How to become a more sociable person - advice from a psychologist

Hello, my dear readers! Today I want to discuss with you one interesting, important and relevant topic for many. I will try to answer the question: is it possible to develop sociability and how to do this?

It would seem that what could be more natural than communicating with other people?

Man is a social being; he has a natural desire to interact with his own kind.

But for many people, getting into contact with someone and maintaining it is a real challenge. And here the main question arises: can it be solved? And most importantly, how?

I’ll answer right away: communication skill is a skill like any other. And it can be developed in the same way as other skills. There would be a desire.

Why you need to be sociable

Sociable and friendly people attract more attention, and others are drawn to them. Sociable people easily make new acquaintances and establish useful connections. There are always many people around them who are ready to help and suggest something. As a rule, sociable and friendly people achieve more in life.

Think for yourself who is more pleasant to communicate with: with someone from whom you need to extract every word with pincers, or with someone who will always find something to answer, where to start a conversation, but at the same time knows when it is better to remain silent. Of course, the second one. Sociable people charge you with energy. I want to spend more and more time with them. They know a lot of fascinating stories, can support any conversation, and talk about something interestingly.

We feel more confident around sociable people. In the presence of such a person we relax. We learn a lot of new and interesting things from a sociable person. At the same time, the sociable type regularly expands its horizons through interaction with different people.

If we are dealing with someone who is constantly silent, frowns and does not smile, then willy-nilly the thought arises: “What if I did something wrong?” We become infected and charged with the energy of other people. And if when communicating with a sociable person we relax, then when communicating with a gloomy type we, on the contrary, tense up.

Why else should you be sociable? Such people will never find themselves lonely or abandoned. In any conditions and under any circumstances, they will make acquaintances, friends, and buddies. Sociability helps to develop and survive if the need arises.

Note! Everything is good in moderation. Intrusiveness and talkativeness are just as repulsive as excessive isolation.

Benefits of communication skills:

1. the opportunity to achieve success in different areas of life (career, family life, creativity);
2. gaining spiritual harmony, getting rid of complexes and excessive isolation;
3. the opportunity for self-realization in all spheres of public life;

We show signs of communication skills in everyday life. But some people can be called the “life of the party,” while others are only silent.

And if you look at sociable people, you will notice that they easily achieve their goals and achieve success in life.

Sociability and self-confidence also help in business. Many employers choose talkative candidates for a vacant position, because such an employee can easily find a common language with the client, and accordingly, he will bring profit to the company.

Signs

Sociability is a personality trait. Usually they use this one word and do not think about its content. Meanwhile, several elements of sociability or signs of a sociable person can be identified:

1. Openness. This is the ability to talk to everyone and about everything, talk about yourself, openly answer other people's questions, directly express personal opinions, etc.
2. Sense of humor. This is a positive attitude towards the world, and the ability to laugh at oneself, and the ability to skillfully apply irony, insert a joke, tell an anecdote.
3. Talkativeness. This is not talkativeness, but the ability to speak beautifully, clearly, coherently and competently with any people and in any conditions, including the ability to communicate in the “language” that is more understandable to the interlocutor (for example, in his slang).
4. Determination. Communication always has a purpose. Communication itself is a means. For example, the goal may be to resolve a conflict or establish a useful contact, make acquaintances, exchange numbers, find a job, etc. A sociable person knows exactly what he wants, why and what he is doing. This distinguishes him from a chatterbox.
5. Confidence. Another quality that is closely related to sociability and determination. Only a self-confident person can express and defend his opinion, be open and honest. Only those who are not afraid of being rejected, criticized, unnoticed, and misunderstood can be sociable.
6. Restraint. A sociable person knows how to not only speak, but also listen. And what’s more important is that he knows how to think before he says something. A sociable person always takes into account the psychological characteristics of his opponent, the conditions and context of communication, the nature of the relationship, and much more. The ability to show mastery of tact, take pauses, not interrupt, etc. helps to find common ground with the interlocutor, establish contact, and maintain communication.
7. Plastic. A sociable person always and everywhere feels at ease and quickly adapts to circumstances.
8. Creativity. This is closely related to all other signs. A sociable person will find an approach to any other person, regardless of the time, place and context of communication. He knows how to hook someone in personal communication, by phone or in correspondence. But let's not forget about determination. If a person does not see the point of hooking someone, then, despite all his creativity, he can behave very mediocre and restrained.

Is it possible to understand from the outside whether a person is sociable or not? Yes, and it's quite simple. If he is not afraid of new acquaintances, unexpected meetings, phone calls, personal meetings, trips to government agencies, etc., then the person clearly does not have problems with communication.

