How to become more sociable: 14 simple steps

Greetings, friends!

The more high technology and social networks penetrate our lives, the more people begin to wonder how to become more sociable? In modern society, where the ability to make acquaintances and maintain connections with people is one of the most important skills, it can sometimes be difficult for people who have problems with communication.

However, this problem can be solved, and today we will go through 2 important stages with you that will help you become more sociable. Of course, you will have to try a little. But you remember: you can’t even pull a fish out of a pond without effort? Let's start in order, and first let's figure out what it actually means to be sociable?

What does it mean to be sociable?

Be able to make contacts with people. This is one of the main skills that greatly expands opportunities in life, work, and study. We are talking about the ability in the process of life to “hook” people with whom it may simply be interesting to communicate in the future, or maybe this connection will be useful in some way in the future.
Be interesting for the interlocutor. Obviously, you can't become more social if people aren't interested in hearing what you have to say. It is important to be able to evoke emotions, interest, and help a person learn something new.
Ability to carry on a conversation on any topic. The importance of this skill lies in the fact that all people have different interests, professions, and hobbies. Of course, if you simply nod to your interlocutor, he is unlikely to be interested. For this skill you need to develop and learn new things.
Expand your social circle. It’s hard to even imagine how to become more sociable if your social circle only includes your neighbor on the landing. This is no good. But there is also no need to increase the number of acquaintances indefinitely. It is important to strive to find the optimal number of people who will be included in your social circle.
Be able to maintain friendly relationships. It’s good, of course, to be able to make acquaintances. But what good is this if these acquaintances stop after the first meeting? If a person turns out to be interesting, then it will be great to be able to continue friendly communication with him.
Don't be afraid to communicate with strangers. This is not about being able to start a conversation with anyone you meet on the street. This skill has little value. But not to be afraid to talk to a person who can help in some way (for example, a sales consultant) - this is already important, and you need to work on it.
The ability to listen to your interlocutor. For many this is not easy. However, in an effort to become more sociable, mastering this skill is simply necessary. A person’s inability to listen in general can completely discourage another from any desire to communicate with such a person.

Well, friends, we've sorted it out. To make things easier, let's take a quick look at why some people have communication problems.

Little secrets of success: what does sociability consist of?

The main thing to understand is that in order to “become” someone, you need to “be.” First of all, be yourself, without being afraid of the reactions of others and without always trying to seem like someone you really are not. If, for example, the conversation didn’t turn out the way you originally wanted, think that it’s never too late to learn.

Have you always dreamed of speaking beautifully and interestingly? Sign up for special courses, read more useful literature. Try to live your life by improving your positive aspects every day. Considering the fact that in the modern world there are many different ways to help you become sociable, choose the one that is most comfortable and convenient for you.

If any errors or mistakes occur, try not to focus your attention on them too much. Try to joke, joke, be ironic, or, as a last resort, start from scratch. Don't wait until someone wants to initiate the conversation - keep in touch on your part.

You are always afraid to do this “live” - use the phone or the Internet. Develop the habit of saying hello to people - this will help you relax. If you have free time, try to spend it usefully: engage in socially significant work, an interesting hobby of a collective nature, participate in the discussion of social issues on forums or meetings.

Please note that becoming cheerful and interesting does not mean communicating and making friends with literally everyone and constantly joking with or without reason. Try to draw contact lines between those circles of people with whom relationships bring pleasure and do not give rise to the idea that time is wasted.

Where do communication problems come from?

Communication skills are developed throughout a person’s life, and there are several main factors that are decisive. Let's look at the most important ones.

Features of education. Every family has its own ideals, and often parents deliberately instill in their child traits that are not conducive to great success in life. They are proud that their child grows up modest and non-conflict , studies well, obeys parents and teachers. Unfortunately, such peculiarities of upbringing create certain difficulties for a person in adult life.

In addition, the child’s model of social behavior is completely formed by the parent’s example. If a family leads a relatively secluded lifestyle and rarely invites guests, the child simply will not learn to communicate, and in the future will experience certain difficulties because of this.

Negative communication experience
. Children are very sociable and often face negative reactions to this. Parents ask them to be quiet, peers start making fun of them, teachers at school shut their mouths. The consequences of such an experience are quite obvious.
Lack of erudition
. If a person has few topics of conversation available, becoming more sociable will not be easy. Therefore, it is important to constantly improve your erudition, read a lot, and take an interest in current events and news.
Character traits
.
There are several character types, and the level of sociability is one of their main differences. Thus, phlegmatic people are usually less talkative than choleric people. But if we talk specifically about sociability, it is more convenient to divide into introverts and extroverts. For close friends, introverts are usually open and interesting conversationalists, but communicating with unfamiliar people is not easy for them. If you are an introvert, then your difficulties with communication are understandable, but completely solvable. Read more about who an introvert is in a separate article.
Diffidence
. This problem prevents self-realization in all areas of life. It is difficult for an insecure person to find a job, make friends and build romantic relationships. If this factor is present, you should start by increasing self-esteem, otherwise other efforts may be ineffective.

