How to forget betrayal: advice from a psychologist

In this article we will tell you:

Consequences of betrayal for the family.
5 steps to forgive betrayal.
Causes of pain and resentment after forgiving your husband's infidelity.
6 tips on how to help yourself forget betrayal and move on with your life.
Mistakes that will not help you forget betrayal.

If a woman is tormented by the question: “I can’t forget my husband’s betrayal, what should I do?”, this means that she has encountered betrayal. There are various reasons why men decide to commit adultery. Fortunately, in most cases this only happens once. And if a woman has the strength to forgive her husband, she finds the courage to move on with her life.

But it’s not always possible to erase betrayal from your memory. A crisis of trust arises, and every business trip, every meeting among male friends is perceived with suspicion. The woman begins to torment herself with doubts and is no longer sure that she will be able to forget the betrayal. We'll tell you what to do about it later.

Why do lovers cheat? Possible reasons for such actions

Before you figure out how to forget betrayal, you first need to understand why the husband or wife does this. Psychologists have found that most often halves cheat:

If there is no trust in each other and spiritual closeness, which is necessary in order to restore harmony in relationships and jointly solve difficulties and problems.
If there is not enough intimacy and sexual relations, which also affect the strength and integrity of relationships, which can collapse and betrayal occurs.
If there is a lack of former passion, romance and zest in the relationship of a married couple, which would stimulate the halves to work on themselves and become closer to each other.
If love passes, as a result of which the husband or wife tries to find their ideal, that is, that person who will help heal the spiritual wound and will always be there.
If there are frequent quarrels and scandals in the family, which aggravate the general state of mind and mood, as a result of which the other half decides to cheat.

It is worth visiting a psychologist who will help you determine exactly how to forgive and forget your husband’s betrayal, which left a residue on your soul. It is also important to remember that in any family quarrel or betrayal, both are to blame. Therefore, you shouldn’t blame your significant other ahead of time, because, most likely, the reason lies in both.

Ways to calm down

When there is still love in your soul and the thought of separation is unbearable, you should try to save the relationship. After all, both partners are often to blame for betrayal.

Maybe you stopped paying enough attention to your spouse, you were too busy with work and friends, your husband felt lonely and stumbled. Therefore, when you are ready to talk, explain to your husband and find out what did not suit him.

While you understand yourself, you should not cry and suffer around the clock, such behavior will not lead to good.
When you are in a lot of pain and you don’t know how to survive your husband’s betrayal, take care of yourself. This will distract you from unpleasant thoughts and give you confidence.
Go to a beauty salon, change your hairstyle, dye your hair.
Update your wardrobe, change your clothing style. These experiments will distract you from constant thoughts about betrayal and will not allow you to turn into a tearful martyr.
It's good to go on vacation. If possible, go to the seaside for a few days or visit another city. A change of environment will calm the soul and give strength.
Try to forget for a while about your husband and his betrayal, this will restore your inner harmony.

What to do if changed? How to act correctly?

Many women and men think about how to forget betrayal and move on with their lives. First of all, the main thing is to calm down and not make any decisions if emotions have now taken control of the mind. Psychologists recommend:

First of all, calm down, stop crying and depressing your soul, because what happened cannot be corrected, and it’s not worth spoiling the nervous system, because it cannot be restored.
Don’t beat yourself up and don’t invent a reason, but calmly talk with your significant other and find out why the betrayal happened and what was wrong in the relationship.
Try to accept the situation and adequately consider further actions, that is, decide what to do with your significant other and how to forget the betrayal quickly and forever.
Understand that everyone makes mistakes, and since cheating happened, then it is both the fault, which means that something was wrong in the relationship before, which is why the other half made such a mistake.
Think about the children (if you have them), because they also need parental warmth and love, so you shouldn’t throw tantrums and scandals in front of their eyes.

First of all, it is recommended to calm down and understand that tears and hysteria will not solve anything. This can only make things worse. It’s worth visiting a psychologist and thinking about all the points.

How to forget your husband's betrayal? The psychologist claims that this can be done if you follow some tips. It is usually recommended to forget betrayal using the methods described below.

Clear analysis of actions i

Many are sure that the most important thing when cheating is to find as many reasons as possible to hate the one who betrayed. But in fact, such a psychological technique will only aggravate the situation, because the more terrible the picture before your eyes, the more often you will begin to wonder - how did this person even end up nearby? The most important thing here is not to overdo it with emotions. You are hurt, you are offended, but all these are temporary difficulties. Over time, this storm in your soul will subside, and you will be able to soberly look your fear in the eye.

