I don't want a husband

A woman has several roles to play: mistress of the house, cook in the kitchen, lover in bed. If there are practically no problems with cleaning and preparing dinner, then there are serious difficulties with the third point. At a certain stage of a relationship, a woman may have the thought: “I don’t want a husband at all.” What to do in this case - advice from psychologists will tell you.

I don't want a husband anymore

“There was a time when we could make love absolutely anywhere. It was mind blowing for both of us. And I remember how, when leaving, I counted the minutes, I wanted so much to hug him, to cuddle up to him. When we met, the first thing we did was throw ourselves into bed. If there was no bed, go into the bushes. If there were no bushes - in the car. Any place was suitable. But, that's all gone. Children were born. I don't want a husband anymore. Why don't I want a husband anymore? I can’t answer this question for myself...”

Psychologist's comment

Answers to the question “Why don’t I want a husband anymore?” will probably be unexpected and sometimes unpleasant for you.

1.You don’t want a husband anymore because you have completed the task that nature set for you.

You met a man, you developed an attraction that led to you getting pregnant and having children.

And, it very often happens that it is after the birth of children that a woman turns on the so-called maternal dominant in the brain. Which refocuses the efforts of her psyche NOT on the process of reproduction, but on the process of raising and surviving her children and maintaining the family hearth.

It is so intended by nature that as the task of reproduction is completed with a certain male, this switch occurs in the woman.

And there is absolutely no need to be upset about this, because there is a way out of this situation, and I will tell you about it below.

In addition, as they write everywhere, factors work against libido:

2. Chronic fatigue

Everything is clear here.

3. Poor organization of your life

When you simply cannot organize yourself in such a way as to make time for a romantic meeting with your husband.

4.Health problems

And, most often, hormonal imbalances. And, this may be caused by:

-Taking birth control pills (they reduce hormones to a minimum, and with them libido)
-Premenopause and menopause
-Diseases of the endocrine system

In general, it is worth saying that, in principle, female hormonal changes are a very interesting thing. You have probably noticed that over the course of a month your desire for your husband fluctuates from “I want it madly, I’m ready to climb the wall” to “don’t come near me, you disgust me.”

This is all due only to fluctuations in female hormones. Therefore, in general, this is the norm.

But there are still serious health problems.

And, if you say that “I don’t want a husband anymore and I don’t want to live with him” and at the same time, you suspect that this may be caused by health problems, then it’s worth getting examined.

Gadgets away5

Modern people cannot imagine their life without computer games, social networks and television. The parallel world draws girls in, and there is no time left for live communication with their partner. When women follow the lives of famous people, live other people's lives and emotions, then there is not enough room for their own interests. The solution in this situation is to limit technical devices and assign a fixed time.

To begin with, of course, you need to understand this dependence. When a person does not understand that he is paying more attention to the virtual world than necessary, then when he tries to snatch it away, he begins to get angry. Therefore, if a girl does not want to devote time to your sexual pleasures, try to captivate her with you, make her life rich and interesting, so that she feels better with you.

I don’t want a husband at all - I want another

“I don’t want a husband, I want another.” This happens at that stage of your relationship with your husband when you are disappointed that you can establish a normal relationship with him. Which will bring you back to wanting to have sex with him.

It is the feeling of disappointment that is the point of no return that makes you want something else if there is nothing wrong with your libido.

And it’s not at all necessary that your husband is some kind of bad person, or a drunkard or a drug addict or a terrible sociopath. Not at all. He can be a very good, wonderful person. But at the same time, he does not give his wife those emotions and does not cover those needs that are really important to you.

As an example, the most common one, I will give this situation.

A completely wonderful man in all respects, his parents’ family simply did not teach him how to properly show attention to a woman. He does not have the option of giving flowers for no reason, making small gifts for no reason, or telling her every day that she is the most beautiful, the best, the most desirable.

