Relationships: what they are, why and why they are needed

In this article we will comprehensively analyze the relationship between a man and a woman.

Read to the end and you will find out:

The essence of the relationship between a man and a woman;
Unknown sayings, phrases and quotes from great people about the relationship between a man and a woman;
Types of relationships between men and women;
Key differences between men and women.

The topic of relations between men and women is so vast that it is difficult to cover it in the format of one article. But we tried. Let's start! Also read about the secrets of family life.

What is a relationship?

Relationships are understood as the subjective connection of a person with external objects (this can be not only people, but also animals, for example), which leads to emotional reactions, assessments and other interactions.

Vladimir Nikolaevich Myasishchev, a Soviet psychiatrist and medical psychologist, gave a similar definition to this concept. In its meaning, he included a system of electoral connections of a particular individual, which he divided into three subgroups :

relationships with others;
attitude towards oneself;
attitude towards objects of the external environment.

Since the issue of relationships between people is of greatest interest to us, it is worth specifying the term used for this. It would be more correct, in this case, to say “interpersonal relationships” .
Important! This term denotes not only the relationship of one person to another, but also the overall picture of the relationship between people, which consists of a certain set of rules (sometimes unspoken), the reactions that members of the same group expect from each other, and the results that close interactions lead to.

Minuses

The desire to have an open relationship is often not true, especially among men. In a relationship without commitment, the male sex may experience jealousy, as a sense of ownership arises. Women can also feel discomfort, which causes conflicts between partners. The disadvantages of independent relationships are:

The pride of one of the partners, which can cause jealousy towards other people.
If a woman dreams of starting a family, then such a relationship will not allow her to achieve what she wants.
An open relationship can end at any time.
Partners have the right to date several people in front of their significant other.
Sexually transmitted diseases are possible, since your partner has sexual intercourse not only with you.
Condemnation from loved ones.
You cannot trust your partner and hope for help in any matter.
For a woman in an open relationship, there is a threat of becoming a single mother.
If you develop serious feelings for your partner, you will not be able to create a marriage.
In an open relationship, you can fall in love with your partner, but a strong relationship will not work out, since the opposite sex does not count on them.
People become further apart, common interests disappear.

Why and why do people need them?

The main goal of any relationship is communication, and it is the basis for the psychological and social development of any individual . We begin to interact with other people from birth.

The first person with whom we establish a strong relationship is our mother. It helps the child live and develop, accept himself and know the love of another.

Later, the mother becomes the main guide to the outside world and helps the individual to socialize. When a person becomes adult and completely independent, he chooses what kind of relationship he needs.

Unfortunately, sometimes people find themselves in unpleasant relationships that they did not choose . V. M. Myasishchev also wrote about this: “An important feature of our society is forcing a person to enter into long-term interaction with other people, even despite a negative attitude towards them.”

For your information! To better understand the role that interpersonal relationships play in a person’s life, we need to understand the consequences of their absence.

If an individual lacks communication with other people, he experiences a feeling that psychologists call emotional hunger , and is divided into 4 types :

Hunger for stimulation;
Hunger for recognition;
Hunger in the absence of quality communication;
Hunger for recognition.

Now let's look in more detail at how all these types of psychological problems are related to interpersonal relationships.

Hunger for stimulation

This term was introduced by Eric Burn, an American psychologist and founder of transactional analysis. This type of hunger for communication occurs when there is a complete lack of interaction with other people .

If a person voluntarily or forcedly stops seeing and talking with others, after just a few days this leads to negative changes in his psyche. From this we can conclude that relationships with other people are the basis for the mental health of any person .

Hunger for recognition

This type of relationship deficit occurs when a person finds himself in an unfamiliar environment .

By the way! This often happens when starting a new job or moving to another city or country.

It seems like there are people around, but you can’t strike up a relationship with any of them yet, so you feel very lonely, even when you’re among a large crowd of people.

Hunger in the absence of quality communication

In this situation, a person can have a large number of different relationships: friendly, family and even romantic. At the same time, the quality of communication does not meet its internal requirements, which leads to dissatisfaction .

