How to forgive your wife's betrayal and save your family?

Reasons why my wife cheated
How to proceed?
How to forgive?
What does forgiveness mean?
Bottom line

When a man and a woman come together, they create a living entity called a relationship. The union itself does not appear just like that, it does not develop and is not formed if at least one of the partners is not in it. However, if there is both a man and a woman, the union becomes what the partners themselves make it. Cheating is a relationship disease that indicates that something is wrong. And here the reader of the men's site masculino.ru may wonder whether it is worth forgiving his wife after her betrayal.

No matter who committed the betrayal, it is always painful for those who were betrayed. Cheating on his wife will cause a lot of emotions in a man, mostly of a negative nature. If the wife betrayed, then the man will have a surge of various negative emotions, desires and even energy. It should be understood that the first impulses are not always the most correct. To begin with, you should give yourself time and not take decisive actions and conclusions. And we will start with an analysis of the reasons for female infidelity.

Is it possible to forgive a woman's infidelity?

In the first hours after the shocking news about the betrayal of their significant other, the vast majority of men do not even want to hear that this needs to be forgiven. Resentment and pain make themselves felt for quite a long time, but the ability to reason still takes their place.

Long-term relationships are not so easy to break, especially if there are children in the family. And no one canceled the feelings for his wife, despite her betrayal. So is it possible to forgive your wife’s betrayal?

The answer to this question depends on what reasons prompted her to commit such a disgusting act. If everything in your relationship was smooth and you don’t feel guilty, then you don’t have to forgive your spouse or postpone your favor. Otherwise, you risk allowing your wife to sit on your neck and dangle her legs.

When you realize that you behaved in a completely inappropriate way in family life, then it is quite possible to forgive your spouse’s weakness. Didn't you provoke the betrayal with your disdainful attitude? Women are much less likely than men to decide on such actions, and generally they need a serious reason for adultery.

To understand how to forgive your wife’s betrayal and whether this can be done, also listen to your personal feelings. Not every man is capable of continuing to live with a traitor, despite all the extenuating circumstances. Think about whether your family has a future after your spouse’s wrongdoing? Don’t be rash, analyze what happened, talk to your wife frankly and only then make an informed decision.

What does forgiveness mean?

How often do you get offended by someone? Resentment is an everyday companion for almost every person. But it should be noted that while you are offended, you are making a mistake because you are wasting time on something that does not deserve your attention.

People deserve forgiveness, firstly, because they are imperfect. You are an imperfect person and other people are imperfect beings. Every person can make mistakes, stupidity, and rash actions. But this is an indicator of human imperfection. Do you consider yourself an ideal person? If not, then recognize the same imperfection in other people. Forgive them for not being ideal, because ideal is something that cannot be achieved. Why? Because each person has his own criteria for ideality, and it is simply impossible to be ideal for absolutely all people.

People are worthy of forgiveness because they should not live up to your expectations and fulfill your desires. Do you want to indulge someone's whims, fulfill someone's desires and be what they want you to be? Then why do you demand this from other people? Those around you can be what they already are, just as you can be what you are now. And no one is obliged to meet other people's expectations. This means that it is stupid to be offended, since offense is an indicator that someone did not want to meet your expectations or fulfill your desires.

Imperfect people deserve forgiveness. Would you like to be forgiven for what you did? Those around you want the same thing. Every person wants to be forgiven, because all people make mistakes due to their emotionality, ignorance, fears and complexes. And if you are ready to forgive other people for how imperfect they are according to your expectations, then you deserve to be forgiven for being imperfect, according to other people’s expectations.

How do you know that you have forgiven your wife? You stopped remembering the past every day, and if you suddenly remembered, then you don’t have any resentment, hatred or other worries inside you.

If you want to maintain family happiness with your wife

No one is immune from making mistakes, sometimes so serious that they can change their life forever. Is it possible to forgive the betrayal of the girl who was closest to you in the world? If your spouse has sinned, but you do not want to leave her, then no one has the right to condemn this decision.