Or he doesn’t know how to listen to her well and competently. The correct way to listen to a woman is to give her 15-20 minutes to speak out (without advice or attempts to solve the problem!) and only repeat to her “I understand. Continue". This is the advice of John Gray, a world-renowned professor of female-male relationships, whose book “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” is probably familiar to you.

And this situation described above is the most common one that leads women to disappointment in a man.

But, of course, in your case he may be an alcoholic, a drug addict, a psychopath, or someone else.

In any case, if your libido is preserved, but psychologically you are disappointed in your husband, then your libido will push you into a relationship with another man.

Development of desire: from surface to depth

Sexual desire towards a man is usually superficial at first. Sex is devoid of depth and feeling. The body plays a greater role in the process than the soul. Sensuality becomes a way to attract the attention of a partner, to awaken attraction in him. However, relationships do not stand still, like everything in nature, they develop according to their own laws. Gradually your feelings for your partner change, you begin to perceive him differently. For example, in psychotherapy, similarly, there comes a period when it seems that nothing is happening and nothing is changing, and therefore the desire to continue the transformation process disappears. The meaning is lost. Topics of conversation disappear. And I always emphasize that this is when real therapy begins. And all you feel is resistance. It’s just that at the beginning of interactions we communicate on a conscious level, gradually moving towards the unconscious, and when we get close to it, we run into defenses, which manifests itself as a struggle. This is a period of so-called calm. Having experienced it, we will be open to working with the deep structures of the psyche.

It’s the same in relationships. When you reach a certain depth in your union, it seems to you that sexual desire has disappeared. In fact, true attraction related to love has not yet awakened.

You are just about to get to know your true self and the essence of your partner. Once you pass this stage, you will be open to a deeper partnership. And then true trust will begin to emerge, and in your attitude towards a man you will feel a different tenderness and depth.

I don’t want to cheat on my husband, although I don’t want intimacy with him.

A dual situation: I don’t want a husband, but I don’t want to cheat on my husband. This moment causes such dissonance in consciousness that it looks like a brain explosion.

“And I don’t want a husband and I don’t want to cheat on my husband” - let’s see what could cause such dissonance.

“I don’t want to cheat on my husband” is wonderful. This suggests that you have excellent moral principles . You remain faithful to him, even at the moment when you already realized that your libido is silent and sad at the sight of him. In this situation, you still hope that it will change. That something will happen, there will be some advice (from a psychologist) and something can be fixed.

If you don't want to cheat on your husband, then don't cheat.

Pools of fear in the unconscious

When we meet a man and start a relationship, our unconscious “sleeps”. Therefore, at first everything is easy and simple. We have minimal complaints against our partner and virtually no expectations. We don't get attached and therefore we can easily be ourselves. The boundaries of the “I” are not blurred, and there is no strong interest in relationships. At the same time, sexual desire is increased, because the couple’s space is free from all experiences, fears and anxieties. As the relationship develops, your internal barriers and defenses weaken, and everything that was repressed into the depths of the psyche begins to become active. Fears come to life, painful feelings rush to the surface, and your deepest ideas about a man and relationships make themselves known. And if in childhood your loved ones caused you some pain, then it is clear that in an alliance with a man you will be afraid to experience it again. Therefore, your body involuntarily shuts down, which leads to a loss of sexual desire.

I don’t want a husband, what should I do? Psychologist's advice

1. Find out whether decreased libido is a consequence of health problems.

And, most often, some hormonal problems.

For this purpose, there are doctors such as gynecologists, endocrinologists who will help direct you to the analysis you need. Tell you what exactly you need to hand over.

Most often you need to take hormones such as:

Women - estrogens;
follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH);
prolactin;
progesterone
and, Testosterone

All of them can have an impact on your libido. If there are some serious problems with them, then, of course, what kind of desire can we talk about? Hormone therapy is required.

Just hormonal fluctuations

If no serious problems with hormones have been identified, it’s just that during the month your libido and desire for your husband varies from zero and even negative to very high.

And this happens all the time, and you notice it, then we decide that these are just normal hormonal changes during the cycle.

In principle, this is normal for most women of reproductive age.

