Ways to resolve interpersonal conflicts

Concept of conflict

Conflict is a clash of different interests; a natural process that should not be feared. With the right attitude, conflicts can teach us how to interact optimally with the world, get to know ourselves and people better, and reveal a diversity of points of view. Resolving interpersonal conflict brings relationships to a higher quality level, expands the capabilities of the group as a whole, and unites it.

Interpersonal conflict is a clash of personalities with different goals, characters, views, etc.

A prerequisite for the emergence of a conflict is a conflict situation . It appears when the interests of the parties do not coincide, the pursuit of opposing goals, the use of different means to achieve them, etc. A conflict situation is a condition of conflict. For a situation to turn into a conflict, a push is needed.

Characteristics of the most common methods of resolving interpersonal conflicts

Definition 1
Methods for resolving interpersonal conflicts are a set of techniques and actions developed in conflictology that are to be applied in practice in order to most quickly and effectively relieve social tension and resolve interpersonal conflicts.

Among the most common methods of resolving social conflicts described in the literature and actively used by individuals in the process of participating in interpersonal conflicts (including on an intuitive level), the following can be named:

The tactic of “smoothing out rough edges” is a model of behavior in conflict that is not sufficiently effective, in which the cause of interpersonal conflict is not actually eliminated or resolved, but mechanisms are used to eliminate only the key manifestations of conflict interaction. As a result, there is only an imaginary way out of the current situation, and the emotional tension between its participants can in the future develop into a new, much more intense interpersonal conflict;
A method of finding a compromise solution by partially accepting the conditions put forward by the opponent in an interpersonal conflict. This method of conflict resolution is quite effective, but may be accompanied by the persistence of a certain tension due to the fact that each of the parties to the conflict is forced to make certain concessions, and, accordingly, does not receive in full what it claimed when entering into the conflict;
Acceptance of all the opponent’s comments and mutual claims by the parties to an interpersonal conflict is the most optimal way to resolve interpersonal conflicts, but is rarely encountered in practice, since due to individual characteristics people are rarely able to fully understand the interests and motivations of the other party;
A tactic of suppression that is more characteristic of vertical interpersonal conflicts, within which there are relations of power and subordination between its participants. For example, in work teams, when a subordinate employee, despite existing disagreements, is forced to fully accept the opponent’s point of view

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Controversies and incident

An integral condition for the emergence of any conflict is a conflict situation, that is, different positions of two (or more) parties on any issue. What are the signals of conflict in interpersonal relationships? Relationships between people are always complex: there is a desire for opposing goals, and the use of different means to achieve them, and conflicting desires or incompatible interests. But these contradictions do not always lead to an explosion in communication.

In order for conflict situations to develop into conflict, the impact of external phenomena is necessary: a push or an incident.

“As soon as you learn to look at a conflict situation in a mirror - without plunging into it head over heels, but contemplating it from the outside - then believe me, it will certainly be resolved with minimal losses for you! You just need to put yourself in the place of another person and imagine: what would you do or want to do in this case?” — Vladimir Chepovoy, author of the book “Crossroads”.

An incident, or, as it is also called, a pretext, means certain actions of one of the parties that affect, even accidentally, the interests of the other party. The reason may also be the activity of a third party who was not previously involved in the situation. For example, caustic remarks from a friend when you have just been fired.

The formation of an incident can be influenced by both objective reasons (independent of people) and the usual “I didn’t think” (when the psychological characteristics of another person are not taken into account).

Strategic and tactical ways to resolve interpersonal conflicts

In the specialized literature, along with the above methods of resolving interpersonal conflicts, it is proposed to differentiate them depending on the content and focus on strategic and tactical.

Thus, strategic methods are to a greater extent subject to application in the process of resolving interpersonal conflicts that arise in large organizations within the workforce, as well as in resolving clearly destructive forms of conflict interaction. Examples of methods within this group are: drawing up a plan (forecast) for the development of social relations within which there is social tension, informing its participants about the goals and current state of affairs, for example, within an enterprise, using methods of relieving tension by stimulating and encouraging individuals, forming clear instructions and directions, the implementation of which will allow effective interaction without conflicting interests of different parties, etc.

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In turn, tactical methods of countering social conflicts include tactics of competition and adaptation, each of which is capable of relieving social tension in its own way, as well as methods of evasion, compromise and cooperation, which are essentially similar to those methods of resolving interpersonal conflicts mentioned above. .

Strategies for dealing with conflict

There have been, are and will be conflicts in interpersonal relationships. But there are also ways to resolve them. First, you should realize that there is a conflict. And then choose a way to solve this problem.

Behavior strategy is the orientation of an individual or group of people in relation to a person, the choice of a certain tactic of behavior in the current conditions.

K. Thomas and R. Kilmann typified five main styles of behavior in a conflict situation, basing the classification on the degree of goal achievement and the degree of consideration of the interests of the enemy:

1) Avoidance/Evasion - the desire not to participate in a decision and to defend one’s own interests, the desire to get out of a conflict environment.

2) Adaptation - an attempt to soften the situation and maintain relationships without resisting pressure from the other side (especially common between subordinates and the leader).

