Brightness of life
There was a period in my life when I wanted to give up everything, leave and start a new life. And what do you think I did? I just decided to move from my small town with a population of 60,000 people to Voronezh. I have had apathy towards Borisoglebsk for the last 2 years. My soul was out of place because nothing in my life was changing. I simply understood that the process of my development here had reached some kind of ceiling. I needed to make an “upgrade” in my life. And I realized that only a change of environment would help me.
I told my reasons. Everyone has their own. But they are based simply on dissatisfaction with some aspect of their life and the desire to become a happier person. Everyone wants to be happy, only some are waiting for a miracle and believe that their Savior will come, others constantly complain and do not try to change it, and only others believe in a better life and create it with their work. Starting a new life is always scary, it’s a way out of your comfort zone, there’s only uncertainty ahead. But it's worth it. You just need to be optimistic about the future and not be afraid of change.
The beginning of a new life?! We follow the algorithm...
So, you constantly say within yourself, “I want to start a new life,” but for some reason you don’t do it. Most likely, you don’t know where to start a better life, what first steps to take. Then follow this algorithm.
Find out the reason for the dissatisfaction
The desire to start a new life never arises out of nowhere. As a rule, we want to get rid of something bad. As I already said, the reasons can be very different. And the first step is to figure out what is the geyser of your discontent. To do this you need to be very honest with yourself. There is no point in hiding something from yourself. Just acknowledge the presence of unwanted things in your life and move on to the second step.
Take responsibility for your life
You should not blame your parents, your environment, the president of the country, or universal injustice for the way you live now. Complaining and whining have never helped anyone. It's a waste of time. The path to a new life lies only through change. To manage changes in your life, you need to take responsibility for your life. This is the main and only key that will open the door to a new and bright life for you.
Choose a way to change
The third step will be to determine which actions will help you 100%. Sometimes it can be something small. Like throwing away your old things and buying new ones. And sometimes it is necessary to resort to drastic changes. Like, let’s say, I picked up and moved to another city. The more acute your problem, the more drastic a method you will need. Below I will list the most popular and effective ones. You can borrow it or come up with your own.
Set a goal and make a plan
The first 3 steps can be called preparatory. Real changes can only happen if you specifically set yourself a goal based on the method, draw up a detailed plan and begin to act. The goal should, as always, be specific, measurable and realistic. My goal was to move to another city, specifically to Voronezh. I outlined the points that I need to do to make the move more comfortable.
Take action
And, of course, probably the most important step is the actions themselves. They must be as effective as possible. Don't wait for the right moment, act right now. There is no need to tell myself that on Monday I will start a new life. Postponing and procrastination will not help you in this matter. Only actions in the present will change your future.
What to do when you want change
There comes a certain point in life when you want change. What exists no longer suits and does not bring satisfaction. It’s not clear what you want.
As a rule, at this point there is a lot of confusion and misunderstanding. Vulnerabilities. And also shame and intolerance towards oneself. An adult, but lost in three pines like a child. I don’t want to mark time, I want to quickly understand what’s wrong, what to change. You throw yourself into every new activity with hope, but over time you realize that everything is still empty inside. This hope drives you into an unknown distance, exhausts you, weakens you, which makes you even more bitter. It seems like I tried this and this, but nothing changes. It's not the same.
You constantly compare yourself with more successful peers. Some people got married for the second time, others had a third child. Someone is opening a third business. And everything you have is wrong. And the business was so-so, and the marriage never worked out. Friends... Where are they, friends? They only call when they need something.
You don’t compare yourself with those who rush around just like you. They have circumstances. Serious reasons to be on the search. But you can't do that. You must always be on top. It is difficult to admit that you are “at zero”. It’s hard to believe that you can’t jump out of the point you’re in in one go. Too deep.
However, to make changes in life, you first need to understand what exactly you are not happy with. But this place is not so easy to get to. There are many feelings there, often difficult to bear.
Fear. Allow yourself to be dissatisfied, to want a better life.
Guilt. My peers have already built a house and raised their sons, but I...
Shame. It’s a shame to find yourself helpless and confused.
Anger. Why didn’t I notice before that what I was doing was meaningless and unnecessary?
Anxiety. What if I stay stuck at this point? Can't find myself again?
By mastering and recognizing each of these feelings, it is possible to admit to yourself that a crisis is ripe in your life. Reading about a midlife crisis is one thing. Experiencing it is something else entirely. There are no supports. And those that exist seem flimsy and unreliable.
In our culture, it is not acceptable to be helpless and ignorant.
- "Stay calm and carry on!"
- “Stop whining, I’m sick of you with your whining!”
- “Maybe you’ll already settle on something, how much can you try and jump on top?”
You would be glad to get together. And I would be glad to stop whining. And I want to stop already. But there is no possibility. A huge amount of work is going on inside to complete an entire period of life. A period in which there was certainty, a place, clear schemes and reliable supports. It's scary to part with him. It's scary to face the unknown.
Any change is the beginning of something new. To start something, you need to complete something. And completion is associated with farewell, mourning. With living through what seems like an endless string of feelings. Without this, the transition to a new stage is impossible. It is impossible to set new goals, to understand what you really want.
Often this step is skipped. The bet is made on the future; you can give up on the past. But is it?
By not allowing oneself to fully live a farewell to what is important, a person dooms a part of himself to voluntary imprisonment in the prison of oblivion. Cuts it off. Doesn't notice, doesn't hear. But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It exists and takes a huge part of the strength and energy to be imprisoned in the depths of consciousness. But the understanding of where you want to go still doesn’t come.
What to do when “you need to change something”?
