Ways to resolve conflict: which of the possible ones are most productive

How to get out of a conflict and what absolutely cannot be done in a conflict situation? People of all ages face this unpleasant phenomenon. Small children quarrel among themselves over toys and parents' attention. Adults do not agree on their views on life, work issues, or issues of recreation and entertainment.

Some conflicts are resolved through serious conversation. Others drag on for weeks, months, years. What to do in such cases?

Causes

Conflicts and controversial situations arise for many reasons:

Lack of some type of resource. An example is a family that has been saving money for a long time. When the required amount was collected, the wife decided to buy a dishwasher. My husband dreams of purchasing a new computer. Such a discrepancy in views and desires provokes the development of conflict.
Dependence on others. Often you have to solve work problems together with other people. In any team, someone will be dissatisfied with the way a colleague works.
The difference is in the methods of achieving goals. A situation similar to the previous one. Sometimes several methods of work are discussed at once. However, in reality one or at most two is used. Another example is friends who decide to relax together. One wants to go to a nightclub, while the other prefers to spend time at home watching a new movie.
Different goals. On this basis, conflicts develop both between individuals and between groups.
Incomplete or inaccurate information provided. Here psychologists often give an example about two sisters who could not divide an orange. They turned to the sage for help. It turned out that there was no problem. One girl needs the juice, the other the zest.

No matter how trivial it may sound, often the cause of conflicts is character traits and emotional state. In most cases, such situations arise between people who live or work together.

Cooperation

By choosing a cooperation strategy, the subject of the conflict is determined to resolve the conflict in such a way that it is beneficial to all participants. Moreover, here the position of the opponent or opponents is not simply taken into account, but there is also a desire to ensure that their demands are satisfied as much as possible, as well as one’s own.

Basic human actions with the “Cooperation” strategy

Gathering information about the opponent, the subject of the conflict and the conflict itself
Calculating the resources of all participants in the interaction in order to develop alternative proposals
Open discussion of the conflict, the desire to objectify it
Consideration of opponent's proposals

Pros and cons of the Collaboration strategy

Cooperation is focused mainly on understanding the opposing position, paying attention to the opponent’s point of view, and finding a solution that suits everyone. Thanks to this approach, mutual respect, understanding and trust can be achieved, which best contributes to the development of long-term, strong and stable relationships. Cooperation is most effective when the subject of the conflict is important to all parties. However, it is important to note that in some situations it can be very difficult to find a solution that suits everyone, especially if the opponent is not cooperative. In this case, the “Cooperation” strategy can only complicate the conflict and delay its resolution indefinitely.

These are the five main strategies for dealing with conflict. As a rule, they are usually used in confrontations with other people. And this is quite justified, because... their effectiveness is undeniable. But, at the same time, other equally effective strategies, such as suppression and negotiations, can be used to resolve conflicts.

Kinds

There are three types of conflicts. Each has its own characteristics and distinctive features.

Clear conflict

Has a clearly defined reason. All parties know what they want. Here you can recall an example of a quarrel between spouses over accumulated money.

Hidden conflict

The participants in the conflict do not understand the reasons for its occurrence. For example, the class teacher often scolds a student for what she thinks is an unkempt appearance. However, the cause of discontent is personal hostility.

False conflict

Develops against the background of misunderstandings or receipt of inaccurate information. For example, a mother scolds a child for wanting to pet a stray dog. However, the child did not even think about doing this. He simply approached her while walking.

Conflict resolution methods

There are many ways to resolve conflict situations. They help solve the problem immediately after it occurs or stop its development.

Rivalry

Implemented more often than other methods. Involves defending one's interests to the bitter end. The parties to the conflict are ready to do anything not to give in to each other. Various types of pressure can be used in the process.

The method is used when people’s lives and the success of an enterprise depend on the decision made. An example could be a situation where one of the family members wants to go on vacation to a country with a difficult political situation, the threat of a military coup. Here the opponent can and must be proven right.

This method is also applicable in cases where it is necessary to resolve a conflict between a manager and a subordinate. The first can force the second to accept his point of view.

Device

Otherwise called flexibility. This is a decision to sacrifice one's interests for the sake of maintaining normal relationships. The method will be effective in several cases:

good relationships are better than the cause of conflict;
the result is more important to the opponent;
the situation does not deserve such close attention;
the chances of winning are critically low.

You can also make concessions if a person admits he was wrong.

Compromise

This is a situation when the parties to the conflict make concessions, satisfying only part of their own interests. There are cases when you need to use this particular exit path:

the parties have an equal chance of winning;
a temporary solution works for both;
the initial goal or task can be modified.

You can compromise when it is the only way to maintain a good relationship.

Cooperation

Allows you to satisfy the interests of all parties to the conflict. However, it will take more time to resolve the problem.

