What we all have in common is that we have all had interactions with an unpleasant person in our lives. We have a variety of people around us. You want to spend time with someone, talk about different topics and go somewhere together. And there are others. Those with whom even a minute in the same room stretches into hours and turns into hellish torture. It happens that everything seems to be fine with a person, he is educated and quite clean, but causes an internal feeling of disgust and a categorical reluctance to communicate. There are also those who do not open up right away, but only after a while you begin to understand that entering into a relationship with them, or even just a dialogue, was one of your biggest mistakes. Today we will talk about people. About which ones it is better not to cross paths with again and what to do if you come across such an instance on your life’s path.
How to avoid communicating with unpleasant people
Psychologists have long been studying the characteristics of the human soul and its hidden corners. There are quite a large number of different typologies, systems for classifying personalities according to various criteria. Thanks to the successes of psychological science, you and I can learn how to avoid communicating with unpleasant people who, perhaps not on purpose, will make you a loser and from communicating with whom you will not get a drop of pleasure. In this article, we will look at six types of people, spending time with whom you will feel an unfavorable impact on your mood, thoughts and even health.
You may have doubts whether it is correct to divide people into good and bad, to choose with whom to communicate and with whom not. Of course, this cannot be done in a philosophical and moralistic manner. But you and I are living people, and if we don’t like someone, then no law or other force in this world obliges us to spend time with someone we don’t want to. Do not torment yourself with unnecessary reproaches, you have the right to live the way you are comfortable. So, let's move on to talking about those six types of people who are best avoided.
Such a different friendship
Who is a friend? It depends on what type of friendship the people have. There are friends from childhood with whom a person has long-term relationships and shared memories. There is a friendship between two adult, self-sufficient people - it is based on mutual support and advice on difficult issues. Contrary to popular belief, friendly relationships between a man and a woman are often found - without sexual overtones. Friendships are often formed through common interests and hobbies, often against someone else, and this is not necessarily women.
Recently, virtual friendship has become increasingly important, which allows even pronounced introverts to find a soul mate.
So the question of what a friend is can be answered in different ways. This could be a friend, a like-minded person, a brother, almost a relative, in general, a close person.
And this classification does not affect the emotional component of relationships, which consists not only of love and mutual sympathy, but also of jealousy.
Unpleasant aftertaste after communicating with a person
Sometimes, along the path of life, situations happen to us when we are left with an unpleasant aftertaste after communicating with a person. Unfortunately, this situation is not uncommon. And the first on our list of people you shouldn't cross paths with is a narcissist. Remember the Greek myth about a handsome young man named Narcissus? This young man was so in love with himself that he could not take his eyes off his reflection in the water surface. For such narcissism, the gods punished him and turned him into a flower. The modern concept of a narcissistic personality tells us about someone who is interested exclusively in himself. They want good and all sorts of privileges only for themselves. Other people are just decorations against the backdrop of his grandeur and greatness. Why take into account someone else's interests? These little people are not worth a penny, so the narcissist will never condescend to ask someone else’s opinion, except perhaps to once again show off in front of himself and others. When communicating with such a person, you run the risk of getting into some kind of trouble. Most likely, you are being used, moreover, as a small pawn. Narcissists very often do things only for their own benefit, and communication with them will not end well. You will only spoil your nerves and become completely upset.
It’s as easy as shelling pears to piss off a narcissist – you just need to ignore him and not praise his merits. Interestingly, they love to devalue everything around them, including yourself, your thoughts and actions. This is especially pronounced if the narcissist cannot get what he wants. Within a few minutes, the previously desired will be reduced in importance to a candy wrapper. What to do if you encounter it? Nothing, just leave. You won't be able to change it, you'll just waste your energy.
How to stop communicating with an unpleasant person
How to stop communicating with an unpleasant person? Just leave. If you want to seem polite, you can refer to being busy. If you feel uncomfortable being in the same room with someone, you shouldn’t force yourself to do so. And the next one in our anti-rating is a critic. He judges you by default. Just for being you. I haven’t read it, but I condemn it – it’s about them. Any action or inaction you take will be used against you. Praise someone? No, this is impossible and certainly not about criticism. All the merits of other people are downplayed and reduced to something insignificant, but misdeeds and mistakes turn into real elephants and are emphasized in every possible way. The critic is absolutely sure that he is always right and can never be wrong. Only he knows how best to live for you, your neighbor and the whole country. It’s already clear that you should stay away from such people. Otherwise, your self-esteem will be brutally trampled, and your achievements will be equated with school diplomas. Around a critic, everyone feels like pathetic losers, and sooner or later, communicating with him will lead you to complete collapse. As in the previous case, I highly do not recommend getting involved with such a frame. Filter what he says and leave quickly.
