What words can you calm and console a person: advice from a psychologist. How to respond to words of consolation and reassurance?

What words can you reassure and console your loved one? What is better to say at such a moment, read the article.

There is not a single person in the world whose life would be only bright and carefree. Problems at work and in love, unfulfilled ambitions, misunderstanding of society, uncertainty - all this leaves its mark. As a result, a person withdraws into himself and becomes despondent.

Read another article on our website on the topic: “What to respond to the words “take care of yourself”: options . You will learn why you should not say the phrase “take care of yourself.”

Without a doubt, sometimes each of us wants to be alone with ourselves. But staying in negative thoughts for a long time is not recommended. Long-term, systematic experiences can cause real depression, the consequences of which are quite sad. This article describes how you can support and comfort a person in difficult times. Read on.

How to support a person and calm him down in difficult times: advice from a psychologist

Supporting a person in difficult times
How to survive a difficult stage of life? The support of family, friends and relatives often helps. Of course, we are talking about moral aspects. It is very important for an upset and confused person to know that he is not alone, that there are always those nearby who will not give up and lend their reliable shoulder. But not all people are able to talk honestly and openly with each other about problems. Some of us have certain “blocks” inside us. They do not allow you to fully express what is in your heart.

In addition, a large number of people do not delve into the personal problems of their offspring - as a result, such individuals, growing up, do not understand what “support” is and how important it is sometimes to conduct a dialogue about hidden things. How to provide support correctly? How to support a person and calm him down in difficult times? Below you will find advice from a psychologist.

In fact, there are several important factors that make up the assistance in this case:

Empathy:

The “victim” must understand that a loved one feels how difficult it is for him and understands the essence of the problem.
You need to learn to perceive someone else’s grief as your own: “I understand that it’s not easy for you now,” “I’m also very sorry that this happened,” “Don’t worry, I understand perfectly well what it’s like for you now,” etc.

Listening skills:

Often, it is enough for an upset person to simply talk about his mental pain, and he will immediately feel better.
Of course, you should give your interlocutor the opportunity to tell him what is bothering him.
Information should be perceived adequately, without phlegmatism or unnecessary fun.
You should show interest and really try to understand the essence of events.
Sometimes you can give actionable advice.
And sometimes a person will calm down on his own as soon as he expresses everything that has accumulated. It wouldn't hurt to say a kind word. It must be sincere.

Physical concerns:

In addition to verbal consolation: “Don’t worry, you will definitely succeed,” “Don’t reproach yourself, everyone makes mistakes,” “Don’t be upset, everything will be fine in your life ,” actions are also important.
You can hug a person, give him tea, cover him with a blanket, pat him on the head, etc. He will be very grateful to you.
Often victims of depression are also deprived of physical strength. They cannot take care of themselves in the everyday sense (for example, cook food or clean the apartment). By helping them with this, you also contribute to their speedy recovery and correction of the situation.

Please be understanding:

You should avoid phrases like: “What did you want? It’s your own fault!”, “It’s clear why guys don’t pay attention to you! You’re ugly,” etc.
In other words, when consoling, there is no need to make rude value judgments and there is no need to reproach the person.
After all, he is already going through hard times.
It would be much better to set his thoughts on a positive wave and instill confidence that everything will fall into place and a lot will improve in his life.

Always be there:

This will provide an opportunity to help a depressed person in difficult times.
You should also ask if he needs anything. Of course, many sufferers show “willpower” and say that they don’t need anything. But that's not true.
In fact, it is in such moments that we all feel vulnerable and defenseless.

It’s great if there is someone who can take care of us and sincerely support us.

Exercises for concentrating in children

Body Scanning Meditation - This meditation technique involves systematically and intentionally moving our attention through our body, paying attention to different sensations in different parts of it.
Developmental tasks for the child's attention. Used to prevent children's tantrums when you see that the child is overexcited.

memory,
dotted outlines,
logical tasks: Sudoku, mazes,
find the assignments and show them.

How to calm and console a person: what not to do?

Supporting a person in difficult times
Let's talk about false support. Often (consciously or unconsciously) people try to support, but they only make things worse. So, how to calm and console a person? What not to do?

As was said earlier, you should not rush at the sufferer with reproaches.
This way you only worsen his emotional state.
Even if a person made a mistake, perhaps he already realizes it and reproaches himself. There is no need to aggravate his feelings.

What else should you not do?

