How to become a more sociable person - advice from a psychologist

Greetings, friends!

The more high technology and social networks penetrate our lives, the more people begin to wonder how to become more sociable? In modern society, where the ability to make acquaintances and maintain connections with people is one of the most important skills, it can sometimes be difficult for people who have problems with communication.

However, this problem can be solved, and today we will go through 2 important stages with you that will help you become more sociable. Of course, you will have to try a little. But you remember: you can’t even pull a fish out of a pond without effort? Let's start in order, and first let's figure out what it actually means to be sociable?

Why you need to be sociable

Sociable and friendly people attract more attention, and others are drawn to them. Sociable people easily make new acquaintances and establish useful connections. There are always many people around them who are ready to help and suggest something. As a rule, sociable and friendly people achieve more in life.

Think for yourself who is more pleasant to communicate with: with someone from whom you need to extract every word with pincers, or with someone who will always find something to answer, where to start a conversation, but at the same time knows when it is better to remain silent. Of course, the second one. Sociable people charge you with energy. I want to spend more and more time with them. They know a lot of fascinating stories, can support any conversation, and talk about something interestingly.

We feel more confident around sociable people. In the presence of such a person we relax. We learn a lot of new and interesting things from a sociable person. At the same time, the sociable type regularly expands its horizons through interaction with different people.

If we are dealing with someone who is constantly silent, frowns and does not smile, then willy-nilly the thought arises: “What if I did something wrong?” We become infected and charged with the energy of other people. And if when communicating with a sociable person we relax, then when communicating with a gloomy type we, on the contrary, tense up.

Why else should you be sociable? Such people will never find themselves lonely or abandoned. In any conditions and under any circumstances, they will make acquaintances, friends, and buddies. Sociability helps to develop and survive if the need arises.

Note! Everything is good in moderation. Intrusiveness and talkativeness are just as repulsive as excessive isolation.

Self-development

Do you have any hobbies or interests outside of your relationship? How often do you allow yourself to do things that bring you pleasure? Interest in a multifaceted, self-developing personality is inevitable. If you have some activities to your liking, and spend part of the time doing your own thing, then interest in you will grow. Don't make someone the center of the universe.

This may be perceived as a paradox, but the more you build the world around yourself, and not around someone else, the more respect and understanding arises between you. Well, while you are busy, he can calmly devote time to his hobbies. Meet with friends, go fishing for a couple of days or play PlayStation all day.

Signs

Sociability is a personality trait. Usually they use this one word and do not think about its content. Meanwhile, several elements of sociability or signs of a sociable person can be identified:

1. Openness. This is the ability to talk to everyone and about everything, talk about yourself, openly answer other people's questions, directly express personal opinions, etc.
2. Sense of humor. This is a positive attitude towards the world, and the ability to laugh at oneself, and the ability to skillfully apply irony, insert a joke, tell an anecdote.
3. Talkativeness. This is not talkativeness, but the ability to speak beautifully, clearly, coherently and competently with any people and in any conditions, including the ability to communicate in the “language” that is more understandable to the interlocutor (for example, in his slang).
4. Determination. Communication always has a purpose. Communication itself is a means. For example, the goal may be to resolve a conflict or establish a useful contact, make acquaintances, exchange numbers, find a job, etc. A sociable person knows exactly what he wants, why and what he is doing. This distinguishes him from a chatterbox.
5. Confidence. Another quality that is closely related to sociability and determination. Only a self-confident person can express and defend his opinion, be open and honest. Only those who are not afraid of being rejected, criticized, unnoticed, and misunderstood can be sociable.
6. Restraint. A sociable person knows how to not only speak, but also listen. And what’s more important is that he knows how to think before he says something. A sociable person always takes into account the psychological characteristics of his opponent, the conditions and context of communication, the nature of the relationship, and much more. The ability to show mastery of tact, take pauses, not interrupt, etc. helps to find common ground with the interlocutor, establish contact, and maintain communication.
7. Plastic. A sociable person always and everywhere feels at ease and quickly adapts to circumstances.
8. Creativity. This is closely related to all other signs. A sociable person will find an approach to any other person, regardless of the time, place and context of communication. He knows how to hook someone in personal communication, by phone or in correspondence. But let's not forget about determination. If a person does not see the point of hooking someone, then, despite all his creativity, he can behave very mediocre and restrained.