How to maintain a happy family after your wife cheats and forgive her:

Find out the reason for adultery. It is unlikely that the wife rushed into the arms of the first person she met just like that, because years of marriage were at stake. Find out what exactly caused the unseemly act by calling your wife for a frank conversation. Don't put pressure on her and try to find out the truth. This information will help you understand your spouse’s motives and continue to act in the right direction.
Admit guilt, if any, and correct yourself. Since you have decided to save your marriage, you understand that your share of the blame for female infidelity is quite likely. Perhaps you did not show proper attention to your other half or even walked left and right on your own, completely forgetting about your beloved. Tell your spouse that you have realized your mistakes. Show her through your actions that this will not happen again in the future. Become the husband of your dreams so that your wife will regret what she did and never look to the left again.
Look for the positive qualities of your spouse. It’s hard not to think that the other half was just recently tumbling with someone else, and now he’s sitting next to him as if nothing had happened. The memory of an unpleasant incident prevents you from forgiving your spouse from the bottom of your heart. In order to quickly get back into the usual rut of life, drive away these memories from yourself. Look for your wife’s advantages and focus your attention on them. For example, ask your spouse to cook your favorite dish and enjoy her cooking skills.

It is impossible to forgive a person with a snap of your fingers. Therefore, be patient and under no circumstances reproach your spouse for the adultery that happened every day. This will only escalate the situation and lead to another scandal. If you have already decided to save your family, then behave with dignity.

How to avoid mistakes

There are many mistakes that men make out of resentment and anger after they find out about adultery. For example:

Revenge - to show how painful her action is, the man decides to cheat in response. Remember that in this case, the burden of guilt will further affect your emotional state, and will make maintaining the relationship impossible.
Remembering - a man gives a chance for correction, but at every opportunity he reproaches his wife for infidelity. This will not only not help you forget, but will also become a reason for constant conflicts.
Indifference - in order to punish an unfaithful woman, a man demonstrates to her in every possible way his indifference, the absence of any feelings. Sooner or later she will stop believing in a possible reunion and will simply leave.
Bad habits - against the backdrop of stress and mental pain, there is a desire to muffle it all with alcohol or other substances. Temporary relief can lead to addiction, and she will only become even more convinced that she is not on the right path with such a man.
Loss of self-esteem - betrayal can cause complexes, self-doubt, and self-criticism. Undoubtedly, in any situation, both partners are always to blame. But this does not mean that you are worse than anyone. This is an incentive to rethink your behavior and work on self-improvement.

Did you cheat in retaliation?

Not really

If you want to let go on all four sides

You need to get a divorce beautifully. You should not hold anger and hatred towards your spouse, who is about to become an ex. Find a bit of nobility and condescension in yourself, even if very soon the stamp in your passport will scream about your freedom.

How to forget your wife’s infidelity during a divorce:

Understand the absurdity of your emotions. If you are determined to file for divorce, then there is simply no point in not forgiving your spouse. Why extra resentment in your soul when very soon both of you will not be bound by marriage?
Rest. When a stressful situation has literally just happened, it is difficult to act rationally. But, if you have been nervous for a long time and accumulate evil within yourself, then you are harming yourself. Don't live in the past, try to switch to your favorite activities and relax. The nervous system will calm down, and it will become much easier to forgive your wife.
Wish your wife happiness. By spewing curses towards your unfaithful spouse, you gain absolutely nothing, but only escalate the situation. Tell your wife that you are grateful for the pleasant moments of your life together, but now your paths have diverged, and you wish her to find personal happiness with someone else. This way you will interrupt the series of conflicts, put a logical point and get out of the situation with dignity, like a real man.

Everything has already happened, the decision has been made, and it’s stupid to hold a grudge against your ex-wife. You will still meet a woman who will be faithful, so do not waste time on negative experiences and dream of a bright future.

Why does my wife cheat?

The most common reason for female infidelity is a lack of attention and warmth from her husband. Then she begins to pay attention to those around her. One gave a compliment, another treated her to a cup of coffee, and the third understood what the woman was missing and took advantage of the situation.

Unfortunately, in this case, a woman may perceive her lover’s attention as sincere sympathy and allow herself to fall in love with him. When the truth is revealed, she will be in great pain, the illusory world will collapse.

Another reason is coercion. It happens that the boss allows himself too much, and in order to force the woman to fulfill his wishes, he threatens with dismissal. Or the wife is dissatisfied with her husband’s salary, and the boss pays her extra in exchange for sexual pleasure. This is exactly the type of betrayal when a woman tries to protect her husband from financial problems.

The most dangerous cause of female infidelity for a marriage is the discrepancy between the spouses’ views on their relationship. For example, a wife constantly improves her skills, strives for more, wants to travel and develop. And it’s enough for the husband to spend the weekend on the couch with a bottle of beer without leaving the house. In this case, the woman will look for a future husband in her lover, to whom she can leave. And she doesn’t leave her husband so that she can return home if the new relationship doesn’t work out.

