In the modern world, the cult of physical and psychological perfection prevails. The basis is strength, energy, material well-being and success. In an effort to meet society's expectations, people are forced to hide their experiences and problems. This leads to a feeling of inadequacy, deprivation of necessary support and limited communication.
Loneliness is a reason to figure out what doesn’t suit you in the people around you, and those around you - in you. Instead of falling into depression, it is better to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist and solve the problem.
Loneliness in psychology is considered a factor that has a destructive effect on a person’s emotional state. Often this forced state becomes the cause of depression.
Depression, according to ICD-10, is a mood disorder. It is considered a disease if the following symptoms are present for two or more weeks:
- depressed mood;
- loss of interest in favorite work, hobbies;
- pessimistic ideas about the future;
- lack of desire to communicate, refusal of social interaction;
- destructive thoughts regarding personal achievements and appearance;
- sleep and appetite disorders.
It is possible to get rid of depression due to a lack of personal life, but for this it is recommended to seek advice from a psychotherapist. The longer a person is alone with negative thoughts and feelings, the more severe the symptoms of the disorder will be.
The lies we believe when we think we're alone
It cannot be denied that many roads of suffering are incredibly deserted. Yes, it is true that there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9), and there are often more people who can understand our suffering than we think. However, these roads often remain deserted.
I remember when one of my kids was younger and we started to realize that he was struggling in ways that other kids didn't seem to do. As struggles turned into life-changing challenges, I left meetings, stores, and church feeling increasingly alone. I was on a scary journey that no one seemed interested in.
As the struggle intensified, I found myself withdrawing from those I cared about, staying home and suppressing the stress and emotional turmoil building up within me. Confused, afraid and with an uncertain future, I felt completely alone. Yes, there were those who tried to ask questions, offer suggestions or ways of communicating, but it never brought any real comfort. No one could truly dive into the pain, heartache and loneliness growing in my home and in my heart.
But do you know what I unexpectedly discovered during these lonely years? Gratitude for the lonely road I was given to travel. For with this came a greater understanding of what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ and to know Him not only as my Savior, but also as comfort, support, hope and strength. I believe that only after we are stripped of the comforts of this world can we experience the true depth, depth and height of his love for us.
While I am grateful for what God is doing in me through this trial, the enemy has been working hard to take advantage of my loneliness at every opportunity. However, despite my attacks and lies, Christ took advantage of the enemy's intentions and instead shows me that this path of loneliness is not outside of His perfect will and plan for me.
Let's highlight some of the lies we tend to believe during times of loneliness.
Emilia
Emilia is a spectacular brunette with legs that stretch from her ears and sparkling eyes. She is the mother of an equally beautiful daughter, Sonya: peachy cheeks, a smile like the most innocent creature in the world. True, Emilia is raising Sonya alone - after she separated from her foreign husband, all parental responsibilities fell on her. But Milya does not complain and is sincerely happy that she now has a daughter. And, most importantly, they, together with Sonya, finally returned to Russia.
6 years ago Emilia went abroad: she worked in a hotel reservation service, had fun and enjoyed life. It was at this time that she met her future husband: the brutal handsome man struck her with his confidence and charisma.
“He didn’t promise me mountains of gold and didn’t lay stars at my feet,” Emilia recalls, smiling. – I fell in love with him for his masculinity, and not for his romance. We can say with confidence that I was not with him because of the money. Although at that time he had two successful businesses. A beautiful romance ended with a wedding and the birth of a child. It was precisely “ended” - after Sonya’s appearance, Emilia’s chosen one seemed to be replaced.
“All 9 months while I was pregnant, we never quarreled,” recalls Milya. “I even called my mother in Karelia and, almost crying with happiness, admitted that our relationship had finally become ideal. But I wish I knew what would happen after childbirth! It’s clear that I devoted all my time to the child. But the husband began to find fault with every little thing. At first, I really tried my best - by the time my husband arrived, I was falling off my feet, but I didn’t show it. But then he began to make comments to me about my appearance: they say that you have gained weight and generally looked worse. I told him: let’s you spend a few hours a week with the child, and I’ll sign up for the gym? He is not. To my tears and attempts to find a compromise, he answered: you must manage everything yourself. Now I understand that this was a real psychological attack: not only did I just have a child, but I also have the whole house on me, plus my husband’s reproaches. I almost went crazy, and this is the honest truth.
If you miss quarrels, quarrels and more quarrels, there remains a dry residue - Emilia got divorced and returned to Russia. She says that at the last moment - when they put signatures on the divorce document - her ex-husband seemed to repent, he even cried. But they were never able to regain their lost happiness: now the ex-spouses communicate, but remotely, and even from time to time he asks her to come back. But the girl made a decision for herself: it makes no sense to go back, because people don’t change.
Mile has not become soggy or hardened. She says marriage has taught her a lot. And, oddly enough, she even thinks that she could have saved it if she had been a little more cunning. For example, turning a blind eye to fatigue and resentment, meeting your husband forever contented and happy.
“After all this experience, I began to appreciate Russian men so much,” she admits. – You can say that I understood what their charm is. If our men love, they love to the fullest. At the same time, the majority respects the choice of women, considers them equal, and cares about them. In general, I realized that the most important quality in a man is the ability to take care of his woman and his family. If this is not there, then there is nothing.
Milya admits: from now on she evaluates men critically, because now she has someone to protect - her daughter.
“Motherhood gives a woman incredible strength and enormous self-confidence,” says the girl. – Your worldview changes radically, as do you. If earlier I constantly thought that “everything will happen, but a little later,” now I realized: nothing will happen if you don’t start moving right now. This is an incentive, a powerful incentive. And now I know for sure that you shouldn’t be afraid. Be afraid to be left alone with your child, afraid that they will abandon you, betray you, leave you... A child should grow up in a happy family, even if this family consists of two people. A woman who has a child will never be alone. And this is our strength.
I am alone…
Lie: “Loneliness means I am alone.”
Truth: “Loneliness deprives those around me of external comfort, forcing me to seek comfort only in Christ.”
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in our afflictions... (2 Corinthians 1:3)
Yes, there are times when God allows us to feel alone in the world around us. However, despite our extreme aversion to loneliness, God's grace allows us to temporarily immerse ourselves deeper in His Word and prayer in search of hope and life-giving unity with Him. Christ knows that we cannot find true and lasting comfort in anyone but Him, for He alone is the God of all comfort.
By eliminating the earthly comforts that surround us, the Lord is guiding us in one of two directions: toward deeper intimacy with our Savior or toward the opening of an unrepentant heart that ultimately desires comfort.
Brother or sister in Christ, if you feel alone in your suffering, thank God that He loves you enough to allow this time in your life to bring you closer to Him. He does this not out of harshness, but out of a desire to strengthen your faith and provide you with what only he can give.
Are you afraid of intimacy?
Perhaps something went wrong in a previous relationship: you were hurt, your partner offended you, the breakup was difficult.
Or you had a difficult childhood - problems with your parents, difficulties at school. As a result, you associate close relationships with something scary and unpleasant, you are afraid that you will be hurt again, and do not allow potential partners to approach you. For example, you avoid contact with new people or start a relationship, and then, when it develops, you withdraw into yourself.
This behavior may be a sign of counterdependency or it may mean that you have not yet gotten over past negative experiences. Perhaps you just need time. Or, if the situation has been going on for a long time, help from a psychologist.
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