It often happens that when a girl breaks up with a guy, she sobs into her pillow for several days, then goes on a spree with her friends, then makes an appointment with a psychotherapist and, after a long period of self-healing, finally begins to feel self-confident and pay attention to other men. But as per the law of meanness, just at the moment when life is getting better, the ex appears... Asking to give him a second chance. Is it necessary?
It is clear that many girls find it difficult to resist in such a situation, old feelings flare up with renewed vigor and all that. But do you really think that he has changed and now you will definitely live a long and happy life with him? Take off your rose-colored glasses. We'll tell you why your ex got the idea of getting you back and what you should pay attention to.
He's trying to get to know you better
It’s worth noting right away: messages with birthday or New Year greetings do not necessarily mean that the ex-lover intends to renew the relationship. Perhaps he just wants to maintain friendly communication. But if the correspondence becomes more personal and the person regularly asks how you are doing at work, what’s going on in the family, or simply asks what your mood is and how you spent the weekend, this may indicate that he is trying to get to know you again and regain lost trust.
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Why men come back after a breakup - men's opinion
Initially, it all comes down to the fact that they are interested in how his former passion lives. And if there is nothing interesting in her life, then he may not appear in her life soon.
And if her personal life has improved or career growth has occurred, this arouses interest and indignation at the same time that he did not become a participant in such cardinal events in her life.
If a couple has children, then the man considers it normal to appear regularly in the life of his ex. Sometimes such appearances can cross boundaries when he expresses a desire to stay overnight or asks to borrow money. Some even consider themselves entitled to kick out their ex’s new boyfriend, citing the fact that he is the father. On a subconscious level, they try to protect their offspring from the influence of another man.
Sometimes gentlemen decide to return because he does not want to start a new relationship and pursue another woman. With the ex, everything is simple, he knows all the approaches to her. In addition, some spiritual closeness pushes men to write or call their ex-lover when difficult life situations occur.
He monitors your social networks
Often, after a breakup, couples unfollow each other on social networks: this does not necessarily indicate resentment - it is quite possible that people simply do not want to embarrass each other by publishing photos from their new lives. However, if your ex keeps a close eye on your social media—viewing stories, liking, and leaving comments—it's a sign that he's still thinking about you.
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How does a man feel after a breakup?
For women who are used to taking decisive action, it is difficult to understand why men often return after a breakup. Male psychology has certain characteristics. The guys who initiated the breakup are relieved.
Tired of endless scandals and misunderstandings, a person wants to be left alone. If there were no good reasons for the separation, the man may soon feel devastated and regret what happened.
As a rule, a man’s pride does not allow him to express emotions openly, which does not have the best effect on his nervous system. To suppress his mental suffering, a person can do the following:
- He goes on a drinking binge. Often, after a breakup, men begin to abuse alcohol. This behavior can have negative consequences. But most often, after some time, the man is forgotten and returns to his previous life.
- Immerses himself in his work. Parting with your beloved can provoke an attack of workaholism. In such a situation, a man devotes all his time to work and tries to avoid any communication with the female sex. Thanks to this, he distracts and increases his self-esteem.
- He is interested in extreme sports. He learns to fly a hang glider, conquers mountains or takes part in fights without rules. Thus, he tries to avoid depression by releasing adrenaline.
- Frequently changes sexual partners. By changing his ladies every night like gloves, he asserts himself and emphasizes his own importance.
- Starts a new romance. Most men are not ready for a new serious relationship immediately after a breakup. But the care of a new lover helps to survive the separation.
Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back
He takes responsibility
Admitting mistakes and trying to correct your behavior pattern is the surest signal that a person still loves you and wants to return you. We often tend to put the blame on our other half for a breakup, but if your ex has admitted his share of the blame and apologized to you, it means your love still has a chance.
Instead of a conclusion
It is very important to remember that you should not focus on any one of the signs: individually, any of these signals may mean nothing. But when taken together, they can actually serve as evidence that your relationship still has a chance.
But before you make any drastic moves, consider whether to give your love a second chance. It is important to make sure that you both accept and understand your mistakes and are ready to change. And the most important thing is to remember the main reason for the separation and understand what has changed since then (and whether it has changed). Otherwise, you risk stepping on the same rake again: most often, you should make a strong-willed decision to finally break the painful connection and move on.