In third place we have a person of principle. He has only one truth and a black and white view of the world. Only their beliefs, which were formed in their heads, deserve attention. Most often such a person can be found among officials or older people. Only the principled one receives some benefit from his behavior. No one around him likes his judgments; they make him feel a thousand times wrong and depressed. Even if you do something really good, if it does not coincide with the ideology of the principle, you are an enemy of the people. Often such people are guided by fundamental and strict religious rules. This can reach the point of absurdity. For example, did you know that according to the Bible, reading any books other than the Bible can be considered sinful? You don’t know, but the principle knows. And he will judge you and put pressure on your brain if he finds out that you are reading something. And this example was not made up out of thin air; such cases actually happen even now, in the twenty-first century.
How to understand that your loved ones are toxic people
In applied psychology, toxic character traits are viewed through the prism of the “dark triad” by DN Jones, DL Paulhus. Differentiating the Dark Triad within the interpersonal circumplex / Handbook of Interpersonal Psychology - narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy.
Narcissists are extremely self-centered and have an inflated sense of self-importance. Machiavellians are cunning manipulators who playfully use others to their advantage. And psychopathy is expressed through apathy, impulsiveness and a desire to take risks.
Some of these types of toxic people just irritate us to no end, like the friend who constantly brags about how great he is. Connecting with others threatens our self-esteem, happiness, and even mental health.
How to get rid of an unpleasant person
Sometimes, when dealing with someone who is particularly assertive, the question arises, how to get rid of communication with an unpleasant person? And one of those around whom such a thought always arises is an adviser. Those who reach out to everyone with their most useful advice and instructions. They will not hesitate to ask you even about the most personal things and give advice on how to do it better. Probably many of you recognize this as your favorite aunt from a distant village or an overly close acquaintance. There are quite a lot of such examples around. The adviser’s behavior can be explained by a lack of upbringing in childhood, when the little boy or girl did not have time to explain that doing so is ugly. Or maybe it's a cultural norm where that person lives. For example, in small towns and villages, a somewhat more direct and spontaneous manner of communication may well be permissible than in large settlements. Just in case, let me remind you that only you can manage your life and decide what is best for you and what you want. Because next to advisers, you can very quickly forget that any overly assertive person can be sent to hell with a clear conscience. Only your own decision can bring positive changes and a feeling of happiness into your life.
The next type of unpleasant people that we will now discuss are the shameless ones. For them there is no such thing as personal boundaries. Their borders end somewhere over the horizon. And everything that got into them will be carefully examined and sniffed out. It's not unusual for these people to rummage through other people's things, take something without asking, or wear your clothes without even telling you. Most often they live in large families or dormitories. They live quite comfortably in such conditions, because everything is in a visible place and they can (in their personal opinion) take whatever they want. It is quite normal for a shameless person to ask to spend the night with someone, even if his home is not far away, to ask an overly personal question, to use someone else’s toothbrush, or to borrow money and never return it. This behavior tells us about problems with separation from parents, when the child has not yet developed a full-fledged feeling that mother and other people are completely separate from him. And a person takes these childhood problems with him into adulthood, which brings a lot of discomfort to everyone around him.
Realize the need itself
Why did you decide to break off this relationship? Awareness of the reasons will not allow you to succumb to momentary weakness when remembering the good moments of your relationship and will give you strength to build new boundaries. Do you feel like you are being used? That you stop being yourself or change for the worse? That you just feel sorry for the time and emotions for this communication? Take at least a short break , allow yourself to be away from this person and find answers to the questions posed.
Do not give in to emotions and provocations: it is useful to think carefully about ending communication with a “cool head”
Who should you not communicate with?
And the last type of people you should not communicate with is ballast. An incomprehensible gray mass that differs little from the surrounding world. Nothing ever happens to them, they just live unnoticed by anyone. If such a person leaves the room, you most likely will not notice anything. They don't give you any emotions and don't even make you feel sorry. All that ballast can do is steal your time, distracting you with its complaints or presence from more interesting and important matters. Ballast is not at all interested in developing, striving for something, discovering something new in life and moving on. They are quite comfortable in their small swamp, in which everything has been studied for a long time and no surprises arise. The most common pastime for such people is staring at a blue screen. Be it a smartphone, computer or TV. The only thing you can be sure of with such a person is that nothing will change around him. Even 20 years after school, when you already have an apartment, children and, perhaps, a business, he is still searching for himself and lives with his parents. A most unpleasant type, to whom everything human is alien. They survive, not live.
So we have looked at the main types of unpleasant people you risk meeting in life. I hope you didn’t find anyone from your close circle among them or, God forbid, yourself. The only thing I can advise you is to stay away from them, there is no need to show pity and sympathy here. A person always does what he wants most. And if there is a really unpleasant person in front of you, then this is what he wants to be now. Make sure you don't become one of those people and love yourself enough to avoid them.
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Why do you need friends?
Man is a social being and needs communication. And preferably in a way where the interlocutor is on the same wavelength. That is why friends usually have a similar sense of humor or assessment of a given situation.
If a person has no friends, he feels rejected, unwanted and absolutely useless. Whereas friendly support allows you to feel like a self-sufficient, complete and interesting person. And we also want to be loved - not only by the chosen one or chosen one, who may one day find other halves, but also by close people. And nothing gives such a feeling of reliability and self-confidence as knowing that in case of failure your friends will support you - morally or financially.
