How to be calm in any situation and not get nervous. Psychology of people

Ivan Vdovin

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Basically, I will immediately answer the question: how to be calm in any situation and not get nervous. The psychology here is that in any situation, you cannot always and everywhere be calm and confident. IT IS FORBIDDEN!

You don't have to read any further, I answered the question. But what to do to become the most confident person possible is another matter. I will talk about this below, but unfortunately, not everyone will do this.

It's impossible to be calm without it

Look, if you take any non-standard situation of a person where he feels insecure, do you know what can save him? Humor and self-irony. I believe this is the most important key that will allow you to be calm, at least in most non-standard situations that you manage to find yourself in.

What does humor mean? Well, for example, you are standing to defend your thesis in front of an audience and a commission or in another public place. You are very worried and it is normal to worry. And imagine that you ironically tell a joke about your anxiety and thereby defuse the situation not only around you, but also within yourself.

“The voiced jamb is not a jamb.” What does this phrase mean? The fact is that if you voiced your problem and showed other people that you are aware of it, then it is no longer a problem, but a small problem.

Psychologists would NOT want you to know these secrets about yourself

—Imagine this situation...
What if, instead of paying for years for useless consultations with a psychologist, in 21 days you can work with yourself? Get rid of negative thoughts and states forever. And instead live a calm and happy life? Stop living in stress due to relationships or constant lack of money?

Tell me this is impossible?

I thought so too, until I started working with myself

LIVING HAPPY IS EASY

My name is Ivan, I am 35 years old, and I have been practicing psychology for 15 years. I have studied all the basic methods and techniques through which I help people find happiness. NLP, hypnosis, body-image therapy. I was invited on television as an expert.

And it was... just a nightmare!

I lived in a state of depression for 7 years (constant stress exhausted me). I had a lot of low self-confidence (my self-esteem was below 0). I could not calmly communicate with people, it seemed to me that I was not worthy of them.

The relationship did not work out (because I was very negative, jealous, a doormat). I’m generally silent about decent earnings; I earned 15,000 rubles a month and thought that was the limit. I didn’t want to live... Envy.

The worst thing is, I thought I would have to live like this forever, and I don’t deserve love and happiness.

But it only got worse, negative states fell on me like a snowball. It felt like I was sitting in a deep, black hole from which there was no way out. Hopelessness, despair, pain, resentment.

My life has turned into endless torture. But then a miracle happened...

I FOUND THE KEY... EVERYONE HAS IT...

One day my father came home from work, a little drunk, although he never drank much.

He came into the kitchen..., looked at me with a dissatisfied expression and began to say with anger how worthless I was, how I couldn’t do anything, and in general, how sorry he was that he was my father.

At first I felt severe mental pain (this is very painful to hear from my family). Then I got offended (does that mean I’m not a favorite son?!) And then an insight came to me...

I received that magical kick that I had been waiting for all my life. It changed my thinking, my life and my relationships with my environment.

I had already forgiven my father simply because he told me the truth and I was happy about it!

But then the most interesting thing began...

Literally 5 minutes later I was already sitting at the computer and writing out all the psychological (!) methods of working with myself.

I was even confused, because my plans were to continue to suffer all my life.

It was such an incredible feeling of freedom and desire to do something that I burst into tears of happiness.

THE MAIN SECRET OF HAPPINESS

If you think that you cannot change your life, become rich or successful, or create a happy relationship - you are mistaken!

You can change your life by changing your thinking and the main thing is to do it EASILY!

• 5 simple and powerful methods of working with yourself (they work even if you use them incorrectly) - You don’t have to turn to psychologists, you are your own psychologist.

• “The secret method” of working through any negative state. This will allow you to eliminate the negative and switch to the positive in 5 minutes.

• 15 minutes a day - Just 15 minutes a day to change your life 180 degrees. Become happier and more joyful.

• Saving up to 100,000 rubles in 1 year - You will save on trips to a psychologist, and spend the saved money on a vacation by the sea.

• 21 days – It only takes 21 days for you to see changes in your life. You will start smiling. Wake up with joy.

DOWNLOAD THE “GUIDE TO CHANGING YOURSELF” FOR FREE

For 7 days, access to the “Guide to Changing Yourself” will be free, everyone can download it from Telegram using the button below.

PS If you want to say “thank you” to me, just download the guide and start using it every day.

PPS How about becoming happy today? =)

An example from my life:

When I was young, I met a girl, invited her to a cafe, we sat and talked, but suddenly she suddenly stood up and left. To be honest, I was a little freaked out, my pride and self-esteem were below not only the baseboard, but also the floor itself.

Still, I became bolder and asked her a question: why did she leave? To which I received the answer that my ear was dirty and that meant I was dirty and not washed.