Well, friends, we’ve sorted out the basics, now let’s move on to the main part.

Becoming more social is easy

First of all, you need to understand that sociability is a skill , not a personality trait. And valuable skills need to be developed. This is accessible to anyone, the main thing is to continuously improve in the chosen direction. The whole process will consist of two stages: developing communication skills (i.e. the ability to communicate with people) and expanding your social circle. Without further ado, let's move on to the first stage.

Stage 1. Development of communication skills

First of all, you need to start developing communication skills and building self-confidence. What should you do for this?

Smile and don't be afraid to joke

If this article had to be boiled down to one single piece of advice, this would be it. Oh, how pleasant the interlocutors are who can make a great joke and make you smile - be it work colleagues, friends, or even just casual acquaintances. This rule works everywhere without exception - make a person smile and he will treat you much better.

Now an important point: if it seems to you that you don’t know how to joke at all, then believe me, this will come with time, you just have to start. The main thing is that you understand that a sense of humor is the strongest weapon for creating an easy and trusting environment. Over time, you will notice that there are reasons for jokes always and everywhere, you just need to try to notice them and not miss them! It’s also worth saying that making other people smile or laugh is a great way to increase self-esteem and create a great mood.

The main thing is to remember 2 simple rules: don’t joke about people, and joke about yourself very carefully. Otherwise, there is a reason for a joke everywhere - in school, work, in events around, and even in problems.

Give compliments

How long has it been since you last paid attention to the positive changes in people around you? If it’s been a long time, then correct it urgently. A compliment is not only a great way to give others positive emotions, but also a good reason to start a conversation on a pleasant note.

The main thing to remember is that a compliment should emphasize something that the person has worked hard on. For example, I lost weight, got a beautiful hairstyle, bought a nice suit. In addition, the compliment must be sincere, which means you must like this change. And one more thing: the compliment should be as light and simple as possible , for example: “Hello! Nice dress! (don't forget to smile). Sometimes this is enough to put a person in a great mood for the whole day.

Show interest

There is nothing difficult to ask a colleague: “How did you get to work today?” or “How was your weekend?” Of course, the interest must be sincere. After allowing the interlocutor to speak, ask a small clarifying question, showing interest. You will notice how pleasant it is for him and gain invaluable communication experience.

By the way, many consider the question: “How are you?” banal, and they try to avoid it. However, everything depends on the message with which this question is asked. If the interest is sincere, then even this simple question will be absolutely appropriate.

Learn to listen

Most people in communication strive to convey their own thoughts. Not everyone is able to listen and hear their interlocutor. However, if you really want to become more sociable, learn not to interrupt, listen to the end of a sentence , and think about what is said before responding. And never consider your loved ones to be those who must be burdened with all your problems.

Use body language

Facial expressions, the position of arms and legs, the direction and movement of the gaze - our interlocutor involuntarily notices all this. Nonverbal signals can tell a lot even to a person who has never been interested in them. For example, constantly looking at your phone will make the other person think that you are bored.

Smile often and learn to move correctly to demonstrate friendliness. Perhaps self-doubt is preventing you from becoming more sociable. Adopting a comfortable, open posture can help you overcome fear and doubt, so keep experimenting with your body language. At the same time, you will master another important skill - learn to read the mood of your interlocutor by his facial expressions and movements. And one more thing: do not cross your arms while talking - this position is closed and repulsive.

Become an interesting conversationalist

People with a good sense of humor who can easily carry on conversations on any topic are valued in any company. You don't have to be a highly educated intellectual to become a good conversationalist. It is enough to lead an active life , regularly read popular books, watch new movies being released, and take an interest in current events. If possible, then also travel.

Contact by name

Do you remember the names of all your work colleagues? If not, then it’s time to learn and start calling people by name. As Dale Carnegie said, what people love most is to hear the sound of their name. So give them this chance, and believe me, your relationships with people will begin to improve. Start mentioning the name even then. when you just say hello.

Well, dear reader, we are done with the first part. If you follow these seemingly simple tips, your communication skills will increase many times over. And we move on to the second stage.

