Not in the mood: how to delicately refuse sex to a man?

Tips on how to refuse a guy without offending: Pexels Not knowing how to gently refuse fans, Blake Lively ran away from them in the film “The Age of Adaline.” Ordinary women in most cases act differently - they either give in under the onslaught of arguments or respond with rudeness to any proposal. Psychologist and personal trainer Yaroslav Samoilov explained how to avoid such situations and correctly refuse a guy.

Forget about pity

No matter how strong a man is, a woman’s refusal will affect his emotional state and health, especially if the chosen one is rude or looks down on him. This attitude leads to stress, depression and loss of self-confidence. You can refuse a guy in a gentle form.

Don't want to accept a man's advances or meet him for dinner? Say it directly, without evasive excuses or coquetry. Men are not children, they can survive rejection and cope with their feelings. You should not agree to any proposal from a guy out of pity, for fear of offending him.

According to psychologist Christina Valko, such an attitude (pity) hurts the guy’s sense of dignity and offends him. To avoid possible conflicts, calmly and clearly tell the truth and do not try to console your boyfriend after that.

Feelings of Rejection and Rejection

Of course, it is unpleasant and offensive to be rejected when you approach your partner in the hope of relaxing him and lifting his spirits. However, on the other hand, it is terrible to be the one who rejects, because at this moment you do not want to hurt your loved one with your words, let him down and make him feel unwanted.

In an effort to avoid such unpleasant sensations, initiating sex often becomes a burdensome baggage. Many people are afraid that if they refuse intercourse too often, their partner will subsequently not attempt anything in the future. It is for this reason that some often agree to what they do not want, “just not to upset.” However, studies have shown that having sex to avoid relationship problems causes more harm than it helps.

Use compliments

Girls regularly receive various offers from familiar and unfamiliar guys. They are offered:

• going to the cinema;
• walks in the park;
• dates in a restaurant;
• stable relationships;
• hand and heart and much more.

It is not at all necessary to agree to everything proposed, but refusal, according to personal trainer Yaroslav Samoilov, is better accompanied by praise. When formulating a refusal, the psychologist recommends using the “compliment - program - compliment” technique.

The girl needs to praise some quality of the guy (not his appearance), and then explain the reason for the refusal. For example, “I already have a boyfriend” or “I prefer older men.” End the conversation with another compliment, said in the format “I’m sure a guy like you will easily find a worthy girl.”

After such a refusal, the man will experience a surge of strength and self-confidence, and will also be imbued with respect for the weaker sex.

How to refuse a guy without offending him: tips: Pexels

How to maintain friendships and continue communication

It didn't matter that he just wanted sex from her or a long-term romantic relationship. He took the first step and expressed his intentions. And of course, refusal is not what the man wanted to hear from the girl. He may react impulsively. Aggression (defense mechanism) is often used. Therefore, be prepared for such inappropriate behavior.

Remember that he will soon cool down and realize that such behavior is unacceptable. Stay calm and don't get emotional. Be generous and try to understand the motives for his behavior. This will help you get out of the situation gracefully and will not allow you to be compromised. Well, in turn, it will have a positive effect on future friendly relations.

Be honest

You can refuse a stranger by saying that you are in love or in a relationship. But what to do with a boyfriend with whom you’ve already gone on one date?

First of all, don’t avoid communication. It is forbidden:

• ignore SMS and messages on social networks;
• constantly dropping calls;
• turn off the phone.

This behavior offends men and has a bad effect on their self-esteem. Gently and delicately tell the person the truth, for example, that meeting him was pleasant, but the guy can only be a friend. A man will appreciate the fact that the girl does not waste his time and her honesty.

Denial of intimacy

Having understood how to behave, you need to remember that there are two forms of refusal:

• soft;
• hard.

Which one to use is up to you. However, it is better to be guided by the circumstances.

Soft refusal

This form suggests that after hints of intimacy or other relationships, it is necessary to continue communication with this man. In this case, tell him that you don't want to ruin your friendship (or work relationship) with him. A gentle refusal presupposes politeness and delicacy on the part of the woman.

