Modesty: pros, cons and how to get rid of it

• How is character quality expressed?
• When modesty is a source of difficulty
• How to stop being shy
• The right attitude towards wealth
• Developing a leader within yourself
• Ability to communicate
• Development of a behavior strategy
• Appearance

We all live in an ambiguous and imperfect world. In it, the good often gets in the way, and the negative helps to achieve results. This statement is also suitable for modesty, which in modern life often does not contribute to human happiness and well-being. If quality interferes, then you need to neutralize this trait of your character. Let's figure out how to get rid of modesty to increase efficiency in life.

Definition of the concept

The concept of modesty is identified with calmness and restraint; such people do not strive for a luxurious life and do not make demands on it. Modest people know well the limits of what is permitted and never cross them. Such a person can be recognized even by his appearance: he will be dressed simply and discreetly.

This quality is not so bad, but not when a person develops excessive modesty.

Then he may often be in a state of awkwardness from the events taking place. It is expressed in excessive concern about the opinions of others: he can even put the thoughts of others more important than his own.

People around can take advantage of this feature and create discomfort for the modest fellow. For the same reasons, modesty can become an obstacle to achieving your goals. Such people rarely strive for leadership and always let others go ahead of them. Being in the spotlight is unacceptable for them; they strive to remain in the shadow of less talented, but more assertive individuals.

Modesty can create ongoing stress and missed opportunities for a person. When this quality interferes with life, you need to fight it.

If modesty provokes stressful conditions, it is necessary to fight it

Pros of modesty

Modesty is inherent mainly in the female sex. At all times, this character trait has been a companion to femininity. She gave the girls meekness, helpfulness and pliability. It was believed that modest girls never swear or be rude, they will always fulfill any requests and support in difficult times. To stop being modest meant to lose the femininity of your nature.

Nowadays, it is not uncommon for a woman to play someone else’s role in society because of this trait; she skillfully hides her personal position and no one knows what her thoughts are about. In the eyes of others, modest people, regardless of gender, look more dignified.

Disadvantages of modesty

Modest people rarely reach any heights and remain unknown to anyone, so modesty sometimes gets in the way.

1. Modest women attract men only at first in a relationship, then this trait can become boring and interfere with their personal life.
2. Colleagues can take advantage of the reliability of modest people; they are almost always ready to help, sometimes even to their own detriment.
3. It is quite difficult for modest people to achieve anything at work; asking for a promotion or an increase in the salary of their boss is unacceptable for them.

How is character quality expressed?

Modesty is a personality trait that is expressed in a person’s ability to behave calmly, confidently and restrainedly within the framework of established rules of social behavior. It is expressed in character and lifestyle.

This phenomenon should not be confused with shyness. Modesty is an acquired ability, the result of education, self-development, diligent analytical and volitional work on oneself.

Shyness manifests itself in the form of shyness, timidity and indecisiveness. This trait is formed as a result of the characteristics of a person’s psychological and emotional state.

Signs of modesty:

• moderation in all demands;
• indifference to excesses and luxury;
• lack of desire for dominance - lust for power, primacy, self-demonstration;
• simplicity, reluctance to attract attention;
• compliance with the limits of decency accepted in society;
• decency and sedateness in communicating with other people;
• humility and obedience;
• the choice of strict, inexpensive, dull, unpretentious clothing that hides nudity and body shape.

The sense of modesty is based on respect for personal human space. The behavior of a person with this trait is based on the absence of the desire to impose oneself on others or to violate the personal space of other people.

With a normal and adequate assessment, modesty is not identified with weakness, shyness and indecisiveness. In the substitution of concepts, a negative attitude towards modesty arises. People do not understand the meaning of this phenomenon.

Reasons for modesty

Modesty is a quality that is formed in childhood. Its development or attenuation is influenced by many reasons and factors, which are based on relationships in the family, school and in society.

Reasons for developing excessive modesty:

• constant reproaches from parents, criticism of their child, comparison with others;
• being too demanding of oneself;
• ridiculing or discussing the child’s shortcomings in public;
• suppression of initiative.

These reasons especially influence the development of personality in childhood and lead to the development of fear of making a mistake, being misunderstood or rejected, and a feeling of self-doubt is formed. In adulthood, excessive modesty can become a problem.

The feeling of self-doubt is formed in childhood, when parents criticize the child

When modesty is a source of difficulty

Modesty has always been considered a positive character trait; it is not for nothing that there is a saying: “Modesty adorns a person.” But in the modern world there is a gradual transformation of ideas. It is often transferred to the category of negative personal characteristics. Why is this happening?

The modern world is experiencing a rapid process of transformation, restructuring of all spheres of life in connection with the technological boom. The nature of people’s interactions with each other and with the world around them is changing. Under such conditions, human values ​​are transformed.