And you know, what’s interesting is that I’m not a dirty person, but at that time my ears often hurt and I couldn’t clean them with cotton swabs, I could only use my fingers, but it wasn’t thick enough.

So, the girl thought that I was all so terrible and disgusting, but in fact, it turned out that it was just my illness at that time. Of course, I told her about my otitis media, but she still apologized. But we never saw her again.

What was done after?

I met another girl and went to meet her, but before I met, I told her that I had otitis media and if my ear was dirty, I shouldn’t worry. The girl, accordingly, took it normally and there was a happy ending, a wedding and three children. NO, I lied, we just talked, met and ran away.

How to learn to react calmly to everything?

It is impossible to calculate every step and plan the day perfectly. On the path of life you encounter problems, friends get offended, you make mistakes, your boss makes comments. Do not idealize life; a person is not able to keep all areas under control. Allow yourself to make mistakes and accept what happens as a valuable lesson.

How to learn to react calmly to everything?

Control your emotions. First, train on events that have already happened. If you had a fight with a friend, remember why. Come up with other dialogue options, your reaction. Then move on to practice. When you feel that you are boiling, then wish your interlocutor something good: a weekend trip, a new car, a promotion at work. By switching to positive thoughts, you will notice that you no longer want to scream and get irritated.

Let go of your irritation. Sports exercises are good for health and build character. Along with the load, a person relieves nervous tension. Sport disciplines and teaches you to achieve your goals. Such skills will come in handy in a provocative conversation. You will notice that you have learned to control your emotions. The second option for relieving irritation is suitable for creative individuals. Find a hobby: draw, sculpt, play the guitar. Doing what you love brings positive emotions and displaces negative thoughts.

Learn to react calmly to life situations every day. It is important to break the irritation program and instill a new skill. For extra motivation, look at yourself in the mirror when you're feeling negative. The reflection will surprise you; instead of a sweet image, a face twisted with anger looks at you. This is the kind of person you will be remembered by others, your husband and children. Then smile at your reflection. Compare the two emotions and draw conclusions. Plus, don’t forget that stress and irritability add wrinkles, and laughter prolongs life. Make the right choices.

Where does self-doubt come from?

All people cannot always be confident in every situation. This is impossible! Even Elon Musk will feel insecure in a village toilet, this is normal. We feel confident where we feel comfortable. And when we leave our comfort zone, that’s where our worries begin.

Accordingly, there are concepts of confidence and excitement. It’s anxiety, aka fear, that prevents us from feeling comfortable. And as we know, fear is just an emotion that can be worked through. Usually fears are in the chest. What does it mean to process emotions?

The fact that you feel fear in adulthood means that you learned to be afraid in deep childhood, which means that the situation from childhood can be worked out so that you stop being afraid in childhood. Accordingly, if you stop being afraid in childhood, you stop being afraid in adulthood. It’s easier to say with the fashionable phrase “Close the gestalt”

In total, we get that our whole life, namely: relationships, success, earnings, health, love, confidence is laid down in childhood from our parents and environment. But this does not mean that we will follow in the footsteps of our parents; if we turn to a psychologist, we can direct ourselves in a different direction.

Example from life:

My father is a drinker, and he drinks out of boredom, if he doesn’t drink enough. Although I can understand him, his parents left him early and he was left an orphan at the age of 10. Whether it’s good or bad, it doesn’t matter, unfortunately, this happens. And usually, people whose parents leave early feel severe mental pain that they cannot cope with on their own.

But children, they are always altruists, they try to take the pain away from their parents and thereby help them cope with the pain. But unfortunately, children doom themselves to suffering by taking on someone else's pain. Because a person himself must cope with his emotions and problems.

So I was such a child who picked up the negative states of my parents and walked through life with it, as I walked, crawling on my knees. With such baggage, it is impossible to talk about success and a happy life until all this is worked through.

I lived and suffered until I met a good psychologist who explained it all to me and helped me work through it. Thanks to him.

So, when I freed myself from my parental conditions and programs, I was able to independently walk through life with a confident step. And you can if you want. You can become whoever you want!

The most stressful life events, table

There are quite a few definitions of stress, but we will take the one that is most understandable to a wide range of readers. So, stress (from the English stress - load, tension; a state of increased tension) is a state of excessively strong and prolonged psychological stress that occurs in a person when his nervous system receives emotional overload. Stress disorganizes a person’s activity and disrupts the normal course of his behavior1.

What is the cause of stress (emotional tension) from the point of view of modern scientific psychological thought? What causes people stress? According to many researchers (fortunately, not all, and why fortunately - read on), the cause of stress is the so-called stress factors, or stressors, that is, events and situations.

