Feelings, emotions and sensations: the first step to profiling

Anyone who is interested in psychology, studies people and wants to learn how to influence them probably realizes the importance of understanding feelings, emotions and sensations. These three mental processes are reflected in facial expressions, gestures, posture and other elements of body language. A person is an open book that can be learned to read.

After reading this article and understanding what feelings, emotions and sensations are, you can take our profiling course, where you will learn to analyze people, their facial expressions, gestures, actions in order to better understand their motives and feelings. Let's study these concepts one by one and try to understand how this knowledge will help us better understand and influence people.

Emotions are speed. Verbs or adjectives

The speed at which we speak also conveys emotions. We can speak excitedly, with feeling, restlessly, loudly. Or we can - slowly, embarrassedly, sluggishly, shutting up on every word. How to convey this in text?

Adjectives slow down the text, so when conveying emotions using these parts of speech, the main thing is not to slow down the narrative.

Verbs speed up. We write on social networks, so speed is important. Readers rush through our texts at the speed of Formula 1 race leaders. If we are slow, we will fall behind them.

Of course, all this does not mean that you need to write only in verbs and forget about adjectives. Everything is good in moderation and, most importantly, understand where to correct when you feel that the text is marking time.

How to understand whether you love a person or is it affection

Very dire consequences can arise if we do not determine in time what is happening to us. Do we love a person, or are we still attached to him because of our habit. Over time, we get used to our partner. We begin to miss him, we remember ridiculous moments with each other, we remember his smell, the timbre of his voice, his wishes before going to bed. Underneath all this, we may not be able to grasp what feeling really overcame us: love or infatuation.

The danger is that if you marry such a person, you are taking a very big risk. You risk dooming yourself to an unhappy life, and all because over time you will begin to misunderstand each other, you will begin to be more and more disappointed in your partner. The problem will be your attachment, because attachment very thinly borders on such an understanding as dependence. Agree, addiction already sounds alarming. For us, a person really becomes like a drug. And we need constant nourishment of his presence in our lives. It looks unhealthy. If you understand your true feelings in time, you can make the right decision. And avoid the bitterness of fate.

Attachment is dangerous because it is difficult to distinguish it from love. It is expressed in support, care, compassion and empathy for the person for whom we have feelings. Unfortunately, when we fall in love, we are guided not by our sincere desires, but most often by fears of losing our object of adoration. If a girl is attached to a guy, all her actions will be tense, she will be more withdrawn, holding back her emotions and trying to please her partner in everything. And all this will happen because of the fear of losing a loved one.

And now the question. During real love and sincere feelings, is it worth pretending? Is there a reason to hide your emotions, desires, control your every step..? NO... Love is a sincere feeling in which you are ready to share your emotions, every piece of your life with him for free. You don't even think about what you will get in response. You are glad that you show him your attention and see your boyfriend’s sincere smile and his loving eyes in response.

Love, first of all, is sincerity and relaxation towards the person for whom you have feelings. You can check your feelings for your chosen one by answering just one question, but you need to answer honestly. You shouldn't lie to yourself. What exactly makes you have feelings for him? If this is affection, then these will be values ​​that represent wealth, status, everything that is not related to love:

• Material values.
• A sense of responsibility for your partner. Responsibility is implied not as a girl's boyfriend or vice versa, but as a “parent” - “child”.
• Loneliness. One of our biggest fears as women. We are afraid to remain unwanted, and then we are afraid to get used to another partner.
• Comfort zone. We get used to our partner, the environment, our attitude towards ourselves. And we are not ready to change all this.
• Feeling of gratitude. We believe that we are obliged to a person and try to answer him in kind.
• Guilt. Often we believe that the guy helped us get out of our apathy, not noticing how we ended up in a new one, only with addiction.

When it's love, you don't care about his well-being, don't care about his social status and where he lives. Love is a selfless feeling that provides the opportunity to drown in your feelings for your partner while being next to him.