Remember that you cannot refuse in too lenient a form. A man will take this as insecurity and will continue to pursue you with greater persistence. It is better to tactfully indicate your reluctance and ask them not to make such proposals in your direction again.

Firm refusal

Once you are sure that you are not in danger, you can answer in a firm form. Of course, if necessary. However, it is worth remembering that too harsh a refusal will cause aggression on the part of the young man. Therefore, you shouldn’t go too far either.

Tell your boyfriend that you are not interested in a relationship or sex with him. Make a brief argument and try to end the conversation as quickly as possible.

Do not apologize

Under the pressure of persistent guys, some girls are ready to give up, sacrificing their interests and personal space. To avoid unwanted acquaintances, they leave wrong phone numbers for boyfriends or begin to justify the refusal with various reasons.

You shouldn’t indulge in arguments about why you don’t want to meet someone today. You have not done anything wrong and have the right to refuse the meeting. If saying a simple “no” to a stranger is difficult, use proven phrases:

• “I don’t like meeting people on the street.”
• “I don’t have time to talk, I’m in a hurry.”
• “I’m not in the mood for dating today.”

If the guy continues to insist and engages you in conversation with all his might, ignore him and go about your business. Don't be afraid to seem harsh. According to practicing psychologist Natalya Vedmesh, a man must respect a girl’s personal boundaries.

How to refuse a guy without offending him: tips: Pexels

How to refuse sex to your husband without offending him?

Your favorite movie is about to start! And then suddenly the faithful appears and pesters with an insistent demand for immediate intimacy. Well, what should we do with it? How can you refuse your husband sex if, you see, you must always be ready for him? But we’re not ready, that’s all! And what to do in this case? Kick your foot or throw a pillow? Yeah, so he fell behind after that... A good option is to be rude or even call him names. He'll probably be offended and quit. Then you can calmly watch TV.

Only this is the situation that can develop. The man will sulk, sulk, and then give up and find himself a more accommodating partner. Then we'll watch enough TV series until we're sick. And we will wonder for a long time why he, so-and-so, turns his back in bed or is no longer in it at all. But the answer is here it is, right on the surface! There was no need to be rude to my husband when all his organs were tuned to love and affection. Are we in the wrong mood? So let's send him away diplomatically! And the excited organs will then calm down, and the thought of getting into someone else’s bed will not arise.

Men are creatures with a subtle mental organization. Getting under their skin is a piece of cake.

Especially when it comes to sex. Regularly telling your husband “no” in a stern tone is like stepping on a cat’s tail. The cat screams, hisses and hides under the sofa. A man, if his wife refuses sex, snaps, sulks and, at best, runs off to another room, at worst, to someone else’s apartment. Go and get him out of there later... Well, then how can you refuse intimacy without risking the relationship? Let's think about this question.

A man's reaction to refusal of sex Why do we want to be rude if our better half asks for sex at the wrong time? Because subconsciously, and sometimes consciously, we perceive this as aggression and an attempt at violence. And we reflexively resist and release our claws, trying to fight back. Leave me alone, my dear and infinitely beloved one. Otherwise the claws will come into play. Well, it would seem, what’s incomprehensible here? However, this is all clear to us. Men, on the other hand, perceive this kind of “tram-tam-tam” with claws differently. An attempt to make love with a spouse in their minds becomes tantamount to a scandal. As a result, the husband comes to the conclusion that if his beloved sharply refuses sex, it means that he does not satisfy her. What do the stronger sex do in this case? They try to assert themselves on the side. Where, along with something else, self-esteem also rises. The spouse's trips to the left can end disastrously for the family. Why should he bother himself by constantly getting out, hiding, running from house to house? Isn’t it easier to completely move to the one who is “always ready”? Easier. Especially when the beloved, having learned about the betrayal, rashly deports her husband to someone else’s land. No, maybe some of the women dream of such an outcome. And they deliberately deny intimacy with their spouse in order to get rid of him. But most of us still don’t want our shirts to disappear from our wardrobe one day or our slippers to disappear from our hallway. Therefore, refusing sex when you don’t want it at all is the right thing to do. After all, we are responsible for those whom we once tamed! There are several ways to avoid intimacy without offending your beloved man.