How to learn to joke well in any situation: 10 rules

Friends, we have already talked about how to develop your humor, as well as what stand-up is and how to learn it. And today we’ll focus on how to make your jokes win-win and worthy of attention. You've probably found yourself in situations where you decided to make a joke, but no one appreciated it. Have you thought that maybe you did something wrong? Not every joke you make can be successful. But to make the humor really funny, you should listen to the tips that you will see below. Now you will learn all the secrets of high-quality public speaking.

Let's talk about the rules of good humor.

Build associations

This is one of the main criteria for a successful joke. You need to quickly generate ideas in your head and select dozens of interpretation options for the situation. You witnessed something or heard some news, instantly replayed everything in your head - come up with even the most primitive associations. One situation - several interpretation options. One of them will definitely be the best, and it is worth mentioning. It’s great if the listener can immediately visualize what you said.

Self-censorship

Strictly practice self-censorship. What this means: You must come up with high-quality jokes that are catchy and funny. Avoid hackneyed topics, do not use clichés. If, in response to an ordinary phrase, the interlocutor says something like: “We saw better!”, then no one will laugh. No matter what, no one will smile. It's simply not funny anymore and it's hackneyed.

The above and similar clichés will reveal your complete lack of humor and the ability to come up with interesting jokes on your own. Generate a dozen jokes and choose one - the best one. This choice will mean that you have taste. And you are able to highlight what will hook listeners.

The ability to let yourself go

If you feel awkward in front of the public and not only are you unable to say a word, but you can’t even put your thoughts together, then you need to learn to let go of the situation. Squeezed and constrained, you will be of no interest to anyone; this is the worst state for a comedian. Try to relax and collect yourself. Self-irony will help you feel more confident (we’ll talk more about it later). Come up with answers in advance to all sorts of jokes directed at you.

Share sincere emotions

It is always important to establish trusting contact with the public and convey your emotional experiences to them. It is always more pleasant for the audience to watch a comedian's frank performance than to listen to his stories on abstract topics that do not concern him personally. Realize that the most compelling stories are the ones you put your soul into. Something sad happened and it seems you are not in the mood to joke? But even such a situation can be presented in such a way that the public will receive you with a bang.

You've probably noticed that most comedians never miss an opportunity to share their personal and family lives in a humorous way. Because the audience likes it. This is something that always backfires. Why? Because many people recognize themselves in this humor.

The ability to find an analogy

This is also a very important criterion. You must learn to easily and quickly find comparisons by sound and meaning. Let's say a phrase has several meanings, and you cleverly operate with it in such a way that others wonder how it didn't occur to them. Different phrases, things, situations and one common feature are what you need for impeccable humor.

Ability to develop paradox

Paradoxical things help in humor. Just look around and you will notice many situations in which there is a clear discrepancy. And think about it, if this is true, what else could be true? That's it, the mechanism has started. Incredible ideas begin to come into your head one after another. We read the paradoxical news and came up with several similar jokes to go with it.

Clearly worded jokes

When you start formulating your funny stories clearly and concisely, you will have more success in front of the public. Nobody likes to listen to a boring story for half an hour with all the (unnecessary) details. By the way, you can read about how to learn to speak beautifully and express your thoughts correctly in this article. Many people will already understand in the middle what the author is leading to and will generally lose all interest in his speech. To ensure that they always listen to you attentively, do not make a similar mistake and do not switch to unnecessary, unimportant details. Follow two rules:

Minimum words. The shorter the story, the more understandable and better it is for the audience.
The funniest and most important word is at the end of your joke. Build the story so that the meaningful phrase ends up at the end. If 3-4 more words are heard after it, then they will be superfluous.

This algorithm will help you understand how to joke correctly and accurately in groups.

Find the right moment

The best joke is the one that was said at the right time, then it will really “shot”. How do you know when it's time to use your humor?

Noticed the analogy.
Noticed inconsistency, illogicality, contradiction.
Something stands out from the general background. Based on this and the previous points, you can easily understand that the time for jokes has come. Generate ideas quickly and embrace humor.
And at the end, surprise your listeners with an unexpected ending. This is especially true if they have already guessed what you are talking about.

Channel your anxiety in the right direction

There is not a single person who would feel completely calm in front of an audience. Everyone who speaks (even makes a banal toast) is worried. But it is important to use this feeling in the right direction. Instead of feeling stiff, trembling throughout your body and shaking hands, channel your energy into speaking in front of an audience. All that energy that is spent on jitters should be invested in your jokes.

Anxiety is normal. But you should forget about it. Once you start connecting with your audience, you need to switch gears.