How to convey emotions with certain words

1. If you do use adjectives , do not write them with the word “very”, for example, “very beautiful”. Use a stronger word immediately, in this case, “magnificent.” However, make sure that the word carries the desired meaning and paints a picture.

Very beautiful - magnificent

Very scary - terrible

2. Use synonyms. There are many more words than those that come to our minds at the first moment. You can find entire dictionaries on the Internet. Here is one of them that I use myself: https://synonymonline.ru.

Beautiful - elegant, graceful, charming, charming, spectacular, bright, good, picturesque, brilliant, prominent, artistic, etc.

Terrible - menacing, insidious, devilish, ugly, frightening, tragic, murderous, catastrophic, disastrous, dashing, unattractive, etc.

By the way, have you noticed that just reading these words, you already have certain feelings?

Well, to restore balance, read these lines:

Hope - prospect, expectation, faith, chance, hope, aspiration, presentiment, dream, perspective, illusion, anticipation, presentiment.

3. There are magic phrases with which you can reach the reader’s heart. Sasha Karepina figuratively writes about this in her book “We Write Convincingly.” I'll give you a few examples.

Feelings

Feeling is a human emotional process that reflects a subjective evaluative attitude towards real or abstract objects.

Unlike emotions and moods, the emotional processes described by the concept of “feeling” are tied to objects: they arise in relation to someone or something, and not to the situation as a whole. “I am afraid of this person” is a feeling, and “I am scared” is an emotion.

Here is a small list of feelings that we experience from time to time: love, hatred, fear, gratitude, respect, devotion, friendship.

Feelings vary in characteristics:

• Intensity: This is the strength of feeling. The stronger the feeling, the stronger its physiological manifestations and influence on human behavior. By observing him, you can understand what feelings overwhelm him the most, what is important to him and what he pays attention to.
• Valence: This is tone. Feelings can be pleasant, unpleasant and ambivalent. If everything is clear with the first two, then the last one may be of great interest to you. Why does a person have mixed feelings? Why? What are the underlying reasons? You will have to answer all these questions if you want to create a correct psychological portrait of a person and learn to influence him.
• Content: feelings reflect various aspects, features of the meaning of objects and situations that cause them. People show feelings based on context, so observe them carefully.
• Sthenicity: feelings are divided into sthenic and asthenic. The former encourage active activity, mobilize human strength (hate, love, and others). The latter paralyze or relax (for example, fear).

Feelings manifest differently among people because each person has their own set of personality traits and traits that influence feelings. The same feeling can be experienced and manifested differently depending on the emotional state a person is in at the moment. For example, the feeling of friendship can be accompanied at different times by emotions of joy, interest, resentment, shame and irritation.

Before you make a conclusion about a person, you need to observe him and try to identify both the feeling that he is currently experiencing and its underlying meaning.

How to convey emotions by drawing a picture

Yes, we can convey emotions using various adjectives, but if they are not filled with a meaning that is understandable to the reader, they will be empty. For example,

A gourmet breakfast awaits each guest. We offer high-quality European cuisine with a delicate taste and unique aroma.

And if so?

When you wake up, you can come down to our restaurant. We will prepare for you a cup of coffee, a freshly baked baguette and soft butter. If desired, instead of butter you can order jam or chocolate spread. For an additional fee, we will prepare for you scrambled eggs and bacon or oatmeal with milk. Butter, eggs and milk are supplied to our kitchen every morning from our own farm.

The picture is filled with feelings; while reading, we imagine the smell of coffee and fried bacon, and crispy bread with butter is already melting in our mouth.

What can true love be confused with?

Until now, not a single sage or scientist has been able to accurately, briefly and clearly define what love is. If you ask this question to different people, it turns out that everyone has their own concept of love. However, both thinkers and psychologists agree that love is not. Unconscious people mistake the feelings and emotions listed below for love. But in fact, these are just different forms of expression of selfishness, psychological trauma, internal conflicts and problems.

