Stages of relationships that couples go through: Pexels According to bestselling author Frederic Beigbeder, love lasts three years. In fact, she can live much longer if the couple is able to overcome the crisis that occurs at a certain stage of the relationship. Personal trainer Pavel Rakov and psychologist Denis Sherstnev will tell you what stages the relationship between lovers goes through.
Many people manage to maintain relationships for decades. What stages does a couple's relationship go through? These are love, satiety, disgust, acceptance, respect, friendship, true love. How many stages of development does a couple go through? Psychologist and personal trainer Pavel Rakov identifies 7 stages, which can take lovers years to go through.
Love
The stage of falling in love is often called the candy-bouquet period or “chemistry of love.” What is special about the first stage of a relationship?
Under the influence of oxytocin, endorphins and other hormones released into the blood, the couple experiences real euphoria. According to the author of the book “When there is too much love” Valentina Moskalenko, lovers see everything in rosy color and idealize each other. They are ready to spend time together without interruption and throw all the blessings of the world at their partner’s feet.
At the same time, people do not notice each other’s shortcomings at all and generously shower their partner with compliments. They are confident that:
- your partner’s shortcomings are just funny quirks;
- they are made for each other;
- even the shortest separation is unbearable;
- love and intense passion will last forever.
This opinion is often wrong. However, at this stage, lovers can rarely understand this and maintain common sense.
Relationship Stages Couples Go Through: Pexels
Stages of love
Hunger or love
What's happening? Euphoria, passion, a surge of energy, powerful motivation for growth, achievement, constant intimacy with a partner.
Why is this period needed? To accumulate romantic moments, vivid memories - such as preparing firewood for the winter for the next periods, when everything will no longer be so simple and rosy.
Are there any disadvantages? Without a doubt. The period is short-term – from a month to a year. Then there are regrets about its end, dependence on those feelings, constant attempts to fix everything, return it to how it was. Falling in love forms a distorted idea of your partner; you see him in rosy colors; this is not only a psychological, but also a physiological phenomenon. Then the opinion about the partner changes, but it does not deteriorate, but becomes more detailed and holistic.
Saturation
What's happening? Reducing the degree of obsession while maintaining the pleasure of communication. Space appears for thoughts and interests other than your partner, and it is important to develop not only the relationship, but also yourself. At this moment, it is worth assessing the prospects of the relationship and insuring yourself in delicate places.
What's most important? You begin to feel that everything is no longer so rosy for you, and the first alarm bells appear, which it is important not to miss.
How not to ruin everything?
- do not merge with your partner, forgetting about yourself and your interests;
- do not turn a blind eye to the misbehavior of your loved one;
- do not make unilateral sacrifices if you do not see a willingness to compromise on your partner’s part;
- do not create illusions about the uniqueness of your relationship;
- do not try to make your partner your property;
- there is no need to manipulate, whine and impose if you see that your partner does not need you.
Satiation
What's happening? The emergence of personal space and reasonable distance between partners, which may be perceived inadequately. Anxiety grows, major quarrels, resentments, and discontent occur. At this stage, many couples break up because they feel that love has ended. It’s like there’s a gap between you: you don’t hear and don’t want to hear each other.
Disgust
What's happening? Complete sobering. You no longer have illusions about your partner, you know all his pros and cons. There is an active collision of worlds and a dialogue of differences, frequent conflicts, misunderstandings.
What will help? All the “firewood” accumulated during the stage of falling in love is now being used up, and if you survived the first stage correctly, then this reserve will be enough for you to resolve your problems positively. Often what keeps a person from breaking up is a legal marriage with common property and obligations that one is too lazy to share.
How to distinguish disgust from the end of a relationship?
- you took a sober look at your partner and discovered that you chose the wrong one (perhaps he was not who he said he was);
- the partner is incapable of dialogue, is always offended, manipulates or simply does not hear anything;
- the partner is, in principle, unsuitable for relationships and building a family.
How to get through this stage? Many couples end their relationship at this stage, but the good news is that if you try, the disgust will quickly pass. It is important to remember that this is a normal development in a relationship. Constantly remind yourself that the person next to you is not a random person, that you chose him with your mind and heart. Talk actively with your partner, act together.