If the betrayal is revealed, then the husband will have to either forgive his wife and change for her sake, or let her go.

A less common type of infidelity is infidelity in the presence of your husband. As a rule, this happens when a married couple tries to diversify their sex life and invite a third party into their bed. Even if the idea originally belonged to the husband, the consequences can be sad. It is difficult to be sure in advance that even if everything goes smoothly, there will be no consequences.

On the one hand, this is not treason, but the fact that a man saw his wife being pleasured by another man can traumatize his psyche. He will constantly remember this, compare and try to get assurances from his wife that he is the best for her.

If you can’t forgive your spouse for cheating: advice from psychologists

Have you followed all the recommendations, corrected your behavior, seemed to have established a peaceful existence with your wife, but resentment still torments your soul? Advice from psychologists will help answer the question of how to forgive your wife’s infidelity:

Talk to your spouse about the problem. Perhaps you need to hear once again that you are loved and will not be exchanged for a casual relationship. Or do you want to know that the wife repents and realizes that she made a mistake. An understanding woman will not refuse a frank conversation and will dispel your doubts. Draw up some kind of contract with your spouse. Write down on a piece of paper the obligations of both parties and what will happen if they are not fulfilled. This way, albeit formally, you will protect yourself from possible negative events. Order and discipline are very important for men. This method will help you forgive your wife faster.
Remember the happy moments of your life. You have been together in both sorrow and joy, so why does the first always come to mind? To forgive your spouse, you should plunge into the world of pleasant memories. Think about what immerses you in an atmosphere of happiness and tranquility: a wedding, a seaside vacation, the birth of your first child. This way you will quickly realize that your wife is not only a traitor, but also an interesting, sweet, beloved woman who recently simply stumbled.
Go for a consultation with a family psychologist. Together or with your spouse – it’s up to you to decide. A specialist will analyze all the nuances of a sensitive problem individually, find the root causes and help you get on the right path. Don’t think that psychologists are storytellers who extract money from gullible people. Try talking to a specialist once, and then label yourself.

Don't ignore the situation. Resentment poisons your soul and your relationship with your spouse. Try not to lead to scandals and new troubles. Relax together and perceive everything that happened as a kind of family crisis that gave you an impetus for development.

Should I forgive my wife for cheating?

My wife cheated on me: how to forgive her, what to do next? You'll have a lot to think about, but let yourself cool down first. Understand the situation and reasons, give her a chance to explain what happened. First, listen to yourself: do you want to continue to be with her? Then evaluate her behavior: does she repent, is she ready to fight for you. There are situations when it is worth considering forgiveness, and those in which accepting it back is stupid. But this is life and there is no need to set boundaries: think more broadly, try, even if it hurts.

It is easier to destroy than to preserve. But if you decide to fight for you, then it should be worth it. It will be difficult for both you and her to sincerely forgive and forget. The feeling of guilt will force her to make concessions, and you will automatically take advantage of this. She humiliated you, trampled on your male pride, so if the opportunity arises, you too may not be able to resist, although you have forgiven in words. If you decide to be together, then you need to start from scratch. Yes, it is difficult, but it must be done if you choose the most thorny path.

Depending on the circumstances

Of course, no one denies guilt in what happened. But situations are different, and the degree of a woman’s guilt depends on the circumstances. It’s worth finding out why exactly this happened:

The family is going through difficult financial times, and the boss is pestering you with offers to raise your salary or threatening to fire you. The woman is scared, but agrees for the good of the family.
Work corporate party, too much alcohol, attention from a colleague... And in the morning the wife woke up in the bed of a man who took advantage of her intoxication.
The husband and wife arrived at the party together, but during the event they had a fight and he left, leaving her alone in upset feelings. He didn’t ask how she would get home, didn’t call, didn’t think about the possible consequences.
The wife found out about her husband’s betrayal, and in anger decided to take similar revenge - she slept with another man.
The husband physically or psychologically suppressed the woman for a long time, and she succumbed to a rush of feelings when she met a gentle and caring man.

The wife is, undoubtedly, guilty in each example, but still the circumstances are not as offensive as in the case of targeted infidelity.

There is a difference: a random one-time betrayal or a permanent relationship.

The opposite situation: a woman has a long-term relationship with her lover. She bought a new perfume for him, did her hair, and chooses the best outfits. She lies to her husband about plans for the day, hides evidence, erases correspondence, secretly coos on the phone, spends a lot of time with someone else, etc.

