What to do if your friend is offended by you?

As a rule, I write articles for people who feel resentment or have previously experienced resentment and now want to get rid of it.

However, often resentment emerges in life not in you personally, but in your loved ones, which is also unpleasant. And it’s especially unpleasant if a loved one is offended by you.

This is unpleasant, first of all, because the person does not want to continue communicating with you. And now you’re already offended! It would seem that you are close friends with her, and it seems that you did not end the relationship, but in reality this relationship no longer exists. And now what i can do?

In today’s article I will give you 4 tips that will help you in a situation where your friend is offended by you and does not want to talk.

How to make peace with a friend

Many people do not attach importance to certain words and even actions. Also, everyone understands that this situation needs to be worked out. First, analyze the situation in your head, try to understand what your friend was offended by. Next, write her a message in which you apologize for this or that situation. Of course, we all react differently, and your friend is no exception; if her acute period has not yet passed, she may answer you rudely or not answer at all. Much depends on the degree of offense and on the perceptions of the person himself. If your friend chooses to ignore, you shouldn’t put pressure on her. Apparently not enough time has passed, and she has not moved away from the insult. Wait a while, perhaps she will contact you herself when she has passed an acute period of anger at you.

How to forgive a friend

Not everyone knows how to forgive. Even some little thing can become a stumbling block for continuation with a friend. Also, if your friend has forgiven you, this does not mean that she is ready to continue her friendship with you, this also needs to be taken into account. Unfortunately, it is not always possible to return to the same warm relationship after a quarrel. But, if your friend is important to you and you want to make peace with her. Show her this, show her that you are truly sorry for offending her, that she is an important person to you. Also try to put yourself in her place. What you would do, sometimes helps in resolving this issue. Reconciliation advice does not always work. Because people are all different, and accordingly, they can react differently to the same situation. Some may not attach importance, while others will harbor resentment in their souls. Also, there are people who are quick-witted, and there are people who are vindictive. If you had a quarrel over something stupid, and she understands that you are as dear to her as she is to you, then most likely a message with an apology will be enough to restore communication. You need to be able to forgive insults; this quality is of great importance when going through life.

Everyone has problems. And our friends are no exception. But that’s why we are friends, to help each other cope with life’s difficulties! This is all good and correct. But it’s a completely different matter if a person creates problems for others through his actions and behavior. Sometimes they are serious. And how to react if this person is your friend? And it creates problems for you...

Let's consider 12 conventional types of such girls. Each of us has encountered at least several of them in our lives. Let’s briefly characterize them and decide how best to build relationships with such friends. And whether to build them at all...

Common vampire
Flirtomaniac
"I can not. Busy. Next time!"
Envious
Situational girlfriend
Self-assertive
Selfish
Let me down
Sudden and controversial
Instructive
Passive
Who's under the mask?

Consultation with a psychologist.

Common vampire

This type is known to everyone and is widespread, so we’ll start with it. Complete whining and negativity. Constant complaints. A friend constantly dumps tons of problems on us and generously splashes out negative energy. And it seems that everything she says is not about us, because the rest of the world has offended her friend! But we are in a bad mood and lousy at heart after such “sessions”. But my friend felt better. Until next time...

I usually quickly remove such acquaintances from my social circle or reduce communication with them to a minimum (if it is impossible to completely stop it - for example, a relative or work colleague is a “vampire”).

I don’t see any reason to just listen patiently to something like this.

Flirtomaniac

This charming young lady has coquetry in her blood. This does not depend on her external attractiveness, or on age, or on the situation - on nothing at all.

Flirtomaniacs have one thing in common - when an object of the opposite sex is in front of them, their red signal immediately turns on: “Charm him immediately!”

They flirt with everyone. Yes and please! If only your loved one – boyfriend or spouse – would not periodically come to their attention. The friend wants to test her charms on him too. Sometimes it’s very active. It’s unpleasant for you, it’s incomprehensible for her: “Why aren’t you sulking at me? Did I offend you in any way?” And often she sincerely does not understand what is wrong. This is her standard behavior.

