Often in a group you can meet a pretty girl who sits on the sidelines and is silent. At first glance, such people seem arrogant, but in reality the situation is different. They just find it difficult to have a conversation. This situation arises for many reasons: some are afraid of communication as such, others do not know where to start a conversation and how to support it. To liberate yourself and become the life of the party, you need to work on your own communication skills, improving them every day. And yet, how to become a good conversationalist?
Don't forget to say thank you
Learn to laugh at yourself and your mistakes. Learn to take responsibility for your actions. Take advantage of the opportunities that life gives you. Becoming an open person means finding inner harmony and learning to live in harmony with the world around you.
Now you know what openness is and how to make it yours.
This article is posted for educational purposes only and does not constitute scientific material or professional medical advice.
What does it mean to take a relationship to the next level?
In the most primitive sense of this expression, a new level implies greater and greater convergence . If the couple is just dating, the next level for them will be living together. For those who have been running a joint household for a long time, a new level will be entering into an official marriage . Obtaining the official status of a husband or wife changes one's sense of self; a person feels more responsibility.
Women are more likely to think about taking relationships to the next level than men.
They start talking about it when they feel that there is no special spiritual intimacy .
What you can do to get even closer to your partner without exerting any pressure:
- Find common ground , something that will be interesting to both. These are some hobbies, hobbies, sports, joint attendance at master classes.
- Let go of excessive control, do not check each other’s phones, instant messengers and social networks.
- Take care of everyday life together , try to cook a delicious lunch or dinner together using unusual recipes.
- Exchange opinions about films watched and books read, discuss them.
Living together
You need to try to see in your partner not only the source of your pleasure, but also a full-fledged personality . Find out what makes him happy and really captivates him, and what upsets him. The focus should not be on yourself, but on others. But feedback : the partner should do the same. Only then can we talk about an equivalent exchange of energy. When one does everything to get close, and the other avoids it, an imbalance arises in the couple, and tension only grows.
How to become more sociable and confident: 10 ways
There are 10 ways to make any communication successful.
Controlling your own body language
The person tells the interlocutor that he is listening carefully, but every now and then he is distracted by the gadget, he wants to show that he is ready for a discussion, but he crosses his arms.
Behavior often reveals more about a person than he realizes. When communicating, it's not just the ability to make eye contact and verbal skills that are extremely important. Non-verbal signals (posture, gesture) are no less important.
Method number 1. Set a goal
In the fight against fear complexes, it is important to remember: the best teacher in this matter is real experience. Of course, the theoretical component is important, but without proper practice there will be no effect. To overcome social anxiety, it is helpful to make a detailed plan for exactly how you will do it. Perhaps this is a visit to a sports section, or special psychological training. By the way, working with a psychologist can be very useful in many cases. With a specialist, a person works through negative attitudes and gets rid of complexes. Overcoming social phobia becomes much easier.
How to become more confident: tips for the fair sex
Girls are usually emotional and very sociable people. It will be difficult for a shy woman who cannot get in two words to attract the attention of guys.
How to overcome shyness and start communicating confidently:
- Develop the habit of greeting people. When greeting, try to speak loudly and clearly.
- Start communicating at least by correspondence, then by phone. Having mastered these types of communication, it will be easier to talk live.
- Talk openly about your feelings at a specific moment in time. There is no need to invent some kind of image for yourself: unnaturalness will immediately catch the eye of your interlocutor.
- Sign up for speech development or acting courses. An experienced mentor will help you relax.
To do this, try:
Don't avoid interacting with people
Surely, if you see someone you know on the street with whom you have no idea what to talk about, you will want to cross the road, turn into a store (even if you don’t need to go there) or simply pretend to be blind - in a word, do everything so as not to come into contact with him.
Try not to do this again, and the next time you see him, make every effort to start some casual dialogue about work, affairs, the latest news, and so on. Even if he says “Hi” to you and moves on, don’t be upset. Not everyone knows that you need practice in communication.
Forget about formalities
Nowadays, not only in everyday communication, but also in a professional environment, people value simple and informal communication, which evokes much more trust and empathy than a dry reading of company growth prospects or an unemotional story about business.
Try to open up to your interlocutor and add a little color to your communication. Even if you don't want to tell him about something personal, try to at least pretend that you are open to any topics, criticism and ideas. Then the chances that he will be interested in you increase significantly.
Listen to the speaker's position
Even if your (and your interlocutor’s) views on a particular topic differ for some reason, it is best not to enter into open confrontation with him, but to calmly listen to his position, accept it and clearly explain why you do not agree with it.
For example, he tells you that dogs are cooler than cats, although you think completely differently. Don't throw mud at him and call him brainless. Instead, listen carefully to his position, then emphasize its merits and advantages with which you agree, and only then move on to expressing your point of view without resorting to insults.
It is quite possible that after such an approach he will rethink something, otherwise you risk losing his favor.
Where do communication problems come from?
Communication problems do not just arise; they mature in the child’s psyche starting from childhood. In the family, he sees how the parents act, how they communicate, and repeats after them. If the child’s feelings were not taken into account, he was not heard, a lot was decided for him, he will already be prepared for difficulties in communications.
When a child enters society, it also influences the development of communication. Along with this, self-esteem also develops. If even an adult finds himself in an unfamiliar situation, where he is very different from the group in social and financial status, and the group will greatly influence him, his self-esteem will be shaken. What can we say about the child?
Developing in an unfavorable environment, communication difficulties are reinforced, resulting in an insecure person with communication problems. Such an interlocutor realizes himself as inept in communication and insecure and withdraws from reality into the Internet, alcohol and other bad habits.
Main problems in communication:
- I don’t know what topic to discuss with my interlocutor;
- I want to be friends or date a girl/boyfriend, but I don’t know how to achieve this;
- I don’t know how to defend myself and defend my opinion in disputes and conflicts.
Many turn to psychologists with requests: how to stop being shy, learn to communicate, and be confident. These problems can be solved; it is important to understand yourself, your characteristics and difficulties, then look for ways out of a difficult situation in communication.
What prevents women from opening up?
Often women cannot relax in relationships because they are constantly waiting for some kind of catch. For example, in the past they had a negative experience of betrayal, when a partner cheated or completely left for another. The experienced feelings are projected onto the man with whom the relationship continues in the present time.
A woman can be anxious, jealous, suspicious
She is jealous of the man for his social circle, colleagues, old acquaintances. Deep down, she expects a new betrayal and subconsciously does not want to build deep trusting relationships for fear of pain.
It is important to understand here that the problem is not outside, but inside. You can get rid of it if you increase your level of self-confidence .
conservative upbringing or adherence to any stereotypes can prevent one from opening up For example, a woman is sure that she cannot and should not be the first to initiate meetings. She is waiting for the first steps from the man and is nervous, and he, in turn, seems that she is not too happy with him. As a result, a mutual chill begins to run through.
You need to learn to tell your partner about your feelings and desires. Do not confront him with the fact of the need to fulfill them, but simply learn to open up little by little.
Shy girl
How to develop communication skills?
To develop communication skills you should:
- Look for any opportunity to have a conversation. It doesn’t matter who it will be - a stranger on the street or a close friend. Constant communication practice is important.
- Learn to experience joy when talking. Convince yourself that communication is not a difficult necessity, but an interesting pastime. Remember successful conversations during which you managed to leave a good impression of yourself. This will serve as inspiration.
We talk to people about topics that interest them
Why? Dale Carnegie gave an exhaustive answer to this question. He noticed that there is only one way to influence another person: talk to him about what he wants, what he strives for, and reveal to him the way to get it. To make it completely clear, Carnegie gave an example that was adopted by people involved in sales. It is also called the “strawberries and cream principle.”
Dale Carnegie said that he likes strawberries and cream, and fish like worms and grasshoppers, so when he goes fishing with the intention of catching it, he hooks what the fish likes, not him, that is, a worm, not strawberries . Otherwise, there will be no catch.
This means that if we want to please a person and interest him, we must talk with him on topics that are close to him, and not to us. The subject of his interests can be found out with the help of leading questions. If we guess right, then perhaps we won’t have to speak ourselves, but will only need to actively listen. This way we can maintain a conversation even about things in which we are not particularly competent. People like to feel important, so let's help them with this.
Cultivating tolerance
It is impossible to talk with some interlocutors for more than a few minutes because they recognize only a single point of view - their own. And it turns out, as in the joke about instructions for employees: “p. 1. The boss is always right; point 2. If the boss is wrong, see point 1.” What kind of exchange of opinions can we talk about if the interlocutor immediately enters into an argument to prove that he is right!
“Do you want to be right or happy?” the sages ask and advise avoiding arguments. After all, the more we argue, the more fiercely our interlocutor will defend his opinion, so we still won’t prove anything to him. But if we prove it, “pinned to the wall” with ironclad arguments, then we will feel like we are “on horseback”, and he will feel like a fool. And it’s unlikely that he will want to continue getting to know us.
Sociable people refrain from categorical judgments. Even if the dispute is fundamental and we are confident that we are right, it is better to show delicacy so as not to put the other in a humiliating position and give him the opportunity to maintain his dignity. We can say something like: “Until recently, I was sure of this too, but yesterday’s events showed that I was wrong.”
Besides, we can also be mistaken, and the truth will be somewhere in the middle. Therefore, instead of arguing and leaving offended, it doesn’t hurt to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and understand their point of view. For example, two people looking at a rectangular table from different sides - straight and sideways - will have different opinions about its size. And both of them will be right in their own way. So before judging any subject, it is important to have a complete picture about it.
Personal space and time for yourself
Everyone needs time to be alone with themselves. For some it’s 10 minutes a day, for others it’s much longer. If a man is silent when he comes home from work and is reluctant to answer your questions, then let him spend some time in his thoughts.
There is no need to surround him with care, which in context looks more like control. Having stewed in himself, the man himself will start a conversation with you when he moves away from work processes. By leaving him alone in your cave, you show respect for his personal space and inner world. He will definitely appreciate it, and will value your sensitivity to his condition.
Method No. 2. Transform negative psychological attitudes
To overcome social anxiety, a change in established beliefs will be required, and there will be a need to step over oneself. This all requires inner strength and confidence in the goal. Social anxiety has several components that support it. If you realize and transform them, then fear will disappear. Most of all, of course, this matter requires patience. After all, it is unlikely that you will be able to achieve the desired effect on the first try.
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To get rid of the influence of thoughts on your mood, you need to question them, and not perceive them as facts. To do this, it makes sense to determine which specific thought causes anxiety and avoid it. Having identified negative ideas, you need to abstract from them and question them, since they are not always reliable.
Useful books for developing sociability
To be cool among your peers, sociable at work and sociable at home, study several books on developing communication skills. There are several popular sources that will even teach you how to become the most sociable from a gamer. If you are short on time, use audiobooks. By reading books, you broaden your horizons, which is also useful for communication skills.
Here are the basic books for leveling up your skill:
- “Mastery of communication. How to get along with anyone,” Paul McGee.
- “We turn on the charm using the methods of the secret services,” Jack Schafer and Marvin Carlins.
- “I can hear right through you. Effective negotiation techniques”, Mark Goulston.
- “Secrets of communication. The Magic of Words”, James Borg.
Method number 4. Become needed
If you have to attend a social event, this method will help you overcome panic and feel more needed. For example, you need to attend a big birthday party. Find out how you can help in advance. Maybe it will be preparing dessert, or seating guests. Or, for example, preparing props for a photo shoot. This approach will allow you to avoid the feeling of uselessness and be involved in business. You will also practice being in front of everyone, which will help you develop self-confidence.
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Method number 9. Get rid of tension
An important aspect of the fight against social phobia is reducing the general background of anxiety. When a person is constantly worried about certain questions and problems, he will not have the strength to train self-confidence. To overcome anxiety, it is helpful not only to challenge and challenge disturbing thoughts, but also to take care of your physiological state. To do this, you need to sleep enough time, do not forget about proper nutrition. A great way to relieve stress is to go swimming or visit the pool.