When everything is revealed, you can beg for forgiveness on your knees for a long time, but this can no longer be called a mistake. A woman does everything consciously, thoughtfully, and carefully. Such calculating intriguers frighten men. After all, if you forgive her for cheating, everything can happen again.

Each situation must be considered separately, taking into account many different nuances: the couple’s past, how long they have been together, family relationships and the events that led directly to the betrayal.

Don't pay attention to the opinions of others

What will people think when I find out that the guy has forgiven the girl? People's opinions vary and many are highly dependent on it. Someone will say that he is a saint for doing this, someone will condemn him and call him a rag. There is no way to avoid this. There is only one way out - not to pay attention.

Your life concerns only you! Everyone has a lot of problems, so let them better deal with them. To prevent others from having reasons for gossip, do not wash dirty linen in public. If you change, don't complain to everyone you meet. Let your problems remain yours, they are of no interest to anyone. People love to gossip about someone, but they are unlikely to offer help. Immediately stop any gossip or unpleasant expressions addressed to you.

What to do: break up or forgive betrayal

The answer of numerous experts to the question: “Is it worth forgiving a girl after cheating?” ambiguous. There is no universal solution. Each situation is purely individual, and its reasons can be completely diverse. Don't follow the majority's opinion. The most important thing now is to find the reason for looking for love on the side.

The heart will tell you whether to forgive betrayal. Do a thorough analysis, find out whether the relationship lasted for a long time when it first happened. If she repented, and the betrayal happened only once, then perhaps it’s worth giving a chance, because no one is immune from mistakes. True, this is usually what men do, who are called “aleni.” The main fact here is, can you continue to live, realizing the betrayal? Forgiveness is half the battle, but forgetting everything is not easy. If you doubt that you will be able to cope with this, then maybe you shouldn’t go back, because it will only bring additional pain. You need to understand that when this happened for the first time, there are no guarantees.

What often happens is with your ex-boyfriend, here you become hostage to their past passion, which was not forgotten by them. What to do, definitely leave them alone and remember the two words “third wheel”, it definitely turned out to be you.

In case of betrayal at a distance. Here we mean greater temporary isolation from each other. This is also not an excuse. It means I wasn’t expecting you and didn’t value my feelings. Most likely she needs you as a source of income who sends money from her earnings. And in your absence, she has fun and manages your finances.

How to deal with a situation with a girl who was in a relationship also gives a clear answer that you need to dump her. She is unreliable and be glad that she is not married and has no children with her, if so, then you are lucky. This will help you avoid financial losses.

Cheating on a girl while drunk can be considered one of the most common; its whole essence is visible here. Namely, the inability to control oneself leads to fatal mistakes. Why do you need a frivolous and accessible woman who can become so if she consumes an extra 100 grams. I also put emphasis on childbearing in the presence of such a bad habit, what it can give birth to and from whom.

Men's views on whether betrayal can be forgiven vary. It’s one thing if it happened once and again, when it lasted for a long time, and the betrothed was not going to tell. Unfortunately, such relationships are doomed. You understand that this happened intentionally, which means that feelings for your lover overshadowed your relationship with you. This is a real betrayal, so think carefully about whether it is worth associating your future life with such a woman.

If flirting and affairs happen on a regular basis, then you should leave such a partner as soon as possible. Even great love cannot change the current situation. Come to terms with the idea that this is simply not your person, and boldly move on in life.

If you have made a mutual decision to keep the couple, then be sure to take a short break. This will create balance, relieve angry feelings and resentment. Don't find out the details of the affair. Reconsider the mistake of the love union and correct it if possible. Leave the past in the past!

What should a woman do if her husband finds out about cheating?

When the husband became aware of the betrayal, it was too late to justify or assure him that she did not mean to. Never mind. There was treason and it is known. All that remains is to act according to the circumstances.

If the husband is ready to forgive his wife, then she will have to earn his trust again. This is a very long and difficult path that they must go through together. It’s good if a psychologist works with the couple. He will help them understand what they value in each other, why they love each other and why the betrayal occurred. When all the circumstances and reasons are clear, the spouses will finally be able to forgive each other and begin to live happily together again.

Signs of a woman's betrayal

To catch a woman's infidelity, look and mentally note how many of the points listed below apply.