Hunger for recognition

Our professional activities are also an occasion for interpersonal relationships. We want others to recognize us as a master of our craft.

When this does not happen and a person cannot discuss his achievements and failures with someone, this also leads to dissatisfaction and irritability.

Now we can conclude that a person needs relationships to maintain mental health and feel like a full-fledged person .
At the same time, it is very important that interpersonal relationships are of high quality and bring a lot of positive emotions. Otherwise, it will not bring proper satisfaction in life.

Love is…

In this article, I presented a version of what a healthy, harmonious relationship should look like. But I didn’t talk about what most relationships actually are like, and how to move from them to “healthy” ones. Relationships can be codependent; infidelity, betrayal, resentment, and scandals can occur in them. Some have to live with their parents, and it also happens that as many as three generations live in the same apartment. Many people unknowingly copy the behavior model of their mother or father, thereby destroying their family. The problems can be completely different, and each of them requires a separate article. Or better yet, have a separate conversation with a psychologist. Because your problem is not like anyone else's, and I can't cover it and break it down for everyone in an article or video.

My name is Lara Litvinova, I am a psychologist and I provide consultations via Skype. Together with you during a consultation, we can understand your situation and decide how it can be changed. You can sign up for a consultation with me via VKontakte, Instagram or by filling out the form on the website. You can find out about the cost of services and the scheme of work here. You can read or leave reviews about me and my work using the link.

I work with relationship problems as well as the personal problems that trigger them. I will help you understand yourself and your partner, build a mature, warm and happy relationship that will last for many years.

Kinds

All types of interpersonal relationships can be divided into three main types :

By status . Here you can distinguish vertical and horizontal directions. The first type includes communication between a boss and a subordinate, a child and an adult, a teacher and a student, etc. The second type includes the interaction of colleagues, friends, spouses and everyone who is in equal conditions in relation to each other;
By goals . There are only two varieties: business and personal;
By emotional coloring . They depend on people’s perceptions of each other, and are divided into negative, positive and neutral.

Also, all interpersonal relationships can be divided into 5 levels of intimacy :

Initial acquaintance . The first few meetings with a person. At this moment there are no relationships between people yet;
Friendship . People got to know each other a little. At this stage, there is a prospect of developing closer relationships if the communication was positive;
Partnership . People have mutual interests and common topics of conversation. At this stage, communication becomes closer;
Friendship . One of the closest types of interpersonal relationships. People already know each other well, have many common interests and communicate frequently;
Family relationships . The closest view. Possible between relatives, spouses, parents and children.

When is it too early to consider them serious?

The duration of an alliance does not always mean its stability and stability. You can intuitively feel that something is going wrong, but not be aware of what exactly. A number of points may show that the relationship is developing in the wrong direction and your future is at risk .

You feel constrained, select your words and think about every word. This is acceptable on a first date, when everyone wants to make a good impression and take a closer look at each other. But if the relationship continues for a long time, and the stiffness does not go away, perhaps this is not the person for you.

You don't know much about him. No matter how cheerful, kind, and understanding your partner is, you can’t talk about the seriousness of the relationship if you don’t know your relatives, don’t know where your other half works and how they spend their leisure time.

In addition, it is important to know about personality traits : behavior in a stressful situation, how one helps and how one accepts help, attitude towards children, animals, etc.

In case of a difficult situation, you will turn to him for help. If, when you find yourself in a difficult situation, you don’t want to ask your partner for help, this indicates a lack of trust and intimacy between you. The idea of turning to a loved one for help or support comes naturally, no matter how delicate the situation may be.

You don't want to open up completely to this person. If the desire to share your innermost thoughts and experiences does not arise as the romance develops, you should think about whether this is really your person. True intimacy is characterized by complete acceptance of each other's personalities, thoughts and feelings, even when partners have opposing views.

Attention! When analyzing the development of relationships, it is important not so much to be guided by the voice of reason, but by sensations, feelings and intuition. If your partner is ideal in your eyes, but the feeling of anxiety persists, perhaps you are looking at him through “rose-colored glasses” or he is playing a role without showing his true colors.

