A fatal diagnosis may be hidden from a seriously ill person. The situation is controversial, but in any case it will not be interpreted by people as an immoral act. A lie generated by selfishness, aimed at ensuring one’s personal well-being, usually causes condemnation from society. Living in modern society, a person, willy-nilly, has to use lies to one degree or another. There are situations when it is simply impossible to be honest and absolutely sincere. And is it necessary? There are a thousand reasons not to tell the real truth; it can irritate or shock people around you. Lying can also be a defensive reaction to an unfair accusation. It is almost impossible to be completely truthful, and if a person is so, this can be considered as some kind of mental pathology.
Deception, lies and lying - what's the difference?
Before answering the main question of the article, I propose to understand what deception, lies and lies are. In the first case, we try to present some event in a form that is softer for the interlocutor, without depriving them of their essence of truth. In the other two, we openly distort events in order to appear more attractive to our partner, to remove suspicions of certain actions or words. Thus, deception in a relationship is possible (we will talk about these cases below), but the consequences of ordinary lies can be fatal - up to and including divorce or separation.
Moreover, psychologists are sure: lying destroys relationships when there is a lot of it, when it becomes a habit for one or both partners and begins to replace the truth on a regular basis. It’s a very sad situation when a man and a woman have been lying to each other for many years and know about it, but for some reason they leave everything as it is. It’s not difficult to understand what I’m talking about: turn on any movie or TV series where wealthy spouses have lovers on the side. Knowing that their partner is not faithful, they are, nevertheless, in no hurry to separate, trying to maintain the image of an ideal couple. A man does not want to be known as a “cuckold” in his circles, and a woman does not want to lose her financial support.
Deception
What is meant by deception? This is a deliberate half-truth , aimed at drawing incorrect conclusions from reliable facts.
The main function of deception is the deliberate concealment of any information or events that are important for comprehension. You most often have to cheat when it is impossible to achieve the desired result in another way. Often this situation arises when someone's interests collide. Failure to be true is deception.
This is certainly true. But the world and the person living in it are multifaceted and complex. They cannot always be contained within the framework of rules. Deception, like lying, has many reasons.
When is deception acceptable in a relationship between a man and a woman?
Let's not guess why everyone lies to each other - different couples will have their own excuses for this - but let's talk about white lies. When is deception in the family considered acceptable?
- The situation you need to lie about applies only to you. For example, you have a loan debt that you kept silent about when you started dating your partner.
- You are sure that even if your partner reacts negatively, if the deception is suddenly revealed, nothing fatal will happen to the relationship.
Deception and pedagogy: surprising, but sometimes it is necessary
Raising stubborn little kids can be very difficult. Sometimes you have to go to all sorts of tricks to get them to do what is needed for pedagogical purposes. The simplest example is the brilliant and lazy Tom Sawyer with his fence. He slightly embellished reality and hid his true intentions and goals, but in the end the fence turned out to be painted! You can behave in a similar way if you simply cannot tell the child directly what is required of him. Because he will refuse - the real goal will seem too boring and uninteresting to him.
What should you not do?
If a fact that you want to hide from your lover concerns both of you, then you cannot embellish it or lie about it. Let me give you an example again: a man has a child from a previous partner. He should definitely tell his current girlfriend about this.
As practice shows, men and women often neglect this rule and lie about everything, without thinking about how this will affect future relationships, the life and health of their partner as a whole. I often hear similar stories from participants in Pavel Rakov’s trainings, who come to me in complete confusion and are waiting for expert advice.
People who tell the truth can hurt
Let's imagine a situation: you've been dreaming about boots for a long time, bought them for decent money, were so happy about the new thing and ask your colleague if she likes it. And the person in response makes a bad face and says that you spent your money in vain, that with your feet you should only wear felt boots and you look terrible in them.
Perhaps objectively this is how it all is. But who benefited from this truth? To you? You have already spent money, you have already realized your dream, but you cannot change your legs in any way - you will have to “wear what has grown.” What would have happened if the colleague had answered somewhat more vaguely: “It’s great that you were able to buy them, you’ve been dreaming about this for a long time. Not at all my type, but you and I are not alike, but you wear it to your health.” There is a difference? In fact, there is no approval in the words either, but the assessment does not sound offensive or insulting.
Is it possible to forgive a lie to a loved one?
An ambiguous question, the answer to which depends only on how much your partner repents, and whether he is ready to change for the sake of you and your happy future together. As I always say in the articles in the “Ideal Love Relationships” section: if a loved one admits his mistakes, does not deny the fact of lying and wants to understand how to change the situation, then the lie can be forgiven. But if he continues to behave as if he is not guilty of anything, and accuses you of being too picky and suspicious, then you should think: are you on the right track with this man? Isn’t it better to take the online course “Secrets of Women’s Happiness” and learn how to build relationships with worthy representatives of the opposite sex than to cling to someone who doesn’t value you?
Reverse situation: what to do if you are caught in a lie?
To begin with, answer yourself the question: “why do I lie to my loved one”? What drives you every time you try to hide the truth and make up an excuse for yourself? Fear of losing respect? Fear of relationship breakup? But won't the consequences of lying be worse than what will happen if the fact of the lie is revealed? What do you think, why lie? And what should you do if you love a person, but cannot confess something to him?
How to recognize and deal with a pathological liar
For pathological liars, the habit of telling lies is due to the need for a kind of psychological satisfaction. Mythomaniacs can be very convincing.
