Paralyzing fear, coming from somewhere inside and always manifesting itself at the wrong time, breaks the plans created. It would seem that you have found the one you were looking for, here she is standing right in front of you, but uncertainty in words and timidity in the body ruin any chance of achieving female attention.
Fear of meeting a girl is a common disease, characteristic of any age category, and what is most dangerous is that if the main cause of its occurrence is not identified, then there is a very high probability that it will persist for life.
We will analyze the main reasons for the emergence and manifestation of “fear of approach” in order to save you from this illness and give you free communication in any situation!
Types of fear
A guy can fall into a stupor when he sees a girl
- Panic. The guy experiences a strong fear of future communication with the girl who interests him. The only way to save a man from the life of a bachelor is to meet a girl who will start communicating with him and take the first step.
- Cyclicality. It is typical that a guy will regularly refuse to communicate with an attractive girl. It's all due to the fear of being rejected or ridiculed.
- Numbness. Such a young man is literally driven into a stupor at the sight of a girl. There is no fear as such, but the ability to speak is completely lost. Young ladies will pass by such a guy, because they are attracted to talkative, confident young men.
- Demonstrativeness. The presence of complexes does not allow a guy to establish a normal relationship with a girl. At the same time, when communicating with such a person, you can hear phrases like “who needs these girls”, “it’s not interesting to be with them.” In fact, these are simply attempts to show oneself in the role of a macho, to hide true fears.
- Hermitage. In this case, we are talking about an obsession. The guy completely withdraws and cannot create a relationship with the girl.
The fight or flight response
The body's fight-or-flight response is partly to blame for this stupor.
This mainly happens during times of great danger.
Hormones are released to increase heart rate, adrenaline levels, and alertness to a dangerous situation.
This will prepare the body to either fight or flee a potential threat.
A very useful function of our body.
Unfortunately, this protective mechanism is also activated in relatively safe situations if we are not familiar with them.
Examples here include public speaking, networking events, and meeting beautiful women.
If we are not sure that what is happening is completely safe, our body prepares for the worst-case scenario.
This is usually not very useful because it does not allow you to relax.
Beautiful sexy girls are always a lottery. They may love you, they may hate you.
They may have a strong, aggressive husband who wants to rip your head off.
It's this uncertainty that causes heavy breathing, a racing heart, and a foggy brain—and, as a result, makes it much more difficult to start conversations with beautiful women.
What exactly scares you most often?
A guy may be afraid to even approach a girl
- “I’m afraid to approach a girl.” It is important to realize that the presence of this fear will not allow you to create a relationship. The guy must fight his phobia; the young lady is unlikely to take the first step.
- "I'm afraid to speak." More often, such fear arises among shy guys who do not have sufficient experience in communicating with girls. To make it easier to cope with fear, you need to become more versatile or find out in advance the topics that interest a certain young lady, study, prepare for a conversation and start communicating.
- “What will others think?” It's time to understand that the people around you are busy with their thoughts, their problems and worries.
- "Fear of being rejected." The young man must realize that the girl has the right not to reciprocate. Those we like don’t always reciprocate. Naturally, a girl may refuse to communicate, especially if she herself is afraid of men. The guy should take this easier and remember that a negative answer is better than no answer at all. Moreover, there is a percentage chance that the girl will still show mutual interest.
Find new friends
A great way to get rid of shyness is to do what you love with like-minded people. If you have a hobby, then try to find a club where people like you gather.
The more often you communicate with people, the better you can develop your dating skill.
If you and people you still don’t know are passionate about a common idea, then finding a topic for conversation and taking the first step will be quite easy.
Of course, it is not at all necessary to look for a girl in a club of similar interests. Think of this pastime as developing your social communication skills. The more friends you have, the harder it will be to remain shy and closed. At some point you will understand that communication is a joy for you, not a punishment.
Causes of fear
In the past, there may have been an inadequate relationship with a girl, which is why a fear of communicating with female representatives has developed
If the phrase “I’m afraid of girls” is familiar to you, then you’ve probably encountered one of the factors below.
- Fear that the girl will refuse. Then men's pride will be hurt.
- Problems with diction can also cause fear of communicating with the fair sex; in particular, a guy is afraid that he will be ridiculed.
- Fear of communicating with people, social phobia.
- Low social status. A young man may be put off by meeting a beautiful girl if she is better off. He is not able to shower her with appropriate gifts.
- Physical disabilities. These may be real problems, and in such a situation it is necessary to urgently consult with a psychologist, otherwise it is possible that the guy will begin to think about suicide. If there are far-fetched shortcomings, then you just need to rethink your life, analyze yourself, come to the realization that everything is in order, there is nothing to be afraid of.
- Severe shyness. Some guys are simply embarrassed to be the first to talk to girls, they may begin to blush, stutter, or are completely unable to utter a word when they are next to a young lady.