First, understand what is happening at the “present” point. What exactly doesn’t suit you in relationships, in work, in friends. Honestly face your expectations - from yourself and from others. Understand which expectations are unrealistic and which simply cannot be met in specific circumstances.
Secondly, live through disappointment. What happened is what happened. That life turned out the way it did. That right here and now there is no way to get what you really want.
Thirdly, understand what you really want? New job or find your calling? New relationships or feel loved, needed, important? What is the very need that pushes you to explore yourself?
It's not an easy job. You can do it yourself, or you can do it in a therapeutic group. Take out your “cut off” part. Helpless, vulnerable, ashamed. Give her a voice. Let her talk about what is happening to her. What is she afraid of, ashamed of? Why does he feel guilty?
Being able to talk about it is healing. That is why there is such a great need for live communication now. In communication that is sensitive, understanding, accepting. Reflective. Giving you the opportunity to share experiences. To see that you are not alone with your confusion and helplessness. Hear other stories. Find a response within yourself. View from different focuses.
Read my book that will help you achieve happiness, success and wealth
1 unique personality development system
3 important questions for awareness
7 areas for creating a harmonious life
21 vectors for effective development
Read a book
Spiritual growth
Understand your uniqueness. Develop positive thinking. Learn to be grateful.
Personal growth
Draw the life of your dreams. Set clear goals in all areas. Outline an action plan.
Health
To refuse from bad habits. Switch to proper nutrition. Workout.
Relationship
Create a new image Find a soul mate Change your social circle
Career
Change your job Change your profession Start doing what you love
Finance
Create a financial safety net Get an income of at least 100,000 rubles Create several sources of income
Brightness of life
Go on a trip. Change your place of residence. Get yourself a new hobby.
Big changes in life occur contrary to old habits and rules
It’s strange to live and think that something will change in life if you continue to live “out of habit.” You do the same things every day, weekends follow the standard scenario, and 2 times a year you take a vacation during which you don’t have time to rest. So where should life start to change?
First, stop thinking that you are unworthy of the right to experiment and make mistakes. Naturally, you shouldn’t go to great lengths by dyeing your hair a poisonous shade. But some details in both clothing and behavior can be changed. If you feel that men are not paying attention (and you yourself wear a floor-length dress and no makeup), spend the money you saved for a new sofa on shopping, style your hair, and smile. And the result will not be long in coming. Once your reflection in the mirror surprises and pleases you, someone else will like it too. But it is important to understand that it is not enough to replace a black skirt below the knee with a brown one. Change your wardrobe completely! Ask a friend for help. Big changes in life are always difficult for people who are unsure of success, so start working with the belief that everything is within your control and forgivable - both small mistakes and happy victories.
What to do in life
Everything is extremely simple and takes no more than 10-15 minutes per brainstorming session. Personally, I created a document on my computer desktop in which I write down my dreams and desires at certain intervals. I'm trying to understand what I want and how much this or that activity will make me happier.
To make the task of creating your list easier, I recommend answering the following questions:
- What would happen if you passed away tomorrow? What is the most important thing you would like to do today?
- What would you do if you had unlimited time, money and resources?
- What countries and places would you like to visit?
- What feelings would you like to experience?
- What moments would you like to witness?
- What is the most important thing on your personal scale of values that you would like to achieve?
- What craft would you like to learn?
- Who would you like to meet in person?
- What would you like to achieve in different areas of your life (social, family, physical, spiritual)?
Refer to these questions as often as necessary to build your personal wish list. Take as much time as it takes. Read the list below for further inspiration.
"The Artist in a White Coat"
A surgeon with 10 years of experience, at the age of 38, decided to radically change his life. He abandoned his medical career and entered art school. At first, it was not easy to sit at a desk next to 18-year-old students; fellow students openly laughed at him; he was older than many teachers at the school. Friends and former colleagues did not understand him, they even condemned him, because now only his wife supported a family with two children. “Our dad is learning to draw,” she embarrassedly explained to her daughters. It was not easy for the family both psychologically and financially. But five years later, the first exhibition of the new artist took place; his works admired and touched to the core. This was the beginning of great success. Over time, the paintings began to sell, and the family’s financial situation was restored, and then significantly improved. And now the grown-up daughters proudly said: “Our dad is an artist!”
How to change your life for the better
Where do thoughts about life changes come from?
Everyone wants to be happy, but in order to make the dream come true, sitting and waiting in one place is not enough. Therefore we have to act.
At first thoughts come that say that that’s enough, this is no longer possible! And they, in turn, materialize into actions. This, of course, with a responsible approach to your own life. After all, without doing anything to change the situation, you can bring yourself to a moral emptiness (which is very undesirable, since it is difficult to get out of there). In this regard, whenever the mind and soul are prompted to action, one should immediately begin making the first attempts to change one’s life.
What will help you pull yourself out of Groundhog Day?
Here are some ideas.
Finish unfinished business
Letters that need to be finally sent, documents that need to be completed, cabinets that need to be sorted, and dentists that need to be made an appointment - all this quietly drains your strength. Things that are not completed put a heavy burden on your shoulders, whisper a feeling of guilt, pull you down and prevent you from moving.
It turns out to be a vicious circle: old unfinished tasks prevent you from setting goals and doing something new. Try to slowly, in small steps, finish what you started. Make a list of all the issues that are waiting for your attention. Start with the easiest ones - those that require the least time: making a call, writing a letter, taking things to the dry cleaner.
When you have completed something, cross it off: it is very pleasant, it lifts your spirits and helps you believe in yourself. Once you've cleared out all your old tasks, you'll have the space and inspiration to take on something new.
You will need it