In fact, if this friend is dear to you, there is a very simple and obvious solution to save your nerves: meet her without your companion and do not invite her to events where you are together. You don’t owe anyone anything, and in this case, her grievances are not your problem. In any case, only you decide what is more priority for you in this case.

"I can not. Busy. Next time!"

Always a busy person. It’s not that she creates problems... But the situation when your friend is constantly not interested in you is quite unpleasant. Especially when it is repeated over and over again. All people are busy, but if at the same time we forget to find time for loved ones and friends, is it worth being offended when they then forget about us?

In my opinion, there is no point in breaking into constantly closed doors.

If the person is really very interesting to you, they offered to see each other once or twice, and congratulated him on his birthday. There is no reciprocity - they let him go with peace of mind and forgot. Resentment is useless - only we ourselves suffer from it.

The formula is simple: if we are not needed, we are not needed. Moreover, there are a lot of interesting people around who always have time for us...

Envious

Also a guy familiar to everyone. A friend is jealous of us... And she seems to be trying not to show it, but we notice that our successes do not cause her sincere joy. It is unpleasant.

I had a friend who always actively supported me in problematic situations. But if I shared some kind of joy with him, he immediately brought me down to earth, for some reason persistently proving that there was nothing to be happy about in this case at all. It was strange. As a result, I simply stopped sharing good things with him. I thought - why?

Actually, this is a great way not to tease envious women - just don’t tell them about your successes.

Some people may like to make others jealous and deliberately try to do this. I don’t see any point in this - for me, this is the simplest solution to make ill-wishers for yourself. And who needs it?

Situational girlfriend

But here is exactly the case when problems are created not by another person, but by ourselves. Without understanding the very essence of “situational” girlfriends...

Often we get very close to people in certain situations: on vacation, while studying, during the implementation of some project, at events... And then the common cause ends. And we want to communicate further, but we run into a wall of indifference. This can be offensive and unpleasant. "How so? We became such good friends!”

But for another person everything may look different: no common cause - no friendship. Not because this is a bad person - it’s just that our situational friend does not see the point in further communication. Here everything is the same as in the case of “I can’t - I’m busy” - we let the person go in peace!

Self-assertive

Self-affirmation at the expense of others is a quality characteristic of people who simply need to constantly confirm their sense of self-worth through humiliation, criticism and negative assessments of other people.

It seems, who needs such a friend? But we do not always realize that they are asserting themselves at our expense. But we only worry intensely because of the negativity and criticism addressed to us. If we stop self-searching and interrupt (at least for a while!) the search for the cause of external negativity in ourselves and take a closer look at the source of negative assessments, we can discover a lot of interesting things! And understand that the problem is not with us.

If a friend constantly and happily asserts herself at our expense, isn’t it time to think about whether we need such a relationship? At a minimum, it makes sense to transfer such a person from the category of close friends to just acquaintances. How do you think?

Selfish

Everyone knows who an egoist is. If a friend regularly ignores our interests to please herself and doesn’t even try to find a compromise, we understand who is in front of us.

It seems to me that there is only one effective remedy against chronic egoism - retaliatory egoism. Not aggressive, but therapeutic and prophylactic.

Often a person does not even understand that he is behaving selfishly. Sometimes a friend just needs help. Sincerely and calmly express your opinion, clearly arguing and without fear of a negative reaction.

In mild cases, even a hint is enough. If we are faced with a difficult case - incurable selfishness, simply decide for yourself what is better for you: accept the person for who he is, or end the relationship with him.

Let me down

In this case it is not a verb, but a noun. A friend you can't rely on. An extremely unreliable option. We agreed, but at the last moment I refused. She promised - she didn’t fulfill it. And so from time to time, from year to year... Why do the faithful friends of such a “let down” continue to live in the hope that this time she will not fail?