Society demands those personal qualities that allow one to integrate as much as possible into the modern world. These include:

• desire for comfort;
• brightness in actions, clothes, appearance;
• concentration on oneself, demonstration of oneself, openness;
• self-development;
• focus on success, leadership, dominance;
• willingness to experiment and take risks;
• activity and aggressiveness in communicating with people;
• denial of any framework and boundaries;
• rebellion and love of freedom.

As can be seen from the list, the properties contradict the very nature of modesty, which is why many people have problems with it.

In what areas can excessive modesty interfere?

• work, career advancement, defending one’s interests in a professional environment;
• personal life, meeting a girl (or guy), maintaining relationships, expressing attention;
• social activity;
• welfare;
• implementation of ideas, making dreams come true.

It is worth understanding that the negative or positive impact of modesty on life depends on the specific conditions and degree of manifestation of this character trait. Moderate modesty and flexibility in its manifestations will always carry a positive context.

The problem has always been immoderation, the manifestation of extremes in something. Modesty is no exception. It can provoke the following negative manifestations:

• stress;
• discomfort;
• shyness;
• decreased self-esteem;
• formation of complexes.

Methods to get rid of modesty

Despite the fact that modesty begins in childhood, in adulthood you can get rid of this character trait. In some difficult cases, you need to turn to a qualified specialist for help, but first you can try to change yourself. You will have to rebuild yourself, change your habits and start looking at life from a different angle.

You should pay attention to the conditions under which this quality manifests itself and devote maximum time and analysis to this moment. We will have to overcome internal barriers.

Advice from professionals will help you overcome modesty.

1. After analyzing a certain situation, it is worth considering the positions of the people around you. To understand whether the motives of each person’s words and actions towards you are correctly interpreted, you need to stand in his place and look at the situation through his eyes.
2. You need to drive away thoughts that diminish your personal significance. They can be imposed by ill-wishers.
3. Don't be dramatic. Not every event is as important as it may seem at first. Not every comment from every person should be taken into account.
4. Working on your own confidence will help you overcome modesty. The easiest way to develop it is by doing something new. Confronting fears will help improve this skill.
5. Stepping out of your comfort zone will help you overcome modesty. There is no need to withdraw into yourself after the first unsuccessful attempt to start something new; the main thing is to set a goal and go towards it.
6. Stop underestimating yourself and your capabilities, and direct your energy to developing your talent.
7. Stop thoughts like: “What will people think?” Focus on your needs. Healthy selfishness has never harmed anyone.
8. There should be more communication in life with people to whom you can express your opinion. At first, shyness will make itself felt, but over time, expressing your thoughts will become easier.
9. There is no need to strive to do everything perfectly. The fear of doing something wrong gives rise to the development of shyness. Don’t try to jump over your head, but don’t lower your own bar either.
10. Don't forget about your appearance. You can stop being modest for others by changing your image. Neatness in clothing is not only perceived positively by others, but also adds self-confidence to the wearer. Correct posture can say much more about a person than his words. It creates the first impression of a person and shapes the attitude towards him.

It’s worth practicing your speech: removing filler words and monitoring the timbre of your voice and the pace of your speech. You can practice making speeches in front of a mirror. At a crucial moment, you cannot think about the fact that something may not work out because thoughts are material.

Modest people are advised to develop public speaking skills

Everyone has failures in life, but dwelling on them is not the answer. In any unpleasant situation, you need to look for positive moments and learn from it some experience. Perhaps everything turned out better than it could have been, it’s just that the realization of this has not yet come. You need to develop positive thinking and focus on successful moments.

Alternative Methods

Much depends on the personal perception of others. If you treat others with understanding and do not prematurely draw conclusions about their attitude towards you, then perhaps the uncertainty will go away on its own.

A more active life position will help remove modesty. You need to find something you enjoy and that will motivate you to change. When involved in creativity, a person almost always wants to share its results with someone.

Public speaking in front of a large audience is good for developing courage in a person, but you should start with small speeches in front of friends.

Learning to say “no” when it is necessary is an effective means of combating excessive shyness.

It’s a good idea to read relevant literature that will help you understand yourself. Often excessive timidity is caused by complexes and other psychological disorders.

Modesty: pros, cons and how to get rid of it

These days, modesty is more like a feeling of awkwardness and indecisiveness, which does not inspire trust and respect in a person. Despite the fact that from childhood we were taught not to brag or demonstrate our superiority in public, this is what helps us move forward and assert ourselves. Children who listen to their parents are always calm and quiet, wait for the approval of adults and try not to upset them. Surely, everyone will agree that such a child is simply ideal and can serve as an example to follow. But will all these qualities be useful to him in later life, and will the modesty developed over the years become the cause of failures and defeats?

This is exactly what we have to find out, after weighing all the pros and cons of modesty, to determine whether modesty is valued in modern society and whether it is worth instilling this quality in our children.

Pros of modesty

Let's start with the positive side of modesty. Most often, modesty is associated with girls, since this quality is more characteristic of the fair sex and is often decisive in the process of character formation. Modest, shy girls have been the standards of femininity for many centuries. It was modesty that was considered an indicator of politeness, good manners and good manners. In special schools, girls were taught the rules of etiquette and good manners from childhood, instilling a tendency towards modesty from early childhood.