This method will be most effective if:

opponents want to avoid a quarrel and at the same time remain in their interests;
the relationships between the parties to the conflict require preservation;
there is plenty of time to solve the problem;
the participants in the quarrel are ready to calmly explain their position.

Cooperation is appropriate if the parties to the conflict speak as equals. Otherwise there will be no result.

Care

Detachment from conflict or the so-called ostrich method. The person simply steps aside, leaving the problem unresolved. Such actions will be especially effective in the case when the counterpart is not well-mannered, deliberately provokes a quarrel, or is a complete stranger. This also includes situations where the result is not so important.

Avoiding conflict is considered an inappropriate method for resolving serious issues. Over time, discontent will accumulate, which will ultimately lead to a scandal.

Rivalry

Rivalry is a type of behavior when a subject strives to satisfy his own interests, causing damage to the interests of the opposing subject. Following the presented strategy, a person is confident that only one participant can gain the upper hand in a conflict, and victory for one will always mean defeat for the other. A person who prefers competition will “push his line” in every way available to him. They will not take into account the opposite position.

Basic human actions with the “Competition” strategy

Tight control over your opponent's actions
Constant and deliberate pressure on an opponent by any means
The use of deception and tricks to create an advantage in one’s favor
Provoking your opponent to make mistakes and ill-considered steps
Reluctance to engage in constructive dialogue due to overconfidence

Pros and cons of the “Rivalry” strategy

Rigidly defending one's position can, of course, help the subject gain the upper hand in the event of a conflict. But such a strategy cannot be applied if the subsequent interaction of people involves long-term relationships, for example, joint work, friendship, love. After all, relationships can develop and generally have the right to exist only if the desires and interests of all people are taken into account, and the defeat of one will mean defeat for everyone. Therefore, if the person with whom you have a conflict is dear to you or the relationship with him is important to you for some reason, it is better not to use the strategy of competition to resolve the conflict.

Conflict and emotional control

Managing feelings in a conflict situation is difficult, but it is worth learning. Negative emotions will not solve the problem. They will worsen your relationship with your opponent, your mood, and your health.

You need to react as calmly as possible to the attacks and emotional impact of your interlocutor. This is the main advice. You cannot give in to the “enemy” and act in the same way. It’s better to stop and ask yourself three questions: “Why does a person behave this way?”, “What does he want to achieve?”, “What is the main reason for the manifestation of negative emotions?” This tactic has many advantages:

The work of consciousness is activated. Thanks to this, protection against emotional overstrain is activated.
The opponent can let off steam.
It turns out to be distracted at least for a few moments from unnecessary, offensive information.
Reflection and search for answers allows you to assess the situation from the outside and find out the cause of the conflict.

The second piece of advice concerns constructive dialogue, during which you can share your experiences and express your emotions. Often negativity is a kind of defensive reaction of a person to rude behavior or shouting. Therefore, you need to talk calmly, trying to avoid incorrect statements and derogatory phrases.

And finally, the third tip. It affects self-esteem. Under no circumstances should you underestimate either your self-esteem or your opponent. The conversation should take place as equals.

Rules of conduct in conflict situations

To resolve a conflict and maintain good relationships, you need to adhere to a certain algorithm of actions.

Find a common denominator

One of the effective ways out of conflict. You won’t be able to tolerate an unpleasant situation or avoid your opponent for a long time, so you still have to talk. Several effective recommendations will help you do without “victims”:

Screaming and indignation will achieve nothing. There are, of course, exceptions. However, they usually have the opposite effect. Therefore, you need to remain calm. This behavior will somewhat calm down the “rival” and will arouse respect in him.
It is important to understand the other person. You need to think about why your opponent behaves this way. Knowing the motive will help resolve the conflict so as not to return to it again.
Get outside opinions. Often, others provide a more adequate assessment of what is happening. Therefore, you need to describe the situation to a close relative or friend. Perhaps he will show a direct way out of their conflict or at least give practical advice.
Assess your attitude towards your opponent. We need to think about whether the cause of the conflict is a biased attitude towards a person? If this is the case, it’s worth reminding yourself that no two people on the planet are the same. Discrepancies in character and outlook on life do not make an opponent bad.
Think about what the participants in the quarrel have in common. It could be anything: hobbies, music, movies, family. It happens that identical interests nullify differences and radically change the nature of relationships.

In order to find a common denominator and understand all participants in a conflict situation, you need to devote more time to live communication. In the age of technological development, it has become catastrophically scarce. Regular conversations have given way to correspondence via email or social networks. But this will not solve the problem.

Not only constructive dialogues will help to establish communication, but also joint shopping trips, trips to nature, playing sports, etc.

