After my husband’s betrayal, I can’t trust him - how to move on? Is it possible to forgive betrayal

• October 18, 2019
• Psychology of relationships
• Fedorova Victoria

Losing trust is not at all difficult, but regaining it requires enormous effort. Many women, faced with a similar problem, ask a psychologist: after my husband’s betrayal, I can’t trust him. After all, when your heart is broken, it is especially difficult to restore faith in it. What is the right thing for a woman to do? She should understand and accept the fact that the family cannot be preserved in its previous form. The connection between husband and wife goes to another level, which is normal.

Why is it important to trust?

Trust is one of the internal states of a person, giving a feeling of calm and stability. It gives confidence in your other half and helps you approach business meetings with other women without jealousy. A wife who trusts her husband calmly lets him go fishing or go to the bathhouse with friends. She knows exactly where he is and will not control him with phone calls or a sudden visit. Trust is an important component of two loving hearts.

If it is destroyed, then the man has committed a serious offense. As a result, trust in the relationship is completely lost. At the same moment, confidence in the dearest and most beloved person disappears. The woman experiences pain and disappointment. It seems to her that she will never be able to trust her husband again. When there is no trust in the husband, then such a relationship cannot exist - all psychologists are sure of this. In order not to completely ruin her life and not lose the opportunity to love, a woman must understand how to live further.

Is absolute trust possible?

If you have heard from someone that a wife can trust her husband 100%, and he can also trust her, know: your interlocutor is a cheerful dreamer. It is impossible not to be afraid of anything. It is impossible to trust 100% in a marriage. If this is what you are striving for, reconsider! Absolute trust is indifference.

Do you have any doubts? Do you think that you completely trust your husband? Completely - is this enough to calmly leave him after 10 years of abstinence while intoxicated next to a woman who looks like you? I, of course, came up with the plot. But a fact is a fact - even the most faithful husband can find himself in a situation where circumstances overwhelm all his beliefs, fortitude and fear of losing you.

Another question - why would you arrange SUCH a test and subject your husband to extremely difficult tests? Trust is based on mutual respect and the desire not to harm each other. And not during checks.

Of course, regaining trust is the work of both spouses. The husband should not only want to regain trust, but also work in this direction. You too must try.

How to restore trust in your husband

A woman’s phrase “after my husband cheated on me, I can’t trust him” usually indicates that there are a lot of problems in the couple. This is a signal of reassessment of values ​​and rethinking of your own life.

It is advisable to avoid emotional barriers in communication, and for husband and wife to become best friends, establishing a strong connection. Then the relationship will move to a higher level. And the woman will not have a question about whether betrayal can be forgiven.

However, in this situation one should not go to extremes and replace love with psychological dependence. A woman's happiness and self-esteem are not related to her partner's fidelity. The feeling of enjoying life originates within, always in positive thoughts. Women need to respect their own interests and needs and not get hung up on men.

How to save a family when your husband cheats? The wife needs to analyze how she felt when she learned about his betrayal. Perhaps this happened due to special trust in relation to her husband. Most often, women do this unconsciously, trying to live as if behind a “stone wall.”

A mentally mature person is able to independently take responsibility for his words and actions. For him, betrayal is simply an unpleasant fact. It hurts, but life goes on.

For an insecure person, betrayal seems like a collapse and confirmation of one’s inferiority. In this case, the matter is not only in the betrayal of the husband, but also in the complexes of the woman herself.

When not to save a marriage

Maintaining a relationship will not always have a positive effect on a marriage. There are situations when it is better for people to separate and go their separate ways. It is better for spouses to separate if:

• the husband does not consider his betrayal a bad act;
• a man justifies his infidelity by his polygamous nature, saying that he can cheat on you, but you cannot cheat on him;
• you have already repeatedly caught your spouse red-handed, he promised to improve, but the betrayals were repeated;
• a person physically cannot walk past a skirt; no stick can knock the womanizer nature out of him;
• your spouse accuses you of cheating, completely denying his guilt.