To be honest, this is not clear to me. If you know such a cute feature of your friend, what's the point of hoping for it? She can, of course, be a super interesting person who is incredibly fun to talk to. So we will continue to communicate with her! You just don't have to rely on it for anything.

This will easily save us from unnecessary worries.

Sudden and controversial

You don't know what to expect from this friend. Either she swears eternal friendship, constantly calls and shares her most intimate things, or she behaves coldly and aloof. Sometimes he makes plans for the weekend with you, sometimes he openly ignores you. I must say, this is infuriating. Just spit on her, and she appears on the horizon again, as if nothing had happened...

I would not go into detail and look for a psychological explanation for this behavior - these are not our problems. But simply, as in the case of an unreliable friend (and in fact, these two types are very similar), we do not count on this person and do not bring him closer to ourselves. For the same purpose - to protect your nervous system.

You can simply calmly and calmly watch as your friend is thrown from one extreme to another, without much emotional participation in this process...

Instructive

She loves to give unsolicited advice and teach life lessons. A friend believes that she has the right to lecture us, criticize us, and convince us (sometimes quite aggressively!) that she is right. She does not like it when people argue with her and question her opinion.

Not only is friendship difficult with such a person, but even just short-term communication is difficult. During the latter, it seems to me that the wisest thing to do is simply not to engage in controversy. This does not mean agreeing. No. Just don't even start an argument. Change the conversation to another topic.

As for friendship with such a person, the choice is ours.

There are driven people for whom having a person nearby who has a ready answer to any question is happiness. Otherwise, there is no point in enduring endless teachings.

And there is nothing scary or unfriendly about conveying this simple idea to your friend. Calm and intelligent.

Passive

An uninitiated friend, driven and obedient. Usually she doesn’t offer anything - she always waits for your initiative. He seems like a very convenient person, at first glance. But constant passive behavior can bore even the most explosive activist. This is endlessly boring... And she is a good person and there is no reason to quarrel with her, but the complete lack of initiative on the part of her friend is very upsetting.

Many over-initiative people are comfortable with such people - they have enough ideas and activity for several people. But on average we always want a mutual reaction. So that not only us, but also they would call us and offer something.

Here we need to understand that we cannot change a person. Therefore, in this case there is no point in being angry and demanding something. We are also not obligated to constantly entertain and entertain a friend: if there is a desire, we communicate, if not, we take a break in the relationship. We get by in life without her. And it’s definitely not worth worrying that they’ll be offended at us, or thinking that we’re not acting in a comradely manner.

Who's under the mask?

Here we are talking about an insincere person, whose true essence is vague and hidden under various masks. We don't understand when a friend is honest with us and when she's deceiving. When is she real and when is she pretending...

It's hard with such a person. I don’t want to open up and share. Simply because we don't trust. Does anyone really force us to reveal our souls? With such a friend you may have common affairs and activities, common topics for discussion, but it is not at all necessary to bring her very close to you.

On the other hand, a mask can often be worn by a wonderful, spiritual, but very vulnerable person who has simply stopped trusting people - he does not want additional pain. And this is where sincerity and a warm attitude will help.

I believe that you shouldn’t be afraid to be open and sincere with people. And this does not mean at all that it is necessary to share the most personal information with the first person you meet or just know.

You can just be yourself, real. Firstly, in this case no one will be mistaken about you. And secondly, in most cases, openness and sincerity naturally give rise to a mutual reaction.

And finally, the most important thing: we are all, to one degree or another, problematic people. Each of us contains selfishness, contradictions, and envy - why hide it! Therefore, we will be more lenient towards our friends - sometimes it’s not easy for them with us either.

We will be open, friendly and sincere. And we are also brave, resourceful and self-confident, so as not to be afraid to express our opinion at the right moment and “reconfigure” relationships that do not suit us...