The family union of any marriage begins with feelings called love. At the same time, not all partners remember that respect becomes a strong foundation of the family hearth. After all, feelings will change their strength of manifestation, go through global transformations, and respect will remain the unshakable basis for preserving love. A frequent complaint from the female half of the audience to their companions is the question of what to do if the husband does not respect and appreciate his wife, how to behave, what advice from a psychologist? Is this a fair assumption for every stated phrase: “he doesn’t respect me”? It is worth lifting the curtain and seeing what the scenery of disrespectful attitudes in the family hides.
A game of four hands: when a husband does not respect and value his wife
A man usually loves women whom he respects;
a woman usually respects only the men she loves. Therefore, a man often loves women who are not worth loving, and a woman often respects men who are not worth respecting. Vasily Osipovich Klyuchevsky
- 1. False sense of disrespect
- 2. Reasons for true manifestations of disrespect of a husband towards his wife
- 3.How to deal with a husband who does not respect his wife: basic tips
- 4. The image of a woman, conducive to respect 4.1.1. Image and style
- 4.2.2. Exemplary mother and housewife
- 4.3.3. Desired lover
- 4.4.4. Professional self-realization of a woman
- 4.5.5. Wife's desire for self-development
- How to stop loving someone you love very much?
- What to do if your husband constantly insults and humiliates you? Let's fight back!
- A game of four hands: when a husband does not respect and value his wife
- How to forget a loved one: advice from a psychologist
- How to stop being jealous and suspicious of your husband: advice from a family psychologist
False sense of disrespect
Respect is the acceptance of another person's personality, character traits, values, opinions and actions as meaningful and important.
Only in this case is it permissible to say that the partner values his other half. The origins of women's disappointment in men lie in their own unjustified expectations. Both partners expect specific behavior that will be in tune with their personal ideas about life together.
It’s good when these ideas are adequate and do not border on fantasy. When expectations are not realistic, then the problem is rooted in the girl’s inflated claims, rather than in the disrespectful attitude of the “offender.”
I want to feel special, but my husband doesn’t respect or appreciate me...
False female expectations entail a subjective feeling of disrespect, including:
- Utopian expectations of a fairy tale and an obsession with romance.
A man will not carry in his arms, serve breakfast in bed and cover the bed with rose petals. Not all male souls are so sensual; besides, the period of falling in love passes, and the production of endorphin and oxytocin (“love hormones”) decreases. - Expectation of constant time together.
It is inherent in male nature that the spouse is a predator and breadwinner for his family. Becoming like an obedient pet goes against natural instincts. - Expectation of eloquent praise and compliments.
On the contrary, they are “silent” because they are guided by the predominant left hemisphere, therefore they analyze and reflect more than they speak. - Expectation of the predominance of affection and tenderness over sexual interests.
Male sexuality is more intolerant due to physiological characteristics and the basic need for sex. - Expectation of attentiveness to personal family dates, little things and details.
Here the point is in the peculiarities of the functioning of higher nervous activity. Guys think concretely, practically, globally. If it’s your loved one’s birthday, it matters what month it is, and the date itself will get closer. - Expectation of sharing child-rearing responsibilities equally.
It seemed like a natural wish. But the father is focused on the financial and practical side of providing comfortable housing, decent education, leisure, recreation and other benefits.
In the event that such a list is a pocket notebook of claims “for every day,” the wife needs to reconsider her level of claims and make it realistic.
Manipulation
Manipulation in relationships occurs, but is only acceptable as rare and unconscious behavior. If your man purposefully reads books on how to manipulate people and uses similar techniques in communicating with you, then this is a serious reason to think about it.
Especially if you feel psychological pressure from your partner, ignoring your attitude to the situation, his determination to insist on his opinion at all costs, even through manipulation. We advise you to read our material How to protect yourself from psychological manipulation, it will help you find the right strategy of behavior. Manipulation means there is no love in the relationship.
Reasons for true manifestations of husband's disrespect for his wife
True manifestations, when it can be reliably said that the husband does not respect and does not value his wife
, are considered:
- Authoritarian behavior.
- Criticism, constant monitoring.
- Not accepting the wife's needs and desires.
- Lack of interest in the problems and life of the spouse in general.
- Lack of assistance, non-acceptance of the right to rest and free leisure.
- Infringement of material and financial resources.
- Insults, rude communication and the use of psychological, physical or sexual violence.
- Sexual betrayal (cheating).
In such manifestations, the husband really does not respect or value his wife; the origins of such deformations of family values are ambiguous.
Reasons why a husband disrespects his wife:
- Retaken model of behavior from the parental family.
- Imitating the style of communication in the family by someone who is an authority for him.
- Childhood psychological trauma.
- Pronounced accentuations of character (negative personality traits that are on the verge of normality and pathology), egocentrism.
- Depreciation and disrespectful attitude of the wife.
