How to Know He's Using You: 16 Warning Signs

Women's intuition rarely fails: if it seems that he is using you, you should think hard about whether you need a relationship with a person who makes you doubt yourself.

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Nothing good happens when you find out you are being used. You feel disgusting, like someone spat all over your face. To avoid finding yourself in such a situation, read our points that will help you identify a dishonest man and leave him in time.

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How to avoid getting into dangerous relationships

To maintain your peace of mind, your heart, and even your integrity, equip yourself with the most important tool: mindfulness. Reflection should become your constant habit. When communicating with new people, always listen to yourself: is there pressure, are you experiencing resistance that you are struggling with, or for some reason suddenly awakened desires.

At first, constantly monitoring your state when communicating with people will not be easy, so arm yourself with a pen and a diary or an application on your phone and write everything down.

The meeting ended - we arrived home and immediately recorded it. Such and such a date, met such and such. The first impression is something like this. I felt like this. I found out something about him. These small sketches will help you understand yourself better, and will subsequently become a good help if the relationship develops and you want to analyze the candidate.

A man loves or uses: how can you tell by his behavior?

In addition to the main signs listed, there are also less obvious behavioral features that indicate that a man is not striving for a serious relationship. After reading, we hope that it will become clearer to you whether a man loves or uses you.

He doesn't plan your future together. Talking about future life plans irritates him. If you have been dating for quite a long time, but have not moved forward in your relationship, then most likely you are a temporary option for him.
Uncivil behavior . The gentleman does not pay attention to his manners and speech: he uses swear words, does not consider it necessary to offer a hand, open the door for you, or help you take off your coat. These are all signs that the man is not even trying to look better in your eyes. This means he is not interested in your relationship. When a man is interested in a woman, he shows gallantry and tries to demonstrate his best sides. A loving person will not be shy about showing his feelings towards you. Even in the company of friends and relatives, he will look at you with tenderness and show signs of attention.
Preaching "free love". A man dates and sometimes even lives with a woman for a long time, but refuses to formalize the relationship. The arguments he gives are very different: “the stamp doesn’t change anything,” “times are different now,” “love doesn’t need official confirmation,” “we already love each other,” etc. In fact, such a specimen simply settled comfortably, receiving regular sex and female attention without any responsibility on his part. He believes that you can live with a girl for many years and it is not at all necessary to marry her, and when you get tired of it, you can easily and simply break up with her.

Analyze behavior

Indifference to your interests. This can be determined by his behavior: when you start talking about yourself, about your work or about what is important to you, the gentleman begins to get bored or moves the conversation to another topic. This means that he will never be interested in what you want or whether you are comfortable in a relationship with him. A loving man will not think only about his own well-being. He will always take care of whether his woman is comfortable, how she feels and what needs to be done to please her.
Greed. A man who cares about his lady spares no expense on her: he buys flowers, cute trinkets, takes her to a cafe or theater. But if he does not want to spend his money on you, then it is likely that he does not consider the relationship with you as long-term.

If you notice warning signs in your boyfriend's behavior, assess the situation soberly. Do not tolerate disdainful attitudes toward yourself. Evaluate not the fan’s beautiful speeches, but his actions. They are the ones who demonstrate how your man treats you - whether he loves you or uses you.

Secret place

Every person has a place that he associates with strong emotions. For example, this could be the house where we grew up, the place where we most often met with friends, and so on. Those places that have sunk into our souls from a very early age, when we were happy and remember them with a smile.

Guys in love want to convey their positive emotions and secret places to their girlfriend, so that she is part of their life and associated with beauty. But they will remain silent about such places when they do not want to dedicate a girl into their lives or are simply not ready to trust her.

Attention to details

A man in love:

Magically remembers all her preferences.
Always remembers holidays and birthdays.
He tries to give a surprise for the sake of her smile.
Knows her routes to work, walks, and rest by heart and can appear on them from time to time.
He remembers literally everything you talked about with him.