And in this situation I can give one piece of advice:
When you really want it, seize these moments, grab your husband and enjoy the intimacy, eat it up. So that your appetites are fully satisfied.

And in those moments when you don’t feel like it, just take it calmly, with the understanding that your hormones are now sleeping and your libido is sleeping along with them. He is sleeping, not dead.

In this situation, you can simply “Give” to your husband. At the same time, explain to him that “my hormones are now dormant, and along with them my libido is dormant.” Therefore, dear, beloved, sweet husband, I can just give it to you now - if you want, here you go.

If there are unresolved conflicts and difficult feelings between you

If you understand that the reason for the decrease in your desire for your husband is heavy feelings and unresolved conflicts leading to difficult feelings: guilt, resentment, fear, shame, disappointment. Then, in this case, it is necessary to work out these open gestalts.

In general, it is very important for our psychological health not to suppress or repress all these things. Or at least talk it out. Or with my husband, if possible. Or with a psychologist. But it is very important for us to do this.

And this is not only for returning to a normal sex life. This also affects your overall performance. And to your common desire to enjoy life and the World.

4. Improper organization of your life

If the reason that you say “I don’t want a husband” is the incorrect organization of your life, then I can also give you good advice, it is:

Learn to organize your life. Learn to set not only the goal of “sending your children to an English club or a swimming pool. Prepare food”, etc. Also set the Goal “Romantic meeting with your husband.” Keep this on your to-do list.

And treat this as an independent necessary task. Because, believe me, an intimate, joyful meeting gives you a charge of energy, happiness, and health.

This is very important, and no less important than sitting with girlfriends, or going to the garden, etc.

What to do?

A woman suffers more from the lack of physical attraction, because it has a detrimental effect on her health; from having to force herself to be intimate, her emotional state worsens. What can help?

To improve your intimate life, you need to try not to overwork and get enough sleep; if you don’t have time to do something, ask your loved one for help.
You need to learn to relax. Find time during the week that you can completely devote to each other. You can take a bath together, turn on relaxing music, ask your loved one for a massage. At such moments, sex with your loved one will bring pleasure and unforgettable emotions.
If you want to lose weight, do not mindlessly go on diets, because it has been proven that you need to eat often, in small portions, excluding unhealthy, floury and fatty foods. Then you get all the necessary vitamins and microelements and speed up your metabolism, which leads to weight loss.
Watch your body. Play sports. In addition to the aesthetic pleasure of a beautiful toned body and self-confidence, you maintain your libido at the proper level.
If you are not satisfied with the quality of your sexual relationship, gently tell your partner about it. Watch the video together and discuss what he would like or dislike from what he saw, what you. Agree to bring something new into your intimate life, try not only to say what you want, but also to hear your man and put it into practice. Be active in bed.
Try to spend as much free time as possible with your man. Talk if the lack of attraction is influenced, for example, by resentment, you need to tell the man about this, bring the situation to its logical conclusion, try to make sure that not a trace remains of negative emotions.
Watch your health. Visit your gynecologist twice a year. If you have a disease, be sure to get treatment.
Try to avoid taking medications that reduce libido, if possible. And also give up oral contraceptives.
If the cause is pregnancy and the birth of a child, you just have to survive this period. Try to explain this to your man. Establish mutual understanding, this will speed up the process of restoring attraction.
In some cases, you need the help of a qualified specialist - a psychologist or sexologist. It all depends on the situation. But turning to them will help you restore harmonious sexual relationships.

Types of sex: 41 options from classic to extreme

These are simple tips, but for some reason sometimes we don’t want to make even the minimum effort to change the situation for the better, and we let everything take its course. As a result, we lose one of the most important pleasures in life - physical intimacy with the man we love, joint orgasms and a bunch of wonderful emotions. We constantly hear that we need to work on relationships continuously, this also applies to the intimate sphere. Everyone has difficult moments in life when desire becomes dull, the main thing is that this does not become the norm. It is important in any situation to remain sensitive to each other, discuss all problems, empathize and support each other. And then sexual desire will not leave your couple, igniting the fire of passion again and again.