Falling in love can have a calming effect on the body and mind, and also helps restore the nervous system and improve the memory of the lover.

So, what can love be easily confused with:

• Passion . We begin to experience an irresistible craving for a person, a strong physical attraction. Many people begin to feel like they are head over heels in love. In fact, passion is a consequence of sexual attraction, or simply put, it is ordinary lust. Blinded by our desires, we begin to endow a person with non-existent qualities and are disappointed when we later discover that the object of passion is far from our fantasies.
• Sympathy . It arises against the background of physical and psychological attractiveness. We often experience this feeling towards people in whom we see friends who are close to us in spirit and worldview. Sympathy often develops into true love, but still it is not love in itself.
• Falling in love . Quite strong emotional feelings that mix passion, sympathy, and attraction. Falling in love gives real euphoria, but can make you suffer a lot if the feelings are not mutual. In fact, such strong and vivid experiences are caused by hormones that begin to be actively produced in a state of love. But, as a rule, such a chemical reaction in the body lasts only a few months. When it stabilizes, people’s “rose-colored glasses come off” and we begin to notice things we haven’t seen in our partner before. At this stage, problems and disagreements may begin in the relationship. If people do not overcome the moment of crisis, it means that there was no trace of love there. Just body chemistry.
• Addiction . If one of the partners begins to feel that he can no longer live without his “other half,” there are psychological problems. Dependence is experienced by psychologically immature people or individuals with serious psychological trauma. Usually such injuries occur in virginity. For example, a mother does not teach her daughter independence, making her completely dependent on herself and justifying such manipulation with her love. Although in fact, behind everything is the mother’s fear of losing her daughter and being left alone. The situation is often observed in families where the mother raises the child alone. A person grows up who does not know what self-sufficiency is and is capable of building only a dependent model of relationships. She replaces dependence on her mother with dependence on a man, considering it love.
• Habit . It happens that people stay nearby for a long time (colleagues, classmates, neighbors, members of some club), and when one of them leaves the common area, strange feelings of melancholy, cravings, and worries come. It may seem to one or both that they have loved each other all this time, which is why they are so hard to bear separation. But in fact, this is a common habit, perhaps built on sympathy. In such a situation, there is a chance that feelings will develop into true love.
• Jealousy . Many people think that if a partner is jealous, it means they love you. And this is how jealous people themselves justify their painful emotions. In fact, behind jealousy there are also psychological traumas and unawareness. A self-sufficient person, self-confident and self-loving, will never torment another with jealousy. People with low self-esteem, insecure, immature people who have fears inside them are jealous.

How can you understand that you love a person? To begin with, it is enough to make sure that you are not guided by the feelings and emotions listed above. The main thing is to be honest with yourself and not be afraid to admit to yourself what you are really experiencing. And to make sure that the feelings are true, let’s try to define true love.

Where can you use emotional descriptions?

Believe me - everywhere. After all, we already realized that we are not talking about sentences screaming with three exclamation marks and CAPITAL letters:

BUY!!!

Get UNMATCHED results and a UNIQUE ATMOSPHERE IN YOUR HOUSE!!!

Emotional, and therefore human, descriptions can be used even when talking about the terms of payment and delivery or the rules of the group. After all, is it important to you how the person reading your lines feels? That communicating with you is simple and pleasant, or difficult and dreary.

Compare the two options. Which one do you like better?

“Payment for goods can be made using payment terminals, electronic payment systems or via bank transfer.”

“You can pay for the goods with electronic money, use your bank card and make an online payment, or transfer money at the nearest payment terminal.”

How to understand that your loved one loves you

After all, only mutual love can be happy, and everyone wants to be sure that their sympathy does not go unanswered. And even when, it seems, your relationship is developing quite normally, sometimes doubts about reciprocal feelings continue to gnaw at your soul. After all, you want to be sure that they love you, and not just spend time with you or, even worse, use your love for some unknown purposes of their own. So is there any way to really understand your partner's feelings?