There are several ways to avoid intimacy without offending your beloved man.

Ways to refuse sex without conflict If a loved one comes up to us and timidly asks to let his “boy” in, we shouldn’t, of course, force ourselves into bed. There is nothing good about this. A normal man will notice that we let the “boy” in by gritting our teeth. Deciding that intimacy is a bitter pill for his wife, he will harbor a grudge. And as a result, he may take revenge. How – read above. In order not to offend the faithful, it is necessary to switch him from intimacy to something else. For example, if a husband is interested in playing poker – for a poker tournament, computer games – for a new toy…. Hate poker and computers in general? Then together with my husband we watch some sports program: football, hockey, boxing... It’s okay that at first twenty-two men running around after one ball will seem meaningless and uninteresting. And the fight in the ring is a terrifying sight. A lot of women who were once indifferent to sports become interested in it and even become sports fans. Who knows, maybe the same thing will happen to us. And if not, then for the sake of a dear man (as long as he doesn’t pester you!) you can sometimes make small sacrifices. He will be so pleased! Is it completely unbearable to make such sacrifices? Then let's combine business with pleasure. Is your husband pestering you for sex during an interesting program? Let’s do some light petting first, and then move on to the gentle caresses of the “boy.” Hands free! And then, lo and behold, the show will end, and you won’t want to give up sex yourself. And finally, you can smile sweetly and coo in your loved one’s ear: “I’m not ready today. But tomorrow I’ll arrange something like this! You'll rock! After all, men are worried not so much about the fact of refusal of sex, but about:

The method by which intimacy was rejected; The tone of the phrase spoken when refusing sex; Not knowing when sex will happen or whether it will happen at all. So we gently refuse intimacy, promising that tomorrow it will certainly take place. At the same time, the promise must certainly be fulfilled. And try to make the sex so virtuoso that the faithful will go crazy. Then next time he will willingly agree to delay intimacy, expecting something enchanting from him. In any case, the advances of a loved one cannot be ignored or rudely rejected. You need to talk to the man kindly, delicately motivating your boycott. The proverbial headache won't work. She will also take her for an examination to find out why her wife suffers from headaches so often and how to get rid of them. Like after the doctors’ verdict “Perfectly healthy!” make excuses to your spouse? So it’s better to invent something more original than non-existent diseases. Husbands often run away from wives exhausted by pseudo-diseases! In general, in order not to rack our brains over how to beautifully refuse sex, we should remember that intimacy is a pleasant and extremely useful activity. It calms, rejuvenates, relieves stress, and finally reduces weight! There is no doubt that everyone's libido is different. Some people want intimacy every day, some want it once a week, and some don’t want it at all, preferring ethereal love. But still, the overwhelming majority of representatives of both sexes naturally have a normal level of sexual desire. And problems can arise due to: Lack of sleep.

Lack of sleep negatively affects the human body as a whole. Libido also suffers significantly from it. Therefore, you should try to sleep at least eight hours a day. It’s not possible to get enough sleep on weekdays;

Lack of normal physical activity. Today, a lot of people sit at the computer from morning to evening. As a result, vitality drops and sexual desire disappears. To prevent this from happening, you need to at least do morning exercises regularly. But it would be better to go to the gym once a week and work out there for at least an hour. Even a short walk helps restore sexuality if you walk at a fast pace;

Strict diet. With such diets, sexual desire is dulled due to a lack of vitamins and minerals. Restriction in the diet leads to the fact that our body does not receive them in the required volume. What kind of intimacy can we talk about if the legs can barely be moved? It is advisable to eat normally. But if a diet is necessary, aphrodisiac foods should be included in the diet. And your libido will be fine!

Ask for money

Some representatives of the stronger sex are not used to rejection. Hearing a polite “no,” many of them turn the woman’s words into a joke and continue trying to ask her out on a date.

There is a very simple and effective way to turn off such stupid men. Ask the impudent applicant for a tidy sum. There is no need to use feminine tricks and dodge. Speak openly: “Give me money. I need to go to the beauty salon / pay for utilities / fix the washing machine.”