3) Rivalry/competition – achieving one’s desires to the detriment of another.

4) Compromise - finding a middle ground through mutual concessions.

5) Cooperation involves a joint search for a solution that meets the interests of all parties.

Some psychologists separately distinguish: suppression and negotiation, but this addition is not widespread.

Alternative approaches to classifying types of interpersonal conflict resolution

In addition to the approaches outlined above, the literature devoted to the study of conflictology problems and the specifics of interpersonal conflicts describes the following methods for resolving them, differentiated depending on the content and direction of the parties’ behavior:

Avoidance of conflict by one of the parties is a strategy that cannot be fully recognized as a way to resolve interpersonal conflict, since in this case there is not an attempt to eliminate it, but only postponing the conflict. However, this technique is actively described in the literature and used in practice, since it has a number of positive features - leaving allows you to get additional time to analyze the situation, develop arguments in favor of your position and predict the behavior of your opponent, which ultimately can contribute to more effective resolving the conflict in the future;
Confrontation is a way of behavior in conditions of irreconcilable contradictions of the parties, in which each of them unconditionally insists on its own, not wanting to allow any kind of concessions. As a result, most often, the conflict reaches a dead end and its resolution becomes possible only with the involvement of a third independent party - a mediator;
Cooperation is the most difficult way to resolve interpersonal conflicts, since to use it, each party must be ready and capable of a balanced discussion of the opponent’s positions, choosing alternative options for the future development of the current situation in which each party would benefit to the greatest extent;
Resolving a conflict by forcing the weaker party to the conflict to accept the point of view of its opponent by suppressing or ignoring the opinion of the weaker party. Despite the imperfection of the indicated method from the point of view of the theory of social conflict and the need to relieve interpersonal tension, in a number of cases it can be justified. For example, in a situation of lack of time to develop an alternative solution, including in emergency situations, or in conditions of relations of power and subordination.

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Signals of conflict

Once we have determined the reasons why conflicts arise in interpersonal relationships, we can move on to obvious manifestations of contradictions. Signals of k. in interpersonal relationships (according to H. Cornelius) are:

1) Crisis

emotional extremes, expressed in behavior unusual for a person;
loss of control over feelings;
confrontation and bickering;
manifestation of violence, physical force;
parting with a loved one.

2) Voltage

any misunderstanding can develop into confrontation;
communication with a person becomes unpleasant and brings negative emotions;
a prejudiced opinion appears towards the other side;
the attitude towards a person is distorted and the motivation of his actions is distorted.

3) Misunderstanding

one thought lingers in your head, which is impossible to get rid of and which leads to nervous tension;
the desire to even try to understand the other person disappears, his words are distorted in the mind of the listener.

4) Incident

hidden (internal irritation): participants realize that their relationships are tense, but this is not expressed outwardly in their communication;
an open problem of interpersonal relationships: it comes out and is expressed in the active actions of the parties directed against each other.

5) Discomfort

There is a feeling inside that something is wrong.

Remember that it is easier to avoid conflict than to deal with its consequences later. Pay close attention to the signals to prevent deterioration in your relationship. After all, as Hans Richter wrote: “An intelligent person will find a way out of any difficult situation. A wise person will not find himself in this position.”

In addition to the signals analyzed by the Australian psychologist, there are also so-called precursors that occur in relationships between people. For example:

a person gossips behind your back or shamelessly insults you to your face;
or, on the contrary, avoids communication, personal contact, direct eye contact, completely breaks off communication;
topics for conversation change: no personal involvement, does not share your problems, does not ask about your affairs, communication now consists of formal topics (about the weather, about minor events);
begins to be late or not show up at all for meetings that were agreed upon in advance.

In addition to the aggravation of connections between two or more acquaintances, the problem of interpersonal relationships in the team as a whole is also important. Signals of its appearance are considered:

a series of voluntary dismissals;
negative atmosphere and psychological background, clashes between employees;
decreased productivity of the work process;
the emergence of gossip, dividing the team into small groups;
joint boycott of management and its instructions.

Joint search for a way out

It does not always turn out that both sides emerge from the conflict in the same position. Situations vary, and compromise or cooperation that benefits both parties may not always be possible. Finding ways to resolve conflicts that will lead to a result that suits all parties is the main task when disagreements arise. To do this, you need to familiarize yourself with both positions and analyze them together.

Conveying information to your opponent

By defining a common goal, it becomes clear how to resolve the conflict so that everyone is happy. This is especially true in a professional environment, when employees of an organization begin to act together. This style of resolving contradictions is the most optimal. If it is impossible to provide benefits to everyone, they look for another way out.

The following possible outcomes are possible:

Provide a win for another, in which he will receive the maximum benefit;
Create the most favorable conditions for yourself, while you can either minimize the result for your opponent or leave him with nothing. In this case, they talk about aggression;
Agree to the point at which both parties will receive equally low satisfaction, but their positions will be equal to each other.

Aggression and individualism manifested by one of the parties to the conflict usually lead to negative results for the other party. In this case, it is difficult to agree, communication is unconstructive, mutual concessions and compromise do not work. Therefore, most often you have to retreat so as not to suffer maximum losses.