A huge number of classifications of stress factors have been created, which even provide an assessment of the intensity of stress. I will give only one of them. This scale was created by psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Ray based on a survey of more than 400 men and women of different ages, with different education, marital status and from different cultures. They were asked to rate their level of stress when each of these events occurred.

What does it mean to be calm in any situation?

This means that you perceive everything around you as friendly. I have another way that will help make everything around friendly, but more on that below.

Imagine that you have the feeling that everyone around you loves you? Respected? Do they appreciate it? Are you accepted for who you are?

It would be cool, it’s a pity that not everyone can do this, but personally I can. I am a sophisticated person and can easily change my perception of the world and of myself to the world.

You are also capable of this, but you need to get rid of the burden of the past, from a negative perception of the world to a positive one, which is why it is important to work with a psychologist.

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A way to make everything around you friendly

The method is quite simple, but it needs to be trained constantly. Look, you are in some environment where you feel unconfident, uncomfortable, out of place, afraid that you will be judged or laughed at.

Imagine that a clean, light, sparkling, golden stream of energy begins to flow from your chest area. And start filling everyone with this energy. You will immediately understand that you are doing the right thing, as soon as you feel the warmth from other people, you will feel comfortable and cozy.

conclusions

Never try to be calm and confident in any situation, it won't work. We are all human and we all have feelings. Moreover, our anxiety is a defensive reaction that was formed by evolution long before the appearance of the first homosapiens.

Be calm about everything that people surround you with and remember that it is not people who treat you badly, it is inside you that there is a part of your personality that thinks that people treat you badly and you will find confirmation of this over time.

Simply put, everything that happens in our world is our responsibility. Accordingly, any part of our personality can be worked on so that it stops harming us and only brings us benefit.

What is mental toughness

Disasters, accidents, illnesses, financial failures, late-night conversations with the wife and other stressors may or may not pull the rug from under us. Our reaction to experience (which, as we know, is the son of difficult mistakes) serves as an indicator of this very stability. Psychologists draw an analogy with the physical properties of materials. Let’s imagine that our psyche has elasticity, that is, it quickly returns to its original state after deformation, and no traces or wounds remain on it. Hop - and the jelly again took the shape of a flower. Let's take strength. In physics (hello, strength of materials!) this is the ability to resist destruction and disintegration under the influence of external loads. We put a whole truck on the jack - but the device was fine, it worked. Or plasticity, when the physical body changes shape, but does not tear or break. Plasticine is now not a ball, but a cake, but it has not lost its green viscous essence.

All these metals, plasticines and jellies are just metaphors illustrating the behavior of our psyche. Stability is good: a person resists stress, retains his qualities and sometimes his appetite - or changes, but in such a way as not to suffer too much and then be able to get into shape again.

The American Psychological Association believes that we are all jacks of some kind, elastic jelly or plasticine. The ability to calmly recover from losses, stress and shocks is our usual quality, and not at all an exceptional phenomenon.

Numerous examples of mass upheavals such as 9/11, armed conflicts and revolutions prove that the majority of those who have experienced severe stress or tragedy still return to normal life. But this does not mean that people with a healthy psyche do not suffer or endure disasters meekly, with the stone face of action heroes. Emotional experiences, pain, sadness - the path to recovery is thorny in any case.

The Psychological Association does not forget to add that resilience is not a single character trait, like frivolity, but a whole complex of innate qualities, our internal attitudes, behavioral characteristics and habits. So you can always improve some sources.

PS

Thank you for reading my article on how to be calm in any situation and not get nervous. Psychology is a subtle science, but by and large all people have similar problems.

And most importantly, any problem can be healed so that it no longer appears in life. For example, I removed a bunch of fears, one of which was the fear of heights, and now I can safely visit the Ostankino tower with a glass floor.

Previously, I was very scared of any height, even when looking from a third-floor window.

How to stop being nervous

Let's move on to practice. The following recommendations will help you calm your nervous system, learn to relax and control your emotions.

Don't plan what doesn't depend on you

When we try to control something that is outside our control, 90% of the time we will fail. Always factor into your plans factors that are beyond your control. Then you won't have to worry about things not going according to plan.

For example, you are going on vacation with your significant other. You imagine in advance how you will climb mountains, go to museums, and have fun in nightclubs. But when you get there, it turns out that your companion only has the energy to lie on the beach and sip cocktails. Naturally, your unfulfilled fantasies result in a stream of irritation and indignation.

Vdovin Ivan

• More than 15 years in psychology
• Owner of 2 successful businesses
• Developed his own method “Key Therapy”
• Certified NLP Practitioner
• Certified Hypnotherapist
• In practice I use: Gestalt therapy, imagery therapy, body therapy, art therapy, hypnosis, Hellinger constellations
• Helped over 100 clients
• I invested more than 500,000 rubles in my education
• My blog is visited by more than 1500 people per day

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