After this phrase, the desire to go to the cinema or on a full-fledged date with you will disappear for most applicants.

Guys can be very persistent, but a girl has every right to refuse their advances and proposals. The main thing is not to use feminine tricks. If you are not playing or trying to gain your value, speak directly and truthfully.

Original article: https://www.nur.kz/family/relationship/1425999-kak-gramotno-otkazat-muzhchine-v-sekse/

Tactics and rules of refusal

In order to coexist harmoniously with people in society, it is necessary to learn to live without offending the feelings of others. This rule must always be followed, and even when you don’t like something. It is important to understand that this is not about pleasing others, but, on the contrary, respecting one’s own desires and the feelings of others.

READ Why sex is needed and why it is useful to have it

It is worth considering refusal strategies and tactics that will help you understand how to properly refuse a man a relationship and intimacy:

• Straightforwardness. This tactic involves openly denying the proposal. For example, a man insists on a relationship, and in response the girl says: “Thanks, but no!” She does not continue to argue for refusal. This tactic has its own characteristics. If a man is persistent, then he will continue to pester the woman until he hears from her the true reason for the refusal. In addition, a straightforward “no” can provoke conflict. Therefore, this tactic should not always be used.

• Sympathy and refusal. The essence of this method of refusal is to sincerely understand the feelings and emotions of a man. You should listen to the proposal and possible arguments, show your compassion and refuse. This tactic is especially effective when it comes to communicating with a person who is looking for a relationship not because of feelings, but for the sake of these relationships themselves (he is simply lonely or society demands it so). Usually such men are not dangerous in terms of conflict, so you should show them your empathy and smoothly lead them to refusal.

• Justified refusal. This tactic should be used when the situation allows you to say “no” and justify the refusal, justifying all the reasons. Speech defenses are built on the basis of the following construction: “No, I can’t be with you because...”. This form will always sound convincing if it is filled with objectivity of judgment.

• Postponement. From the name of the tactic it is clear that it involves the opportunity to gain time in order to make the right decision. However, if you are looking for a way to politely refuse intimacy with a man while remaining in a good and warm relationship, it is better not to use this refusal option. You need to turn to him when you are really not sure that you want to avoid a relationship or intimacy with a young man.
• Compromise. A refusal in this form is based on the fulfillment of part of the young man’s proposal. He wants to be with you, but it's impossible? Offer the man communication in a friendly manner. If he insists and says that this is not enough, tell him that in this case you should stop communicating.

Basic mistakes, or how not to reject them

Wanting to close the topic of conversation, girls choose the wrong tactics of behavior. It is impossible to indicate categoricality:

• giving a man false hopes;
• avoid refusal;
• behave rudely, aggressively and provoke a man;
• agree to intimacy with its delay due to politeness.

Please note that when refusing, you should not be flirtatious or behave too softly. The young man will perceive this behavior as flirting. Therefore, if you decide to reject a young man, then remain serious and unshakable.

Have you decided that you will not accept a man’s advances? Try not to be ambiguous in your words and actions. Let's fight back as soon as we notice advances in your direction. Don't be rude or aggressive. After all, a rude refusal will not always help avoid unpleasant communication. However, you should not behave too softly. Excessive politeness can be regarded as coquetry. Consider the psychological type of the admirer and find the right way out of unnecessary courtship.

Medical indications

There are a number of situations in which it is better to refuse lovemaking - any gynecologist will tell you this. There are “red days of the calendar” and days before/after some tests. There is no need to share intimate details with your boyfriend. It is enough to inform in a serious voice that “the doctor did not order.”

via GIPHY

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“There are men to whom it is easier to give in than to explain why you don’t want it”

Why is it difficult for us to refuse?

Most women are kind and gentle creatures by nature. If they feel that their behavior can offend a person, they will try to avoid it.

Their mind tells them that they need to refuse the annoying boyfriend, but their heart does not allow this to happen.

In addition, it is difficult for a girl raised in a family where the dominant role belongs to a man to overcome the habit of subordination to the opposite sex.