Patience and acceptance
What's happening? Peace and quiet. You know well what kind of person is next to you and what to expect from him. Nothing makes you happy, but nothing infuriates you, and you want to look around, so this period is dangerous with potential promiscuity and betrayal. At this stage it is easy to get stuck for a long time and live the rest of your life.
How to get through this stage? Limiting factors (children, property, business) are important and will prevent the relationship from ending abruptly. Don't take what happens in your relationship personally. Be aware and informed, consult a psychologist to understand what is happening.
What will make the situation worse? Lack of money, betrayal, bad habits, conflict with other family members.
Real love
What's happening? You already know and fully understand the person, you have in your hands ready-made instructions for his use. You care about each other, act as a team, want each other's best, and are grateful for each other's experiences together. You are much closer than when you were in love.
Spiritual friendship
What's happening? You have grown into each other, you are truly one, you have your own world. Living without each other is already very difficult for you; Perhaps you are those happy old people that all young couples want to be like.
Most likely, after reading the text you figured out what stage you are at. But how can you understand what’s going on with you: are you just at a difficult stage or is your relationship deteriorating?
Satiation
What happens at the satiety stage? Gradually, lovers get tired of being together 24 hours a day. They become fed up with each other and show their emotions more restrained. Other areas of life (for example, hobbies) come to the fore. Lovers remember the need for personal space and strive to regain some of their freedom.
At this stage, for the first time they think critically about what is happening, notice their partner’s shortcomings and think about the correctness of their choice. The first quarrels and misunderstandings may arise in a couple. But slight restraint between partners, a desire to regain personal space and misunderstandings do not mean that feelings have cooled down.
To overcome the crisis that arises at this time and maintain relationships, it is important:
- conduct a dialogue with your partner and try to study him better;
- don’t be offended by little things;
- do not prolong conflicts and seek compromises.
Working on love
It is important to understand that you can continue to love, even when you have stopped looking at your partner through rose-colored glasses. You will save the situation if you change your way of thinking. Work on your relationships and you will receive a reward: your feelings will become more mature and stronger.
Recognize that the person next to you cannot and should not be perfect.
Don't forget that relationships are work, so be patient and focus your efforts on maintaining your union. We all have disadvantages, problems, complexes, but there is also something beautiful in each of us. You have to fall in love not with your partner’s strengths, but with your partner’s weaknesses. Take them as the reverse and integral side of the qualities for which you fell in love with this person.
Disgust
At the third stage of the relationship, lovers face serious challenges. What is special about the third stage of relationship development?
Idealized ideas about a partner are replaced by reality. The lovers have “cooled down” enough and are able to soberly evaluate the object of their love. Now his shortcomings are coming to the surface and driving him crazy. Unsolved problems also surface.
Lovers constantly quarrel and make claims against each other. Any little thing can cause a disagreement. The couple has serious doubts about the correctness of their choice. Such thoughts and constant disagreements often lead to the decision to break up.
Key Relationship Stages Couples Go Through: Pexels
At what stage of a relationship can you confess your feelings to a person?
Photo: pexels.com/ru-ru/@jonathanborba
Answered by Dasha Pankratova, analytical psychologist, ICF coach.
“The relationship between two people is an individual and largely creative process, which at first is supported by a cocktail of hormones and neurotransmitters. But there are certain stages of development in the first three years of a relationship that are the same for everyone.
In short, then: acquaintance stage → charm and idealization of a partner (first 3 months) → getting to know him in more detail (2.5 years) → seeing a real person (3 years).
In the question of when to confess your feelings to your partner, you should start from your feelings. Namely: how confident am I in my feelings and the person? To what extent does my recognition come from the heart, and not from some third-party goals? Will I feel safe after confessing?
Therefore, if you are at the stage of charming and idealizing your partner, there is no clear feeling inside that you are ready for recognition, or some of the listed questions remain open for you, then maybe it makes sense to wait a little to declare your love to a non-idealized hologram, but to a person whose feelings you are completely sure of.”