Conflict without aggression

In the wild, aggression is easily fought through a show of force. This is how males defend their territory, females, and food. In human society everything is much more complicated.

A number of principles will help to ensure that in a conflict situation it does not lead to aggression:

A smile shows that the opponent, despite disagreements and misunderstandings, evokes sincere sympathy and respect. A good mood quickly spreads to other people.
Speaking in a raised voice is a manifestation of aggression. In view of this, the conversation must be conducted calmly, smoothly, and unhurriedly.
The opponent needs to speak out. Let him tell you what he doesn't like. At this stage, you should show interest, ask leading questions and insert remarks.

It is also important to show a willingness to cooperate. It is not necessary to make concessions and sacrifice your interests. The main thing is to show sincere interest in solving the problem.

Conflict and Dignity

Remaining calm when your opponent is openly hostile is not easy. Especially if the conflict has dragged on. However, it is still possible to restrain yourself, not start shouting, and maintain your dignity. It is enough to use one of the effective tips:

Don't forget about the goal and your position. There is no need to succumb to provocations, attempts to offend or confuse. The interlocutor can resort to any tricks: accusations, memories from the past, persuasion, threats. You should not react to them, make excuses, argue or explain anything. It is better to let the person speak out, and then firmly voice his position.
Don't get personal. We need to talk about the problem, not about each other. If necessary, the conversation should be brought back on track.
Control behavior. There is no need to tease your opponent. In order to reduce the ardor, it is better to try to adapt to his mood. If he screams, you can also raise your tone. But do this without anger and aggression. Perhaps, seeing himself from the outside, a person will change his behavior.

Another tip: you should always remain yourself. You should not be sarcastic or rude in response to barbs and threats. It is necessary to be above all this, showing the level of education and good manners.

It’s easy to ask for forgiveness and smooth over conflict

Quite an effective way to resolve conflict situations. Helps to avoid grievances, mutual reproaches, and showdowns.

To apologize properly, you need to follow a few tips:

Don't waste time. The situation will not resolve on its own. Delaying will intensify the conflict and lead to loss of respect and trust. Therefore, you need to call your opponent for a conversation as quickly as possible.
Discuss the situation exclusively in person. As stated above, communication on social networks or instant messengers does not solve the problem. If a person does not want to see each other, you should wait a while and try again.
Be as sincere as possible. The desire to resolve the conflict and change the situation must be sincere. It is unlikely that anything will work out if there is falsehood in every word.
Choose the right words. The conversation should resolve the conflict, not spark a new one. Therefore, there is no need to make excuses, start discussing a controversial issue again, or remember past grievances.

An apology does not guarantee that the relationship will be the same as it was before. You will have to make a lot of effort to earn trust again.

We are looking for a way out of the situation together with our opponent

Everything is simple here. It is enough to ask your opponents to tell you how they see the result and what prevents its achievement. They also need to suggest ways to resolve the conflict. There is no need to find out who is right and who is wrong. It’s better to discuss together what to do next.

Mirror of claims

Even if the essence of the conflict and the views of the parties to the conflict are clear, you need to clarify details and ask questions from time to time. This way you can show yourself as an attentive interlocutor, a person interested in resolving the issue as quickly as possible.

Mirroring complaints is a great way to reduce aggression.

To be silent or not

It all depends on the situation. If a person is drawn into a quarrel against his will, it is better to be the first to shut up. Such a way out of the conflict will negate the opponent’s efforts to provoke aggression or offend.

If your opponent has stopped talking, you should not remain silent. He may take this as surrender and his own victory. However, the subsequent conversation should be calm, without complaints or reproaches.

Compromise

Compromise is a partial satisfaction of the interests of all subjects of conflict interaction.

Basic human actions with the “Compromise” strategy

Focus on equality of positions
Offering your own options in response to your opponent’s offer of options
Sometimes using cunning or flattery to gain favor from an opponent
Striving to find a mutually beneficial solution

Pros and cons of the “Compromise” strategy

Despite the fact that compromise implies satisfaction of the interests of all subjects of conflict interaction, which, in fact, is fair, it is important to keep in mind that in most situations this strategy should be considered only as an intermediate stage in resolving the situation, preceding the search for the most optimal solution, completely satisfactory to the conflicting parties.

What is strictly forbidden to do during a conflict?

There are several prohibitions:

criticize an opponent;
attribute bad intentions;
demonstrate your superiority;
Blame the incident solely on the interlocutor;
ignore the interests and position of your counterpart;
take into account only your own opinion;
deliberately belittle the merits of the opponent;
provoke;
raise the tone, shout;
put pressure on the sore spot.

Don't think in stereotypes. A person may have a different opinion. Don't try to squeeze a solution to a problem into a generally accepted framework.