Is it possible to understand from the outside whether a person is sociable or not? Yes, and it's quite simple. If he is not afraid of new acquaintances, unexpected meetings, phone calls, personal meetings, trips to government agencies, etc., then the person clearly does not have problems with communication.

Where exactly do these problems come from? Let's take a closer look.

Stage 1. Development of communication skills

First of all, you need to start developing communication skills and building self-confidence. What should you do for this?

Smile and don't be afraid to joke

If this article had to be boiled down to one single piece of advice, this would be it. Oh, how pleasant the interlocutors are who can make a great joke and make you smile - be it work colleagues, friends, or even just casual acquaintances. This rule works everywhere without exception - make a person smile and he will treat you much better.

Now an important point: if it seems to you that you don’t know how to joke at all, then believe me, this will come with time, you just have to start. The main thing is that you understand that a sense of humor is the strongest weapon for creating an easy and trusting environment. Over time, you will notice that there are reasons for jokes always and everywhere, you just need to try to notice them and not miss them! It’s also worth saying that making other people smile or laugh is a great way to increase self-esteem and create a great mood.

The main thing is to remember 2 simple rules: don’t joke about people, and joke about yourself very carefully. Otherwise, there is a reason for a joke everywhere - in school, work, in events around, and even in problems.

Give compliments

How long has it been since you last paid attention to the positive changes in people around you? If it’s been a long time, then correct it urgently. A compliment is not only a great way to give others positive emotions, but also a good reason to start a conversation on a pleasant note.

The main thing to remember is that a compliment should emphasize something that the person has worked hard on. For example, I lost weight, got a beautiful hairstyle, bought a nice suit. In addition, the compliment must be sincere, which means you must like this change. And one more thing: the compliment should be as light and simple as possible , for example: “Hello! Nice dress! (don't forget to smile). Sometimes this is enough to put a person in a great mood for the whole day.

Show interest

There is nothing difficult to ask a colleague: “How did you get to work today?” or “How was your weekend?” Of course, the interest must be sincere. After allowing the interlocutor to speak, ask a small clarifying question, showing interest. You will notice how pleasant it is for him and gain invaluable communication experience.

By the way, many consider the question: “How are you?” banal, and they try to avoid it. However, everything depends on the message with which this question is asked. If the interest is sincere, then even this simple question will be absolutely appropriate.

Learn to listen

Most people in communication strive to convey their own thoughts. Not everyone is able to listen and hear their interlocutor. However, if you really want to become more sociable, learn not to interrupt, listen to the end of a sentence , and think about what is said before responding. And never consider your loved ones to be those who must be burdened with all your problems.

Use body language

Facial expressions, the position of arms and legs, the direction and movement of the gaze - our interlocutor involuntarily notices all this. Nonverbal signals can tell a lot even to a person who has never been interested in them. For example, constantly looking at your phone will make the other person think that you are bored.

Smile often and learn to move correctly to demonstrate friendliness. Perhaps self-doubt is preventing you from becoming more sociable. Adopting a comfortable, open posture can help you overcome fear and doubt, so keep experimenting with your body language. At the same time, you will master another important skill - learn to read the mood of your interlocutor by his facial expressions and movements. And one more thing: do not cross your arms while talking - this position is closed and repulsive.

Become an interesting conversationalist

People with a good sense of humor who can easily carry on conversations on any topic are valued in any company. You don't have to be a highly educated intellectual to become a good conversationalist. It is enough to lead an active life , regularly read popular books, watch new movies being released, and take an interest in current events. If possible, then also travel.

Contact by name

Do you remember the names of all your work colleagues? If not, then it’s time to learn and start calling people by name. As Dale Carnegie said, what people love most is to hear the sound of their name. So give them this chance, and believe me, your relationships with people will begin to improve. Start mentioning the name even then. when you just say hello.

Well, dear reader, we are done with the first part. If you follow these seemingly simple tips, your communication skills will increase many times over. And we move on to the second stage.