“Shut up” the interlocutor - emotions must find a way out. It will become easier for the sufferer if he expresses all his grievances and fears. Instead, many simply interrupt the emotions of the one who is complaining, with words like: “Get it together, you rag!”, “Why are you whining like a girl?”, “Well, quickly stop crying!”, “How much can you whine?” etc. This should not be done. Because such phrases will not provide any real help to the sufferer.
Devaluing suffering - some people, listening to someone’s experiences, involuntarily squeeze out something like: “Oh, just think, there’s a problem! I found something to worry about!” . On the one hand, to an adviser, these things may indeed seem like “empty words.” But it’s worth remembering – for those who are worried, this is very important. That is why it is worth trying to get into his position and live the events on his behalf. Only then will you feel this pain, resentment and frustration.
Confusing sympathy and pity - constantly cooing with the sufferer can aggravate the situation (as well as in the case when, instead of supporting, you scold him). You should not call your interlocutor too often “unfortunate”, “poor” and communicate with him like a child. Of course he needs a kind word. But this should be motivation, not pity.
Look for the guilty - even if the sufferer himself caused these problems, he will not be better off from reproaches. It is much better to think about the situation and give him some effective advice on how to fix everything.
Lowering the self-esteem of the sufferer - “you are weak”, “you are useless”, “you are ugly”, “you are a loser” - such words can “bury” an upset person even more in a hole of complexes. Even if a person “doesn’t have enough stars in the sky,” you shouldn’t remind him of this once again.
Pulling the blanket - this category includes phrases like: “Do you really have a problem? Here I have it." Of course, no one says that the adviser does not have difficulties in life. But at the moment, the problem of the one who came to “cry” is being sorted out. Therefore comparisons are not allowed.

Purity of thoughts and a kind heart will help to properly support a person. You should be understanding and caring, and temporarily abstract yourself from selfishness and self-interest. Then everything will work out.

What words can you calm and console a person?

Supporting a person in difficult times
It is important to find the right words at the moment of support. What words can you calm and console a person? Here are some options:

Do not worry everything will be alright.
Don't worry so much, everything can still be fixed. Do you want me to help you?
Don't be upset, everyone makes mistakes. Try again next time. You will definitely succeed.
You are Wery nice person. I believe that all troubles are temporary. Your life will definitely get better, you'll see.
Never mind.
Look at the problem from the other side. Perhaps it was even for the best that everything happened this way. At least now you have experience. And it’s better that we get through this unpleasant situation together now than if you get hit later.
Don't be upset. As they say, if a woman leaves for another, then it remains to be seen which of you is lucky.
Don't beat yourself up, you really did the best you could in this situation.
Trust me, everything will be fine. I know it. Don't give up, try again. I believe in you! You will achieve everything you want!

But some phrases should not be said. They are described below. Read on.

Forbidden words of comfort

When consoling a person, it is important to say the right words. Otherwise you can only do harm and make things worse. If you want to say something like the phrases described below, then it is better to remain silent. It is wrong to teach at this moment. Remember this so that some phrase does not inadvertently break out. Here are the prohibiting words of consolation:

Why are you so different, like a woman? Just think, it's a problem! This has happened to me a million times, and nothing happened - alive and well!
What did you want? You yourself are to blame for what happened!
It was predictable! Look at you! Are you really that naive that you thought you could do this?
That's what I thought. For a person like you, everything works out “in one place.”
You're just a nobody! How could you fail even such a basic task?
It's right that this happened to you! You're really no good for anything!
Just forget. You really have no chance!
Don't even try next time. You are a loser and that says it all!
And I could do it! You see, I'm cooler than you!

This is offensive to hear even for a person with a positive attitude, but for someone who is depressed it will be doubly unpleasant.

Breathing exercises for children

Breathing exercises help control excessive physiological arousal.

Here are some examples of exercises that help children master deep breathing (most exercises are also used in speech therapy practice, that is, they are also useful for speech development):

Pretend you smell the flower.
Pretend to take the candle away so it doesn't go out.
Blow on the turntable.
Blow on the napkin (piece of napkin) on the table to make it move.
Blow bubbles (homemade soap bubble recipes).
Blow out the candle.
Deep breathing while the adult counts to 10.
Alternate nostril breathing is a yoga breathing technique exercise. Place your thumb on your right nostril and your index finger on your left nostril. Hold the right nostril with your thumb and inhale slowly through the left. Exhale through the right nostril, closing the left. Hold your breath for a couple of seconds and inhale through your right nostril, leaving your left nostril closed. Continue alternating sides.
Belly breathing (breathing through the diaphragm).

How to calm a person who is hysterical?

Supporting a hysterical person in difficult times
Hysteria is an insidious phenomenon that can overtake a person everywhere: at home, at work, in transport, on the street. And even if a person considers himself emotionally stable, there is no guarantee that a turning point event will not happen that will break him and throw him off balance. Of course, the result of stopping a hysteria is calm. But unlike a banal depressed state, a person in hysterics does not always react to beliefs and words. Emotions do not allow him to take a sober look at life and the problem.

Essentially, there is a change in emotions. The person loses control over himself. Experiences overwhelm him so much that they require a momentary outburst. Perhaps the victim of hysteria understands the absurdity and absurdity of his situation. But she can’t control herself on her own.