What are the relationships between a man and a woman?

There are all types of relationships described above between a man and a woman, but we will look at their romantic variety in more detail. In this category it is worth highlighting 3 main subspecies :

Periodic sexual contacts . Two people can be connected by friendship or only superficial acquaintance. The main goal is to satisfy the sexual needs of each partner. At the same time, there is no talk of a romantic component;
Polygamous . This is a full relationship. In this case, a man and a woman can have more than one sexual partner. It is important here that both partners agree with polygamy. It is worth noting that marriage is not an obstacle to polygamy. The main thing is the consent of two people to this type of relationship;
Monogamous . In this case, the man and woman have only one sexual partner. This type of relationship is possible both in marriage and without it. A man and a woman can even live separately, but remain faithful to each other. This option requires a high level of awareness and self-control on the part of both partners.

Can a man and woman be friends without a hint of romance between them? This question haunts many scientists, but they have never found an exact answer to it.

For your information! Most psychologists tend to believe that for a woman, unlike a man, it is not difficult to maintain platonic relationships with the opposite sex.

Unfortunately, most men have a hard time seeing women as anything other than a sex object.

Solving problems in modern relationships8

There have been, are and will always be problems in relationships, but the main thing is the desire of two loving people to be together. If there is a desire, necessarily mutual, a solution to the conflict will be found. Problems arise for various reasons; there are several common ones.

Expectations. It happens that a person expects certain things, actions and deeds from his partner, but forgets about one important detail. His partner is an adult and a mature personality. It is foolish to expect that the inside of a cut cucumber will taste like strawberries.

Lack of mutual understanding. Often partners listen to each other, but do not hear what they are saying. In such cases, you need to put yourself in your partner’s shoes – at least mentally, at least in reality, in order to try to understand.
Different views on life. Sometimes it happens that initially relationships are built on mutual attraction and passion, and when people cool down, they understand that everyone has different dreams and goals. In this case, it is not possible to build a normal life and plans together.

The trend in modern relationships is that it is easier for young people to break off relationships than to solve problems together and make concessions. It seems as if a person has a large choice of partners thanks to the Internet, dating sites and social networks. However, people rarely think about the fact that everything looks completely different online, but in reality it can be easy to be disappointed. You need to take care of relationships if you have feelings. You have to be patient and day by day build a bright future that suits both partners. Undoubtedly, this is a lot of painstaking work throughout one’s life.

Modern relationships are a union of two loving people who have equal rights and responsibilities. Due to their differences, a woman and a man cannot fully perform the same functions. There are also things that women do better than men and vice versa. If in a particular union, a man is better at creating coziness in the home, and a woman is good at earning money and building a career, then why not? The main thing is that two people are happy with each other.

Do you need a relationship without commitment?

Another name for this type of relationship between a man and a woman is polygamy . Partners have a full-fledged relationship, and do not limit their sex life to one person .

This type is achieved only with the mutual consent of a man and a woman, and is not something prohibited.

It cannot be said that there is a clear framework for such an alliance, because everything here is very individual, and is regulated only by the level of readiness for such experiments. Each polygamous couple creates its own internal rules, which are supported only by verbal agreement .

Statistics show that most often people are not ready to maintain an open type of relationship for a long time. In developed countries, only 5% of couples classify their relationship as polygamous, the rest try to adhere to monogamy.

Whether such experiments are needed or not, everyone must decide for themselves.

Important! It is worth noting that people tend to strive for stability, and relationships without obligations can hardly be called a reliable and predictable partnership.

A strong union, in which a high level of intimacy and mutual understanding can be achieved, is built only on the trust and loyalty of the partners to each other.

What indicates readiness for them?

The main factor of any union is a strong and tender feeling . No couple can have a long and happy relationship experience without feelings of love, tenderness and respect.

Important! But distinguishing love from infatuation, especially at the very beginning of a relationship, is quite difficult.

Answering the following questions will help you understand your emotions::

Do you feel protected and safe around your partner?
Do you have a desire to share your experiences and emotions?
Do you feel like you “speak the same language” and your views on life coincide?
can you imagine your union after 1, 5, 10 years of marriage?
Are you ready to sacrifice something important for the sake of a common future?
Do you agree to support your partner during financial difficulties or health problems?

If all questions are given a confident positive answer, then the relationship has every chance of developing into a long-term serious relationship . If it is difficult to give a definite answer to some questions, or if there are a large number of “no” answers, the relationship cannot be called serious.

Any relationship is a “tango for two.” Both partners must have the desire and desire for common long-term plans for life .

For your information! There is a metaphor that love is a distance of 20 steps with a barrier in the middle, and everyone in a couple must walk their 10 steps.

Useful video

From this video you will learn more about relationships between people:

It is important for all people to have trusting and comfortable relationships. They can only be built on mutual affection and respect. Moreover, any relationship requires effort on the part of each participant .

But how nice it is to receive feedback and reciprocity from another person, and it doesn’t matter who he is, a friend, lover, relative or colleague. If you want to build a strong relationship, try to get to know not only the other person, but also yourself as much as possible.

Devaluation of family7

Nowadays, love and fidelity are not at the top of the list of reasons for starting a family. Relationships often look like consumer relationships; none of the partners wants to sacrifice their interests for the benefit of the other. Family values such as love, respect, loyalty are replaced by convenience, profit and material benefits.

Increasingly, people do not see the point in starting a family at all, preferring open relationships or friendly sex, because no one wants to take on obligations. From this point of view, it is much more pleasant to spend time together and after that solve only your own problems and mind your own personal affairs.

Can a person be happy alone4

There are many single people who lead a happy life; one can understand that at the current stage of life he does not need anyone to be happy. It happens. Nevertheless, sooner or later, more or less consciously, the need arises to create a strong, stable and safe union, the need awakens to share your life with another person.

People who live alone can be a source of sympathy from others and are labeled as “the one no guy wants” or “the one no woman can stand.” Despite this, single people are increasingly common in the modern world, and their marital status is no longer surprising.

Tolerance in the public consciousness is growing, thanks to which people living alone can mature in relative peace until the moment when they are ready to enter into a permanent, interesting and very successful relationship, or abandon them completely.

Scandals

Scandals must be avoided at all costs! And to do this, you need to stop enjoying them. What, you want to say that you don’t get any pleasure from scandals, that they happen on their own, due to various objective reasons? Don't deceive yourself, and especially not me. I am an experienced person, I know that a scandal requires not a reason, but a reason. It’s just that some people do not always realize that they themselves provoke quarrels and scandals in relationships because they want them to happen, because thanks to these scandals and quarrels, people feed on negative energy and throw out the aggression that overwhelms them on their partner, instead of pacifying it . People who are not burdened with moral and cultural education, as well as intellectual development, need to express aggression. Man is an aggressive creature, so if he is, let’s say, not entirely reasonable, not intelligent enough, he needs to vent his aggression somewhere, somehow. Let's assume that you are one of these people and it is difficult for you to catch up, it is difficult for you to become less aggressive and more patient with other people. So be it, it’s not a problem, to hell with this upbringing and intelligence - at least try not to throw out your aggression on those people who are truly dear to you. And as I understand it, your beloved man or your beloved woman is still a person dear to you, who clearly does not deserve to be growled at him or her. Close people should become saints for you! There is no need to make scandals with those with whom you are in the same boat. There are such absurd situations in which people argue with each other for no reason, and having understood these situations a little, you understand that the problem is not worth a damn, and there is so much anger, so much hatred, so many negative emotions and aggression around it, as if it were about the opposition of the worst enemies to each other, and not about people who should actually love each other. In general, dear readers, please note that it is not problems in relationships that provoke scandals, but scandals that create problems in relationships between a man and a woman. As soon as you begin to approach the issue of scandals from this position, and not from the position of who is right and who is wrong, you will reduce their number in your life many times over. But don’t forget that scandals cannot be completely avoided, so don’t strive for a non-existent ideal. A pinch of pepper should be present in any relationship - it gives them flavor.

Male dominance

Perhaps for some, my opinion, gained through years of working with people, will seem old-fashioned, but I believe that the leadership of a man in the family should not be disputed, it should be welcomed and supported in every possible way. A man should be the main one in any serious relationship with a woman, and the woman will only get better from this male dominance! But provided that we are talking about a normal man who wants and is ready to take responsibility for his decisions, who is not so selfish as to think only about himself and for whom a relationship with a woman is a value, and not just an opportunity to satisfy some of his needs and desires.

Equality is equality, but in relationships between a man and a woman, someone must be more important in order to be responsible for the direction of these relationships, not allowing them to develop spontaneously. In my opinion, a man is better suited for this role because he is more practical and his brain is sharpened to constantly solve problems. Of course, under the same condition that the man is normal, smart, and not some kind of idiot. And a woman already adapts to such a man’s dominance and acts more like an adviser, whose wise instructions and attention to detail allow a man to better analyze his decisions in certain situations. So the point is not that a woman should submit to a man in everything and not have the right to vote, and generally be a thing for him. No way. You can’t build anything serious on someone’s oppression of someone else. It’s just that a man is most often better suited to the role of head of the family! There are exceptions, including forced ones, but they are exceptions. And not because a man should be in charge because I want it that way or because all men want it to be that way, but because nature also intended it that way. In it, every man from birth is a leader, warrior, hunter. Education, of course, can seriously distort these natural inclinations, but the main thing is that they exist and they can and should be cultivated in a person, in this case in a man. And if a woman wants to have a normal man next to her, with whom it is beneficial to maintain a close relationship, on whom you can rely, she should help him be who he is according to his destiny, and not turn him into a weakling with her aggression and dominion. Even without this, most men have been deformed since childhood and have always been deformed, mainly at work, when they are forced to meekly submit to their superiors, who are always right in everything. Hierarchical laws break the psyche of many people who are forced to suppress their leadership qualities, love of freedom, and self-esteem in order to adapt to society and the team. Parents also often harm their children when their attitude towards them turns them into people completely unadapted to life. Often, improperly raised men are not able to build a relationship with a woman at all, and for them this is a big problem, because of which they suffer. Such people, of course, cannot be trusted with power in the family, and even in not very serious relationships they cannot be leaders because they are too morally weak. But I think it’s necessary to give a man a chance to be a man. A mentally broken man in the house is like furniture, there seems to be some benefit, but no independence.

So, if it so happens that a man is not a “lion” in the big world, then let him at least be one in his own family. But no frills. If he cannot cope with this role, then, of course, there is no point in idolizing him. But then the relationship takes on a very unsightly form when a woman has to become the man in the relationship, taking on leadership responsibilities. Therefore, addressing women, I want to say that there is no need to push a man under your thumb if he has leadership potential. Don't make it into something that will make you sick. If a man adapts to a woman, if he is afraid of losing her, if he tries to please her in everything, not paying attention to her attitude towards himself, then he will cease to be a man and most likely will lose his woman over time. Well, what a woman will get from such a relationship in which she, and not her man, will dominate can be understood from numerous examples from life when relationships between people do not develop in the best way and the man in such a family often causes severe irritation in the woman. A man must feel like a leader, or even better be one, in order to function normally, so to speak. Otherwise, it is of little use. So, taking out the trash and replacing the faucet in the kitchen will do.

Pyramid of love: seven stages on the path to true feeling

True love doesn't fall from the sky. To find harmony in the relationship between a man and a woman, you need to drink a lot of bitter water beforehand. Many people panic when problems start in a couple and try to escape from them, without realizing that this is just another stage on the path to true love. This often happens: it’s running in a vicious circle, because the same thing happens to the next candidate. Men and women, rushing from partner to partner in search of a special feeling, unfortunately, do not have the information that will now be revealed to you. Here are the stages of development of relations between a man and a woman:

Love. At this time, you begin to feel like a weightless moth, flying in euphoria from flower to flower. The most pleasant stage in a relationship between a man and a woman is falling in love. Guys give flowers, take them to the cinema, and girls flirt and spend half a day choosing an outfit for their next date. And the moment of the first kiss, when the state is close to fainting and orgasm at the same time! Unfortunately, these amazing sensations have little to do with reality, as they are the product of raging hormones and quickly pass. What awaits the loving hearts next?
Satiation. When passions subside and rose-colored glasses are put on the far shelf, we stop exaggerating our partner’s merits and begin to evaluate him more soberly. The flaws have not yet been revealed in all their glory, but now at least it is clear that the other half is not a fairy-tale prince or princess. Facing reality is often disappointing, especially for young and inexperienced people. You become addicted to the feeling of happiness and euphoria like you are on heroin and then it is difficult to come down to earth.
Rejection. At the next stage of the relationship between a man and a woman, a revolution occurs: the partner becomes boring, and his shortcomings are so annoying that you want to run away. Most couples break up at this stage because they believe that this is the end of love. In fact, rejection is quite normal. In nature, a male and a female meet, fall in love, enter into an intimate relationship for the purpose of reproduction, and then run away, as they have done their main job. It may sound rude, but instincts are inherent in each of us. However, we are not animals, and there is something more in us, namely a soul. By calling on her, you can survive the stage of rejection and move to a new stage leading to true love.
Adoption. Now comes the turn of humility. You begin to understand that every person has flaws, and you don’t have to take them to heart. Wisdom and patience appear, which help you not to focus on your partner’s disadvantages and notice any of his advantages. You accept each other as you are. This stage in the development of relations between a man and a woman will mark the beginning of the establishment of harmony and peace in the family.
Gratuitous. Probably, any person has found himself in a situation where he prepared a surprise for his other half for a holiday, tried his best, and the betrothed simply forgot about the memorable date. The resentment remains for a long time, and no excuses soften the burning pain. At the fifth stage of a relationship, all surprises, help, and support are provided free of charge. That is, providing such signs of attention becomes much more pleasant, and the expectation of return will no longer bother you. Feelings become selfless, and life together is calm and relaxed.
Respect. At the penultimate stage of a relationship, you have to learn to respect each other. It is difficult to cope with your own selfishness and honor your partner’s interests to the detriment of your own, but without this skill it is impossible to achieve true love. A lot of time passes before we realize how important it is to respect each other and live in perfect harmony. Many couples never reach this stage, living in reproaches and attempts to prove the importance of their own self.
True love. After all the obstacles, problems and hardships, people gain the opportunity to love. The path to true feeling is long and thorny, but the reward is worth all the trials. Everyone dreams of true love, but not everyone can feel it. To reach the last and most important stage in a relationship, each participant must work on himself, putting his soul and heart into building harmony.

Not all couples who have spent their entire lives together have been able to comprehend the truth of love. Getting stuck at one of the stages occurs for various reasons. It is possible that one partner is ready to move to the next level, but the other is slowing him down. Or the spiritual development of a man and a woman is not enough to come to love. You can be content with little, as long as it suits all participants in the relationship.

Taking care of each other

When a person truly values something or someone, he cares about it. We take care of what is dear to us! And we don’t feel sorry for losing only what we don’t need or what we have a lot of in our lives. Therefore, if we need a person for a serious relationship, we cannot help but take care of him. When a man forces a woman to work from morning to night, when he doesn’t take care of her at all, he doesn’t care about her! He doesn't appreciate her! With such an attitude towards a person, it is simply impossible to talk about any kind of serious relationship, even if he gives her flowers from time to time and buys her expensive trinkets. And the situation is exactly the same with a woman who forces her husband to work more and more, not paying attention to his health, as long as he brings home a lot of money, which she spends mainly on herself. Such a woman doesn’t care about her man, she doesn’t value him! Often, women don’t even care that their man is an alcoholic, as long as he works. Well, is this a normal relationship? Yes, this is not a relationship at all - this is parasitism. If you don’t care about your woman or your man, don’t count on any kind of normal relationship with this woman or man. Such a house of cards will definitely collapse.