Where do communication problems come from?

You may have already guessed from studying the characteristics of a sociable person that sociability is closely related to confidence. An insecure person with a lot of complexes and lack of self-acceptance cannot be sociable. Why? Because he is afraid of public condemnation, rejection, criticism. He is afraid of saying the wrong thing, looking stupid, making a mistake. He also has a negative attitude towards the whole world in advance; he is sure that society does not accept him.

Where does this attitude towards yourself and the world come from? As usual, the roots of problems must be sought in childhood. Reproaches and criticism from parents, bullying from peers, cruel attitude of teachers, suppression in the family - all this negatively affects the child’s self-confidence.

The development of communication skills depends on the style of family education. Overprotection or authoritarianism, in which parents decide everything for the child, are not interested in his opinion, criticize him and tell him to shut up, lead to the fact that the child is afraid to say an extra word.

A permissive parenting style is no less dangerous. For example, if parents do not communicate with the child, then not only does the child not develop communication skills, but also problems arise with the development of speech as such. He may not learn to speak at all.

Interesting! Some people naturally have difficulty being social. For example, introverts feel physically and psychologically tired if they have to communicate frequently and a lot with a large number of people. Especially when it comes to superficial (secular) communication.

Be concise

In speech and writing, learn to convey messages clearly and clearly, without fluff and a lot of unnecessary words that confuse the interlocutor. For example, written text messages have the following structure:

• background;
• cause;
• information;
• completion;
• conclusion.

Approximately the same sequence can be used in oral speech. Communicate information specifically, consistently, completely, and in a comprehensive and ethical manner.

Differences in communication between men and women

There is an opinion that women are more sociable than men. This is not true, sociability does not depend on gender. However, there are indeed some differences between male and female communication skills:

• women are process-oriented, and men are result-oriented;
• it is more difficult for men to be restrained in communication, especially if they disagree with their opponent;
• women pour more “water”, men speak briefly and to the point.

It is important to understand that these features are not an axiom. For example, some women like to speak briefly and without unnecessary lyricism, and some men prefer to “roll cotton wool”, use epithets, and abound in compliments. Sociability does not depend on gender, it is associated with individual psychological characteristics and conditions of human development.

Taboo topics

Here we will talk about those topics that greatly worsen the atmosphere of communication. Remember them and try to avoid them, unless of course these topics of conversation are deliberately discussed.

Policy

If you want to maintain relationships with your loved ones, girlfriend, parents, friends, then find out what political views they have and if they are opposite, then close this topic forever if you don’t want to quarrel. Politics is just trash from taboo topics.

Religion

Everything is the same as in politics, here everyone must remain unconvinced. All. Understand that our world is diverse and fic knows how politics and religion actually work.

How to become more sociable

How to become a sociable and interesting person? To become more sociable, work on yourself and interact with society.

Develop communication skills

Pay attention to 2 components of communication skills:

1. Starting a conversation. For example, you can start with a compliment, a question on a general topic, the phrase “I noticed that you...”.
2. Keeping the conversation going. Start with general topics and gradually move on to the personal. Ask clarifying questions based on what the interlocutor says, tell about yourself. Try to ask questions to which the interlocutor will only give a detailed answer without “yes” or “no.”

Expand your social circle

Don't run for communication for the sake of communication. Choose people who are interesting to you, respect you and you respect them, can teach you something or you can be useful to them. At the beginning of your training, make it a rule to compliment everyone and get to know each other for the sake of getting to know each other. But for more in-depth communication, choose those who are close in spirit.

Universal topics for conversation

How to become easier in communication and be an interesting interlocutor? To do this you need to work hard. First, decide on topics that are close to you.

For example, animals. Almost everyone loves them. Even if you encounter someone who hates animals, you will have something to argue about. Start collecting interesting facts about animals, jokes and stories. This will help you come across as cheerful and stop being shy. Study the opinions of animal rights activists and their opponents. Watch discussion shows. They will help you understand how to become a good conversationalist.