Where exactly do these problems come from? Let's take a closer look.

Why develop communication skills?

What is special about a sociable interlocutor? First of all, such a person loves to communicate. He enjoys the process of communication, tries to learn something new, he meets new people, gets a positive experience and teaches his interlocutor something.

The ability to communicate allows you to successfully build life priorities. After all, flexibility, loyalty in conversation, and understanding of the interlocutor help achieve the final goal.

If you develop these skills, then you may well become a leader in any team, you will be able to achieve promotion on the career ladder, and learn to show initiative in various issues.

An interesting and sociable person is always noticed; he becomes the epicenter of everyone's attention.

Look at the entertainment TV presenters. They are always sociable and open. They understand when it is appropriate to joke or ask this or that question.

Where do communication problems come from?

You may have already guessed from studying the characteristics of a sociable person that sociability is closely related to confidence. An insecure person with a lot of complexes and lack of self-acceptance cannot be sociable. Why? Because he is afraid of public condemnation, rejection, criticism. He is afraid of saying the wrong thing, looking stupid, making a mistake. He also has a negative attitude towards the whole world in advance; he is sure that society does not accept him.

Where does this attitude towards yourself and the world come from? As usual, the roots of problems must be sought in childhood. Reproaches and criticism from parents, bullying from peers, cruel attitude of teachers, suppression in the family - all this negatively affects the child’s self-confidence.

The development of communication skills depends on the style of family education. Overprotection or authoritarianism, in which parents decide everything for the child, are not interested in his opinion, criticize him and tell him to shut up, lead to the fact that the child is afraid to say an extra word.

A permissive parenting style is no less dangerous. For example, if parents do not communicate with the child, then not only does the child not develop communication skills, but also problems arise with the development of speech as such. He may not learn to speak at all.

Interesting! Some people naturally have difficulty being social. For example, introverts feel physically and psychologically tired if they have to communicate frequently and a lot with a large number of people. Especially when it comes to superficial (secular) communication.

The main secret of communication skills

Do you know what the main secret of communication skills is?

This is a kind of magic elixir, thanks to which you can become a communicative person.

Everything is extremely simple. You need to enjoy communication. You should not force yourself to smile insincerely at your opponent, the person will feel false.

Know how to win people over

You need to start any business with a smile and a good mood. You must enjoy active communication. We ourselves shape the world around us. And we also create a social circle ourselves.

Treat people the way you would like to be treated yourself. And you will see positive, smart, interesting interlocutors appear around you. This rule applies to all areas of social life. Be it work activity or the sphere of personal relationships.

Tune in for the good

Never set yourself up for an uninteresting, sluggish and boring conversation, even if you have one.

Include imagination, the power of persuasion, and a good mood.

Learn improvisation, which is the pinnacle of achieving a high level of communication skills.

Try to interest your interlocutor with non-verbal gestures, switch his attention, and do not load him with too much unnecessary information.

Differences in communication between men and women

There is an opinion that women are more sociable than men. This is not true, sociability does not depend on gender. However, there are indeed some differences between male and female communication skills:

• women are process-oriented, and men are result-oriented;
• it is more difficult for men to be restrained in communication, especially if they disagree with their opponent;
• women pour more “water”, men speak briefly and to the point.

It is important to understand that these features are not an axiom. For example, some women like to speak briefly and without unnecessary lyricism, and some men prefer to “roll cotton wool”, use epithets, and abound in compliments. Sociability does not depend on gender, it is associated with individual psychological characteristics and conditions of human development.

How to become more sociable

How to become a sociable and interesting person? To become more sociable, work on yourself and interact with society.

Develop communication skills

Pay attention to 2 components of communication skills:

1. Starting a conversation. For example, you can start with a compliment, a question on a general topic, the phrase “I noticed that you...”.
2. Keeping the conversation going. Start with general topics and gradually move on to the personal. Ask clarifying questions based on what the interlocutor says, tell about yourself. Try to ask questions to which the interlocutor will only give a detailed answer without “yes” or “no.”

Expand your social circle

Don't run for communication for the sake of communication. Choose people who are interesting to you, respect you and you respect them, can teach you something or you can be useful to them. At the beginning of your training, make it a rule to compliment everyone and get to know each other for the sake of getting to know each other. But for more in-depth communication, choose those who are close in spirit.

What is sociability?

In psychology, sociability is understood as a person’s ability to establish contacts and conduct constructive dialogue with representatives of any social strata. This is an innate personality characteristic, depending on temperament and the type of nervous system. For example, choleric and sanguine people are sociable by nature, while melancholic and phlegmatic people have to make an effort to speak to a stranger.