First of all, decide for yourself whether you will forgive your partner. Cheating is not a guarantee for separation. And there can be many reasons for this. After all, your significant other could have been taken advantage of while he/she was unconscious. Or everything that happened was some kind of spontaneous mistake that the culprit regrets. Physical proximity doesn't matter as much anymore. The most important thing is your feelings. If you are truly made for each other, then you can always find a way to reconcile. Even if it hurts a lot inside.

The second step is to decide on further actions. If you break up, then devote all your attention to this process. Treat the breakup as an unpleasant, but obligatory matter. Plan your free time, taking into account the absence of your partner, pick up your things, keys and, in general, everything that belongs to you. If you decide to forgive, then think about the list of conditions that the traitor must fulfill in order to restore your trust. The most important thing is not to get lost in the emotional jungle. The more often you repeat in your head “betrayal, betrayal, how terrible it is,” the more you will want to feel sorry for yourself. And pity is not a feeling that you want to experience in everyday life.

Analyze the situation

Many people are interested in how to forget their husband’s betrayal and move on with their lives. First of all, you need to analyze the situation and decide what has changed, except that the other half showed infidelity and neglected the relationship. After all, in fact, everyone is alive and well, but if the husband cheated, then nothing can be corrected, the main thing is to accept the situation and understand that there is always a way out. You can forgive and live again, or you can forget and start a new life, that is, you can find a solution if you consider the situation from all sides.

Talk to your husband and give him a choice

If it so happened that your husband cheated, and the question arose of how to forget your husband’s betrayal, the advice in this case sounds like this: you need to talk to him and give him a choice. If he chooses to maintain the relationship rather than go to his mistress, then you should still give him a chance and remember that everyone has sins, and everyone can make a mistake. Therefore, you should not turn life into a mixture of scandals and reproaches; the main thing is to remember that if you managed to forgive your soul mate, then this is an opportunity to fix everything, and not to destroy it again.

Be alone

Sometimes loneliness is your best friend, as it gives the answer to the question of how to forget betrayal and maintain harmony in your state of mind. You need to think carefully about everything and decide what to do in this case, because you don’t have to constantly torment your soul with this pain. The main thing is to understand that everyone makes mistakes, and if cheating occurs, then both are to blame; perhaps you did not pay enough attention and love to your other half. Most often, this is the main reason why cheating occurs.

Circumstances for maintaining the relationship

Many people decide to stay in a relationship after cheating. This is a rather risky step, since simple reconciliation will not be enough. We need to restore trust, and this is very difficult to do. The partner will constantly suspect the spouse. This situation has a bad effect on the state of mind, health and peace of family life.

Should betrayal be forgiven? Adviсe

Cheating is a sign that the relationship has not passed the test of strength. What should a woman do if she says that she cannot forget the betrayal, what should she do in this situation? Each girl must decide for herself whether to forgive her husband’s offense or leave and start a new life. Psychologists recommend forgiving betrayal in the following cases:

If you have common children. If a family has common children, then, naturally, it is worth preserving the family. It is important to remember that no matter what relationship the parents have with each other, the children have nothing to do with it, they need a father and mother. It is also worth discussing everything with your other half and deciding whether she wants to continue the relationship and start over, while maintaining loyalty and devotion to each other.
If there is love left. If, despite the fact that a betrayal occurred and a mistake was made, love remains, accordingly, it is worth trying to fix everything and understand why the betrayal occurred. Perhaps this happened due to lack of attention or frequent quarrels, or perhaps it’s worth taking a break from the relationship and being alone with your thoughts for a while. If you understand and think about this in time, then there is a chance that you will still be able to maintain strength and love in the relationship.
If you have trust in the person. If, after betrayal, there is hope that you can save the relationship, then you should take advantage of the moment. It is naturally difficult to trust after such a betrayal, but if you discuss everything and think it over, you can still take a risk. After all, all people are not immune from mistakes, and the main thing is to learn to forgive, this is the key to happiness in family relationships.

Please note that you don’t need to make a decision right away, so as not to do something stupid. To understand how to forget betrayal, you need to think about everything, and then it will become clear which solution to the problem will be the most correct and appropriate in this situation.

What absolutely should not be done

After betrayal, irritation and rage do not go away for a long time. The woman suffers, worries, and gradually the tension begins to destroy the body. Insomnia occurs, blood pressure rises, and headaches occur.

Diseases of the stomach and other organs develop from nervous stress, so it is very important to pull yourself together and extinguish hatred. After all, your husband’s misconduct is not worth your well-being. Think about your children and yourself. You need health to move on with your life, raise your children and become happy again.