He is ready to protect his girlfriend and is sensitive to her desires and dreams. If he is indifferent, he will not care about anything, he will be negligent and careless about the girl’s thoughts and words.

Indifference

When a girl is valued, she will not be allowed to deal with her difficulties on her own. If you get sick, he will rush over with medicine. Problems around the house - he will come and help and so on. When the girl is not important, the following outcome of events will occur: “Are you late, trouble? It happens, be strong”, “It will be difficult to bring the washing machine into the apartment... Ask your friends, let them help” Indifference will manifest itself in literally everything.

How a man reacts to such situations can help determine why he needs a girl. To be taken advantage of, or does he truly appreciate and love her.

Family life analysis

In married life there are many worries that arise against the backdrop of everyday disagreements. Many are an integral part of the family that just need to be experienced and overcome together. But it happens that responsibilities are distributed unevenly, the wife carries the entire burden of household chores, while the husband is only an outside observer of her efforts and does nothing. There is no need to accept as the norm the gender distribution of responsibilities imposed by the way of life of past generations. Modern society has long reconsidered the role of women in the family.

Nowadays, a harmonious family life consists of an even distribution of household chores. Men go on maternity leave, know the nuances of using a dishwasher and do not consider it shameful to wipe off dust or wash the sink. Just like the generally accepted high position of a woman in leadership positions, screwing in a light bulb, driving a car. Under no circumstances should you put up with a drone husband. But unlike the period of walking home and clarifying disagreements by correspondence, family is a big responsibility, especially if there are small children.

If there are threats in the house, manipulation of mood, alternating periods of affection and indifference, groundless criticism, possessiveness and reluctance to support the family, then there is a reason for a serious conversation. Sometimes it helps better than decisive action. After all, it shouldn’t be ruled out that the husband is really tired at work, and his mood is affected by lack of sleep due to children’s whims or a crisis. But, if there is no reaction to the expressed feelings, or it manifests itself in irritability and dismissals, and resentment and fatigue accumulate behind your back, then you will no longer be able to find happiness in such a marriage.

Love triangle

In this case, the man is married, and the woman is only his “extramarital love.” An unfaithful husband generously feeds his mistress with promises that tomorrow or the day after tomorrow something will change, he will get a divorce, but for now he is waiting for the right moment or circumstances are getting in the way.

He has nothing in common with his wife except children - in general, a classic of the genre. How many women have lost years of their lives, choking on these “breakfasts”, suffering, but ultimately being left with nothing.

Alarm bells

Trivial - starting with the ring on his finger and ending with “excessive busyness” on his part, the inability to spend holidays together, constant excuses from meeting relatives, several phones.

The resolution of this three-way relationship is always difficult for at least two participants. And in most cases, the mistress is one of them.

Why does a man not love, but use a woman?

Women's psychology is very different from men's. For the most part, ladies are firmly convinced that when you love a person, you cannot use him. And they mistakenly believe that men think the same way. However, the male sex by nature wants, and most importantly, knows how to use the weaker sex.

Both parties involved in the relationship are responsible for the relationship. It's a shame to realize, but if a man uses you, it means you yourself allowed him to do so. Perhaps you simply are not aware of exactly how you are sending the message to your partner to use you.

A man may behave differently

Several main reasons why a woman allows a man to use her:

A woman cannot defend her own boundaries due to low self-esteem.
The lady shows too clearly how much she depends on the relationship with her partner.
A woman who has been alone for a long time craves personal happiness so much that she often agrees to relationships in which the man does not even understand whether he loves or uses her.
The young lady endows her beloved with qualities that are not entirely inherent to him. Then she begins to believe in what she has invented for herself, and clings to relationships that are sometimes painful for her.

The listed female types try with all their might to fulfill all the whims of their partner, hoping to tie him more tightly to themselves. Men see this and willingly accept the rules of the game. After all, it’s impossible to use a woman who doesn’t need you.