Adoption
Having overcome the crisis and decided to stay together, the couple moves to a new stage of relationship development - acceptance. What are the distinctive features of the fourth stage of a relationship? Partners have passed many tests and are no longer trying to “crush” their lover under themselves. They learn patience, overcome disagreements more easily and are able to turn a blind eye to their partner’s minor shortcomings.
The couple is increasingly replacing constant scandals and quarrels with dialogues. The lovers are trying to come to an agreement and find a compromise solution. They strive to achieve harmony and comfort by changing themselves, and not their partner, his views on life and habits.
A little about love and dislike
No one can say for sure how long love lasts. Sometimes a year, sometimes three years or more. But how often do we break off relationships with loved ones because we are unable to build them. We experience divorces when it seems to us that someone once close to us has become a complete stranger.
The boat of love crashes into everyday life, love is replaced by dislike. But maybe it’s worth taking another look at the person who seemed closest and most unusual to you. Perhaps spiritual qualities will still come to the fore and will be more important than socks scattered around the apartment and a small salary?
It is possible that you yourself tortured the other half with your nagging. Think, maybe you should bring a little romanticism into the relationship and take a step towards your other half?
Friendship
What happens to lovers at the friendship stage? The authors of the book “Love for Life: A Guide for Couples,” psychotherapists Helen Hunt and Harville Hendrix, argue that during this period, partners forget about all confrontations. They have studied each other well and understand that friendship and teamwork will help build strong relationships.
To preserve love, lovers are ready:
- accept the fact that the partner may disagree and have his own point of view;
- respect your partner's point of view;
- compromise and negotiate;
- provide each other with support.
The couple comes to an understanding and learns to trust each other. Lovers respect their partner and appreciate every moment spent together.
Relationship Stages Couples Go Through: Pexels
Frustration and alienation
Deklofenak / Depositphotos.com
It is during this period that the largest number of separations and divorces occur.
The stage of disappointment is somewhat similar to a hangover. You are sad and hurt that the party is over, and its consequences cause unpleasant feelings.
Feelings disappeared, hopes for a bright future collapsed. Everything seems to be going wrong in your relationship for some inexplicable reason. You wonder where that person you were in love with went to.
The fact is that during the period of falling in love, we look at our partner as if under a magnifying glass. His jokes seem doubly funny, his natural sarcasm is perceived as proof of a sharp mind, and everything connected with him is ideal. When the stage of disappointment sets in, we see a different picture: jokes seem primitive, sarcasm turns into arrogance, and any comments out loud begin to irritate.
Naturally, you wonder if you made the right choice. Don't panic: you're not the only one facing this problem. It is difficult to survive this stage, but if you succeed, it will only get better.
True love
What are the features of the seventh stage of relationships? According to family psychologist Denis Sherstnev, at this stage there are no misunderstandings in the couple. Thanks to patience and daily work, the lovers were able to overcome many obstacles and maintain their feelings. Their love is a mature, developed feeling that helps to develop, grow as individuals and solve emerging problems through common efforts.
Having reached this stage, partners:
- fully open up to each other and are confident in their choice;
- feel like one whole;
- always ready to help each other;
- do not seek to subordinate the interests of another person;
- do not doubt their lover’s ability to make a decision.
Relationship Stages Couples Go Through: Pexels
A relationship between two people goes through several stages of development. To overcome the path to true love, lovers need to humble their passions and learn to respect their partner. Otherwise, the couple may break up at the first crisis.
Original article: https://www.nur.kz/family/relationship/1712481-love-5-stadij-otnosenij-cerez-kotorye-prohodat-tolko-krepkie-pary/
Love
IgorVetushko / Depositphotos.com
When they talk about falling in love, they mean chemistry, that is, mutual attraction that arises between two people. She bursts into life unexpectedly and appears as if on her own. It cannot be prevented or silenced by force. This is not a conscious choice, but a manifestation of the instinct A Dynamical Evolutionary View of Love. .
When you are in love, you feel that someone needs you, you see that you are valued and admired.