Infatuation and love. So similar and so different

Even if you suddenly notice that your partner is beginning to grow cold towards you. You should not rush to accuse him of deceiving you. The fact is that it is quite possible that what you took for love on his part was just a short-term infatuation with falling in love. And at the same time, he himself could be quite sure that he really loves you. But some time passed, the first sensations dulled, and this feeling gradually faded away. Yes, unfortunately, this happens quite often. However, this can happen to you too. This is why it is so important to distinguish between these two feelings, which are so similar at the first stage, in order to really understand that you are loved. What is the difference between them?

If you notice that your partner is trying to idealize you and endow you with all sorts of virtues that you may not possess, then you should be wary. This is certainly pleasant, but this is not love, but just falling in love. And then, when the first veil falls from your eyes, your partner may be very disappointed, sad as it may be. Therefore, don’t try to seem better than you really are; you still won’t be able to deceive yourself and others for long.

But true love, it does not come as quickly as falling in love, but at the same time you can be sure that the person evaluates you quite soberly, well understanding all your shortcomings, along with your merits, and accepting you at the same time. This feeling may not seem as joyful and easy to you as falling in love, but you can be 100 percent confident in your partner, as well as in the fact that they will not suddenly leave you when circumstances change.

Does your partner care about you?

Perhaps this is the best way to be sure of your partner’s love. How to understand that you are loved? Yes, very simple. A loving partner will care about how you feel, whether you are cold, whether you had time to have lunch. He will try to present you with pleasant surprises and not only on your Birthday or New Year, but just like that, so that your mood is lifted. And even if it is just a small plush bunny, this gift will contain all the love and tenderness that your partner feels for you.

Does your partner share his thoughts and desires with you?

Another great indicator that you're loved isn't your partner asking you what you want, although that certainly does that too. But a much more important sign is that he initiates you into his dreams, plans and desires. If you are allowed into your worries and worries, then this is an obvious sign that your partner completely trusts you, and, therefore, you can not doubt his sincere feelings.

True love - how to understand it

It is hardly possible to say about love better than what is written in the Bible:

“Love is long-suffering, it is kind, love does not envy, love is not arrogant, is not proud, does not act rudely, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

The phrase “does not seek its own” means that true love is completely devoid of selfishness. But it is egoism that gives rise to a sense of ownership, a desire to possess, control, and try to change a person.

Let's find out what psychologists say about healthy, self-sufficient, true love. In their opinion, signs of true, real feelings of love are:

• Confidence . A person does not try to convict his partner of anything, does not look for reasons for quarrels, does not suspect him of cheating and lying.
• Friendship . A couple in which everything is based on sexual relationships and violent passions will never last long. Friendships always form between truly loving people. They freely share their secrets with each other, have conversations, are interested in all aspects of each other’s lives, consult with each other, and support each other.
• Full unconditional acceptance. A loving person accepts his other half as he is and does not try to change him. He will never put forward conditions for his love.
• Mutual desire to work on oneself. If you love truly, you will not try to change your partner, but will begin to work on yourself. Psychologically mature couples understand that relationships are not built on their own; sometimes they need to work on themselves in order to come to an agreement or compromise.
• Sacrifice . True love is always ready to sacrifice itself. This does not mean that a person should rush headlong under a train to prove his feelings. Here we are talking about the ability and willingness to sometimes give up one’s interests for the sake of a significant other.
• The desire to give, not to take. A loving person always strives to give the object of his adoration the best that he has. At the same time, he does not think about profit and does everything selflessly.
• Consistency . When you truly love a person, you do not lose interest in him over time. No one else will be able to influence these feelings.

It is not always easy to distinguish true feelings from false, selfish ones. How can you understand that you love a person, except by understanding the criteria of love?