When there are children in the family, the breakdown of relationships is much more painful, because the child loves his parents equally and suffers greatly during their quarrels.

If dad and mom do not temporarily live together, do not demand that the child not communicate with his father, do not turn the baby against him. No matter what happens between you, he will always remain the dad for the children that they need. The child's psyche is delicate, the child can get sick due to nervousness, so do not drag him into your squabbles and never say that the father is bad.
Drive away the desire for revenge. This feeling will not bring satisfaction if it is realized. Do not try to spite your husband to cheat with the first person you meet. After this, shame for oneself will be added to the resentment and bitterness. You can calm down by changing your surroundings and completely occupying yourself with something.

Alcohol and pills

It is important not to become addicted to alcohol. A glass of wine is not much, but after it you feel light and pleasant in your soul. But in an attempt to relieve internal pain, you can start taking such medicine constantly, and this is very bad. Even the most beautiful man is not worth your health and such suffering.

You should also not get carried away with sedative pills. You can drink them once or twice to recover from the news of betrayal, but you cannot build this into a system. It is difficult to get rid of such an addiction. Every day you will need more pills to get your nerves in order. And in a few months you can turn into a drug addict.

How can you tell if your partner is cheating? Main features

In fact, cheating is very easy to notice if you pay attention to some details. After all, as you know, behavior changes after making a mistake, and you need to pay attention to the following factors:

Strange behavior. Your significant other behaves rather strangely, that is, he avoids phone calls and does not give the phone to strangers. This suggests that he is hiding something, it could be a mistress and a new passion who regularly writes messages and calls.
Atonement for guilt. If a man really regrets that he committed treason, he tries with all his might to atone for his guilt, namely: giving flowers, kissing, hugging, paying more attention and becoming passionate in bed. This looks quite romantic, but it is strange, especially if there has not been such attention and pleasantries from your other half for a long time.
Doesn't make eye contact. When talking, a man tries not to look into the eyes, so as not to remember how he made a mistake and cheated on his beloved. In this case, he constantly looks busy, tries to rush to work and says that there is practically no time for everyday worries. This looks natural, but it may be the first sign that there has been betrayal on his part.
Avoidance of communication with relatives. As a rule, men who have cheated try to communicate less with their mother-in-law and wife's relatives, before whom he is also ashamed. It is also worth paying attention to this and talking to him to find out what exactly he is hiding and what is the reason for his strange behavior.

Intimate talk

This is what you both need after a family tragedy. When you meet, appear before him as a dazzling beauty with an ideal figure, perhaps in an unusual way. Even if I thought about breaking up, when I see you, I should change my mind.

It is during a conversation that you can understand what is preventing your marriage from being ideal. You can have the first conversation after a temporary separation on neutral territory, for example, in a cafe over a cup of coffee. This way, you will be less likely to lose yourself in emotions, especially negative ones, and begin to sort things out. Conduct your conversation correctly.

Rule one. We only talk about the topic. We do not remember all past grievances in bulk, discussing only the current issue. And not in the sense that “what a bastard you are,” but about the specific offense of a loved one.

Rule two. We don’t use our eternal “You’re always like this” or “You’ve never...”. Only relevant and today.

Rule three. On the topic of his betrayal, we talk exclusively with a cool head, and in every sense. If your emotions get the better of you, it’s better to go outside for a while.

Rule four. You cannot insult not only your husband, but also his passion. This will hit your ego even harder than your tantrums. At the same time, it is important to show that you are upset by his misconduct.

Rule four. You can kill him with silence. In reasonable quantities, of course. When there is an opportunity to have a constructive and reasonable dialogue, do not miss it.

How to prevent betrayal? What do we have to do?

We have already figured out how to forgive and forget betrayal. But what can you do to prevent betrayal and maintain intimacy and trust in a relationship for a long time? In this case it is recommended:

Pay more attention to your significant other, constantly talk and listen about how the day went, what’s new, if anything terrible happened (for example, problems at work).
Trusting each other, sharing secrets and maintaining intimacy, which will help a married couple make their relationship strong and lasting.
Share interests, spend time together and do something together, thanks to which you can become closer, get to know each other better and live in harmony and trust.
Always help and support each other, because there are situations when you need support from loved ones, which will help free your soul and restore calm.
Walking as a family with common children, thanks to which the family will become strong and happy, so you can forget about betrayal and other quarrels for a long time.
Treat your significant other with understanding and remember that everyone makes mistakes, and instead of blaming and cursing, you need to forgive and listen.