You are ready to devote all your time and energy to your partner, he becomes the best person on earth for you. You brush aside the advice of others, believing that you know better who is right for you. Gradually, these sensations fade away, and for some, returning to reality turns out to be painful.
Psychologist's view
Love has always been talked about. It was touched upon by great poets in their poems, by artists who created delightful portraits, and by musicians who composed incredible masterpieces. Scientists from various scientific fields were not spared: neurologists, biologists, zoologists, physicists. Even mathematicians tried to come up with its formula. But most of all psychological works have been written on this topic. After all, it is psychology that studies the human soul, his behavior, feelings, and reactions. Therefore, the eternal problem of love and its stages through the eyes of a psychologist seems to us the most useful and interesting for knowledge.
2. Intrusive thoughts
The first obsessive thoughts about love creep into your mind. You replay the dialogue in your head over and over again, remember what she was wearing that evening, or admire his smile.
As you read the book, you wonder if he would have liked it. How would she advise you to solve your problem with your boss? Every meeting with this person, spontaneous or planned, becomes an important event for you, which you then remember and analyze.
At first, these thoughts arise only occasionally, but over time they become truly intrusive. Many people think about their lover 85% to 100% of the time. Usually these thoughts do not interfere with everyday life, only creating a pleasant background for it. But sometimes they can take over your mind so much that they begin to distract you from work or study.
The key to harmony in relationships
Every man wants to be in charge in everything: in work, in friendship, in family.
It is important for a results-oriented careerist to achieve success and occupy a high position in the company where he works. As an adventurer and the life of the party, it is important to maintain leadership among your friends
And an exemplary family man simply needs to be the head and support of the family. Just like women: not everyone is ready to humbly submit to the will of their opponent.
Modern society loves and is accustomed to seeing purposeful, strong-willed, strong-willed ladies. It is precisely on the basis of this desire for primacy, the desire to be better and stronger than others, attempts to surpass not only their rival, but also their neighbor, that people come to a complete lack of harmony in the relationship between a man and a woman.
When everyone pulls the blanket over themselves, when no one in a couple is able to give up their principles. Then it is impossible to talk about established contact and a favorable microclimate in relations between the two. Only mutual efforts to achieve a common denominator can lead to coherence and positive dynamics in the chemistry of young people with each other. The key to a harmonious relationship between a man and a woman is their understanding of the weight and significance of not only their own self, but also the role of their partner in their life.
7.Feeling helpless
Perhaps at some point your strong feelings will be replaced by a feeling of complete helplessness. At first you may feel desperate, but gradually the obsessive desires will begin to weaken, and you yourself will be surprised that you behaved so irrationally.
You probably still really want to build a relationship with this person, but you already understand that this is not necessarily destined to happen. Your ability to think logically and act pragmatically returns.
“It’s remarkable that although we are more likely to fall in love with those we find physically attractive, sex plays a very small role in this,” explains Lucy Brown. - Yes, we want to make love with this person, but we crave emotional intimacy much more. Most of all we want to call each other, text and spend time with this person.”
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The key to harmony in relationships
Every man wants to be in charge in everything: in work, in friendship, in family.
It is important for a results-oriented careerist to achieve success and occupy a high position in the company where he works. As an adventurer and the life of the party, it is important to maintain leadership among your friends
And an exemplary family man simply needs to be the head and support of the family. Just like women: not everyone is ready to humbly submit to the will of their opponent.
Modern society loves and is accustomed to seeing purposeful, strong-willed, strong-willed ladies. It is precisely on the basis of this desire for primacy, the desire to be better and stronger than others, attempts to surpass not only their rival, but also their neighbor, that people come to a complete lack of harmony in the relationship between a man and a woman.
When everyone pulls the blanket over themselves, when no one in a couple is able to give up their principles. Then it is impossible to talk about established contact and a favorable microclimate in relations between the two. Only mutual efforts to achieve a common denominator can lead to coherence and positive dynamics in the chemistry of young people with each other. The key to a harmonious relationship between a man and a woman is their understanding of the weight and significance of not only their own self, but also the role of their partner in their life.