A person who has a real feeling in his heart feels only positive emotions. Love is characterized by such manifestations as:

• Joy from every meeting.
• The desire to please a loved one.
• The desire to be better yourself, to change yourself for the better.
• Waiting for meetings, boredom.
• The ability to take into account not only your own, but also your partner’s interests.
• No offense or complaints if the feelings are not mutual.
• Calmness, comfort and peace next to your loved one.
• The desire to share your happiness with the whole world.
• The desire to do good.
• The desire to inspire a partner.

It is hardly possible to agree that you truly love if inside you there are such feelings as:

• Dissatisfaction with some character traits of the partner and a desire to change them.
• A sense of ownership, you believe that the person now belongs to you and does not have the right to complete freedom.
• Intense jealousy. You don't trust your significant other and are constantly suspicious of her.
• You are trying to manipulate your chosen one for your own benefit.
• You are tormented by mental pain and suffering.
• You have doubts about your choices or your future together.
• You are tormented by fears that your partner will leave you, betray you, and the like.

Interesting facts about love:

Fact 1

From a biological point of view, the desire to love is considered to be as primitive as eating food.

Fact 2

Romance does not last more than a year, since the brain is unable to remain in such a state for a long time.

Fact 3

During a breakup with your loved one, you need to exercise. At the same time, the level of dopamine will drop, the despair of separation will no longer depress you

Tips on how to determine if love is real

Some practical advice from psychologists will help you figure out whether your feelings are real or fake.

1. Remember how your relationship began. If very quickly and with physical intimacy, then love is clearly in question. Compare whether your relationship has improved or worsened since then. If they have become better, perhaps passion is developing into true feelings.
2. Analyze what attracts you to a person. To do this, it is better to take a piece of paper and a pen and write down all the qualities. If it turns out that the list contains more qualities such as appearance, good manners and other attributes of upbringing, then perhaps you are passionate about the “wrapper”. A loving person is attracted by the essence of the chosen one; even his disadvantages seem sweet and attractive.
3. Think about how stable your feelings are. If after every argument you are quite ready to go on a date with another person and allow the beginning of a new relationship, you are not truly in love.
4. How lonely do you feel without your significant other? Do you know how to have a good time without him/her? If yes, then your feelings are self-sufficient, otherwise it is addiction.
5. If there are traits in your partner that you don’t like, are you ready to put up with them and never blame the person for this? If you still hope that he/she will change, this is not love.
6. Imagine your couple in different situations, in poverty and wealth. Will you also love your chosen one if your social status changes? Maybe you are simply attracted to a person’s success?
7. Do you have something that you can and want to give to your other half? If you view your partner as an object for solving your problems and needs, there is no smell of love here.
8. Imagine in your mind a situation where you need to let go of your lover for his/her good. Can you do this in peace and without offense, with good wishes? If not, then you do not truly love the person, but are indulging your ego.

These are the most effective methods on how to understand that you really love a person.

Osho (sage, mystic, enlightened master) said: “Love has nothing to do with relationships, love is a state.” And it seems he was right. Only the one who, regardless of the relationship, feels love in his heart every day is truly capable of love. He sees love in life itself, in every manifestation of it, in everything that surrounds him. He finds love within himself, and has a strong desire to share it with everyone he meets along the way. Nothing can take away this love or extinguish it.

Interesting to know!

A brain that loves and a brain that is simply lustful are two different things. Erotic photos activate the hypothalamus (which controls hunger and thirst) and the amygdala (which controls arousal). Love activates areas of the brain that contain high amounts of dopamine, which is associated with euphoria, attraction and drug addiction.

The main criterion of true feeling is unconditionality. But in relationships we are often so unconscious that we begin to put forward various conditions, such as: I will love you only if you love me; if I love you, then you must adapt to me; if you love me, you will change for me.

All this is nothing more than a manifestation of the ego and attempts to fill internal needs or solve internal problems with the help of another person. This is psychological immaturity.

The best way to understand that you love a person is to think whether you can maintain bright, kind and better feelings, even if your chosen one does not accept them. If yes, then you can be congratulated - you are among the enlightened, highly conscious people who have revealed their true essence.