- Negative past experiences. The phobia occurs against the background of an unsuccessful attempt to establish a relationship or communication.
- The guy's inability to voice his thoughts. The young man is afraid to start communicating because he knows that he will not be able to become a normal interlocutor.
What does an neglected phobia lead to?
To be loved and to love is a natural human need
This is important for full and comprehensive self-realization and finding harmony. Denial and avoidance do not make the patient happy; the pain of the past does not subside
Most philophobes deny this; they create their own individual world in which they are comfortable and safe.
The inability to build trusting relationships also affects the sphere of friendships. Along with this comes the awareness of uselessness, unhappiness, and loneliness. And casual acquaintances and superficial communication further enhance the feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness of life.
How to overcome fear
You can start communicating with girls based on common interests, without focusing on the fact that they are representatives of a different gender
- Fear always arises before something unknown and new. This is a completely normal reaction of the human body. All people at some point in their lives have encountered some kind of fear, for example, the fear of donating blood from a finger prick. However, under the compulsion of their parents, they went and did it. Over time, fear was no longer felt so acutely.
- Work on improving your appearance. This will help improve your self-esteem. Particular attention should be paid to cleanliness and neatness, and the correct choice of clothing.
- Broaden your horizons. For this purpose, you can watch quality films or read fiction. This will make it much easier for you to start a conversation with a beautiful person.
- Learn to joke, show your sense of humor. This will help defuse a frightening situation.
- Workout. Having improved your body, you will not be afraid to talk to a girl with a model appearance.
- Experts often advise looking your fears in the eye. A man can try to go ahead, and it will be a big challenge for himself to approach a girl who has a model appearance. And it doesn’t matter that at this moment your legs will tremble, your heart will jump out of your chest. You can even start a conversation with her by saying how scary it was to approach such an unearthly beauty. This way you will be able to realize that your fear was not seriously justified. All guys go through this. There's nothing wrong with talking to a girl; she won't bite.
Self confidence
Auto-training has a great influence on increasing self-esteem
If the phrase “I’m afraid of beautiful girls” is very familiar to you, then the best way to overcome this phobia will be to work on yourself and increase your self-esteem.
- Take up auto training. Every day in front of the mirror, tell yourself that you are the smartest, most beautiful and attractive.
- Appearance. It is important to make sure that your hair is well-groomed, your nails are cut, your face is clean, your hair is washed, that is, the guy must be well-groomed and have a pleasant aroma coming from him.
- Special attention should be paid to the choice of clothes and shoes. The beautiful half of humanity will pay attention to a well-chosen image, and the guy’s self-esteem will significantly increase.
- Start visiting the gym regularly and playing sports. Over time, you will see how your body changes for the better. This will definitely give you more confidence.
Pickup is your enemy3
If you are really afraid of meeting people, then you have probably tried a bunch of ways to overcome your fear. If you have already signed up for a pickup course, you can safely skip it. If you have already completed the “macho course”, but still can’t do it, then there is a simple explanation for this.
Look, the root of the problem of lack of results lies in the fact that pickup is taught by coaches who themselves don’t know anything. They sell you templates that will never work. It’s just that the pickup itself hasn’t been worked out, it’s raw. Yes, you will get the new one, but this version will simply take the place of the old one. It’s like, you know what... when computers first appeared, the experts in reinstalling Windows came out, this is when it was still 98. They came, proudly launched the disk, downloaded a pirated version, the picture on the desktop changed, and the client was sure that now his computer would “fly.”
In fact, it was just an application, something like a launcher. Only the desktop changed. The program itself was not removed. The pickup works the same way. You get a new program, but the firmware itself does not change. It's all about the psyche. She works holistically and remembers the entire situation, not selectively. As a result, you can use a bunch of new phrases, but every time you will be rejected. As a result, the situation will only get worse. You will subconsciously consolidate a disastrous result, and you will simply throw money away.
The pickup works on the principle “I’m afraid → Overcoming fear → Getting to know each other.” But the pickup truck itself doesn’t take away the fear. You keep climbing up the mountain, pushing a block of fear in front of you. Tell me, what's the point in this?
Adviсe
You can seek advice from a friend who is very popular with girls
- Learn body language. Knowing him, you can easily understand whether the chosen girl has any feelings. If you are convinced of the response, there is nothing to be afraid of, you can act.
- When looking at a girl, you don’t need to look at her devouringly, or focus on individual parts of the body. The look should be, as it were, overview. If a girl looks straight into her eyes, don't look away.
- You can turn to a friend for help, namely one who easily starts relationships with girls. You can either ask him for advice, or simply observe his behavior.
- If you see an attractive girl nearby, try to approach her. No matter how scary it may be, do not allow yourself to turn back at the last second. Before you approach, you need to mentally imagine how you have already done this, understand that there is nothing wrong with this.