How to become sociable
In order to become a sociable person, it is not enough to simply look a person in the eye and try not to cross your arms over your chest (a sign of distrust of your interlocutor) while talking with him.
For communication to be truly successful, you must be interested in the process of interaction with a person, his stories, experiences and experiences. Even if he tells you something insignificant, try to always benefit from the conversation with him, then communication will become an exciting and enjoyable process for you.
Let communication become for you something like a practice that you need to master, like... yoga.
No hints, but a direct call to action
It is worth remembering that men do not understand hints, halftones, and even more so do not know how to read minds. They need to say everything directly. A man cannot fulfill your desire or satisfy any whim without knowing what you expect from him. If you want to make repairs, just say so, and don’t ooh and ahh that the atmosphere in your nest is depressing you.
You have long dreamed of traveling abroad - tell him about it. Don’t tell me with a tragic howl that all your girlfriends are already tanned under the hot rays in Turkey. From this phrase he will only understand that you have tanned girlfriends. And the fact that you, too, are madly dreaming of flying away for a week to warmer climes, won’t even occur to him.
Believe me, the man will only be glad to hear everything as it is. Instead of going through all sorts of options for your bad mood. This is a minefield for him, where for every wrong word there is an explosion in the form of brain damage.
How to become a sociable and talkative person?
What is human openness?
Human openness is spiritual generosity, that is, the ability to share one’s internal resources and intangible benefits. However, simplicity, honesty and responsiveness are a small part of what lies on the surface.
A free and open person - what is he like from a psychological point of view? An open person is distinguished by the following characteristics:
- Extraversion. But this does not mean that an introvert cannot be a friendly and open person. The difference is that an extrovert can be open and sometimes too intrusive even with new acquaintances, while an introvert fully opens up to a limited circle of people. An introvert also spends more energy exchanging mental energy.
- Humanity and trust in the world. Anyone who lives with resentment or fear of social rejection or betrayal cannot be open in communication. Only a person free from complexes, traumas and other psychological problems can be open.
- Positive thinking and vitality. Open people are distinguished by self-confidence and fortitude. They know how to see opportunities instead of obstacles, admit their mistakes and learn from them. But the main thing is that they are not afraid to talk about their negative experiences. They inspire others with their personal example, their confidence and fortitude.
- Sincerity and honesty with yourself and others. Open people do not speak in ambiguous phrases, do not use the “could have guessed” technique and other manipulations. They do not give empty promises and hopes. They talk about what is important, valuable and interesting to them. They always listen to themselves and other people, and also help others learn to listen to their own Self.
- Sociability and psychological flexibility. An open person is interested in communicating with people, studying them and finding a unique approach to everyone. Such a person knows how to tell stories in an interesting way, prove his position with arguments, and listen carefully to counter-arguments from his opponent. He is open to everyone and everything new. Of course, he passes all new information through personal filters of his vision of the world, that is, he does not accept and share everything, but he is ready to hear any idea and thought. He also tries to get rid of any bias.
Important! An open person has personal boundaries, principles, and beliefs. He also respects the personal boundaries of other people. Therefore, you should not confuse openness with intrusiveness, tactlessness, selfishness or anything like that.
On the importance of self-confidence
Everyone wants to have a calm partner , not subject to attacks of jealousy, panic attacks and the desire to sort things out for any reason. Next to an unbalanced person, it is very easy to become aggressive and begin to behave inappropriately. major quarrels often arise, including assault.
It will be much easier for a woman to open up if she is confident enough in herself and has her own personal interests that are not tied to a man. This will give her a sense of support and a good supply of energy.
That’s why it’s so important to have your own circle of friends, your own friends, and not only communicate with the wives of your man’s friends.
Many women have interesting hobbies: it can be not only standard needlework, but also extreme sports, hiking, dancing, learning a new interesting activity. This is what makes a person feel self-sufficient .
Also, any man will be pleased if his companion has established herself in the professional sphere. The struggle to move up the career ladder is another topic that the two of you can discuss over dinner.
Confident girl