It is important for you not to become a walking encyclopedia, periodically providing scattered information. To be interesting, you need to engage others in conversation. A sociable person always strives to involve others in a discussion. Therefore, the approach even to such a simple topic should be versatile. It can be viewed through the prism of psychology. For example, discuss a man who, feeling angry at his wife, secretly kicks her cat. Raise social problems, such as doghunting or grannies keeping dozens of half-starved cats, etc. You can present this topic with a humorous “sauce”. Only a variety of viewing angles will help you hold the attention of your interlocutors and become more talkative.

The topic of weather is considered a lifesaver in case the conversation has dried up and there is an awkward pause. However, some people get lost and don’t go beyond the phrase “the weather is nice today.” To prevent the conversation from fading in the first 2-3 statements, study the topic of natural phenomena. Remember the most amazing weather anomalies that have ever happened. Check global weather reports periodically. On Earth, hail, floods, and unprecedented heat regularly occur. You will have something to share with your interlocutor. By the way, you can study the weather on other planets. As soon as you develop your erudition, you will immediately feel how you become relaxed and easy to communicate.

Here's another example of how to develop sociability using a common topic. Health is a universal topic. You can talk with young people about healthy eating, vitamins and antivitamins, and with representatives of the older generation - about herbal medicine. Study the issue thoroughly. It is not enough to know that chamomile is brewed for coughs. Every coin has two sides. Herbs have benefits and contraindications. There are often cases when the ambulance did not have time to save people after taking harmless herbal teas. Study similar cases. Take an interest in newfangled diets, their downside, uncontrolled use of hormones and anabolic steroids. Tell us about it. However, be wary of becoming argumentative.

Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills

How can a teenager, girl or guy become a more sociable and interesting person? Gender or age is not important. To become more talkative, behave confidently and not be shy, remember a few rules from psychology.

Let's say you're already a social person, but would like to improve your communication skills. Where to begin? Break problems down into components and work on each sub-problem:

1. Take your time. Before you start communicating, take a closer look at the person. Observe his behavior and speech. Determine what kind of communication he is ready for. Some people cannot stand it when someone suddenly bursts into their personal space and starts asking questions about their personal life. And others themselves are ready to tell a bunch of personal stories to the first person they meet.
2. Listen. This is important for keeping the conversation going. By listening, you can not only understand the person better, but also in time on the topic, comment or tell your story.
3. Look for common ground. Closely related to listening skills. For example, start the conversation like this: “Oh, I also had a similar case...”. Or like this: “You won’t believe it! I’m just like you...” We subconsciously like and trust someone who is somewhat similar to us.
4. Don't be overconfident. Confidence is good. Overconfidence is bad. Stand up for your opinion, but do not insult other people or suppress them.
5. Express your desire to help. It’s not just about helping with deeds, but also helping with words. For example, direct the conversation in a direction where you casually demonstrate your expertise. You can help with advice and information education.
6. Be proactive. If you simply nod and go with the flow of the conversation, your interlocutor may think that you are a driven person. Or he will decide that you are not interested in communication, but you are trying to behave civilly. Therefore, periodically change topics yourself, clarify something, offer to go deeper into some problem - demonstrate your interest.
7. Practice humor. An appropriate joke helps to defuse a situation, fill awkward pauses in a conversation, and calm or amuse someone.
8. Adapt. It is important to understand when, with whom and why you should remain silent, and when this should never be done. It is also important to be able to be different: to speak and behave differently.

What else can you do to become more sociable and easily start a conversation and maintain a conversation? Pay special attention to studying nonverbal communication: gestures, facial expressions, postures. This knowledge will help you not only better understand other people, but also present yourself even more competently.

Vdovin Ivan

• More than 15 years in psychology
• Owner of 2 successful businesses
• Developed his own method “Key Therapy”
• Certified NLP Practitioner
• Certified Hypnotherapist
• In practice I use: Gestalt therapy, imagery therapy, body therapy, art therapy, hypnosis, Hellinger constellations
• Helped over 100 clients
• I invested more than 500,000 rubles in my education
• My blog is visited by more than 1500 people per day

Reviews

Respect your interlocutor

By respecting your interlocutor, you respect yourself. Even no matter how negative and bad a person was in front of you, show respect. Respect is one of the roots of proper self-disposition.