If a guy is afraid of a girl, he must understand that the time has come to overcome this fear. There is still a whole life ahead and you need to start a family and have children. If a young person is afraid of being rejected after having a bad experience, you need to understand that this happens to everyone. Having a negative experience teaches us, points out mistakes we have made, and gives us the opportunity to improve next time and behave differently.
All girls are different
Many guys who say “I'm afraid of girls” have internal problems associated with negative experiences with the opposite sex. Having received one refusal, the guy withdraws into himself and is afraid to make new attempts. A young man needs to understand that all girls are different. Just because one lady criticized you doesn't mean another will do the same. Don't be afraid of negativity from girls. All ladies perceive guys differently. Some girls refuse to date young men for the reason that they are afraid of disappointing the person. Don't think that the lady didn't like you. Work on your inhibitions. A guy who constantly tells himself “I'm afraid of girls” is subconsciously setting himself up for failure. Negative experiences are also needed. It helps you learn from your mistakes and not make them in the future.
Visualization
Sitting on the couch at home, make yourself comfortable and relax. Imagine a beautiful girl in front of you, try to approach her and talk. Play out several scenarios in your head with different endings. Feel the moment of meeting, her voice, your excitement, all the sounds and smells that accompany the dialogue
Pay attention to how you feel in the moment. Play this meeting in your head several times a day.
This will help the subconscious decide that you have already met girls a million times. Then it will be easier to approach for the first time for real acquaintance. If after this you meet a beautiful girl on the street, do not rush to approach her. Try this after a month of exercise. The brain itself will help you perform a habitual action.
About the benefits of optimism
One of the decisive factors that determines the positive outcome of the intended acquaintance is your positive attitude.
Conduct an internal dialogue with yourself more often, setting yourself up for positivity.
Positive thinking and reasoning in an optimistic manner increases your self-esteem, and at the same time confidence.
Photo 3. You need to believe in your ability to please girls no matter what
In the end, there is a simple truth: if a person is often told how capable and talented he is, then there is no room for doubt in his mind, and he begins to believe it.
Answer yourself a number of questions and decide:
- do you want to meet more girls for one night stands?
- do you need a girlfriend to chat with?
- Are you looking for your one and only for life?
- In the end, is it a temporary or serious relationship?
Then, make it a habit to do the following as often as possible.
Before going to bed or at any other convenient moments, closing your eyes, reproduce in your imagination scenes of how you successfully meet different girls, and they respond to you with mutual sympathy, how you look, what mood you get to know, how completely calm you are at the same time .
But be careful with your ideas and thoughts, for they have the ability to materialize.
Symptoms of the disorder
Cynophobia can occur in people of all ages.
There are several forms of the disease. With a mild degree, the patient experiences only anxiety before meeting new people. If severe, he will refuse new contacts. At the mental level, this manifests itself in a feeling of panic, anxiety, and the desire to escape. The patient becomes indecisive, he mutters something under his breath and hides his gaze. Often people with kenophobia slouch, shrink, and try to become less noticeable.
From the physiological side, the following symptoms appear:
- increased sweating of the palms;
- cardiopalmus;
- difficulty breathing and others.
Treatment options
People with kainophobia are advised to undergo therapy with a psychologist. It will help you understand the underlying reasons for your behavior.
Attention is paid to the period of childhood and relationships with parents. All this is a slow process, but working through these points allows us to find cause-and-effect relationships in the state
During therapy, a psychologist may suggest artificially simulating the situation of meeting a new person. The patient describes his feelings at this moment, options for behavior. A specialist helps to correct some actions. This approach allows a person to create a certain set of behavior patterns and reactions.
Hypnotherapy takes a slightly different approach. The psychologist puts the client into a trance state, which releases the unconscious level of the psyche. This allows you to determine the cause of fear. At the next stage, the client is forced to relive the traumatic situation, identify his feelings at that moment and live them.
But the event that occurred is assessed from the perspective of an adult, and this provides certain advantages. The situation is assessed more critically, and negative emotions do not accumulate. The client understands that there is no need to be afraid of dating. With the help of a psychologist, he develops a number of communication skills.
Increase your self-esteem
The first thing any shy person should do is improve their self-esteem. The guy must love himself. You need to convey to your consciousness the idea that every person is unique. And you are no exception. And you can correctly present your uniqueness. Don't be shy about flaunting your strengths and hiding your unattractive sides. The guy must understand that he is an interesting person who can support any topic. If this is not the case, then pay attention to your shortcomings. Is your intelligence suffering? Read more. If you are in poor physical shape, take care of your body. You should be attractive primarily not to the opposite sex, but to yourself.
What girls are guys afraid of? Popular girls seem to be the most dangerous to them. Have you ever wondered what makes popular people so attractive? Girls who enjoy increased male attention are not always gifted with beauty. Rather, ladies are characterized by charisma, which girls know how to use correctly. So why don't you develop the ability to be charming? Ladies love with their ears, not their eyes, remember this.