If there is a match of four or more, this is a reason to suspect infidelity:

Alienation or lack of joint conversations and discussions. Women cool down morally faster, and only then physically. If until now your wife shared events, but now she is silent, think about it. She either has problems that she wants to hide, or a new affair on the side.
A woman does not listen and does not remember her partner’s words. It seems that her thoughts are far away. Of course, if this has happened before, do not focus on this detail.
Encouraging separate holidays and weekends. My wife did not approve of overnight fishing, but now she is concerned about why trips are so rare? This is a clear sign that they want to quickly kick you out of the house.
Increased interest, which was not there a month ago, in the work schedule. Your wife is interested in an almost minute-by-minute schedule of your affairs, while simultaneously trying to remember every little detail.
Constant irritation and dissatisfaction with any manifestations. To test this, present the girl with a bouquet. If she accepts it with genuine joy, then the signs noticed are fatigue and irritation. If she has difficulty putting on a smile, this is a sign that the wife is attracted to another guy.
Change of smell that occurred during the day. In the morning, a delicate perfume applied to the skin smelled of roses and violets, and in the evening a woman smells of men's deodorant - this is a sign that demonstrates betrayal.
In the company of colleagues and friends of your wife, conversations in front of you become awkward and distant.
Attempts to look into the woman’s phone or laptop fail. It turns out that access to them is protected by a password that only she knows.
The wife provokes quarrels and tries to leave the house after a scandal, turning off the phone and returning in the morning.
Interest in one's own appearance and changes in hairstyle, clothing and style noticeable to a man. Women tend to make drastic changes at critical times to relieve stress.

Each of the points individually has a justification, but a combination of at least four suggests too strange behavior and possible betrayal. But don’t rush things, try to find reliable evidence to understand for sure whether to suspect treason.

What do men think about?

The news of a wife's betrayal is a terrible blow to a man's pride. He was betrayed, trampled, humiliated. Therefore, he needs time to comprehend the situation. It is better to leave him alone for a while, because a showdown during this period will not lead to any results.

After the first emotions have subsided, negotiations can begin. This is the right time for the husband to speak and the wife to listen. Yes, she will hear a lot of unpleasant things addressed to her, but then she will find out how her husband really feels and what her betrayal means to him. And during this dialogue it will become clear whether there is any hope of saving the marriage.

Don't change in response

Of course, to forgive a girl’s betrayal, you need to be a strong person. This indicates that a person can do much more for the sake of his beloved. Girls should grab such a man with their hands and never let go.

Guys often flirt and do rash things. I start to abuse alcohol and often visit nightclubs to pick up a girl for the evening. Such revenge is simply unacceptable!

This type of revenge will completely and forever destroy the relationship. Responding to betrayal with betrayal will demonstrate that you no longer have anything in common. The person hurt you, but don’t stoop to his level, act differently. If you are not going to forgive, then break off the relationship and do whatever you want.

How to behave after the incident

Young people who decide to forgive an offense and continue dating make characteristic mistakes that reduce the chances of a full-fledged relationship to zero:

mention of what happened in the form of reproach, jokes, praise of one’s own resourcefulness;
aggressive mistrust, manifested in assault;
scandals and hysterics of a man expressing doubts about whether the incident that occurred was the only one or will not happen again;
an obsessive desire not to leave the girl unattended for even a minute.

READ How to behave if your husband has a mistress

Betrayal has changed the relationship, but forgiveness is intended to smooth out possible conflicts due to the ability to forget about what happened. To better visualize this, try to think about the woman's previous partners, because when the relationship began, it was normal to perceive the fact that they had one - everyone has a past. Try to transfer this situation into the category of something that happened before the current feelings appeared.

If you can’t do this, then don’t torture yourself and the girl and honestly admit the impossibility of forgetting and forgiving. Relationships with a loved one who once betrayed you can collapse. By committing such an act, the girl should have understood the consequences, so don’t blame yourself. Let me leave without quarreling and shouting. The experience gained by both will help you better understand yourself and your feelings, realize the unacceptable behavior and prevent misconduct in the future.

The difference between male and female infidelity

The reasons that push one of the spouses to cheat are different in nature. They coincide when one of them tries to make up for what he lacks at home through communication on the side.

A woman is driven by sympathy for her lover or is forced under the circumstances to cheat. We already wrote about this above when we talked about the reasons for betrayal.

For a man, cheating often does not mean that he really has feelings for his mistress. It also happens that this is one of the elements of his status: an apartment, a country house, an expensive car and a luxurious mistress - these are the signs of a successful man. And if he needs his mistress for status, then it is almost impossible to fight this. The wife has to either come to terms and accept this fact or leave her husband.