No matter how painful it is, no matter how many years you spend on marriage, it is better to end this painful relationship and allow yourself to be happy, even if in splendid isolation.

Trust is a complicated thing. To begin to trust a person who once deceived you will require a lot of vitality and wisdom. If love for your husband is higher than insults, disappointments and life's troubles, you will definitely restore the relationship. The main thing is that you both want it. Otherwise, this relationship will bring you nothing but frustration.

How to regain peace of mind

To understand how to restore trust in a relationship, women must realize that family life largely depends on the efforts of both partners. You should not shift all responsibility to the chosen one. Trust is a special part of love.

It is easiest for a woman to be offended, to revel in the pain and be afraid of losing contact with her husband. At the same time, you are dealing with your fears, and not solving the problem. A woman needs to leave this blaming position and let go of the past.

She needs to start living life to the fullest. Doesn't any woman deserve love and respect? You can continue to enjoy life and experiment with your appearance. Healthy selfishness has never hurt anyone.

A woman should open up to new knowledge and acquaintances. Thanks to this, her life will be filled with new meaning and relieve her of negative thoughts.

A woman should look for inspiration. You can also keep a “success diary” where you note all the good moments that happened that day. It's time to change your picture of the world.

It is important for a woman to monitor her health, which is a guarantee of her attractiveness. Over time, tragic events will become a thing of the past and will not become so traumatic.

When visiting a psychiatrist, many women ask whether cheating can be forgiven. At the same time, the husband asks for forgiveness and dreams of saving the family. How can a woman believe in his sincerity and return to her previous relationship?

Do you dream of female happiness?

Then you should definitely find out about this

Whatever one may say, it is unlikely that you will be able to happily arrange your personal life without a good man. GOOD exactly in your opinion. Men to whom you could trust yourself and entrust your future.

But this is the problem - finding such a man is not easy. It seems that every man has some kind of “catch”. As a result, there are more and more women explaining their unsettled personal lives this way: I DON’T TRUST MEN .

What really prevents you from trusting men?

Fencing yourself off from men with an iron wall of mistrust and waiting for them to “jump over” it, proving their decency is the easiest way. It’s a shame that it doesn’t lead to a woman’s dream of happiness next to her beloved. Quite the contrary...

After all, the man who saw you for the first time and wanted to be with you will have to “pay for the sins of others.”

Because DISTRUST did not appear in you overnight. It all started after several unsuccessful novels, when your hopes were not met. And even earlier, from childhood fears, “no one will love me” and “they won’t take me with them.” Then there were unjustified expectations: “he owes me,” “he has no right to refuse me,” and “he must love me.” And of course, doubts “my mother told me,” “maybe I should have chosen Gosha.” You agreed with someone too quickly, rejected someone just as quickly, but the result was the same - you are disappointed.

This is how distrust of all men in the world appeared at once. Even strangers, even the best of them. You are sure that they only know how to deceive and betray, hurt and abandon.

And where is there even a word about women's happiness?

Think for yourself where happiness comes from if there is no love, no sympathy and no TRUST. If when you come on a date, you fence yourself off from men with a wall of wariness. If from the first minutes of meeting you expect trouble from him and are looking for confirmation of your fears.

You should try to find out more information about the man on your date to see if he is right for you. But instead, you maintain a “all-round defense”, frightening him with your tension. You diligently look for shortcomings and discrepancies with your ideal.

The women were shocked - they trusted the wrong people!

American sociologists decided to check whether women's idea of ​​a man's reliability coincides with what a man really is. The result stunned everyone!

As it turned out, most women were ready to unquestioningly trust men who needed to be avoided. The majority of votes were given to manipulators, marriage swindlers and scammers. But truly worthy men suffered a crushing defeat in this “competition.”