By the way, this “outburst” can be expressed not only in sobs, but also in uncontrollable laughter, strange gestures and even outbursts of aggression. Accordingly, sometimes a hysterical person can even be dangerous for others. In moments of nervous breakdowns, even frail people experience unprecedented physical strength from somewhere. They can injure others or even kill them.

How to help a person? How to calm a person who is hysterical? Here are some tips:

It should be remembered that any hysteria has a reason. The support of loved ones is also important.
If the hysterical person does not respond to your words of support and consolation, you can call his relatives. One way or another, such a person cannot be left alone.
Start communicating with him. Change the dialogue to a positive tone.
Try to instill in him the “correct”, optimistic thoughts.
Show that you really understand and empathize with him.
Evaluate the actions of the hysteric. What are they aimed at? The first task in this case: to prevent sad, tragic consequences. If the hysteric is aggressive, you should win his trust and gently, tactfully dissuade him from rash actions (for example, committing suicide or causing harm to someone).
During communication, you can try to call an ambulance (103). The main thing is to hold the person until the brigade arrives. If the reason for the hysteria is clear, you can try to calm the person down with a kind word, the conviction that his problems will definitely be solved.
However, hysterics, driven to extremes, often do not listen to reason. It is important to communicate in such a way that the victim of hysteria understands that this is not an enemy, but a friend and adviser who does not want harm. It's difficult, but doable.
You should not express retaliatory aggression towards the hysterical person, insult and humiliate him, ridicule him, threaten him, etc.
Communicate kindly, sincerely, trustingly. Sooner or later, when the scales begin to fall from his eyes, the hysterical person will begin to trust you. And it will slowly calm down.

Even this little thing will help a person calm down.

Changing activities is an effective way

Turn on the TV . Children's program. Of course, if the TV or something similar was not the cause of the child’s hysteria, which must be extinguished.
Board games . Here are reviews of board games and free board games for download.
Computer games.
Book reading . Especially reading a book with your parents. What to read?
Playing with plasticine . For example, you can make monster faces out of plasticine.
Drawing , coloring.
Audio stories or songs.
Loud singing to relieve stress.
Playing with toys.
Warm bath .
Snack . True, food should not be abused as a way of distraction. “Don’t cry, eat some candy” reinforces sweets in the brain as a way to overcome a stressful situation.
Drink a glass of water .

Best Communication Techniques to Reassure Someone

Supporting a person in difficult times
It is imperative to listen to the person’s complaints (if he begins to express them). Try to understand him and show him with your appearance that you are really on his side. When hysterics see that they are not just being talked into, but share their problem, they calm down a little.

Support is similar in the case of an acquaintance, colleague, or friend. The first step is to ask if you need help. Perhaps the person just wants to run away to a distant place and cry there. You shouldn't chase him. He will return on his own. If a person just cries and is silent, you can try to calm him down verbally, give him water or a sedative, ask him to tell him what’s bothering him.

By the way, many upset people do not need sedatives so much as friends and listeners. After all, depression often arises precisely from the fact that a person simply has no one to share his experiences with. Negative emotions accumulate and, as a result, break out in the form of uncontrollable hysteria. These are the best methods of communication.

Advice: Don't lecture! It’s better to use phrases like: “I understand you,” “Don’t worry, I want to help you,” etc. If a person wants to cry and talk to you, great. This is a sign that the tension will soon subside. After all, many hysterics do not last more than 5-7 minutes . You can hug and say that the person is dear to you, that you care about his problems and that you are nearby - which means he can feel safe.

When a person calms down, you can analyze his problem and give real advice or even offer practical help in resolving his issues.

How to respond to words of consolation and reassurance?

Of course, when someone supported and consoled you, it is always nice. You will want to respond appropriately to such kind words. This also needs to be done correctly. How to respond to words of consolation and reassurance? Here are the options:

Thank you for your support and kind words! After talking with you, I really felt better.
Sorry, I somehow got unstuck. But I am very glad that you were understanding of my problems and listened to me.
Thanks you're a real friend! I really appreciate your support! If there are such kind, sympathetic and understanding people around me as you, I really have nothing to worry about.
Thanks for the kind words. Don't worry, I'm much better now.

You may want to say other words as well. Every person who wants to help or respond to help will find the right words, especially if someone close is supporting. If you are at a loss and don't know what to say, use the tips in this article and you will succeed. Good luck!

For a woman - support in your own words

The girl, on the contrary, needs to be calmed down first, and then probably there will be no need to find a solution to the difficulties, everything will probably go away on its own with “hysteria.” Finding words of help is very important in such a situation. For example, if the root cause of a disgusting mood is a break with a loved one, then you need to compliment her on her good appearance, tell her that she is an excellent housewife and is still quite young. It’s good when the environment allows you to get distracted and do other things - hiking, having fun with friends, cooking - all this can tear a girl away from sad thoughts.