Based on the reasons for the disruption of harmonious communication within the family, ways to get rid of the problem are chosen.
However, resolving the first four reasons is within the competence of specialists, but not the spouse. If the situation becomes critical and unfavorable for the psychological and physical health of the wife and children, the key to resolution is divorce. We will devote a separate paragraph to the last reason, the most common one.
If a husband does not value his wife: “show attention and respect to him,” psychologists recommend.
The psychologist's basic recommendations on what to do if the husband does not respect his wife may surprise the female audience. For a man to begin to value his wife, it is enough for him to demonstrate an alternative respectful attitude towards him. In this case, the mirror reflection technique works: “you shout at me - and I shout, you respect me - I respect you.”
What if he doesn’t ask you to get married? Does not love?
The question here is subtle. Maybe he loves him, you just ALREADY live with him, sleep with him, cook for him and give him all the goodies that a wife should give. Why, tell me, should he spend money and bind himself to obligations if he ALREADY has everything that marriage gives?
Intensive training “7 steps to a happy marriage”
BUT! If you tell a man that it is extremely important for you to register the relationship and you do not want and are not ready to continue living in cohabitation, he will offer you to sign if he really loves you (how exactly to talk about this is in this article).
If he resists with all his hands and feet or has been feeding you breakfast for many years now, then there are two options:
- His last marriage (or divorce) was so difficult that he never wants to repeat it. Either before his eyes there was or is a model of a very unhappy family in marriage - and therefore he is convinced that marriage destroys everything.
- He doesn’t love you and lives with you because it’s convenient for him and you’re not the same. Sorry.
How to deal with a husband who doesn't respect his wife: basic tips
- Accept the power of a man as the head of the family, his authority and leadership.
Both spouses can claim leadership status. But in men, the need to dominate is inherent historically, and if a man strives to be the leader, he will not give in and will resist his wife. - Communicate respectfully, without shouting or insults, from a position of equality.
An invaluable quality of a woman is calmness and self-control. Not every girl can be proud of her emotional restraint. This trait alone will attract male respect. - Accept his decisions without criticism, do not disparage his intellectual abilities.
A man needs approval of his ideas, actions and endeavors. Systematic counter-criticism labels: “the husband is stupid, the wife is smart.” After all, a woman’s trump card is beauty, and a man’s trump card is intelligence. - Appreciate his courage and sexual potential.
It is important to show feminine weakness, to give a man the opportunity to use his strength. Sex should be an accessible and natural privilege of family life, not an incentive carrot. - Share achievements and victories.
A small success, secured by the approval and praise of his wife, will motivate him to a big victory. - Acceptance of the environment (friends, relatives, colleagues), interests and personal space, leisure.
Spouses do not become one, their personalities do not merge into one. Therefore, these areas should be separated. Both partners have the right to personal leisure and freedom. By showing interest and approval in your personal space, you demonstrate not only respect for your husband, but also trust (this also applies to personal belongings: gadgets, notebooks, social network accounts). - Highlight and emphasize its advantages.
There is not a single ideal person in the world. The partner is also no exception, but there are things that he does especially well. The habit of regularly emphasizing such virtues will provide good fuel for maintaining self-esteem.
Important tip
If you are convinced that your man does not love you, do not waste your precious time. There are many good men in the world. And you can become the woman who delights and attracts those who are worthy, and not those for whom you “well, I’ll live with this one until I find someone better...”.
But for this you need to upgrade yourself in the topic of relationships. In this sense, I highly recommend reading our blog and watching our daily free webinars on relationships. I am sure that everyone will learn something useful from these lessons.
An image of a woman that commands respect
Everyone will agree that, for example, a hairdresser with unkempt hair does not inspire professional trust. Likewise, a wife who claims priority positions in her husband’s life list must maintain an appropriate image. Let's talk about this in more detail:
Image and style
The inevitable fate of the fair half is that a woman should always be beautiful, stylish, neat, regardless of her status as a housewife or businesswoman. A lover always wants to see a stylish, attractive companion next to him.
Exemplary mother and housewife
These archetypal ideas are still relevant in today's gender-equal times. The husband appreciates the keeper of the family hearth; it is pleasant for him to return after a hard day at work to a clean house, in which well-groomed children are running around, and a hot dinner is waiting on the table.
Desired lover
The woman who is valued is the one who fills him with sexual energy, awakens desire, creates intrigue, and not just one who allows him to fulfill his marital duty in moments of good health.
Professional self-realization of a woman
Not a single housewife, even the most efficient one, will command as much respect as a woman who has a specialty, position, and professional responsibilities. She needs a profession to develop and become a self-sufficient person, and men are attracted to women’s independence.
Wife's desire for self-development
The second half should be interesting to his partner, he should see her obvious strengths, the desire to develop and improve herself. Few people will be interested in an overweight housewife, obsessed with sales and promotions in online stores.