The reasons are banal - the men were tense on the date, did not shower them with compliments, and did not say pleasant words to the women. And women expressed distrust in men and “added” non-existent shortcomings, following their fears and succumbing to emotions.

How not to make a mistake in choosing

The more unsuccessful novels a woman has, the greater her fear of making mistakes again. And it doesn’t matter at all how many times you personally made mistakes in choosing a man. How many times have you had to regret your excessive gullibility?

YOU REALLY WANT TO BE HAPPY! And you hope with all your heart that this time you can make the right choice.

I, too, with all my heart wish you happiness and really want your choice to be the right one. That is why I am ready to share a secret with you - you should LEARN TO TRUST MEN AGAIN .

How much longer are you willing to scare away good men?

I foresee your question: is it really possible to learn to trust ? Can!

Behind the mistrust is fear and the inability to maintain one’s safety. This is felt especially acutely in the very first meetings. When a man and a woman do not yet know for sure whether they are suitable for each other. It is very scary for a woman to find herself defenseless and vulnerable in front of a man, in front of his pressure and his desire.

Knowing the important details that you should pay attention to when meeting a man, you will feel safe, confident and calm.

By being able to quickly identify your fears of men and change the negative scenario, you will protect yourself from groundless fears and new rounds of mistrust.

Knowing how to distinguish a slacker, a deceiver and a manipulator from a man who is ready for a serious relationship, you will be more attentive and easily avoid the “traps” that you could fall into.

By understanding the reasons for male and female jealousy, you will forever be protected from mistrust and misunderstanding in your relationship with your man.

Knowing the biggest fear of every man, you can show him from the very first moments of communication that it is with you that he can be confident in you.

By leaving your previous fears and negative experiences from previous relationships in the past and starting a relationship without prejudice, you will receive great gratitude from your man. You will awaken in him the desire to build a serious and long-term relationship with you, based on trust and love.

Only by returning a man to freedom from your own concerns and fears will you be able to see his true qualities. And evaluate how suitable you and him are for each other, whether you can build one common happiness for two.

Decide for yourself how much longer you are ready to scare away good men with your mistrust...

Why learn to TRUST men?

Surely you dream that you can finally relax and feel like yourself when you meet your man. You want to feel calm and confident around him. Talk about what

think and make plans for the future together. Enjoy something together and solve important life problems together.

Your happy life is unlikely to be happy without mutual understanding and willingness to compromise. That is why it is so important to TRUST each other, and to know that a reliable man is nearby.

Think how much simpler and easier it will be for the two of you to reach mutual understanding if you don’t have to waste energy on defense. How much love and tenderness you can give to each other.

How trusting men will make you happier

I agree that learning to trust men is impossible in an instant. But you can and should LEARN TO TRUST! At least in order to choose a really good man.

To be able to see it through your own fears and concerns. To help him reveal his best qualities next to you. To be sure, I made the right choice.

It is these questions that we will deal with at the workshop “ How to learn to trust men AGAIN, especially if you have already been betrayed ”

Why does betrayal occur in a family?

In all situations, it is not recommended to resolve the issue rashly. A woman needs to be quiet for some time. And also find out what is the reason for the betrayal.

Sometimes the wife herself is guilty of betraying her husband. However, she has no idea about it. When he declares that after his husband’s betrayal he cannot trust him, then you need to find out the reasons for this situation.

The main reasons for cheating include:

1. When a woman gets married, she stops taking care of her appearance. Nobody demands an ideal figure, but more than 100 kg is too much.
2. A woman stops taking care of her clothes and hairstyle. It is much more pleasant to live with a well-groomed and beautiful wife. To do this, it is not necessary to visit beauty salons. It is important not to walk around the house in a torn robe and with disheveled curls.
3. It is worth evaluating your behavior. If quarrels and scandals constantly occur in the family, then even love will not save you from betrayal.
4. Jealousy is a dangerous feeling. If you interrogate your husband about women every day, this can also push him to cheat. After all, then the scandals will be justified.