Self-irony is important

You have already read above about the importance of self-irony in humor. You need to learn to laugh at yourself. Highlight all your weaknesses and turn them into your strengths. Come up with jokes about your imperfections that are noticeable to others.

Let's say you are too fat or thin and are tired of listening to the jokes of your friends, then come up with a dozen funny answers to them. If someone criticized your initiatives, do not get into an argument and do not try to convince this person, it is better to immediately agree and do it with humor.

Stage 2. Expanding your social circle

As strange as it may sound, to become more sociable, you need to communicate more. There are a few simple techniques that can move you in this direction.

Change your routine habits

Visit different stores, take new routes to work, dine in different cafes. Even during working hours, when going to the toilet, you can go up to another floor or go to the opposite end of the corridor. Every day you will see new faces, and this is a great opportunity for dating and communication.

Use social networks

Many people underestimate social networks, not realizing how often virtual communication leads to very promising real acquaintances. The main thing is not to be shy about inviting people to meetings, you can even offer to meet in a small group (if it is a group associated with common interests).

Don't mince your words

Often we limit ourselves to a simple “Please!” when we helped a colleague, or “Thank you!” when we received help. But it’s much better to say “Please! I’m sure you would help me too!” or “Thank you! And please contact me if you need help!” Phrases like these break through barriers and bring people together.

Combine business with pleasure

An interesting and exciting activity may well serve as a catalyst for new friendships. You can sign up for courses or trainings where there will be people with the same interests. Joint activities are an excellent opportunity to meet new people and start communicating. There are also special interest clubs that anyone can join, for example, there is a club for those who like to play “Mafia” in almost every city.

Invite and accept invitations

Like in the movie “Always Say Yes!” Do not refuse invitations when you are invited somewhere, and also try to invite someone yourself. This is a great way to become more sociable without creating an uncomfortable environment for yourself. You can choose how you spend your time. At best, it will be a pleasant date or a friendly conversation, at worst, it will simply be a valuable communication experience.

Don't be afraid to hear "No"

We are designed in such a way that every “No!” burns us. Therefore, adults experience panic fear of rejection and miss a lot of opportunities in life. But you don’t have to be afraid of the word “no.” Start breaking your usual behavior patterns. When you see a cute stranger (or stranger) at a bus stop, don’t hesitate to start talking. Even if the acquaintance does not work out, you will not lose anything, but will only gain valuable experience.

In conclusion, let's discuss such a simple, but at the same time such a complex question:

Techniques and exercises

There are specially designed exercises, their implementation will gradually help develop a sense of humor. Repeat them every day, you will soon achieve success.

The suggested exercises will help you start making great jokes:

Look through the vocabulary in your mind, find words that have ambiguous meanings: this is where you should start training, inventing jokes.
Satirical irony. Start experiments with jokes with the opposite: expressing the opposite opinion. For example, if you meet a friend in dirty clothes, tell him how great he looks.
Make up associations. A situation that causes laughter should be considered from all sides: write down on paper your associations that lead your friends into cheerful hysterics.

Try going through the alphabet: remember any letter, come up with a phrase where each word begins with it.

How to conduct a conversation correctly?

Remember that speaking and communicating are completely different genres. Always let your interlocutor speak out, but don’t be silent yourself. Feel free to talk about yourself, but do not rush to share too personal information. You can talk about your interests, leisure activities, trips to the sea, interesting events that have happened recently.

When asking your interlocutor questions, show interest in his personality, but also do not rush to ask about something too personal. Rapprochement always takes place very slowly, two people move towards this in small steps, gradually revealing certain details from their own lives. If you rush into this, you can instantly destroy the fragile trust that has not yet had time to form.

It is recommended to use open-ended questions so that the interlocutor can answer, flavoring the story with any number of details. By asking a closed question, you force him to give monosyllabic answers, even if he is in the mood for lively and interesting communication. To become more sociable, you need to understand that people love to talk about themselves, and you are guaranteed to please them by demonstrating sincere interest in them.

One of the most effective ways to develop your communication skills in a short time and learn to understand the hidden emotions of others is to study with a qualified specialist.

The online intensive “Effective Communication” will teach you:

Manage your emotions and control impulses;
Overcome difficult emotional situations;
Understand the feelings and thoughts of the interlocutor on a deeper level;
Communicate with your surroundings more effectively;
Manage conflicts;
Build harmonious relationships.

The author of the course is Oleg Kalinichev. Expert in nonverbal behavior, emotional intelligence and lie detection. Accredited trainer Paul Ekman International. Managing Director of Paul Ekman International in Russia (PEI Russia).

The online intensive “Effective Communication” will be especially useful: