How to end a relationship easily and correctly

"How to get over a breakup"
“He (s) left (left), I cry constantly, is it possible to return the relationship,”
“Relationships don’t work out, but I want a family,”
"I can't find my man"
“Nothing worked out again, separation again, how long is it possible?!”

I often encounter such questions in my practice.

One of the reasons why relationships don’t work out, go “wrong” or fail to meet your match is unfinished relationships. If this happens and you break up, in your psyche (in your internal picture of the world) this relationship must be completed. You may not realize that your past relationship is not over, that you are not in a relationship with your current partner, but with your past one.

To make sure everything is in order for you, read the continuation on how to end a relationship correctly . If the story of incompleteness applies to you, you will find useful techniques for getting out of it.

Navigation through the article “How to end a relationship easily and correctly”:

Signs of an unfinished relationship
Why do you need to end a relationship?
How to end a relationship the right way
Exercise for ending relationships easily

Signs of an unfinished relationship

Unfinished relationships affect the present negatively. In fact, such a person is in his past. Therefore, he cannot create new relationships. His feelings, heart, soul and mind are with some former partner. Sometimes this fact is realized. It looks like this:

Thoughts about him (her): “how is he doing, what is happening in his life, is he happy, does he remember me.” Or: “He ruined my life! May he feel as bad as I do!”
Periodically we remember the time when we were together: where we were, what we did, how we laughed together or vice versa, sleepless nights, fear, anger, scandals.
Regular “mental analysis”: “What would happen if...”. This is followed by options: “if he changed, stopped drinking, was attentive, would hear me...”; “if I had been more patient,” “if she had taken care of herself,” “we would have walked together more.”

However, more often there are situations when the incompleteness of the relationship is not realized. A person communicates, works, goes on dates, lives with someone - everything is as usual, but something is wrong: the relationship is not the same, the partner is also not the same - it infuriates, and in general, there is not enough happiness, and life is deplorable. And the reason for this state may well be the incompleteness of past relationships. How do you understand that you are at risk and the question of how to end the relationship is pressing for you?

So, signs that there is an unfinished relationship in the past:

Irritability towards the current partner (infuriates, irritates, irritates) - everything about him is somehow wrong.
Endless dates and meetings that do not turn into long-term relationships.
Closed emotionality - everything is smooth (or all the same, indifference), we live by reason, life events do not irritate, but do not please either.
Occasional absences from the present moment: I caught myself floating somewhere with my thoughts, but I can’t remember where.
Repeating relationship scenarios that carry a destructive element (breakups after 1.5-2 years of relationship, scandals after 5-6 months of relationship, betrayal of partners, etc.).

Important points and mistakes of partners

Of course, crazy passion or complete dissolution in another person for a long time remains the standard of a relationship, a precious memory. You, willingly or unwillingly, compare subsequent episodes with this one, let it remain a pleasant souvenir in your memory. There is no need to expect repetition or to build new life scenery around this dominant.

To behave correctly when breaking up means to think about the feelings and consequences for your partner, because it turns out that you “abandoned” him or suggested ending the relationship. You will act nobly and correctly if you forget about yourself and your worries for a while and pay maximum attention to your partner. He must feel that this is not your whim, the circumstances are stronger.

You can:

express gratitude and appreciation for incomparable feelings;
remember all the interesting, pleasant moments;
articulate your amazing feelings;
share warmth, take care of each other’s condition;
wish you continued prosperity, good luck and happiness.

It is wrong to use general meaningless phrases like: “I feel very bad,” “you don’t understand me,” “everything is over between us.”

Undesirable:

reproach for previous grievances and disagreements;
demand change, set conditions;
shift the blame for the end of the relationship;
use confidential information against a partner.

Why do you need to end a relationship?

Old relationships from the past take a lot of energy. You are neither here nor there. Moreover, if the relationship is not completed, it means that it will be repeated again and again with different partners in some identical way.

For example, if once a young man (your boyfriend or just a classmate, the first man) treated you with disdain, insulted, ignored, humiliated, then there is a very high probability that similar behavior will be demonstrated by all subsequent men in your life.

At the same time, you may have already worked on your self-esteem, treat yourself with care, and you are valued and respected at work. But you start dating a man, and after some time he changes, it’s as if he becomes a different person - “as if he’s been replaced.” He begins to behave the same way as the one who hurt you as a teenager.

You forgot about that event, but it affects the present. This happens because you remain internally connected to that guy.

In addition, you become emotionally tired: fewer and fewer events resonate in your heart, emotions become duller, you need something out of the ordinary or super-wow! – otherwise the event does not touch.

For example, if there is anger, then in the form of a strong outburst with hitting something; if joy is euphoric or, as they say, hysterical. In general, either everything is indifferent, or emotions are excessive. Is it really fun to live with the “everything is annoying” background mode?

A lot of strength goes into the past when the gestalt is not completed. What do you think will happen in the present? Not much. Because in order for everything to be OK now (happiness, success, family, health), strength is needed.

Therefore, my dears, let’s move on to the main issue on the agenda - how to end the relationship. And this must be done in such a way that, as a result, the past finds its place in your life, memories bring gratitude, light joy or, in extreme cases, light sadness, and energy is directed into the present.

Make sure it's over

Very often people run away from a relationship after the first fight. But in fact, many simply do not understand how to behave in life together.

Then moments that could have been avoided if you had a deeper understanding of the psychology of a normal man would not have received the “problem” label at all.

If you are accustomed to beggars and conquerors, then the behavior of a normal man will be incomprehensible to you. Because he:

will not meticulously pursue;
he doesn’t have time for endless courtship;
he is bothered by the behavior of the woman-mother;
he talks less and does more.

It’s easier with carers and beggars. They are soft, guess the mood and adapt to it, and most importantly, they love to run after a woman with a bouquet and a teddy bear.

And in 5-10 years you will provide for your family and wonder why Irka gets a fur coat and you get tights.

If the relationship clearly cannot be restored, the scenario is different.

How to end a relationship the right way

It is very important that the experience of previous relationships be mastered, that the correct conclusions be drawn, and that there be an understanding that “all people in our lives are teachers.” Then there is no resentment, because there is no one to forgive and there is nothing for it - this is my life experience, it largely depends on me, as does my attitude towards it.

You can agree with me or not - it's up to you. This works regardless of your faith. You can try to admit this thought and see what changes in your life. You definitely won't lose anything from this experiment.

So, about the correct ending. It contains several points:

Respectful attitude towards your partner (useful for everyone, even as a preventive measure).
Experience. It must be seen and recognized. Every relationship has its own benefits. Another person reflects to us our complexes, our hidden attitude towards ourselves, and provokes the manifestation of our shadow sides of personality. This allows us to recognize ourselves, develop, change our attitude towards others (sometimes when this is necessary). We learn something in relationships. This is very valuable.
Gratitude. The relationship had everything: both good and bad. Gratitude should not only be for the good, but also for the experience - for what you have learned or for what you have learned about yourself, others and the world in general.
Find a place for this person in your heart and your memory. It has already happened in your life, it is already part of life. It cannot be crossed out, but you can say, for example, within yourself: “You were my first love (first man, husband). I accept this with respect. And you will forever remain in my heart and in my life as my first love.”

If you are now on the verge of breaking up, do it consciously and without complaints.

How to end a current relationship:

Write a list of what you are grateful for in this relationship, what was good about it.
Write about what hurt you.
Take your part of the responsibility for the fact that the relationship did not work out: write down what you were wrong about.
Responsibility for the relationship lies with both partners. Therefore, leave the second part of responsibility to your partner (mentally, of course, nip in the bud the thought “this is all yaaaaaaaa...”).
Thank your partner for everything you learned in real dialogue. Say how sorry you are that things happened this way.
Sincerely wish your partner happiness in the new relationship. Give yourself the right (permission) to be happy.

Some tips

For girls

If you decide to end the relationship, stop it. The decision should be made once and no longer subject to discussion. You shouldn’t give your “demoted” partner vain hopes. Leave him alone and let him live his life.

What you should absolutely not do is try to be friends with someone you left. Out of pity or gratitude. Or as a backup option just in case. At least for the first year, it still won’t be possible to be friends.

In many cases, love and relationships cause addiction, just as alcohol, nicotine, and drugs cause addiction. Have you ever heard of a person suffering from alcoholism being prescribed a glass of wine every day or a glass of cognac every week as treatment?

Of course not. After all, the object of passion, even occasionally and in small doses, will lead to binge drinking. The same principle applies to broken relationships.

Exercise for ending relationships easily

Picture your ex-partner in your mind's eye.

Contact him with the phrase: “I’m sorry for what I met on your life’s path and did not live up to your expectations.” Repeat this phrase several times.

Then, as you exhale, release the image of your partner with the words: “Now I am ready to let you go.”

If you are unable to end the relationship on your own and let go of your ex-partner, contact me, I will help you deal with this issue.

Where to speak?

This is also an important point. Don't choose places that mean something to the two of you.

As a woman thinks: “We met here, we’ll part ways here, it’s very romantic.” And then he can’t say goodbye and sobs, remembering all the good things.

Don’t choose “your” places: no favorite parks, restaurants. This should be a place that means absolutely nothing to you, and is unlikely to ever appear in your life again.

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“How to end a relationship easily and correctly”

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“How to end a relationship easily and correctly”

Where to start breaking up?

Regardless of the reasons for the separation, one of the partners must initiate a “serious conversation” that will show the prospects and results of the relationship. This is preceded by large-scale internal preparation, because until the last moment there is a chance for a revival of feelings and mutual attraction.

Before starting a breakup and a summary conversation, you must specifically understand what each person’s communicative and psychological goals are. You can communicate or block calls and correspondence, you can answer politely or create scandals. But it’s better to have a sincere date to sort out all the differences and come to a common denominator.