To strengthen family relationships, it is important for a woman to show her love and fidelity. But this should not be done too intrusively.

Why do husbands cheat? In this situation, the woman needs to calm down and let her husband talk if he wants to explain. You shouldn't decide everything for him. All quarrels between partners are the mistakes of both. This also applies to betrayal. A woman needs to listen to all her husband’s arguments, and only then make a decision.

Stop controlling his every move

After exposure, the temptation to control your husband more carefully is strong:

• check his correspondence;
• call if delayed;
• not allowed to go fishing or meet with friends.

The problem is that the cheater will find a loophole and still outwit the spouse if he wants. It is much wiser not to try to follow his every move, but to demonstrate trust. Even if it is a pretense, and at first the hand itself will reach for the phone.

It is not a fact that the husband will not deceive again, but it will be morally more difficult to do this if they believe him.

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To achieve harmony, you need to eliminate all disturbing factors from life: do not watch films and talk shows about betrayal and betrayal, do not be interested in the personal lives of friends and neighbors.

Is it necessary to forgive betrayal?

Women ask psychologists whether it is possible to forgive betrayal and how to continue to trust their husband. You can decide whether to forgive or not after a one-on-one conversation. Women should not seek outside advice. This will affect the situation negatively and will not give the correct answer. After all, it is easy to completely break off a family relationship, but the husband’s return to the family may not happen.

If a woman can calmly assess the current situation, she will try to listen to her husband. By doing this she will raise herself in his eyes. After reconciliation, partners can even take a short vacation together. This will help you understand your feelings more accurately. And a woman will be able to understand whether or not she has trust in her husband.

What happens to a marriage after cheating?

The famous psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky is sure that a marriage in which one or both partners “go to the left” is doomed to failure. Even if the spouses try to maintain the union for the sake of children or for any other reason, their relationship will never be healthy. This becomes the main reason why people feel unhappy, unfulfilled and unsatisfied.

When faced with betrayal, a wife usually looks for flaws in herself:

• became ugly;
• your figure has deteriorated;
• beauty is gone;
• problems in bed;
• no romance;
• complex nature.

This is the wrong tactic, because husbands do not always look for reasons for cheating in the shortcomings of their wives. However, all the reasons are discussed in detail in this article, so we won’t dwell on it.

It is important that spouses spend time together more often, communicate, share their experiences and mutual claims. Without scandals and reproaches, in a calm atmosphere. You, as spouses, must accept and understand each other, seek compromises in difficult situations, discuss problems and find a solution together.

If each of you is on his own, sooner or later this will put an end to the relationship.

Quarrels, accusations, reminders and mockery will only destroy the marriage.

When betrayal has already occurred, it is too late to wave your fists after a fight - time cannot be turned back and the mistake cannot be corrected. But if partners set out to maintain the relationship, they have a lot of work to do on themselves. It will be difficult for an offended wife to trust her husband again after betrayal, but it will also be difficult for her husband.

Only a frank conversation will help you understand the reasons and motives for betrayal, find weak points in relationships, find out what you need to pay special attention to and what to think about. If you firmly believe that you do not want to divorce your spouse, you will have a lot to learn. First of all, you must become wiser so that with your hints, mockery and reminiscences you do not destroy the fragile balance of your union with your loved one.

How to get rid of the fear of cheating again

If a woman has decided to save her family, then she needs to trust her husband again. First, she must learn to control her feelings. A woman often has a feeling of fear that this situation may happen again.