I’m not saying to completely accept the game of such a person if you don’t like him, but believe me, by investing politeness in communication, you can get much more positive things than if you showed aggression towards him.

"Shut Up and Listen" Technique

I was taught this technique at one cool sales training. Its essence is to let your interlocutor speak more. Without interrupting him or trying with all his might to express his point of view. As the interlocutor begins to speak, you close your mouth and listen.

Do you like being listened to? I like this and it brings us closer together and evokes sympathy. Helps very well in communicating with women. We found a topic for conversation, and away we go, you don’t have to stress any further. I don’t know if it will work between two girls, I think it’s difficult for a girl to “shut up,” but you try.

How I became more sociable: my experience

So, we have found out that communication problems are associated with complexes, low self-esteem, self-doubt and fears. Each person has their own roots of these problems, usually associated with a difficult childhood, but the framework of unsociability looks exactly like this. It was the same for me once.

There were no problems with sociability as such. With those who were already close and earned trust, communication was easy. Difficulties arose in establishing new contacts and relationships.

The main thing that helped me make friends with the world was the attitude “They don’t hate me. Nobody wishes me harm. Nobody attacks me. Nobody insults me." If you meet people with this conviction, then everything turns out much better. It is important to get rid of childhood grievances, destructive attitudes and projections. You cannot see the same offender from the past in every new person. Yes, you need to be prepared for the fact that someone will not like you, but you may not like someone either. This is fine. In addition, you need to be prepared for the fact that someone will try to assert themselves at your expense, but you may not allow him to do this.

I paid special attention to non-verbal communication. You've probably heard that if a person smiles, his mood will improve. It works. And if you straighten your back and shoulders, you will become more confident. If you smile at someone when you meet them, the person will smile back and become friendlier towards you. And all people react adequately to jokes and compliments (we are not talking now about those who are deeply traumatized and maximally embittered towards the whole world).

In general, it all comes down to the fact that you can’t write down every little thing on your personal account and expect attacks from the world. It is necessary to replace self-examination and self-flagellation with healthy introspection, self-knowledge and self-development. And you need to accept yourself. Yes, this will take a lot of time and effort. I think that any person’s work on himself is a lifelong journey.

Tell interesting stories

Everyone loves interesting stories. They activate thinking, make communication richer, livelier and more interesting, and make us more convincing.

Personal stories from life help both in interviews and when meeting new people. Share experiences and funny situations from the past.

The female gaze: practical advice

The above-mentioned recommendations will help representatives of both sexes live better and easier, but there are purely feminine nuances, which, if applied in practice, can improve your communication skills and become a more cheerful and cheerful girl. Know:

1. Present yourself - it is easier for women to understand what such a “skill” consists of. This includes facial expressions, flirting, wit, and the ability to joke - albeit not always, but only in necessary and suitable situations. Have you heard the expression “feminine charms”? The time has come to learn how to use them, believe me, they are inherent in every representative of the fair sex by nature.
2. Live with understanding. Understanding is also a purely feminine, maternal and natural feeling that will help you learn to be sociable. Be proactive and remember that we are all not without sin and a person cannot always be perfect in everything. Forgive people, make concessions and be supportive. Of course, in moderation and only when it is really necessary.
3. Express your thoughts on any issue. If it is not possible to do this openly, write what it is like to live in the modern world in your diary, in which you can both joke from the bottom of your heart and cry from your heart - it will withstand everything. There will also be an opportunity to contribute your successes in terms of developing communication skills.

Remember that you can become sociable only through the word “learn”. Living the way you want means making every day efforts and realizing your aspirations.

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What mistakes should you avoid?

To become a person who makes a favorable impression and to live freely, and not in the grip of constraint, it is necessary from time to time:

• limit contacts with pessimistic people;
• learn not to remain silent during a conversation;
• live without voicing banalities and things that are obvious to everyone;
• joke or say something without hypocrisy;
• always try to conduct a conversation with a person exclusively “in his language”, in other words, find an individual approach to each interlocutor;
• do not believe the opinions of others about others, but simply be able to determine your own and draw the necessary parallels.