Nowadays, modesty is not so highly valued, but it also does not go unnoticed. Agree that it is always easier to communicate with a modest person; he will never be able to be rude or offend an acquaintance, colleague, or even just a passerby. He is always ready to help and support; such a person does not consider himself better or superior to others and tries to maintain a certain distance when communicating. He is unlikely to ask you for anything, but he will fulfill your request with pleasure, even if this activity does not benefit him, but even vice versa.

Modest people are rarely the main characters of gossip and intrigue; rumors are not spread about them and are often not noticed at all until the moment their help is needed again. If you don't like to be the center of attention, if you are an altruist by nature and put the interests of others above your own, then modesty is exactly what you need. It will help you look well-mannered and courteous, endearing you to others.

Disadvantages of modesty

But not everyone believes that modesty can be classified as a positive quality and argue that it is precisely it that becomes the cause of insolvency, since it is one of the main shortcomings in modern society. And really, what do we know about modest people? Absolutely nothing. None of the famous and famous personalities can be called modest or shy. From this we can conclude that modesty is completely unnecessary to achieve success and prosperity.

But these are not all the disadvantages of modesty. It can cause failures in your personal life. Statistics show that most men like modest girls, but what does practice say? But in practice, everything looks completely different. Modesty is interesting to men only in the first stages of a relationship, when it adds mystery and mystery to a woman’s image, but if it does not disappear over time, the man will lose interest and switch to a more relaxed and remarkable lady. Therefore, due to excessive modesty, you may miss your chance and be left alone.

Modesty interferes not only with your personal life, but also with your career. Advancement in your career while you do all the work for your colleagues and do not achieve a salary or position increase is simply impossible. Modest, shy people never strive for leadership and are content with what they have, without trying to improve their lives. Perhaps there are enough arguments in favor of decisiveness and against modesty, which should force you to reconsider your attitude towards this quality and decide whether modesty is really so important.

How to get rid of modesty

If, after a comparative analysis and assessment of all the positive and negative aspects, the disadvantages of modesty still outweigh its advantages, it is necessary to take appropriate measures that will help you get rid of modesty, or at least reduce its manifestations to an acceptable level. If this feeling has been instilled since childhood, then you will have to work hard on yourself to change not only your behavior, but also your attitude towards this issue.

The first step towards determination and self-confidence is to study yourself. To get rid of excessive modesty, you must first understand what causes it. Often, the fear of communication or new beginnings lies in complexes and isolation. Often complexes are a figment of your imagination, which you yourself came up with, and after that you convinced the people around you that you are far from perfect and do not deserve attention and respect. Look at yourself in the mirror, highlight your main pros and cons, then focus on the pros and think about how you can get rid of the cons. Sometimes all it takes is a wardrobe update or some quality makeup. Accept yourself for who you are and don't be too demanding of yourself. None of us are perfect, and every person has flaws, so you shouldn’t consider yourself inferior to someone else and feel insecure and doubtful because of this.

Now you need to learn how to communicate with people without fear of disapproval or misunderstanding. The first rule that will help you win over your interlocutor and give you self-confidence is an ordinary smile. Smile when meeting acquaintances and friends, do not look too serious and hesitant, this will push you away, and you will once again feel shy and awkward. Be friendly and start the conversation first. If you do not have the opportunity to constantly be in suitable company, start a conversation with random people on the street, in a store, in transport, etc. You will soon see that this is not so scary and modesty is not an obstacle to establishing friendly relationships. During a conversation, always listen carefully to your interlocutor, give him compliments and ask questions that interest you. Don't be afraid to appear funny if you said or did something wrong. This will not only make you the life of the party, but will also instill self-confidence, because a sense of humor and the ability to laugh at oneself are traits of strong and determined people. If you have to speak in front of an audience, you need to pre-practice, prepare your speech in advance and rehearse it several times in front of a mirror, imagining a real interlocutor. Try to understand the essence of your story and understand it. This will allow you to speak confidently and avoid reading from a sheet, while maintaining eye contact with the audience, which is very important.

When struggling with modesty, do not forget that real, moderate modesty is considered a true gift, which, unfortunately, very few people possess. It is expressed in the manifestation of respect, but at the same time, awareness of self-esteem. After all, only a self-sufficient and wise person can respect the individuality of each person, but at the same time be open and sociable. He will not put pressure on his interlocutor with authority or, on the contrary, try to please him. Modesty helps to communicate on equal terms and emphasizes the merits of the interlocutor, while eliminating envy and dissatisfaction. If you are truly ready for change and determined, if you are tired of standing on the sidelines and want to achieve something in life, then start doing it right now. Imagine the person you want to become and constantly compare yourself with the ideal, gradually approaching it, albeit not with quick, but confident steps.