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Why does your ex want to come back?
Every man who wants to reunite with his former passion has certain goals. Psychologists identify several main reasons that encourage exes to return:
- He realizes that he made a mistake. Sometimes people make rash decisions, driven by emotions, and then regret their actions. Representatives of the stronger sex with high moral qualities most often return to ex-girlfriends. They believe that the chosen one will have a difficult time without him, and her life will become worse.
- He was tired of loneliness. Having been a bachelor, the guy notes that delicious food does not appear on the table, the house is not cleaned on its own, and shirts are not washed or ironed. Being lonely, a man is forced to solve all everyday problems on his own. If the couple shared all expenses in half, then the desire to return may be due to commercialism.
- Disappointment in other women. Some men are accustomed to seeing certain qualities in their life partner that they expect from new passions. However, not every woman wants to be a cook, mistress and cleaner all rolled into one. As a result, a person begins to suffer from a lack of attention and care. Therefore, guys often express a desire to return to their former passions.
- A sense of ownership. In such a situation, even after breaking up, they continue to monitor the lives of their exes, because they do not want to put up with the loss of power. Realizing that the girl in whom he invested his time and resources may end up in the arms of another, the man returns.
- If he quit on his own. Men rarely return to women they leave themselves. But if the girl who initiated the breakup beckons, then in almost all cases they return, despite the fact that they may have a new relationship.
- We have common children. Many women wonder whether their ex-husband will return. If they have children, then this is a common story of husbands returning to their wives. However, without feelings for a woman, children cannot always become a decisive factor in the return of a spouse to the family.
- Emotional pressure. There is a category of girls who can achieve anything they want with their tears. They begin to put moral pressure on their boyfriend, acting through his friends, relatives and acquaintances.
- He managed to compare. The young man sees some shortcomings in his chosen one, and therefore decides to break up with her. But having started a relationship with another girl, he becomes convinced that his previous passion was much better. However, this does not always mean that the relationship can end with a happy ending. If on his life's path he meets a girl who meets his ideals, he will go to her.
- Real love. It’s hard for people together, but bad for people apart. And the lovers once again quarreled and decided to separate. They start a new relationship, but at one point they break off all ties with new passions and return to their exes. This can only be explained by true love.
Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back
Continued physical intimacy
Continuing to have sex after a breakup is a very bad idea. Always remember this. After all, if the ex is already having sex, why should he restore the relationship and endure the costs - everything is already wonderful.
Keep in mind, if you get laid once, you'll do it again. But perhaps this is because the two of you have such a strong connection to each other, which could eventually lead to a complete reconciliation. Additionally, simple flirting or even full-on make-out sessions with your ex can be a good sign. The more interest is shown, the higher the chances of success. However, try not to make a mistake in understanding what is happening. Otherwise, your heart will be broken again.
Writes first
If your ex was the first to write/call, this is a good sign. But it would be more correct to divide this point into several sub-points depending on the reason for the conversation:
- Desire to take things. A little earlier we already described the situation regarding this point. But there is one more subtlety. If this is the end of the conversation, then perhaps he feels very uncomfortable and is afraid that the memories are still too fresh, which means he may give in to his feelings and return without hesitation.
- Without a reason. For example, he asks about his mother/cat/brother. He is looking for any possible reason to contact you. A banal phrase or something similar to it can convey concern: “Are you okay?”
- I decided to share the news that I “found someone.” It sounds strange at first glance, but you shouldn’t be scared. Most likely, he did not do this and is simply trying to look at your reaction, to see jealousy. If this is the case, try not to get angry, remembering that it's probably not true.
- Asks for opinion or advice on some issue. One of the best scenarios! This shows that he cares what you think, and also that he misses you and is thinking about coming back.
If you make contact first, you may seem desperate or needy, especially if he has broken up. Try your best to wait for your ex to get in touch.
Quick test
To begin with, I suggest you take a short test “Does your ex want you back”, in which you need to answer only 10 simple questions related to his behavior a few months after the divorce. If you answer “yes” to at least half of it, then it won’t hurt you to understand the topic in more detail:
- Does he still have your things that he is in no hurry to return?
- Does he call just like that, finding stupid reasons for this?
- Has he remained the same, that is, is he not consciously changing his life by doing the same things that you did together?
- Do you often meet him by chance in unexpected places?