Sex for the first time: basic rules for beginners

I foresee objections: yes, I don’t get excited at all

In this case, I can recommend periodically reading erotic literature and watching erotic films. Because our brain is programmed to imitate and imitate.

That is, the brain thinks: if others are doing it, it means your nervous system receives a signal that you can do this too and you need it too.

Also, be beautiful. Be sure to buy yourself some nice underwear... Wear it even if you are just going to work. The very thought of what you are wearing provokes ideas of a sexual nature.

And in this way we can solve the problem “I don’t want a husband.” I wish everyone peace and love!

Four Justified Nos

I don’t want to sleep with my husband... How often can you hear this from friends, co-workers, or even from your own mother. The problem is as old as time, and often the woman is not to blame for it. Agree, it’s one thing to go to bed with your significant other when you don’t bear the burden of caring for the house and children. And it’s completely different when you’re torn into a million pieces in order to have time to go to work, feed your family, wash everything, iron it and clean up at the end. After such a marathon, you just want to fall on the bed and not move. At the same time, the husband’s attempts to seduce cause nervous spasms and attacks of aggression.

Sexologists say that there are four arguments in favor of women who do not want to forcefully make love:

Dulling of sensations, which causes depression and dissatisfaction with oneself.
Decreased libido, development of frigidity.
The appearance of gynecological problems.
Loss of attractiveness.

And to prevent this from happening, try to find the cause of your coldness and solve it using the methods described above.

Bring newness to intimate relationships

If a woman has lost desire, perhaps it is not her or even the man. If you eat the same dish for a long period of time, with the same spices, you will quickly get bored. It's the same with sex. To want your spouse again, you need to introduce some novelty into your intimate relationships. Try these tips:

Create a romantic atmosphere. It could be candles, hearts, flower petals - anything. Be sure to take care of the appropriate musical accompaniment. It is also recommended to light incense.
Try role-playing games. Based on their experience as psychologists, this measure saved many relationships. If you are no longer attracted to your spouse, you may want him again if he appears in a new way.
Buy some nice lingerie. Feeling beautiful in seductive things, you will probably look at your spouse differently.
Try sex toys. There's nothing wrong with that. In addition, you don’t have to go to a sex shop in person—you can order everything in the online store. Such things greatly refresh family life.
Watch films for adults. They will inspire you to new intimate achievements and refresh your desire.

Don't be open with your friends

If you are experiencing problems of an intimate nature, if you have lost attraction to your husband, you should not tell your friends about it. The advice of other women cannot always be trusted. In addition, by saying such things, you can turn yourself against your spouse even more. And you shouldn’t listen to other people’s stories either. Women tend to project other people's negative situations onto themselves.

Build emotional intimacy

If a woman does not want intimacy, this does not mean that she has stopped loving her husband. Perhaps the monotonous life and frequent arguments led to a loss of emotional intimacy. To resolve this issue, take the following steps:

Show interest and understanding of each other's experiences.
Learn to talk and listen to each other. The sooner you tell your spouse about your grievances, the sooner the conflict will be resolved.
Respect each other. Learn to appreciate what your partner does for you.
Please each other. Do something nice in your everyday life. This is an important step towards harmony in your intimate life.
Learn to be forgiving of your partner's shortcomings. If you got married, it means you experienced love despite the flaws.
Make common plans, do everything together. Vigorous joint activity will undoubtedly have a positive effect on your sex life.

How to deal with this?

If the desire of your legal spouse is still absent, you can use the following recommendations:

wait until the ovulation period, during which sexual desire increases significantly;
use a special lubricant that promotes arousal;
take medications that dilate blood vessels, which will have a positive effect on a woman’s sexual mood. Before using them, you should consult a gynecologist.

Important! The ideal solution to the problem is a joint vacation. When choosing a vacation spot, you should give preference to a resort with a minimum number of attractions, preferably without the Internet and television. This will give you time for communication and, of course, sex life.

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