, worldviews) - acute differences in life priorities result in a couple moving away from each other and include the desire to find a like-minded person elsewhere.
- “Everyday life” - monotony, familiarity and predictability of relationships. When daily hassles and routine have long replaced romance, the husband is looking for novelty and freshness of impressions.
Other reasons include:
- the need to assert one’s personality;
- desire to increase self-esteem;
- search for new experiences;
- the desire to take revenge for the infidelity of the spouse;
- the inability or unwillingness to overcome the “instinct” of a predator;
- testing the strength of a marriage, the desire to “shake up” the relationship in this way.
It is very important to understand the reason for betrayal in order to reconsider the model of previous relationships and avoid betrayal in the future.
Should betrayal be forgiven?
Just a few hundred years ago, the foundations of society were so strict that a woman could not even think about leaving her husband who was cheating on her - unless in a monastery or on the scaffold...
But today the situation has changed radically - not only women, but any person has the right to choose - to forgive the betrayal and stay close to your loved one, or to proudly leave.
In any situation, it is necessary to make the only correct decision so as not to make hasty conclusions and then regret what you have done for the rest of your life.
Before deciding whether to forgive betrayal or not, you should hide your own emotions deeply. It will be very difficult to do this, because after such a betrayal everything will seethe and bubble inside you. After betrayal, you will be overwhelmed by a hurricane of feelings, when resentment is overwhelmed by anger, despair is replaced by an aggressive state, and the desire to break off all relations with the traitor is replaced by fear of loneliness.
In this case, you should be more collected than ever, showing all your composure and fortitude. It is not the best option to succumb to the influence of negative emotions. You should sit down, calm down and sensibly assess the current situation, and then make the only right decision as to whether you can forgive your lover for betrayal or not.
To do this, you should ask yourself a few questions:
- What will happen to you if the cheater suddenly disappears from your life? How serious will the separation be for you personally, for your family and child (if you have one).
- What happens if the traitor still remains a part of your life. Will you be able to maintain your relationship with your cheater at the same level, will you be able to forgive the betrayal and even improve your relationship with your lover? Do you gain anything by forgiving your cheating spouse?
Try to answer all these questions for yourself, even if you don’t want to touch on painful topics. It is advisable to make a list of the pros and cons of forgiving infidelity. This will contribute to making the right decision, based not on emotions, but on logical reasoning. And after compiling this list, it is worth making a decision about forgiving or not forgiving the betrayal. Decide for yourself whether you can live with a person next to you, knowing that he can betray you.
Treason is a whip that hits you only once - at the moment when you find out about everything. All subsequent time you will cut yourself with it.
— Evgeniy Panteleev
Of course, in the first moments thoughts of forgiveness very rarely come and decisions are often made under the influence of anger, resentment, disappointment and fear of loneliness.
When emotions subside somewhat, a person begins to regret what he did and, as a rule, it is already too late to correct anything...
Important! You should not sort things out and decide what to do in the heat of the moment - you need to calm down and analyze the situation in order to make an informed decision.
Should I forgive my husband's betrayal?
No matter how popular the talk is that men are polygamous and consider cheating to be the norm, a man still justifies himself with these words and always feels guilty.
It is best to give him another chance - after all, there are mistakes that can still be corrected.
A woman needs to carefully think about whether she should forgive her husband’s infidelity in the following situations:
- if the infidelities are irregular and the husband stumbled only once;
- if a man really sincerely repents and tries in every possible way to make amends for his guilt;
- if the spouse carefully hides the details and the fact itself (perhaps he is really afraid of losing his family);
- if the wife herself is unfaithful and this act of the man is a desire for revenge;
- and, finally, if the wife has a really strong, forgiving feeling of love.
It is in such cases that betrayal can and even should be forgiven.
But if a man avoids answering for his actions, does not even try to hide his adventures, does not value family values, and the other woman has “settled” quite firmly in the man’s life - such a relationship is impossible to maintain and divorce is the only right step in this situation.
Important! It is always necessary to remember that betrayal is not the end of life, but perhaps just a step towards the beginning of a new one.
Should I forgive my wife for cheating?
For a man, this question often becomes the most pressing. Representatives of the stronger half of humanity think about whether marital relationships will remain the same after their wife’s betrayal.
The answer always depends only on the man himself and his personal attitude to the situation.
Reference! According to statistics, 80% of men are not able to forgive the betrayal of their beloved woman (which only confirms their heightened sense of ownership).
Often, it is enough for a spouse to change himself, to begin to show a little more attention to his wife - and the relationship, almost magically, suddenly not only recovers, but also becomes even better.
Should I forgive my boyfriend for cheating?
The girl, first of all, needs to think about why this happened? Maybe the young man lacks some emotions in the existing relationship, affection, attention and mutual understanding.
Often, a guy’s betrayal occurs not because his girlfriend is unattractive or inattentive to him, but simply because it is she who creates all the conditions for this with her behavior.
A girl, first of all, needs to raise her self-esteem, become more attractive, not create “scenes” of jealousy, and then the question: is it worth forgiving her boyfriend’s betrayal, can be resolved by itself and will exclude a repetition of this.
Should I forgive a cheating girl?
The beloved girl is not yet a wife; a common future is not yet connected with her - only dreams and plans.
In a situation where betrayal occurs, it becomes painful and very difficult for the young man also because the romantic period of courtship presupposes mutual trust, the blossoming of feelings and planning for a joint future.
Attention! In order for a young man to forgive his girlfriend’s betrayal, he needs to decide for himself: is this person really needed and is he the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, and also change yourself, because cheating on your girlfriend can be a kind of reaction to some features of a guy’s behavior.
First steps to forgiveness
Negative emotions have a very strong impact on the person experiencing them. He literally loses his ability to reason sensibly and make adequate decisions. All his thoughts at this moment are directed towards revenge, so that the traitor feels all the same pain and suffering that he caused. But this manifests itself in hundreds of phone calls, threats, tears, hysteria, and so on...