However, living with a person who does not love you, but uses you, does not bring anything good. Sooner or later you will realize that years have passed, but you have not seen happiness.

Don't let yourself be used

What to do to prevent a man from using you:

Measure exactly what you give in a relationship and demand something in return from the man. Don't believe promises. He must do this now, and not in the distant and unclear future.
Never lend money to a man or pay for him anywhere.
Value yourself. If there is something you are not happy with in your relationship, clearly and clearly explain to your man what exactly it is. Perhaps he will think about it and the situation will change.
Don't always be available to him. Abstain from sex from time to time and see how your boyfriend reacts to it.

Think about it and be honest with yourself. Are you comfortable in your relationship with your partner? Do you feel happy? If you cannot answer positively, then it’s time to change something in your life. Sometimes loneliness is a much better option than a toxic relationship.

Does he love you?
If you find out that a man does not love you, but is only using you , then no matter how difficult it may be for you, it is better to break up with him. And the sooner you make this decision, the faster and easier you will get through the breakup. Believe me, you will find the strength to move on, and you will definitely meet your true love.

A husband loves or uses his wife: how to understand?

Often a woman herself, at a certain stage of a relationship, takes on a large burden of responsibilities. Over time, her husband begins to take this for granted, stops appreciating her efforts and uses her to the fullest. At the same time, he himself does not want to make any important decisions, do anything for the family, or take responsibility. A man gets used to the fact that his wife does all these things for him.

In a harmonious relationship, a woman and a man invest strength and energy equally. But if only one party invests in the relationship, then we are talking about use.

Even my husband can use it

The main signs that a man does not love, but uses:

Manipulation , when a spouse uses blackmail or threats to get what they want. And the wife is forced to do what her husband wants. It is important to understand that it is not the manipulation itself that is dangerous, but what it is with the help of this manipulation that the man is trying to impose on the woman.
Alternating periods of indifferent and cold attitudes with warm and gentle ones. At the same time, sometimes a man explains what exactly he was offended by, and sometimes he does not consider it necessary to do this. The wife begins to be at a loss and is very worried. And the husband simply plays with his wife’s feelings so that she always feels guilty and pleases him. The use in this case is that a woman, being in a state of anticipation of a “warm” period, tries to improve the relationship by fulfilling the whims of her half.
Treating your spouse like property. Her husband demands an account of everything from her, takes away her salary, and does not allow her to communicate with her friends. Believe me, the point here is not that he loves and is jealous of his half. It’s just that such a man is sure that his wife is obliged to fulfill exclusively his desires and whims.
Constant baseless criticism. This is a sure way to lower a woman's self-esteem. Often a man uses this method to assert himself at the expense of his wife, to feel smarter and more talented compared to her. And also in order to impose on a woman her own life concepts and principles (especially if she does not initially share them).
Reluctance to work . There are two possible options here. In the first case, the man simply does not work or regularly changes jobs (he often quits, cannot find a job in his specialty, etc.) and sits on his wife’s neck. In the second case, he works in the simplest and easiest job possible, where he earns pennies, and does not want to learn something new in order to take a better-paid position.

Doesn't want to work or help

Lack of help. A man firmly believes that a woman's job is to wash, clean and feed her husband. He doesn’t help his wife around the house, doesn’t go shopping, doesn’t pick her up from work. He's just using her as a servant. A loving man will never refuse to help his wife with housework: clean the apartment, go grocery shopping, wash the dishes.

Only intimate

He calls and recommends meeting, he is attentive, loving and gentle, but as soon as a moment of intimacy occurs, he immediately turns to the wall, and in the morning his imprint is gone. And so, after seven days, romantic feelings awaken again, glow with passion and fall asleep again immediately after the pleasure of sexual desire. Such a habit of seeing says one thing - he does not love, and a representative of the weaker sex is interesting only as an object for the pleasure of male needs.