- Is he interested in your life on the sly among your mutual friends?
- Does he provide unexpected and free help to your close relatives, for example, to your mother (his mother-in-law) at the dacha?
- Is he nervous when meeting, does he act feignedly cheerfully, or perhaps gets angry?
- Is there a pendulum effect in his behavior, that is, today he is polite and friendly, but tomorrow he is rude and tries to quickly curtail communication?
- Does he congratulate you on common holidays and events that he consistently forgot about during marriage?
- Has he suddenly become an ideal and attentive father to your children?
I repeat, if you answered yes to more than 5 questions, then you can assume that the ex-spouse is eager to return to the family. If most of your answers are negative, you don’t have to read this article to the end, because this is exactly the kind of thing a man does when he really wants to return the woman he foolishly lost. Otherwise, it is obvious that the beloved is rapidly rushing into a new life in which he does not see you next to him.
Fear of Rejection
Rejection poses a huge risk to the ego. That's why sometimes a guy makes a timid attempt to get back to a girl. He makes a one-time call or message and doesn't try to do anything else. This allows you to place all the blame on the girl, saying that she did not take retaliatory action. This is less painful to the ego than saying, “I never even tried.”
Deciding whether your ex wants you back is a bit like reading a foreign language without translation. Because an ex who wants you back will most likely do the opposite of what you expect. Here are four signs that your ex still feels love for you.
The cognitive dissonance
According to psychology, “cognitive dissonance refers to a situation involving conflicting attitudes, beliefs, or behaviors. This causes a feeling of mental discomfort, leading to a change in one of the attitudes, beliefs or behavior in order to reduce the discomfort and restore balance.”
Basically, what someone thinks doesn't agree with their actions, and they feel terrible until it's resolved. This internal struggle usually manifests itself as extreme self-sabotage until the person deals with it.
Let's say your ex breaks up with you, but then he gradually decides that he can't live without you. He will naturally try to make his actions consistent with his own beliefs until the pain becomes too great. He will remain broken for a while and will not be ready to try to come back again because the actions are consistent with past beliefs.
He doesn't want to go back to saying "I want to break up" even though he might end up doing that in the future. The situation will bother your ex until he decides what to do. However, the seeds of doubt must take root before anything happens. Hesitation, mistakes, and behavior that doesn't make sense occur.
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Doesn't make eye contact or acts strangely when meeting you
If he can’t look you straight in the eye, then there are two reasons for this: he regrets letting you go, or he doesn’t know what to say. In any case, this is a good sign.
A change in behavior is another sign that your ex is still thinking about you. Some changes will be noticeable immediately, while others will take some time to come to the surface. Remember that being friendly doesn't always mean anything.
When you see each other again, he may either be glad to see you, or show with all his appearance that he is in a bad mood. Both can be a good sign. If he's happy to see you, he's probably bored. Regardless of how the couple's breakup occurred, friendly behavior shows that its purpose is to create comfort between you. If you're moody, you're probably upset about the breakup. Either way, try to stay positive.
Doesn't take things for a long time
One of the reasons for a new meeting is things left with an ex-girlfriend or wife. This is the perfect chance to see how they treat you after a breakup. If feelings are still strong, then there will be no rush to return things. In the best case scenario, your ex comes over and then calls a few days later to say he forgot something else. It is likely that this was done on purpose.
If everything is taken away at once, then he still feels offended, angry, etc. This happens especially often when everything ended very badly. Therefore, if things are still lying around, then there is hope.
If you want your ex back, never return things yourself. Once this happens, the relationship is truly over. If you need another chance, then under no circumstances burn this bridge.
Don't rush things and don't despair. If you take your time, this situation will be on your side. Take some time off from communicating with each other, which will allow both of you to think and miss each other.
Understanding in Relationships
Relationships between a guy involve: declarations of love, meetings, kisses and hugs, hours of talking on the phone. You can suspect something is wrong if the girl stops calling and texting. First you need to remember recent events. Perhaps the girl was offended by some words or actions, and now does not want to communicate. Representatives of the fair sex tend to harbor a grudge for a long time and at the same time not tell the reason. An attentive guy will immediately recognize dissatisfaction by one of her glances or gestures. This is much more difficult to do at the initial stage of dating. Not writing messages, not calling or not picking up the phone is a small revenge for the guy’s inappropriate behavior.