This is the difference between sociability and sociability: sociability is an acquired skill that can and should be developed. Even an unsociable person can develop communication skills, easily establish personal and work contacts, have productive conversations and be considered a good speaker.

Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills

How can a teenager, girl or guy become a more sociable and interesting person? Gender or age is not important. To become more talkative, behave confidently and not be shy, remember a few rules from psychology.

Let's say you're already a social person, but would like to improve your communication skills. Where to begin? Break problems down into components and work on each sub-problem:

1. Take your time. Before you start communicating, take a closer look at the person. Observe his behavior and speech. Determine what kind of communication he is ready for. Some people cannot stand it when someone suddenly bursts into their personal space and starts asking questions about their personal life. And others themselves are ready to tell a bunch of personal stories to the first person they meet.
2. Listen. This is important for keeping the conversation going. By listening, you can not only understand the person better, but also in time on the topic, comment or tell your story.
3. Look for common ground. Closely related to listening skills. For example, start the conversation like this: “Oh, I also had a similar case...”. Or like this: “You won’t believe it! I’m just like you...” We subconsciously like and trust someone who is somewhat similar to us.
4. Don't be overconfident. Confidence is good. Overconfidence is bad. Stand up for your opinion, but do not insult other people or suppress them.
5. Express your desire to help. It’s not just about helping with deeds, but also helping with words. For example, direct the conversation in a direction where you casually demonstrate your expertise. You can help with advice and information education.
6. Be proactive. If you simply nod and go with the flow of the conversation, your interlocutor may think that you are a driven person. Or he will decide that you are not interested in communication, but you are trying to behave civilly. Therefore, periodically change topics yourself, clarify something, offer to go deeper into some problem - demonstrate your interest.
7. Practice humor. An appropriate joke helps to defuse a situation, fill awkward pauses in a conversation, and calm or amuse someone.
8. Adapt. It is important to understand when, with whom and why you should remain silent, and when this should never be done. It is also important to be able to be different: to speak and behave differently.

What else can you do to become more sociable and easily start a conversation and maintain a conversation? Pay special attention to studying nonverbal communication: gestures, facial expressions, postures. This knowledge will help you not only better understand other people, but also present yourself even more competently.

How I became more sociable: my experience

So, we have found out that communication problems are associated with complexes, low self-esteem, self-doubt and fears. Each person has their own roots of these problems, usually associated with a difficult childhood, but the framework of unsociability looks exactly like this. It was the same for me once.

There were no problems with sociability as such. With those who were already close and earned trust, communication was easy. Difficulties arose in establishing new contacts and relationships.

The main thing that helped me make friends with the world was the attitude “They don’t hate me. Nobody wishes me harm. Nobody attacks me. Nobody insults me." If you meet people with this conviction, then everything turns out much better. It is important to get rid of childhood grievances, destructive attitudes and projections. You cannot see the same offender from the past in every new person. Yes, you need to be prepared for the fact that someone will not like you, but you may not like someone either. This is fine. In addition, you need to be prepared for the fact that someone will try to assert themselves at your expense, but you may not allow him to do this.

I paid special attention to non-verbal communication. You've probably heard that if a person smiles, his mood will improve. It works. And if you straighten your back and shoulders, you will become more confident. If you smile at someone when you meet them, the person will smile back and become friendlier towards you. And all people react adequately to jokes and compliments (we are not talking now about those who are deeply traumatized and maximally embittered towards the whole world).

In general, it all comes down to the fact that you can’t write down every little thing on your personal account and expect attacks from the world. It is necessary to replace self-examination and self-flagellation with healthy introspection, self-knowledge and self-development. And you need to accept yourself. Yes, this will take a lot of time and effort. I think that any person’s work on himself is a lifelong journey.

Character type

Scientists have not yet come to a consensus about what types of character there are. Various figures have developed their own classifications, the most popular of which are the following:

1. E. Kretschmer connected the character and physique of a person . Thus, he got 3 types:
2. asthenics or schizothymics are thin people with long arms and legs. Their main features are isolation, low adaptability and seriousness. There is a predisposition to schizophrenia;

athletics or ixothimics - have tall stature, good body proportions and developed muscles. They are characterized by authority, desire for leadership, calmness and restraint. Negative character traits include the inability to adapt and show emotions. Prone to epilepsy;

3. picnics or cyclothymics are short, prone to being overweight, with short limbs and a large head. Sociable and emotional people with developed sensitivity, easily adapt to circumstances. Prone to manic-depressive syndrome.