Dangerous Misconception
Many girls believe that a man enters into a serious relationship only for love.
This is wrong. A huge number of men date girls and even marry them simply because it’s COMFORTABLE for them, and they simply haven’t met anyone better yet.
- It's convenient when the house is clean.
- It's convenient when they bring you dinner.
- It's convenient to have sex always at hand.
- And it’s especially convenient if the girl is “relaxed”: she earns money herself, goes shopping herself, carries heavy things herself, does repairs, cleaning and everything, everyone, everything, wanting to show what gold she is.
This is exactly the reason why some men begin to “seem”, become indignant and protest when a girl ceases to be comfortable. And as a result they run away. Because when it was convenient and there was no need to strain, it was normal. When it became necessary to strain, it became no longer normal. Although a loving man calmly accepts the fact that his woman needs help, and that she is not always convenient for him.
So, dear girls, if he kisses you, sleeps with you and lives with you, this does not clearly indicate his love for you.
Note: sometimes men begin to behave strangely, irritated and aloof not because they have fallen out of love, but because with your behavior you are destroying their masculinity and killing their warm feelings for you. I’ll write about this later too. To avoid missing out, subscribe to new articles!
Can fortune tellers help solve the problem?
Women often visit sorcerers and healers.
Popular verdicts - evil eye, damage, love spell. The fortune teller has a good understanding of people and analyzes the visitor’s likely difficulties, often associated with men. She programs the visitor with certain information; the woman believes in the well-being of the family.
Advice! Don't go to fortune tellers, don't waste time and money. It is simply stupid to expect that your husband will respect you after the ritual has been performed and the potion has been drunk.
What to do in case of a quarrel?
If a quarrel could not be avoided, take a step towards reconciliation first.
The wife should use the recommendations to eliminate conflicts:
- Control your emotions: take a breath, hold your breath, count to 20.
- Speak respectfully, without insults. Be patient and kind.
- Share your experiences with your partner more often. Use phrases: “I feel...”, “I feel unpleasant...”, etc.
- Look for compromises.
Advice! If a quarrel cannot be avoided, take the first step towards reconciliation. Show your willingness to give in.
How to teach your husband to be jealous and afraid of losing, and is this necessary?
Jealousy can improve relationships in the following cases:
- The couple have been together for a long time, the husband is not afraid of losing his wife.
- Having a mistress.
- Feelings cooled.
What to do if you decide to make your husband jealous:
- Be unavailable. Miss some calls. Appear busy and enthusiastic.
- Look beautiful, bright. Update your wardrobe, do your hair and makeup. Tell your husband that you are trying exclusively for him.
- Bring the flowers home calmly , say that you gave them, do not say the name of the giver.
Advice! If the husband cheats, then the only way to awaken jealousy is the appearance of a gentleman nearby.
Why men manipulate women - the answer from the point of view of extrasensory perception
Because... I know that there are many examples to be written here. I will limit myself to the relevance of the latest world statistics. Manipulation is a fairly common phenomenon in society and in esotericism, often characterized by the creation, maintenance and development of co-dependent relationships. In particular, in psychology this algorithm is called the Karpman Triangle, which clearly and clearly describes the change of roles in this system. In magic, this algorithm appears in Aleister Crowley's deck - the Three of Disks, and essentially means the same thing.
From the point of view of energy, these are simply entry points in the form of algorithms of the psyche of one individual, which, when interacting with another individual, lead to a leakage of energy; by energy you can mean anything you like. From personal time to loss of finances. In our country, women even manage to provide for men. In my opinion, this is just some kind of nightmare. But these postulates also work in the opposite direction. Simply, due to the peculiarities of the psyche and mentality of our country, men are not inclined to take their grievances (which also exist and accumulate) into society and in the future they will lose a lot in terms of health resources.
So it wouldn’t be superfluous to analyze whether you are playing the role of the Executioner in this triangle? And who plays in general, what right does one person have to play with the feelings of another? There are also situations when an overplayed individual, regardless of gender, eventually runs into major problems in the form of reverse karmic processes. Because he decided that a person’s soul can be played with and he pays for it for the rest of his life. Pays very dearly. Let’s go back to the article, why is it manipulated, you say?
Because we got used to it and copied it somewhere, but we haven’t yet been hit hard enough or hard enough on the head for violating the laws of the Universe, but the hatchet is already hanging and can hit at any moment. It's like a time bomb in which the timer has already started. And men manipulate only those women who have the very entry points that allow this manipulation. If you are not familiar with the topic of the Karpman Triangle, then I recommend reading the article, you can search on my resource.
Or other sources on the Internet. It will be very, very useful for healing your psyche. And remember, there is always a way out and a choice. And it may well be that, due to your upbringing or other beliefs that were ingrained deep in childhood, for some reason you do not give yourself this choice. But the mechanisms of the flow of this energy are very deep and unconscious for people who are not involved in their personal development, so we have what we have.