How to learn to trust your husband after cheating? To do this you need to do the following:

1. A woman should distract herself from such thoughts. She can go to the pool or gym. Communicate with friends more often. But you shouldn't start talking about treason. This will not allow emotions to cool down and will traumatize the soul.
2. A woman can occupy herself with a hobby. This could be knitting, embroidery, reading books. She needs to change her style and hairstyle.
3. You can engage in your self-development. Read fiction and scientific literature.
4. The most important rule for a woman is to love and respect herself. This will raise her in the eyes of others.
5. A woman should try not to be jealous of her husband, but give him freedom. Let him be afraid of losing his wife, who behaved wisely and at the same time looks wonderful.
6. If a woman cannot cope with the current situation on her own, then it is best for her to consult a psychologist. This way you can solve the problem faster.

It is such a woman who will be able to attract attention to herself, and not a lady who is depressed. Seeing the changes that have happened to her, the husband will value his wife more.

Be extremely transparent

fizkes/Getty Images Pro

Yes, be transparent, literally like glass! After cheating has occurred and attempts are being made to repair the relationship, transparency is required from both partners, not just from the perpetrator of the betrayal.

, although this is primarily expected from the guilty party. Full transparency is essential to rebuilding lost trust.

Don't give your partner a single chance to think that you are hiding anything from him again. Don't hide anything, don't keep secrets

, because secrecy and secrets in your situation can be detrimental to the process of restoring relationships.

For example, if the phone rings, it would be unforgivably stupid not to let your partner know who exactly called you and for what reason. On the way to building a new relationship with an old partner

it is necessary to forget about small personal secrets. The period during which you will restore lost trust is simply inevitable in your relationship.

How to forget your husband's cheating

When a woman complains that after her husband’s betrayal she cannot trust him, then she should learn to accept his apology. This will help her in the future. Apologies can be expressed in the form of regular help with housework, flowers, and walks around the city.

In some cases, the cheating husband feels much worse than the betrayed spouse. It gets much harder for him. After all, he practically destroyed the family.

After reconciliation, you should live in the present and not remember past mistakes. Forgiving your husband's infidelity is a wise decision that only a strong woman can make.

After all, such situations happen in many families. And not all women are able to forgive, but only some. Sometimes this makes the family stronger, and the husband begins to appreciate his wise wife.

Sometimes you need to be friends

How to behave after your husband cheats? Women often ask themselves this question. Psychologists advise, after a surge of emotions, to express to the spouses everything that specifically does not suit them. This is done in order to prevent repeated betrayals.

If a woman has decided to forgive a man and save her family, then at first it is best for them to be best friends. After betrayal, you should not blame your husband for all mortal sins. It should not be forgotten that a decision has been made to start the relationship again. It's best not to touch on the past.

What psychologists advise

Numerous Internet resources, newspapers and magazines often publish advice from a psychologist, where, among the reasonable ones, there are also funny recommendations:

• take care of yourself (hair, manicure, hairpins);
• repeat to yourself or out loud, like a mantra: men are good;
• get a parrot or a hamster and express your grievances;
• analyze your behavior, do not deny your loved one intimacy and do not bother if your husband comes in the morning, is not sober and does not give clear answers to specific questions.

But in addition to these “effective measures”, I would personally advise you to analyze whether perhaps you are indirectly to blame for his infidelity.

How to strengthen relationships

To build trust in a relationship, spouses need to spend more time with each other. If you don't have a vacation planned, you can travel on weekends. At this time, a woman will be able to discover new character traits of her husband.

From time to time, thoughts about betrayal will pop up. Especially initially. Spouses should not start a conversation about this. As a result, all efforts will go to waste and the family will fall apart.

If a woman doesn’t know whether cheating can be forgiven, then the most ideal option is to cross out the past. It is best to start your married life anew. And try not to make mistakes that served as a reason for betrayal. Ideally, the couple can have another honeymoon.

Become self-sufficient

Married women tend to sacrifice their own interests for the needs of the family. Due to the lack of hobbies, wives too often stress themselves out and try to monitor changes in the relationship with their spouse.

New hobbies and interesting activities make life more varied and relieve anxiety.

If you are distracted for a while, the resentment will cease to be acute and may not be forgotten, but will not constantly torment and break your heart.