How to Tell if You're Dealing with a Pathological Liar
Often, a pathological liar unconditionally believes in his lies and does not distinguish truth from fiction. Therefore, according to practicing psychologist Veronika Stepanova, identifying this pathology using standard methods (for example, using a polygraph) is problematic.
However, there are a number of criteria by which a person with such a mental disorder can be identified. The main ones:
- A pathological liar has no remorse, cannot keep secrets, and loves to gossip.
- He is selfish, thinks only of himself and his own benefit.
- A person with such a disorder is envious of others and seeks to strengthen his self-esteem through lies.
- A pathological liar skillfully manipulates people. He forces others to believe in what is said, to doubt their own adequacy.
- A liar exaggerates his arguments to make them stronger.
- He doesn't notice the contradictions in his stories. New facts may not coincide or contradict what was previously told. Once a myth-maniac starts lying, according to psychologist Tatyana Kolesnikova, he can no longer stop.
- Easily maintains long-term eye contact even with unfamiliar people.
- Mythomaniac loves to be the center of attention. In order to arouse the interest of others, he is ready to come up with dozens of exciting stories.
- Even if a pathological liar is caught in a lie, he will not admit or apologize. Instead, he will come up with even more sophisticated lies, throw a tantrum, or blame his opponent.
The need to tell the truth causes emotional and physical discomfort in the mythomaniac. His thoughts become confused, his palms sweat, and he begins to tremble nervously.
How to Spot a Liar: Pexels
What is the difference between a lie and a lie?
To find out this “to the end” is probably to think for real and for quite a long time, since while running you can’t think for more than two minutes and in the meantime you also can’t come to a final conclusion. And, probably, thinking about this topic for a long time is thoughts in a calm atmosphere.
Which is what I did. I went out into nature - to the bank of a small river dear to the heart of central Russia, fortunately the weather and the weekend allowed. Without beer, without cigarettes, without fishing rods and without a mobile phone - only with the desire to understand this conflict of lies and truth.
Having chosen a comfortable place for reflection, I began to sit down directly on the ground in the lotus position and caught myself thinking: “Why exactly this? What, are you going to pretend to be a practicing “school student” of mystical contemplation?” It became funny and even awkward. It’s awkward in front of yourself - after all, sitting down picturesquely, I would definitely start looking for spectators. Otherwise, why try to look so beautiful? And this is called “understanding” yourself?
I just sat down more comfortably. And first of all I asked myself two questions: “What is truth? And what is truth? And I immediately remembered the ready-made answers (I read somewhere):
On the river bank it’s good to think about truth and lies Photo: pixabay.comTruth is a product of human thought, and truth is something given from above, unshakable and existential.
Mechanically he raised his head upward - to the highest, unshakable and existential - to the heavens, and began to wait for something. I waited a long time. There was no reaction from the heavens, only the sun gently warmed my head and a pleasant warm wind with the aromas of coastal herbs mixed with the smells of mud combed my thin hair. And thanks for that.
I put on a summer cap (so as not to get too hot, it’s better to think on a “cool” head) and said to myself, as I snapped: “Everything is produced by man: truth, truth, lies and lies! There is no other origin."
A lie differs from a lie in the same way as the truth from the truth: a specific person lies and embellishes, and a lie is almost neutral Photo: pixabay.comA lie differs from a lie in the same way as the truth from the truth: a specific person lies and embellishes, and a lie is almost neutral; truth comes from a particular person, and truth is more than the truthfulness of that particular person. In other words, almost everyone lies . And always. But sometimes they deceive themselves and others with some truth and truth.
“Hmm, maybe it’s really a headache?” — a short thought drove me straight into the river to swim. I also swam for a long time - almost until I was blue in the face, but the thoughts were the same. It was very cold and I went ashore to warm myself. I’m warming up, getting warmer... It’s nice, good... And I feel that the thought is turning into a conviction. All that remains is to put everything on the shelves.
Well, let's begin. And so far only in general terms, in some theses:
- the truth may lie in the unspoken;
- excessive openness in judgment is perceived with distrust;
- often it is the secretive person who seems real and honest;
- a polite person praises - rarely does anyone believe;
- polite praise is generally considered an indicator of falsehood;
- We listen with pleasure to lies with embellishments - we like it;
- We are happy to lie to others, and we like it when people supposedly believe with the same pleasure.
A lot of theses are born in a cool head, which means it’s time to get to the next article.
Tags: lies, lies, reflections
Treason: should I tell the truth?
You were on a business trip and foolishly slept with a colleague or a random fellow traveler. Having sobered up the next morning, you realized the horror of the situation and sincerely repented. And they promised themselves that something like this would never happen again. In this case, is it necessary to hurt your other half and honestly talk about the fact of betrayal? What will change from this, what will change? Never mind. It’s just that your loved one will be hurt, and you already repent and regret. Perhaps in this case it would be wiser to simply remain silent. And, of course, really do not repeat such an experience.
You found out that your friend's husband is cheating. Should I tell her? Should I tell him? There is no exact answer. It all depends on the degree of intimacy with her and with him, on what kind of relationship they have. But most often the recommendation will be this: if they don’t ask, don’t bother. It is better to give people the opportunity to make their own mistakes and make their own discoveries. And bringing bad news often means ruining the relationship with both your friend and her unlucky husband: they will somehow sort it out for themselves, but you will also find yourself to blame.
Do you often have to lie? Do you agree that there are white lies?
White lies: why deception is sometimes necessary was last modified: August 22, 2021 by Masha Dubrovskaya