Many inexperienced girls are disarmed by a guy’s activity. They are afraid that if they refuse, a physically strong man may use force. Fear fetters their will and prevents them from acting decisively.

This happens especially often if the man is an experienced seducer who is well versed in female psychology. He can, with subtle tricks (gentle glances, light touches, the right words), “hypnotize” his victim, who simply cannot say “no.”

It’s even worse if a woman is financially or morally dependent on a fan: he is her boss, father-in-law or sports mentor. Then she finds herself faced with a difficult choice and often gives in under its pressure.

It is especially difficult to refuse a young man who likes a girl. She is already under the influence of his charm and will definitely respond to his call. It’s good if the passion develops into a strong feeling, and the young lady will not be left alone after the first date.

Reasons for female refusal of intimacy

Banal fatigue. Fatigue accumulated over the working week, the boss shouted, I was sick and tired of traffic jams. And then the man with his cheerful mood became more active. But if a man comes from the other side, for example, gives his lady a relaxing massage, offers a glass of wine, then this can set the woman in the right mood.

Illness and poor health. No one is immune from the disease. During periods of illness, women tend to behave this way: they withdraw from their partners and react with aggression to offers to have sex.

Disgust. This can happen to both a new partner and an old one. In a long-term relationship, this period occurs after about 2-3 years. Psychologists advise not to focus on this, start keeping a diary of gratitude to your man every day and just get over it.

Resentment. In this case, the woman simply punishes the man with a lack of intimacy. This option for resolving conflicts is the worst. If a woman abuses such punishment, then sooner or later the couple will break up.

Have a conversation at the right time

Choose a convenient time. You should not communicate at a tense moment for the boss. You may have an idea of ​​his schedule, but it’s best to check with your assistant about his availability. Depending on the culture and communication practices of the office, ask if the manager has a few minutes to talk.

• Have the conversation in private if your work situation allows it.

• Consider the specifics of a particular day (how busy the boss is, whether he might be irritated).

• When a conversation needs to be held in the first part of the day, it is better to choose a time for this before lunch.

• If you know that the boss comes to work early, try to “catch” him while there are no other employees.

Preventive measures

You immediately indicate that the evening will not be “languid” (and not when he came out of the shower, wearing only a condom). That is, you inform in advance: “Vova, we have a lot of time ahead, but I immediately want to hint that today we will not be close. Mercury in Saturn, Moon in Venus—I’m not in the right mood.” At the same time, watch your intonation, facial expressions and gestures. A benevolent attitude, like a negative one, can be read instantly. If you grumble dissatisfiedly, a quarrel cannot be avoided. So, smile! And refuse... And smile. As a result, the partner pours the wine into glasses without experiencing unnecessary illusions or unpleasant emotions.

via GIPHY

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Refusing your ex: how to behave

You broke up and enough time has passed to start moving forward. You have just arranged your life and no longer remember the past. But suddenly your ex-boyfriend or spouse appears and admits that he still loves you.

You are confused. On the one hand, you were once connected by warm feelings, and it seems that you cannot ignore the person. On the other hand, you feel great and are not going to walk in circles.

How to refuse an ex-man? You don’t need his money, or any of his help. Thank him again for remembering you fondly. Confidently explain that you are not ready to return to the past, and are creating a new scenario for your life.

And to make this scenario bright and romantic, start getting high on yourself, on the positive events that happen to you.
At the “The Art of Female Flirting” training, we talk a lot about how to achieve such ease. After all, this is the only way you can attract love to yourself and increase it day after day. Registration for the training takes place on the official website of the Pavel Rakov shopping center. Girls, share your experience. For example, I have heard stories about how women refused a man in order to become even more attached to them. It happens?

Postpone sex until tomorrow

Quite often it happens that husbands go to satisfy their sexual needs with their mistresses, because their wives constantly have headaches. If you are very tired or feel unwell, you need to honestly admit this to your partner and reschedule sex for the next day. However, tomorrow you must fulfill your promise, otherwise your partner will no longer believe your words. By the way, sex therapists have come to the conclusion that good sex relieves headaches. So, maybe it's time to stop using this excuse?